Sticks and Stones

I nearly feel the need to apologize for all the name calling I am going to do in advance of writing today's post.  I guess I will hold off to the end to see if I feel sufficiently guilty or not.

Early warning signs of Crabby-ness

Today I am talking about jerks. You know who I mean...the rude pushy people that seem totally devoid of being considerate and feel somehow entitled to behave in a way that removes all consideration of how those around them might feel. While I have to believe the majority of people in the world are kind and well meaning, it appears that I am seeing more and more appearances of  people intent on being mean-spirited jerks.

There seems not to be a definitive definition of a jerk but it's kind of like the Supreme Court's  view of porn, "you know it when you see it." For the purposes of the discussion today, I am limiting myself to just those people that are your run-of-the-mill-jerks, not the truly evil, psychopathic law breakers that harm other people...because, frankly if I get started on people like Brock Turner and Bill Cosby, we could be here until the end of time.  Yes, I am thinking more of the common, everyday variety of people that are more the equivalent of Kanye West or Donald Trump.  People that are just full of themselves and have to keep reminding us how "special"  they are.  For the most part, pushy obnoxious types are pretty commonplace in all walks of life. 

Georfrey Nunberg, a UC Berkeley linguistics professor and author of Ascent of the A-Word: Assholism the First Sixty Years defines this group of people in the following manner.

“It’s somebody who is deliberately obtuse about his rights and entitlements and his relations with other people, who imagines that his position in a marriage, in an office, or on a line, gives him privileges that it doesn’t, and someone who ought to know better.”

How did I happen to decide to write about this particular topic,  you might be asking? Honestly, I have no one person or even any group of people in mind. I am just talking about random jerks.   Last week it seemed I had the displeasure of running into a higher than usual weekly allotment of people being jerkish. Then...as if the universe was colluding to give me a blog topic I receive an email from someone with an article from Men's Health aptly named What You Can Learn From the World's Biggest A#@holes. (Supposedly, they were giving me a blog topic and not thinking I needed a tutorial....I will take their word that was their intent.)

Still last week seemed to have a lot of examples on the TV, on the Internet and right here in Kansas City.  Maybe the hot weather has caused people to be surlier than normal or maybe there is a strange virus with the unfortunate symptoms of rude behavior being spread by anti-social mosquitoes.  Whatever the reason, there are ample example's of masses of asses among us. 

Typically, I would describe myself as a fairly easy-going, roll-with-it, type of person....and now that I think about it, I suppose all the short-fused, intolerant, asses of the world describe themselves as "easy going" as well  ...but that is strictly a coincidence, I assure you.  Unlike the Texas lady that shot the person in the "20 and under" line over at the Walmart for having the gall to tie up the line with a cart full of "stuff", I wouldn't have  done more than give the chick an eye roll. It would of been a significant eye-roll but no one would have been injured.  The closest I ever veer toward rage is when exposed to crappy drivers and partially blind, spatially challenged parkers. (I am assuming they are partially blind as they can't see those two rather significant white lines that tell them where to park.)

The fact is that I rarely speak up when dealing with a rude person nor do I typically  make a scene when confronted by some type of douchbaggery.  That's not to say that I don't find these pushy, inconsiderate types annoying. Thankfully,  I have years and years of experience dealing with this species of passive/aggressive  humans (?) as my extended family has it's own fair share of annoying people.  It is my experience that when someone says "Oh that's just Susy Q being Susy Q, that is code for saying Susy Q is a Bi**** but given enough time, you will get used to Susy Q and recognize it is her normal behavior. (*Note: the name has been changed to protect the guilty and keep Susy Q off my back.)

ANYWAY...I have developed a list as I know how people LOVE lists.  I am 99.9 percent sure that none of my readers are jerks, A#@holes, or scumbags but I am pretty secure in thinking you KNOW some, so in that vein here is my list for things that might help the  poor inconsiderate jerks out there be a little less douchey.

#1.  Treating others disrespectfully based on anything connected to your finances is a sure sign you are a jerk. The amount of money in your bank account or lack there of, should NOT be an indicator as to how you treat someone.  

#2.  Empathy doesn't make you a weenie.  The next time you are treating someone like the dirt beneath your boots, try to envision how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of your treatment.

#3. Give respect to get respect. Funny how that works.

#4. Ask yourself this simple question when you are doing some asinine  move, "Is this action benefiting  me more than it inconveniencing others?"  Let's go with the assumption that the answer is nearly always NO.

#5. Despite your expectations to the contrary assume that others can't read your mind.  Don't fault people for not knowing what you expect and then faulting them for it.

The license plate says it all..if it was turned upside down.

OK...I am now sufficiently feeling bad if anyone felt any of my name calling was directed at them.  It wasn't unless you cut me off in traffic,  cut in front of me in line...or you were generally rude to me with in the last 30 days. (anything longer has been forgotten)  In that case...I apologize.

Polls, Studies and Other Fairy Tales

Thought Number One .. Do these Polls Have It Right Or Wrong?

Do you happen to live in St. Louis, Missouri? If you do, you might have placed NUMBER ONE on a recent poll by Men's Health magazine. Of course, it is possible that you wouldn't want to be #1 as this particular list. That would mean you live in the city that has the worst drivers in America.

 Perhaps, you think that Men's Health got it wrong and the worst drivers are where you live.  OK, you still have a fighting chance at the title.   According to Travel + Leisure magazine, that honor goes to Miami, Florida.   Still not where you live???   No worries... you  have yet another shot at the prize (?)....You could have been the winner by living in Washington DC if you listen to Allstate Insurance's Best Driver Report (or worst depending on which end of the list you are on).

So what is the take away from all of this?????


YOU CAN'T TRUST A POLL, STUDY OR SURVEY...

Or maybe... another take-away is that there are a lot of really crappy drivers in  a lot of cities and no one can figure out who is the worst of the worst.

Thought Number Two:  A Lot of Disparity In the Numbers

To examine the differences between the polls dealing with America's worst drivers, I looked to see how my city's ranking fared.

The Allstate's Best Driver Report has Kansas City, Kansas listed as 37th best in a field on 100 for being safe drivers and Kansas City, Missouri as being the 22nd on the list.  So according to Allstate, we're bad drivers but clearly not the worst.

Then we get (nearly) vindicated by  Travel + Leisure.  They have Kansas City ranked as the second SAFEST city in America with only Portland, Oregon beating us out.  Yay us!!!

But wait...not so fast in taking our bows.... Men's Health has us as number 95th out of 100 on the WORST list.  There seems to be 5 other cities that have drivers that are worse than Kansas Citians. 

In all fairness to the various poll takers, perhaps the reason we are both 2nd from the top of the best drivers and fifth from the bottom of the worst drivers is that people are horribly confused about which state's DMV to check with.  There is an never-ending confusion on where we are and what state we are in.

First of all to locate us....we are in the middle...nearly the exact middle of  the United States. 

I did find it interesting as I looked at the cities listed on these various polls, most cities had a state listed behind it.  For example on all the lists Dallas, was listed as Dallas, Texas.  (BTW...for those of you that live in Dallas, your city did very well and ranked high for being the worst drivers in America.  You were #2 on the Men's Health Poll.  So close...but not quite the winner.  Better luck next year.) But conspicuously, there was not a state listed behind Kansas City.  I think given the fact that people were probably arguing back and forth..."it's Missouri....no it's Kansas" they opted not to take a chance and get it wrong.


I have to give praise where it's due though.  Allstate not only figured out that KC has a presence in two states but even ranked both sides of the city as noted above.  (Missouri 22 and Kansas 37.....as this was listing cities with safe drivers.....number one being the safest and 100 being Washington DC)

Maybe in the future I will confine my bad driving to the Missouri side of town, so I can try to help even up the score.

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Rude, Ruder and Rudest

Two Thoughts for Tuesday

Last week the list of the rudest cities in America was a hot topic on all the morning news programs.  Just in case you missed it (if you weren't paying attention or you live under a rock...or perhaps you just don't give a crap...oh is that rude???) here is how it stacked up.

The Rudest Cities in America:

No. 1: New York City
No. 2: Miami
No. 3: Washington, D.C.

No. 4: Los Angeles

No. 5: Boston
No. 6: Dallas/Fort Worth
No. 7: Atlanta
No. 8: Phoenix/Scottsdale
No. 9: Baltimore
No. 10: Orlando

Actually, when they had the teaser at the intro of the program saying "What are the rudest cities in America?" my mind filled with possibilities.  For my regular bloggees, you know I have lived in  39 cities with 20 or so of those since being married.  I might have to dismiss my picks based on my level of objectivity for the cities that I lived in as a kid because I was too busy being a kid and probably wouldn't of noticed rude people. BUT as an adult, I clearly notice pushy, obnoxious, aggressive behavior when it is smacking me in the face. 

I must say, that this list had a few surprised for me.  The poll was taken by Travel + Leisure and I have my doubts that this is the "absolute, without a doubt, 100 percent accurate" calculation of the cities that contain the bulk of America's  a-holes.  I am in fact "shocked" to see Dallas and Atlanta on there.  Their inhabitants just seem so darn friendly to me.

According to Travel and Leisure's  methodology for gleaning these rudest cities, they comprised a list of 35 cities to evaluate.  Poll participants could go onto the Travel + Leisure website and evaluate all manner of things on a scale from 1-5.  This, in-it-self begs me to ask the question "What if you are the rudest SOB on the planet and you live in St. Louis or Des Moines"? Well, you just get a pass from being recognized and rewarded for being rude.  No high fives for you.


Just in case you are wondering what Travel + Leisure methodology was...and I am sure you were on the edge of your seat in query, here it is.

Methodology

An online survey, developed by the editors of Travel + Leisure, appeared on travelandleisure.com from May 16, 2011, to August 15, 2011. Respondents were asked to rate their choice of 35 cities (Anchorage; Atlanta; Austin; Baltimore; Boston; Charleston; Chicago; Dallas/Fort Worth; Denver; Honolulu; Houston; Kansas City; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; Miami; Memphis; Minneapolis/St. Paul; Nashville; New Orleans; New York; Orlando; Philadelphia; Phoenix/Scottsdale; Portland. Maine; Portland, Oregon; Providence; Salt Lake City; San Antonio; San Diego; San Francisco; San Juan; Santa Fe; Savannah; Seattle; and Washington, D.C.) in a selection of subject categories (People, Type of Trip, Nightlife, Culture, Shopping, Food/Drink/Restaurants, Quality of Life/Visitor Experience, and Best Times to Visit). All subject categories and all cities were available for rating at all times. The subject categories were served in random order to respondents. Respondents were asked to identify whether they live in or had visited the cities they rated. The survey results appearing in the print magazine are from respondents who identified themselves as non-residents. Rankings are based on averages of responses from visitors concerning applicable characteristics. Respondents were asked to rate a city for each applicable characteristic, using a scale from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest score. Responses were collected and tabulated by travelandleisure.com. Final scores were rounded to the nearest hundredth. When two or more cities have the same score but different ranks, their rankings were ordered by their unrounded score.


Thought #1


As I have been in all these cities, I am not entirely comfortable saying all New Yorkers are ruder than the people I encountered at the Walmart in Kansas City yesterday. The fact that NYC has so many people to pick from makes it easier to find jerks when and if you are looking for them.  Clearly with that many bodies bustling through the relatively small geographical area that is NYC,  there is going to be some general pissiness, some major finger flipping and some extremely rude behavior.  (New York City metro covers 6720 square miles and has 18.9 million people and Montana (the whole state of Montana) has 974,989 people and they cover 147,042 square miles) You will note that not one Montana city was named on the list. 

Still as I am convinced that ALL American cities, have some rude people within their midst...oh come on now...you know they do...I think you would be hard pressed to actually know where the obnoxious little clusters of jerks are hanging out.  I do think that "territorial issues" have a hand in the level of rudeness.

People turn into butt heads when their space is invaded.  Whether it is a neighbor infringing on your yard, a jerk cutting you off in traffic, or the chick on a cell phone blocking the baking supplies isle at the Safeway, we are all subject to INCONSIDERATE  people. 

Thought #2

Some people have no excuse for being the bitch or douche canoe that they are.  They are just nasty.  The guy that slams a door in the face of the old lady behind him or the person that cuts to the front of the line because their time is WAYYY more important than the rest of the shmucks that are willing to wait their turn, these people are just RUDE.  The creep that cuts someone off in traffic causing or nearly causing an accident and doesn't give a apologetic wave is PAST RUDE. The cell phone user that is oblivious to everything and everyone around them and cuts you off in traffic, they are WAY PAST RUDE and just need to go to hell...oops, am I being rude, again?

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Do You Not See a Problem Here?

Are you wondering where the white line to the right of my driver's side door is???? (as you face the front of my red SUV) What  line you say?  You know....the one that is supposed to define what parking space is "mine" versus what parking space is "yours".


Guess...go ahead and venture a guess....



The white line is under the tires of that Chevy Malibu.  You will just have to take my word for it, but that is where it is.



I came out of the hair salon to find my vehicle had developed a close up and personal relationship with a white Chevy.  HHMM
What to do, what to do???


There is no way to squeeze in the driver's door as the space between the mirrors is about 4 inches.  I can't crawl in the passenger side because the console of my vehicle is pretty high and if I get stuck that would be embarrassing.  Can't go through the back for a couple of reasons. A.  The headrests are way too high to allow me over the seats and the back seat has 2 baby seats strapped in.

Next course of action.  I am parked in front of a sandwich shop, a nail salon, a hair salon, and a Chinese restaurant, Which shall I go to first? 

Nail Salon...Anyone in here drive a white Malibu?  This is where people become idiots.
One women asks?  "What color is it?" (pay attention, I just said WHITE)
"White", I say. 
"I drive a beige Impala."
(Is she purposefully, trying to piss me off?)  No, I need the owner of a WHITE MALIBU.

Deli....Does anyone in here own a white Malibu?  I can assume not as everyone is looking at me like I have personally offended them by interrupting their fine dining experience at Lenny's Sub Shop

Hair Salon.....Wouldn't you know that this is one of those salons where each stylist has their own little room.
Damn, this is not going to be easy.  As luck would have it, I found the crappy parker person in the 2nd room I went to.  She seemed annoyed that I was interrupting her day of beauty.  (don't I feel bad about that? That would be a NO)

She follows me out to the car and says.  "I guess I got a little to close.  I suppose you can't get in, huh?"

In this particular situation, I tried to be kind because the woman was "older" and clearly she had no business driving.  The stylist followed her out and was extremely nervous about her client trying to back out without hitting my car.  So "older" lady got a pass as far as me saying anything to her about her total lack of parking skills. 

Here are my two thoughts for Tuesday.

A.  If you are going to drive a car, pay attention to your surroundings.  That is both when the car is moving and when it is not.
B.  If you can not get a grasp on where you and your car are, don't drive.


The Good for the Day.....No damage done.

The bad for the Day......I wasted about an hour that I needed to be else where, because someone was inconsiderate.

The Weird for the day....I was looking around at some of the web sites and blogs that just deal with bad drivers....well more specifically...bad parkers and came across sharenator.com. (Sharenator guys, thanks for sharing) They had a bunch of pictures of notes left on peoples cars.  I guess it could have been worse. The lady could have hit my car and left a note like this.

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