Friday, January 25, 2013

Calculating The Risks

It's been a very busy news week with a lot of important discussions flooding the Internet.  Crucial issues such as  Beyonce lip syncing her song at the Inauguration festivities and the public acceptance of Michelle Obama's bangs.  The news crews must be exhausted from the extensive coverage of these and other topics.

Call 911...My Butt is Stuck

A woman in Oxfordshire, England had to call the Oxfordshire Fire and Rescue to come over to extract  her after she got wedged into her little boy's highchair.

Poor Serena Curtis and her friend, Jade Dickerson, were enjoying a little time to themselves while their kids were being watch elsewhere.  After drinking a couple of bottles of wine, Serena for reasons unknown, got into her little boy's highchair. The problem was that she could not get out.  She was wedged in tightly. After more than an hour and numerous tries, the women had to call for help.

Smoke break
 The only thing more embarrassing than being drunk, having your fanny stuck in a highchair and  having to call the fire department is having your good buddy make a video of it for future laughs.

He Said WHAT???

Gareth Morgan is stirring up a bit of a ruckus in New Zealand with his website, Cats To Go. Morgan is campaigning for everyone in NZ to get rid of their domesticated cats. With New Zealand having the highest cat population of any country in the world, it could be said that this campaign isn't as popular as one might think. 

Morgan called on his countrymen Tuesday to  rid themselves of their cats in order to save the nation's unique bird species. On his web site he posts the opening line "The little ball of fluff you own is a natural born killer."

While he says he isn't necessarily recommending that people euthanize their current cats, he  does point to the idea as an "option".

I realize for all of the "not-cat-people" this might not be the worst idea you have heard but for those of us that are cat-people, Gareth isn't winning us over as friends.

Billing Errors

I know we all have had the experience of getting a bill that we feel is unjustified.  A Minnesota woman might have the unfortunate experience of have the WORST case of unfair billing that ever has been reported.

The unnamed woman hired Thomas Lowe, an attorney in Eagan, MN, to represent her during her divorce. After about a month the woman and her attorney started an extramarital affair.  Lowe, however, billed the woman for all the time spent during their trysts calling it "meetings".  (Not exactly a lie)

Lowe admitted to the allegations and has lost his license to practice law for at least 15 months.

Sooooo...the next time you get an over charge on a shouldn't say you got screwed....well...unless you did.

 Speaking of Tools

A man in Anchorage, Alaska, is facing Federal felony charges for robbing a bank.  Alan Bronson Rice walked into KeyBank and pulled a hammer out of a small backpack.  Rice proceeded to demand the teller Houa Vue give him all the $100s and $50s or he would hit her with the hammer.  Vue gave him $1039 and the hammer wielding burglar left the bank.

He was arrested several blocks away sitting on a bench.  Both the money and a tracking device were found in his possession. 

The present shortage of guns in the retail stores seems to be impacting the quality of bank robbers.

Another Tool

A British college professor has been convicted of damaging luxury cars with graffiti.

Stephen Graham was found guilty Friday of using a screwdriver to scratch words such as very silly, really wrong and arbitrary into the paintwork of vehicles including a Mercedes, an Audi, and a Volvo.

The damages are estimated at around $29,000 dollars U.S.

Graham's lawyer said his client has no memory of the vandalism. Graham is blaming his bad behavior on a bad reaction to alcohol and prescription drugs.

He will be sentenced next month.

Hey, Professor!!! Just a heads up...that "bad reaction"  you are referring to is called being DRUNK.


Wendy said...

I really don't know what is with the innate commentary on such things as Michelle Obama's bangs during the inauguration. But, Obviously, some viewers Must want to hear about it, or it wouldn't be happening. Right? Right?
Actually, after they took the pic of the high chair incident I have to ask: Was the picture taking buddy also totally out of it? My three year old would have simply got a screw driver and taken it all apart.
Thanks for my weekly laugh at the strange behaviour of human life, Cheryl :)

Cheryl P. said...

The current obsession of "how everyone looks or dresses is ballooning to the level of absurdity.

The reports said the two friends finished off two bottle of wine before the "stuck in the highchair" episode took a wrong turn. (not like there is a right turn to that story)

I do have every confidence that your three year old would of handled the situation advantage would be that a three year old wouldn't be drunk but I, also trust any child of yours would have some common sense.

Chubby Chatterbox said...

Why didn't the teller in Alaska just step away from the window? Did she think the robber would throw the hammer at her?

Cheryl P. said...

I said the EXACT same thing this morning to my walking partner. I can't believe that a hammer would be that menacing of a weapon. I am always surprised at the absence of logic when it comes to crime.

Riot Kitty said...

I hope cats do eat Gareth. They are carnivores, after all.

TravelBug-Susan said...

This is an exceptionally entertaining blog today. What some people do makes me scratch my head in bewilderment.

Cheryl P. said...

I thought the same had to be embarrassing to be stuck in the highchair but holy crap...I wouldn't want to be caught dead in those pants.

You might just take the prize for the funniest comments on this. Lawyer screwing...seems like those words work well together.

It would have been far funnier if the professor taught Political Science about Ethics...but no he had something to do with Urban Planning. Still...he's an idiot.

Cheryl P. said...

I find people totally fascinating. There is always something in the news that is so bizarre you just think it can't be topped...but then it is.

Lilly said...

How great are all these - love them. Mmmm getting jjjnnn

stuck in a chair and having to call the Fire Department would be incredibly humiliating to say the least. I would want to be drunk so hopefully I would not be able to remember it, lol. Thanks for the laughs. I for one love Michelle's bangs (or fringe as we call it here).

Cheryl P. said...

Guess, high chair person was limited to her options on "what to do with her time" while hopelessly entangled in her kids chair. I probably would of been trying to get makeup on knowing some good looking firefighters were on the way...but that's just me.

Yes, Michelle's bangs are serious business. USA Today had a headline...yah...a headline in a NEWS paper.

President Obama: I Love Michelle's New Bangs

Of course what is a husband going to say???

Jo-Anne said...

Not a cat person myself but I do think it is a bit ott calling for everyone to get rid of their cat, maybe those who do want to get rid of the cat could take it and leave it on Gareth's doorstep and let him pay to have it put down.............that might change his mind...........
Ok lets move on to the woman in the high chair my sister use to sit in the high chair my mum has for her grandbabies but she never got stuck..............I don't get some people hell I don't get most At least she was drunk the woman not my sister being drunk makes it seem less embarressing

cardiogirl said...

Unbelievable. All of it and I can't decide which is better -- the drunk mother who got stuck in the high chair or the chick getting divorced who was charged for the affair. That gives new meaning to the term public servant.

Cheryl P. said...

I am pretty sure that IF someone was a cat person they wouldn't want this guy within 500 ft. of their cat. He seems like the kind of guy that might take joy in ridding the planets of felines. If I lived in NZ I wouldn't take out a restraining order for my cats.

Hahaha, would have been way more embarrassing for you if the drunk was your sister. I bet the siblings of this woman being splashed all over the Internet are less than proud.

Cheryl P. said...

I vote for the chick in the is just too funny that she is taking a smoke break.

Would you guess that maybe the divorce that the sleazy lawyer was working on for his "girlfriend" got granted? Under the circumstances, I bet her ex got the house, the kids, and the cash.

Katherine Murray said...

You know what? I think I am the only one who hasn't really seen Michelle's ball dress! I need to go look. But I DID catch her bangs.... she looked awesome!

Cheryl P. said...

I did see quite a bit of the coverage and her dress was very pretty. I,
too liked the bangs but was disappointed that the news media kept going
on and on about what everyone was wearing as opposed to the
inauguration ceremony coverage.

abeerfortheshower said...

Hey now, I know it's silly to have an Audi. It breaks down every 10 seconds, it's hard to work on, it's only kinda fast... you don't need to remind me, professor. My wallet and my pride know this already.

Cheryl P. said...

Good info...didn't know that about Audis. I bought my kid a new Jeep Wrangler once that broke every 5 I now have 2 vehicles on my "never be stuck with" list.

I found it interesting that the professor claimed that he had a bad reaction to alcohol and pills that made him do that. I would think that being that wasted would have left him less discriminating on car brands.

meleahrebeccah said...

"Crucial issues such as Beyonce lip syncing her song at the Inauguration festivities and the public acceptance of Michelle Obama's bangs. "


Oh yes. Those are VERY serious issues and should NOT be taken lightly!


Calling 911, drunk on several bottles of wine, and trapped inside of a highchair = CLASSIC!


Gareth Morgan needs to get a grip. And calm down.


Um… that lawyer CHARGED her for having SEX with him as BILLABLE hours? STFU!


I've never heard of anyone robbing a bank with a hammer. And I know it's wrong, but it's making me laugh!


30,000 in damages to keying cars? DAY-UM!

However, I wound't doubt that "AMBIEN" defense actually if that was the prescription medication. My brothers girlfriend takes that stuff as a sleeping pill, and she has woken up the next day with chocolate frosting all over her face, and NO recollection of baking & eating cupcakes in the middle of the night! She has also been known to shop online while sleeping! TRUE STORY.

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Cheryl P. said...

DEEEERRR GAAWWWWDDD...If I woke up and had baked cupcakes without knowing it, I would be totally freaked out. Then I would be pissed that I couldn't remember eating them. If I break down and eat some deliciousness, I want the enjoyment of it.

Seriously, I would rather not sleep...ever..if I would be doing dumb shit that I can't remember. Who knows what I am capable of???

meleahrebeccah said...

I know. I have terrible insomnia, but I REFUSE to take sleeping pills for that every reason. I would probably end up waking up, naked, in my car, with a half eaten bowl of speghetti in my lap. NO THANKS!

Linda R. said...

I am all for birds, all kinds of birds, but trying to ban cats from an entire country? I'm sure he's not too popular. It seems like folks are always trying to ban something.

I got a kick out of the robber wielding a hammer to rob the bank. That just shows all crimes are not committed using guns.

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, I too, like birds...but I love my cats. Mr. Morgan and I would not be friends. My 2 cats don't get to go outside so birds are safe from them, anyway.
I still don't get how anyone would be scared of a hammer weilding robber. I guess maybe panic sets in while being robbed.

Linda R. said...

My cats are all indoor and also no threat to our feathered friends. He and I would not be friends either. In fact, I might try to oust him. ;)

Cheryl P. said...

I will be your alibi. I can say "She was with me" convincingly.