Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Did You Just Say That?


 Have you ever wondered if comments that you made in passing or thoughts you posted online, were received in the manner you meant them? 

It seems that this week, I am both the receiver and the deliverer of ill-conceived comments. 

Thought Number One:  You Might of Phrased that a Tad Better

Several times this past week, I have found myself irritated at what I know to be comments made in passing.  The commenters in each case,  didn't mean anything personal but, never the less, I felt a pinch.

sweetest cat ever!!
In an effort to catch you up to how the comments came about...I have a little Russian Blue cat, Carmen. Carmen is 14 and has been my sweet pet since she was a 3 month old kitten.  A few months ago, Carmen appeared to have a stuffy nose.  HMMM...can cats get colds?  I took her to her vet and after a series of tests..nothing seemed wrong.  Allergies?  She got some appropriate medicine but no improvement.

A month later, she had lost a pound.  On a seven pound cat that is a lot of weight loss.  More tests ensued... still nothing showed up.  Another pound was lost.

 My vet referred me to a specialist.  An  endoscopy, a CT scan and a biopsy later, we were told the sad news that Carmen has a very aggressive cancer in her nasal passages.  Radiation would be far worse than the cancer, but there is a medicine available to inhibit the growth of the tumors in the short term.  Carmen is now being pampered in our own little version of hospice until we deem other actions need to be taken. 

ANYWAY.... I was telling my manicurist about this sad turn of events, when the person sitting in the next chair decided to weigh in.  After making it clear she is a "dog person" she went on to say that she would never spend more than $200.00 on an animal.  "They are animals after all" ....according to her. (Clearly...she doesn't know my Carmen, or she wouldn't say that.)

Then... a friend who really was trying to console me, mentioned a member of her extended family had just lost a dog. She said she was sympathetic as she knew losing a pet is difficult.  She said she was tempted to get her family member a cat but  her family hates cats. 

Now...I know neither of those people were trying to be cruel or insensitive but, of course, I am overly sensitive right now on the subject.

Which leads me back to the idea...there is such a  fine line between what we deem innocuous comments and comments that possibly are hurtful or offensive. 

Thought Number Two:  Misinterpretations

I usually err on the side of caution, as far, as making comments go.  I have, for example,  never asked a woman "When is your baby due?" only to find out the woman isn't expecting. Nor have I ever called a person by the wrong gender, even if I had no idea if it was a man or a woman. (Actually, I am very good at using unisex pronouns...it's a gift, really.)

 BUT....a couple of days ago I left a comment on a blog that was "in part" misinterpreted and "in part" not written as concisely as I should have written it. It might not be apparent by my various posts, but I try my best not to be unkind. My comment wasn't meant to offend or be rude. I tend to think that is how it was received.  After reading the blog author's response, I sincerely wished:  1. That I hadn't left a comment.  2.  That I had written that comment differently. 

(BTW...fellow, bloggers...I appreciate those of you that have contact emails available so if there are thoughts that we would share outside of wanting them to appear on the comment section.  Some of my best comments come from those of you that email me directly.)

But in most cases of making "less than tactful" comments, usually there is no
Everything is open to interpretation.
taking it back.  That is especially true on the Internet.

I had a friend that had the unfortunate habit of every time she was upset by anyone or anything, she would immediately go home and shoot off an email to "state her case."  This caused her immeasurable pain in the long run.  Often she was remorseful about her ill-advised emails and lamented that she had to quit doing that.

 Seven years ago, she and her daughter had a disagreement.  In her usual manner, she sent off a volatile email  bringing up every old wound she could think of.  The daughter, responded by blocking her phone, emails and every other form of contact.  Oh, my friend tried, hundreds of times to apologize through a myriad of ways....to no avail.  Then my friend died last September.  Her daughter did not come to the funeral. 

I have to say, I saw the original email and while tactless, it wasn't  the worst exchange I have ever seen between mothers and children, so I fault the daughter on being extremely overreationary. Still...how does anyone know how the other person perceived something without the sake of a two-way, face-to-face conversation?

 Times are a' changin' as far as the bravado of commentary and the apparent over-reaction to those comments thanks in part to people being able to remain somewhat anonymous, the widespread availability of ways to instantly send your thoughts to someone, and the ease of use of electronic messaging...all allow for people to say exactly what they want to say with no filters.

Be aware though,  those thoughts that you send out might in time cause you regret in some form. OR maybe you feel perfectly justified in saying whatever you feel like saying.....Just keep in mind, you may have wounded someone with your misguided barbs.

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Cheryl said...

I've been away from the blogosphere for so long, I don't even know if I can put together a coherent sentence, let alone the paragraphs racing through my mind after reading this.

Tactlessness seems to be rampant. To a large degree, I blame the various ways we now communicate for the overwhelming lack of empathy, sympathy, and common courtesy that humans now exhibit towards one another. There seems to be little, if any, thought process before speaking, texting, or writing a response to what's in front of us.

I'm apoplectic about your interactions with people about Carmen. Those comments weren't just tactless, they're indicative of the type of self-absorption that's so prevalent today. I struggle to understand how anyone, especially in face-to-face conversations, could miss the point that you're in pain and need to talk about what's happening to help get some of that out there. To turn it around to their pet preferences or lack thereof, is selfish and wrong.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with that bullshit as you prepare yourself for such a major loss. I'm more sorry that you're losing a longtime friend and hope your final days with her are as peaceful as possible for you and her. Sending love, light, and prayers for strength to face what lies ahead.

Cheryl P. said...

I think you have a knack for writing wonderfully thought out comments. Thank you so much...you are really so kind.

I agree with you that the Internet has fueled curt and ill-thought out thoughts. No thought is given to how rude and trashy the comments are. Tactless doesn't even touch it. AND, of course that carries over into our real lives, it seems. We live in a time that every one seems justified in presenting their point of view often in a crude or disgusting way.

Again..I appreciate your kind words. I am trying to put on a brave face as people tell me that this is an animal. Too me she is a cherished member of our family. I am valueing this time for our goodbye's and dread the reality of what is soon to be needed.

Robyn Engel said...

This is a great post. We've all been on both sides of the equation. My Mom once said something very wise and true: "Robyn, sometimes people say stupid things." On the other hand, sometimes we mis-interpret. In blogland, I've ruffled some feathers and had my feathers ruffled. But I agree, direct emailing is the best way to work through it.

Be well, dear Cheryl.

lisleman said...

So after this post are you expecting comments?
I like your "element of surprise" for the not thinking before speaking excuse. The digital communication we enjoy daily lacks two important properties, tone of voice and ease of transmission.
Very sad about your friend and daughter. It is difficult to understand holding a grudge that strongly against a family member.
Just because we all get to have opinions doesn't mean we need to share all of them everywhere.

oldereyes said...

Oh, now you're just trying to get me going. Some years back, my office cat, Kitty, got a Thyroid tumor and we paid a lot of money for radiation treatment, which bought Kitty two more years. He eventually succumbed to another more virulent cancer but I consider it money well spent. I really get tired of people who feel they have to express their opinions into conversations uninvited. I also get really tired of cat-haters and people who seem to think that cats are some how second class pets. I am VERY sorry about Carmen. We've been through that.

Although I've sometimes complained about blogging in relative obscurity, I also know if one of us were to suddenly go viral, we'd have to deal with internet trolls leaving intentionally hurtful or nasty comments. I've only deleted a few comments over the years doing Older Eyes ... and I've also edited a few, like the one by the HR Block guy a few weeks ago. I have been known to comment passionately on news articles or in response to comments, forgetting that when Iog in using Yahoo or Facebook, I may get many responses, some by trolls, on yahoo mail or FB. The problem with the bravado of anonymity is, of course, that frequently its not. I recently sent an email t my brother-in-law asking him to stop bringing up a subject which upset Muri. He just stopped calling her, so I had to own up to Muri. I knew I shouldn't have written it but I had worked up that righteous anger that my Inner Curmudgeon loves. I try to sat away from email when I'm ticked off.

Great post. BTW, I wasn't able to get tot he Blogdumps Blog Page to post my post. It said, Access Denied. You?

Cheryl P. said...

Thank you, Robyn. Yes, as bloggers it would be impossible to not occasionally get caught in the cross-hairs of a discussion. Usually, they are honest differences of opinion and can be discussed...but every once in awhile it is someone going ballistic over given point of view.

You're mother is wise...people sometimes do say stupid things. For the most part...I can roll with it. Unless someone is in-my-face rude, I am open to differences of opinion.

I think it is easy to misinterpret what someone is saying without voice inflections and facial features in play. I opened an email address specifically for my blog at the very beginning just so people could communicate one on one.

Take care, Robyn

Cheryl P. said...

Haha...I hadn't thought of that, lisleman. I wouldn't worry too much about you being crass or anything. You communicate very nicely....but if you ever need to be inappropriate, my email address is right there in the right sidebar.

It was a sad situation with my friend. Those seven years were painful in more ways than her lung disease. Having been her friend for a number of years, I can truthfully say that the email was the straw that broke the camel's back but her daughter was/is a spoiled brat that is hateful to the core. Seems..like I should keep that opinion to myself but then...I would say that to her face if I was given a chance. AND you are so right... It is difficult to think that family members should hold grudges for that long.

Cheryl P. said...

What a shame about Kitty. I am so with you though...if I thought radiation would buy us some time, I would do it. I actually checked into it and the placement of the cancer in relation to radiation would leave her mouth ulcerated.
I, too, get tired of people that are vocal about hating cats. Thank you so much for your kind words. Any loss of pets..dogs or cats...truly breaks my heart.

Agreed...the bigger the blog the more likely you would have some jackasses leaving unwelcome comments. I, too have had hardly any problems. I had one regular follower that was very curt but in time I am sure she figured out my blog wasn't her cup of tea. I think I have removed maybe two comments in the 3.5 years I have done TAOBC.

I kind of felt bad for the H & R guy (although not enough to keep my mouth shut) trying to defend how 12 weeks of training would make someone the equivalent of a CPA. I actually was using some decorum by not pointing out that tax season isn't just a few weeks long....some of us pay taxes quarterly, plus agri taxes are in Feb. and Texas taxes are in May...but then I thought with him being an expert tax preparer, he surely knows that. (When Crabby Pants says "my bitches" to me she really does means "bitch".)

I hate that Facebook has it's fingers into so much of our Internet correspondence. I am hesitant to be too vocal on anything that is linked to FaceBook. I don't think my relatives and my friends necessarily are of the same mindset.

I think it is quite valiant of you to want so protect Muri from being hurt.

Last night I got on the Blogdumps site when I went over to copy the button code but then this morning I couldn't. Yep...same thing...Access denied.

Riot Kitty said...

First of all - I am so sorry about Carmen! And to the person who said she'd never spent $ on an animal family member, I think she should have kept her comments to herself. How does that help you?

That's a sad story about your friend and her daughter. My guess is there were deeper issues there, no?

I bite my tongue a lot more as an adult than I did as a teen...or a younger adult. But mainly it's for my own sanity. Just because I have an opinion doesn't mean everyone has to hear it. I try to think, "Will I care about this tomorrow?" and "Will this do any good?" Not to say that I pick the path of least resistance, as you may have guessed.

Big hugs to you!

Cheryl P. said...

Thank you, RK. I agree that there is no point in her sharing her money management ideas as far as pets go. Like I give a crud if she would spend money or not.

What made the the mother/daughter estrangement so odd with my friend.... was that my friend and her husband had just planned and paid for a big wedding for their daughter and all seemed to be going well. The wedding was beautiful and within weeks of the wedding, the daughter started picking fights at how everything was handled. It was nearly like she was wanting to fight with her family. In the mean time she was telling everyone how she loved her new family (meaning her in-laws) When my friend and her husband went up to their daughter's home the new husband answered the door and said that (I'll refer to her as E.) E. wasn't home, or unavailable, or didn't want to see them. Numerous visits were the same thing. In emails E. would say she had to seperate herself from them but they were never clear why. Then, my friend sent a nasty email saying she felt like E. was in some kind of a cult at the hands of her new husband and that's all she could pinpoint as a reason. Of course, E. said never to contact her again. For 7 years, my friend did continue to try to contact her numerous times but never connected.

I know my friend wouldn't mind me sharing her story because it was a huge mystery to her and plagued her during her illness.

So yes, there has to be more to the story but I am not sure what it is?

As for biting one's tongue...I, also tamper what I say. I don't like confrontation unless someone is being harmed so I don't involve myself in heated arguments that don't have any significance on my life. In my world, people can have whatever political leanings they want, practice what ever religion they are comfortable with, as long as they give me the same courtesy.

Lady Jewels Diva said...


You just described not only my yesterday but my whole 5 years of being online!

I have found you can write the most mundane boring things and there will always be someone who shits all over you.

Hell, I got blocked from someone's FB page because she posted a pic of a minor D-grade Aussie celeb she met and my comment was "I'm not a fan of hers". She accused me of being harsh and told me I wasn't entitled to say such things if I hadn't met the person. I defended myself without insult or accusation and was blocked for it. Irony is, she didn't block me from anywhere else and continued to respond to my comments on her own blog. Ironic hypocrisy or hypocritic irony? Problem was, I was so stupefied at the absurdity of being blocked over something so petty and pathetic I blamed Facebook and gave her the benefit of the doubt, so continued to follow her for another 15 months or so. I have since changed my way of thinking.

Yesterday, in my other life, I left some information on someone's Instagram page and was then attacked by someone else. She brought shit to another person's Insta so I let her show herself for what she was, rude and disrespectful. She then took it to the person's FB page and the attack on me ensued. Gutless pieces of shit who couldn't even find the evidence to back up their lies. Blech!

With the other person, I left a comment on her blog and she disagreed with me, even though I was actually complimenting her on putting together her outfits. Yep, she disagreed with a compliment. Bloody hell!

People are fucking insane!

Now, the bird in the manicurist was actually being rude. It wasn't that she commented it was what she said. Rude! I'm a cat AND dog person so people who are one or the other need to shut up with their insults. My family has lost a lot of cats and dogs, sorry about yours.

Your friend was trying to be sympathetic, it sounds like it came out wrong, but then so many things do.

As for the comment you left, been there, done that! Unfortunately the nuance of conversation is lost online and the only thing I can think of is to reply that you're sorry she took it the wrong way and it was not meant that way. It makes the person crapping all over you wrong for being a dick in the first place.

As for the friend that died, sorry, must have sucked. I have so been there with whipping out replies, like yesterday, should have just kept my mouth shut and not replied, but I take a while to learn as I keep telling myself I won't do it again and then six months down the line I do it. That's what happens, we want to defend ourselves and our honour because some dumb cock got it wrong. Unfortunately when someone brings up a lifetime's worth of shit it can end all relationships. The daughter had her reasons, the mother regretted her actions but it was obviously far too late.

Cheryl P. said...

This whole electronic way of communicating is making "effective" communication much more difficult because you can monitor the tone or tenor of the words spoken. I think, all over our culture people are feeling justified in standing on their soap boxes and expect everyone to agree with their point of view. When they don't it seems to shock them.
I tend to like alternate opinions as long as the people are open for discussion. Then it is interesting debate. Often, I concede to other ways of looking at things. BUT clearly, we have migrated into a very confrontational atmosphere in today's culture.
After years of working with the public, I am pretty quick to recognize that some people are very type A personalities so I am fairly secure in letting them spout their very strong opinions. Doesn't ruffle my feathers at all as long as they toss any personal attacks my way.
Actually, when she started about how her husband told her she couldn't spend more than $200.00 toward the health care of their pets, I was thinking she was married to a cheapskate. But then, I have no idea what their circumstances are so I needed to keep quiet. (which I did)
Yes, my poor friend spend the last 7 years of her life anguished over the estrangement. She had a part in it but her daughter is bat shit crazy.
May friend never did get control on her compulsion to shoot off nasty emails but then I always excepted that is who she was. Once she cooled down over whatever had her aggitated she would come to her senses. She really was a good person with a hot temper.

Cheryl P. said...

Oh...I meant to address the celebrity pic that got you blocked. I would, no doubt get blocked all the time because I think there are a lot of celebrities, I have absolutely no respect for.

Lady Jewels Diva said...

Same here. I don't need to meet Justin Bieber to know he's a knob and to very clearly say "I'm not a fan of his". But unfortunately this particular hypocrite took exception to that comment.

Even more irony, someone said that about someone else on one of her blog posts and she did nothing to them.

Clearly someone their own age standing their ground is shocking and unappreciated, yet they bang on about how we should all be ourselves but then don;t accept us the way we are. What a crock!

There is a very two faced hypocritical blogger clique here in Australia concerning certain types of bloggers and most are idiots.

AletaObrien said...

*hugs* Pets aren't "just animals" - they are loved ones. My cat, Tigger, has been with me since before Katrina. He survived that ordeal with me, has survived Gregory wanting to bite his tail... he walks around the house in the morning, meowing to make sure his territory is alright. He runs for the only reason of running, with nobody chasing him - he darts in and out of rooms - it's his daily exercise routine. I know him. Just as I would a friend and in some cases better than I know my own family! My heart goes out to you and to Carmen. She's beautiful! If I didn't have a Siamese, I would have gone with a Russian Blue. If you can, please keep us posted on how she's doing. And by the way.. my husband spent over 3000 to keep his dog healthy. He doesn't regret a cent spent! Pets are our family and our responsibility and they are valued. Ok, off the soap box.
Ummm, FB, it's just another avenue for some ball-less folks to be the bullies that they missed out on when they were in grammar school. For others, it's a fun way to share. But for a lot, FB brings out the inner child and sometimes... it ain't pretty :)

Jo-Anne said...

I so get this, it is so easy to say something that comes out all wrong, if it is done face to face you can express what you mean in ways other than words if it is done via an email or text message not so much. Putting one's foot into ones mouth is so easy when it comes to emails and texts. As you know by now I am not a rude person but then again I can at times appear rude.

Cheryl P. said...

Thank you, Aleta.

Isn't that funny how cats have their daily "run about"? My two cat's do that or I should say did that. Carmen wouldn't be able to do that now. I think cats have such fun little personalities. Prior to having a cat, I didn't realize that. I actually got Carmen as a little kitten from a Siamese rescue organization. They found her and took her in despite the fact she is a Blue Russian. I will let you know what's going on, Aleta. Do you have a direct email on your blog? I never really noticed. If not shoot me an email and I will let you know whats going on down the road. (only if you are comfortable with that..if not I understand and will leave a message on your blog.

Yes, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all their ilk can be used for good or evil. Depends on the user.

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, at least in the process of a conversation you can talk things out and gauge how things are being taken. Unfortunately, we are often in the position of knowing how people take the stuff we write. I, too never purposely try to offend but who is to say if that is how it is interpreted.

Cheryl P. said...

I am not sure about cliques but here but there seem to be groups of blogs and followers that are age specific. Once I left a comment on a blog concerning a post where the author and the commenters were all talking about how their mothers were so stupid they couldn't figure out how to send emails on their smart phones. I left a comment about some of us have progressed to the point of being able to email. It wasn't taken well.

Cheryl P. said...

Oh and I thought that everyone of the planet had gotten the message Justin needs to grow up and quit acting like a brat.

Pickleope said...

That's really sad news about your beloved cat. I hope you are able to enjoy the moments you have together.
There are some people who don't have any empathy so it's hard to gauge the proper response. Others who let the temper get away from them. Then there are people like me who are used to be sarcastic jerks all the time and it comes off charming in person because I can throw in a smile or a self-effacing gesture. Doesn't always translate to print. When this post started, I though, "oh, no, I hope I didn't say anything too horrible...again."

Cheryl P. said...

Thank you, Wendy. I am glad your sons had cats involved in their childhood memories....and any other pets, for that matter. That's a cute anecdote about the cat sitting on the bathtub ledge. I can visualize how cute that would be. I accept your hug and I am hugging you back.

I have done that as well...written a comment, reread it...sometimes even revised it and still can't quite convey the exact sentiment I intend to send. Yes, sarcasm, wit, humor or any type of communication can be lost in the translation.

Yes, I did mean for my rapper cartoon to be funny. I rarely call my peeps bitches...just as I rarely call my friends my peeps. As you say...if a person could watch the receiver's reaction one could react accordingly. I had my husband read the post that I left the comment on, as well as my comment and he took it as I meant it. Perhaps, it takes a like minded person to understand another like-minded person.

I am always thankful for those of you that email me directly to convey thoughts and ideas that might be ideas not related to the post exactly or feel their thoughts are lengthy or want to ask questions...or whatever. For those of us that like to blog for the sake of developing ideas and getting to know others, emails enhance that without a doubt. I, too am so glad that you and I have had opportunities to talk about things where we can keep the conversation between us.

You make another good point...while there is always a chance for misunderstanding, back and forth conversation in any form can give an opportunity to clarify the point. Even if two people differ in philosophy they should be able to still find some common ground. There is nothing wrong with "agreeing to disagree" on some ideas.

You are always tactful. I would be confident that you and I would be able to communicate effectively even if we don't agree on every minute point.

Cheryl P. said...

Obviously, you and I share the same attraction for sarcastic humor because, I always laugh at your posts and comments. I have never taken offense or felt any "pinches" of rudeness. I do think that the few times someone called me out on something, I realized that our temperaments just don't line up. Ya win some and ya lose some, as they say.

Thanks for your thoughts about Carmen. I am loving the fact she wants to be held non-stop now. When she goes, she knows she was loved.

Chickens Consigliere said...

Hi Cheryl, I'm very sorry to hear about Carmen. From what you describe, my opinion is that the salon lady was insensitive and your friend just maybe didn't express herself well and put her foot in it. I constantly worry about doing the same thing when someone is dealing with a difficult personal situation...wanting to say the right thing, not being sure what that is, starting out on the right track, and then not knowing when to just shut up already. I have unintentionally said the wrong thing, probably more than I know, so when it happens to me I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I am sad for your friend and her daughter. When I die the only legacy I care about is for my family to know they were my world.

TravelBug-Susan said...

Oh, my sympathies and empathy on your sweet Carmen. We had a Russian blue mix, Chicago White Sox (Chico for short). and he was such a beloved cat. He lived to be 16. Sounds like your Carmen is well loved too.

Cheryl P. said...

You and I look at all of this in exactly the same vein. I agree that my friend just didn't express herself as she meant it. She was trying to console me. She is usually very sensitive. Of course, that is in part what had me thinking about all the times I might of been misunderstood. I think it is hard to know sometimes, exactly how to console someone. People grieve so differently so it would make sense that they respond differently to what others say.

I have been thinking for the last 7 years or so that this feud was such a waste for both of them...mother and daughter. I would wonder if the daughter will ever realize how futile this was.

Again we agree...when my time is done I hope my family knows how much they were loved.

Margaret said...

Don't take this the wrong way, but you really nailed it when you said: "how does anyone know how the other person perceived something without the sake of a two-way, face-to-face conversation?" I don't know how that could be misinterpreted but just know that I say it with love. :)

Cheryl P. said...

Thanks, Dexter, I understand that sometimes it's easy to say something that isn't at all how you mean it. I am glad you caught yourself before saying something that didn't need to be said.

That's a great policy to be sober while texting or using the Internet. I suspect some people don't even need to be drunk to be inappropriate but probably being drunk would aid and abet their poor decisions.

Cheryl P. said...

Margaret...you have a lot to learn about leaving rude comments. I am not offended at all. Perhaps, I should put a tutorial together how to piss off bloggers with ill conceived comments. I guess you are just stuck with being nice.

AletaObrien said...

Hi Cheryl, My home email address is: aletawsc@hotmail.com

TravelBug-Susan said...

Yes, he had white socks.

abeerfortheshower said...

Though I have 4 dogs I'm a cat person at heart, and mine is sitting in my lap purring like mad as I type this, so I'm sorry to hear about yours. You said below that she knows she's loved, and as pet owners that's the most our pets can ever ask of us.

Okay, onto the not so serious stuff. I'm sure we don't have to tell you that as web comedians (e-comedians?) it's sometimes hard for people to understand we're joking. No really, even with the goofy cartoons sometimes people think we're being totally serious when we say something sarcastic like in our last post (Hitler was okay!). Do we have to end everything with winky emoticons now just to convey it's a joke? Hitler was okay! >;-)

Also, the bravado of comments you mentioned is dead on. As an example, just last week my (other) brother-in-law had a hard breakup with someone he'd been dating for 2 years. He posted something on Facebook that was along the lines of "At least getting my heart broken means that I know I still have one." That's it. Nothing more than that. Just a harmless way to get his feelings out. Well, one of his friends felt the need to post a rambling, extremely bitter 3 paragraph rant about how love isn't real, it's just a chemical in our brains, soul mates don't really exist, only idiots think they can be monogamous, blah blah blah, and it upset my bro-in-law so much that he just deleted the status and stopped posting altogether. Really, WTF is the point of saying something like that, especially toward someone who's just trying to feel better after a rough point in their life?

Beverly Steeves said...

i really wanted to read all the comments before i said my piece but maybe i'll comment twice. i have always been one of those people who speak before thinking. i'm rarely ever angry so i don't usually say nasty things but i do suffer from tons of opinions. :)
i have found that since my husband died people say the damndest things to me. questions about remarrying (at the funeral), not so gentle reminders to be frugal.....at first i was offended, then sadly amused - now i just think " they can't help it" the urge to communicate is often stronger than the urge to think.

Cheryl P. said...

Thank you...from one animal lover to another. ...I love both dogs and cats, but right now only have my two cats.

I totally agree with all your statements. I am nearly thinking I should try NEVER EVER to attempt to be funny...there will always be someone that takes me seriously. Perhaps, you have the right idea. I should put an emoticon after each and every sentence that I feel might be misinterpreted. }:^) (does that emoticon make my nose look big? or my unibrow look too pronounced?)

Facebook can get down right brutal sometimes. Why people feel the need to add to someone's misery is beyond me. As you said...what is the point???

Cheryl P. said...

I typically think long and hard before speaking although that is not to say that I haven't stuck my foot in my mouth a time or two. Even in the case of the comment on the blog...I thought I was clear in my wording but I think it was taken differently. Upon re-reading it...perhaps I should of worded it differently or not commented at all.

I find that people sometimes mean well but just don't verbalize things very clearly. BUT with that being said, your situation is so deserving of only kind, helpful consoling words...I hate to think that anyone would be less than tactful to you or your loved ones.

You and I do have the fact, that we rarely get angry. Even in the case of people making rude or insensitive comments, I can brush them off. For the sake of my post, I made mention of them because I found them glaring but I wasn't angry or hurt. Again though..in your situation...you shouldn't have to ever hear rude or pushy remarks. Shame on people!!! (((hugs))))

meleahrebeccah said...

Awwww. I am so sorry to hear about Carmen. That's terrible. (((hugs))))

And people are just dumb, even when they're trying to be helpful, they can say things that sound hurtful. So, I totally understand what you're going through and how and why you received those comments negatively.

"Just keep in mind, you may have wounded someone with your misguided barbs." ---- Yes, that is absolutely true. But also, sometimes, some people need to lighten up too!