Monday, April 15, 2013

Last Chance Deductions, Maybe or Maybe Not


 Crabby Pants and Cheryl P. are awfully busy today rounding up all those receipts and such to figure out how much  "who owes who" so today, we are posting a post from a couple years ago.  For those of you that have been long time readers, hope you aren't bored with old information. 



Today is the day!.  April 15th is here and I just wanted to help you out by offering up a couple of ideas for last minute deductions. 

Disclaimer - these ideas are to be used at your own risk (risk of an audit and risk being thought of as an idiot).  I got my information off of the ever reliable, never wrong on any subject, have to believe it because I read it and it looked accurate enough to have me repeat it, Internet.  I am not an accountant, don't want to be an accountant, worry about why anyone would be an accountant and can hardly add simple numbers
together so would make a miserable accountant.  Never the less here are my "last minute deductions" advice to you.  Take them or leave them.  I don't really care as I don't have to pay your tax bill. I am just out here trying to be helpful.



1. OK, the first deduction that you might want to go after is the "Get Yourself Some New Boobs" deduction.
Well, Chesty Love (I am not making that up) went on the Jerry Springer show a few years ago after she challenged the IRS and won.  She claimed her breast implants were a business expense and that her chest size was impacting her ability to earn more money.  The IRS agreed and the new boobs were deductible. 
I am thinking if you want to try for this particular deduction be prepared to be audited.  I would suggest that you bring a boom box and a g string to the audit. 

2. If you happen to be a drug dealer and I am not saying you are, there are a few deductions you might want to take.  According to publication 17 you are supposed to list money earned through criminal activity on your 1040  line 21. If you list it (that is if you are stupid enough to list it) by rights you could deduct things you purchased to do your business.  Soooo ....If you had to buy guns, satchels, baggies, (heck, what all do you guys need to do your business?) you could deducts those.  I caution you though if you are deducting your equipment for the meth lab and you blow up your house, I suspect that the damage can't be considered a loss. Do check with an accountant though.  Since, I have never been a drug dealer or blown up my house, I am not 100 per cent on that.

3. For those of you that are self employed out there and have set up a corporation...what if...you hold your annual "convention" in the Bermuda. This island is more than just a scenic place to visit. It's also a great place to schedule a tax write-off.  Other countries in the Caribbean region qualify, too, including Barbados, Costa Rica, Dominica, the Dominican Republic, Grenada, Guyana, Honduras, Jamaica, and Trinidad and Tobago. Meetings held in Canada, Mexico and all U.S. possessions also receive this favorable tax treatment.  Now, again, I have to remind you I am an idiot so don't just take my word for it but I got this little bit of wisdom off of the Turbo Tax web site.  Shouldn't they know this crap?

4. OK, my last little nugget of wisdom.  This is for any of you out there that are in the middle of a nasty divorce.  Before the nasty "thang"  that you are dumping sends a truck over to retrieve his/her share of your worldly goods, load it all up....yeah, all of it...and bring it over to the Salvation Army or Goodwill or whoever your favorite charity is.  Get yourself a receipt for it.  You can deduct up to 50 percent of your adjusted gross income for charitable deductions.  Be prepared to itemize all of your ex's stuff though.   Quite a savings for you, don't you think?  Better yet, quite an aggravation for the sh** you are dumping.  Win, Win.

OK, there a just a few of the endless possibilities of tax deductions for you.  Be sure you pay all you owe but take any deductions that are legitimately yours.  Life isn't always fair but your taxes should be.







19 comments:

Bodacious Boomer said...

I like the idea of being able to write off a boob job. Do you think they would look at my boob lift as a public service- a charitable activity to spare others from seeing my girls south of Rio where they currently reside?

Cheryl said...

Hi Michelle, If I had prizes to give for the funniest comment today, it just might be yours for the taking. I doubt that the IRS would go for that one but I am sure they have seen deductions far crazier than that.

injaynesworld said...

"Take a boom box and a g-string." LOL! I had no idea a boob job could be deducted, but I guess if you're a stripper that would make sense.

And it makes me nauseous that you and I will be writing a check to the IRS and G.E. won't. I'll never buy anything made by them again.

Cheryl said...

I thought that was rather interesting to. There were a couple of other examples that were hysterical but rather long winded.

Not only does GE not have to pay this year they got a credit for 3.2 Million carried over for next year. I think they would be hard not to do business with since they own (or partially own) a whole lotta stuff. I want them to pay Club America dues.

Jewell said...

"I got my information off of the ever reliable, never wrong on any subject, have to believe it because I read it and it looked accurate enough to have me repeat it, Internet." BEST --- LINE --- EVAH!

Ok...now that I've got the hives from reading a post that remotely touches on math, I'm going to go itch myself into a coma! Thanks for the laugh beforehand though! =)

Cheryl said...

Oh, dear God, did I give you hives? Let me get back on the Internet and get the absolute cure for the hives. I am sure the web doc is at least as accurate as the web accountant. I am researching...sorry to tell you you can't go into a coma. Turns out comas are bad for your health.

Momma Fargo said...

Ha! That is hilarious! Now I just need to go out and get a boob job. LOL

Cheryl said...

I don't know, Momma Fargo, thats a whole lot of power....guns and fake boobs.

Wayne said...

If boob jobs are tax deductible, I would certainly not suggest that to my wife...she might smack me for even thinking that. Too funny.....gotta run, I have my corporate meeting at the bar on the beach in Bermuda in a few minutes, hey where is everyone????.....what we learn. Thanks

Cheryl said...

Hey mon, no worries, watch how much rum yu drink, mon, de tax deductions don't come back round for a year.

Momma Fargo said...

Ha! That is hilarious! Now I just need to go out and get a boob job. LOL

meleahrebeccah said...

OMG!! These are way too funny! I think "Get Yourself Some New Boobs" deduction might be my favorite!! Ahahahahhahhah

Cheryl P. said...

I can see where that might work. Too bad I didn't know about this when I was young and still had a decent body. I would have changed my name to something fun like Chesty Love did and get me a tax deduction.

Aleta said...

OMG, these are hilarious. Scary thing is that some people try crazy stuff with their taxes.

Cheryl P. said...

Funny and creative tax deductions for sure. What is really funny as some of them were allowed.

abeerfortheshower said...

I'm just waiting for the day that a trip to the bar to talk about our next blog post can be written off as a "business meeting." Or buying a brand new top of the line laptop just so I can open Microsoft Word can be written off as a "business expense."


Also, my drug dealer is REALLY going to want to see those deductions. But Q-Murder can be a bit difficult to reason with. Also, he is possibly illiterate.

Cheryl P. said...

What...what ... we aren't suppose to be deducting our bar visits and electronics???? I could of sworn I saw that on page 3, 567, 457 of the tax code.



Obviously, I don't have this down to a science. Last year my return was 65 pages of assorted babble and this year it was 87 pages of assorted babble and I still had to pay to 2 states.



Your drug dealer is named Q-Murder??? Yikes!!!! I think it would be safer to deal with national chains like Stoked-on-Coke or 1-800-Junkie. Again, I am no expert as Advil is as risky as I get. I know...I am a real risk taker, huh???

meleahrebeccah said...

How the hell did you manage to make the topic of taxes SOFA KING funny?!! You rule!!

meleahrebeccah said...

lolz