Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Friends or Frenemies

Over the last week or so, I have heard or read about a number of  skirmishes  that happened on Facebook.  It just seemed that this was the week for "social unrest" on social media.

Now before, I start telling you about those stories, perhaps I need to clarify my LOVE/HATE relationship with Facebook.  I, like the rest of the world,  acknowledge that it is rather nice to connect with old friends and reestablish friendships, pseudo- friendships, or at the very least, "acknowledge that you are alive."  (although to be fair, there are plenty of Facebook pages that are active despite the fact that the Facebooker is dead....just for the fun of it, I think we should all make a point to FRIEND them.)

With that in mind,  I want to reiterate to all you avid FB users,  I am not a Facebook hater.  No, I am more of an interested FB voyeur....stalker, if you will.   I like to just look through the "window" of Facebook without anyone noticing me.  As far as I know there are no laws concerning being a Facebook Peeping Tom.

In the past we have discussed here at TAOBC, the people that use social media to post their rude or vile comments while hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. BUT what about the ones that are within the circle of
"friends".  Of course, in this context, the word "friend" could mean anything from "someone that knows someone you know" to "who the hell is this person?"

What about when a person, that is part of your group, posts something embarrassing, hateful or just out of the realm of you being comfortable with, onto their Facebook page. Perhaps you would prefer that your dirty laundry isn't  being put out there on the electronic clothesline that is the Internet.

Since Facebook's inception, I have had plenty of friends and relatives that were upset after reading something on Facebook that angered them, hurt their feelings, or embarrassed them.   So how does one handle having a group member posting something that they would rather keep private? In a few cases, relating to the people I know personally, they closed their FB accounts only to reopen them because they couldn't stand the thought of not knowing what was being said. Often this was an ongoing activity... opening and closing the account numerous times.

Perhaps a new option should be added to the site:

*Note..while the word "frenemy or (sometimes spelled frienemy) wasn't added to the Oxford Dictionary until 2008 thanks to it's use on the HBO series, Sex and the City.... it has been around since 1953 when Walter Winchell said "Howz about calling Russians our Frienemies?"  Haven't we come a long, long way???)

Thought Number One:  It's Not Nice to be a Bully

Last week there was a picture taken in the UK of a young mother, Emily Slough, while she sat on a stoop breastfeeding her daughter, Matilda.   The photographer  posted it to Facebook along with a vile comment that included calling her a tramp.  A friend of Emily alerted her to the fact she saw the picture on her Facebook account.   (I am not exactly clear, why the photographer wouldn't be easily identified by tracing it back through FB...it had to be a friend of a friend to make it's way back to her.)

In this case, Emily probably was more angry at the slur than she was the picture but it goes to the fact, that her privacy and image were used in a way she didn't authorize or appreciate.   Ultimately,  in this case it started a huge support group of the rights of nursing mothers.  

For those of you that aren't regular readers, I walk every morning here in Kansas City with a friend in Dallas, TX via cellular phone and Bluetooth and we talk for an hour or so about all manner of stuff. Last week one of the topics was the Emily Slough story. Often one story morphs into another.

As I mentioned,  WP (walking partner)  lives in the Dallas, Texas area which is currently experiencing a rash of everyone using the phrase "I don't have time for this."  (I guess they should be thankful that "Whuss up? has run it's course.)

She said that the phrase is just popping up in nearly every conversation and with that people are posting "sightings" of others using it onto their Facebook accounts.  (Isn't it ironic that while using the phrase "I don't have time for this." they are making time to post people saying "they don't have time for this.")

Anyway..there is an Indian doctor at the hospital where she works  that has a very pronounced accent. He unfortunately was filmed using the much overworked phrase and it was posted to a fellow employee's  FB account.  Supposedly, people found the clip hysterical and passed it along until nearly everyone in the hospital system is mimicking and laughing at the doctor's expense.  The doctor is not finding it all that funny. Dare I say, he doesn't have time for this.

Thought Number Two:  Stirring It Up

Another story came to mind, although in this case it started innocently enough but segued  into a mommy brawl. 

To get you up to speed about how this story came to my attention.
Here in Kansas City we have a number of bloggers that write articles for the local paper as freelancers. I guess that there is so little actual  news here that area bloggers fill in the gaps on slow news days over at the Kansas City Star.   One such writer, Sherry Kuehl, wrote an article about a Facebook battle she was part of.   Actually, in this case it was Sherry that threw out a first verbal grenade that caused a storming of troops...errr..moms, actually.

Sherry was following a group conversation among "friends" on her Facebook page.  In full disclosure, she does admit that some of these "friends" she befriended because it seemed rude not to, so we can assume not all these women are BFFs.  The conversation was started by a mom that posted a status update "that she ached - painfully ached - for the days when her children were babies" which was followed by a large number of ooey-gooey status updates about the joys of babies.   (**Note, these women must of forgotten about the sleepless nights and dirty diapers**)  The status updated kept coming about baby smiles and smells and such wonderfully nostalgic mommy thoughts when Sherry took it upon herself to remind the group that she personally didn't desire to go back to the land of exhaustion and sore nipples.

Sherry made the bold move of posting just two words...two tiny four letter words that landed her in the cross-hairs of   some vehement mommy bashing.
She posted "Ache Free"

The mom that had started the conversation came back  with a comment that included the words "baby hater" and said she  went on to say she felt sorry for Sherry's children. (Oh, yeah...she went there!)

As anyone that knows anything about mothers... the minute you bring someone's kids into the conversation it is equal to a shot having been fired and Sherry shot back with things like "Maybe I'm not aching because I am proud of my children and parenting skills and don't feel the need to go back in time to correct any mistakes." (innuendo and and veiled accusations are a nasty weapons in a mommy war.)

Which brings me to the point..how much can or should  a "friend" say or post on a social media site before it takes a definitive "unfriendly" turn.  AND if someone has posted a tidbit about you that finds it's way through the spider-like web of friends of friends of friends..into infinity, how do you handle it?

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chicken said...

I'm a FB lurker/liker. I rarely post anything but I scroll down liking everything. And if I don't like something, which happens all the time, I skip it. Always an option. But for the record, I'm also ache free.

Liggybee said...

I know what you mean about FB frenemies...it was the same story with MySpace when people actually still used MySpace. I think that if people don't like other people commenting on things they say, they shouldn't post it on something as public as a social networking site in the first place. Ah, the drama...LOL! What gets me is how much people waste their time posting hateful comments on group pages...I wonder why they're even looking at the group posts in the first place if they didn't like the group to begin with. Hmm...

Anyway, have a great week! Great post! And love those pictures!!! :D

Wendy said...

I literally laughed out loud several times reading this post, gosh, even though I don't have time for this (reading, that is.) It is so ironic to use that phrase while sitting on FB, but Cheryl, you've missed the notice that Everyone now is Just too too busy. Everyone is just so so important. I have very few friends or friend-enemies on my FB because, well,I just don't seem to be that popular. Those there are true friends, or at least I hope they are, and stay that way. FB skirmishes are simply bullying, pure and simple. We agree to disagree in person, but, as you have often pointed out, people seem to behaved differently on line. Every time I see/hear/read something like the Dr. being laughed at, I know that it is a reflection on the bullies, and treat it that way. If someone were to do something 'horrid' (please we don't need any details) to me via social media,I would ignore it. As you so cleverly showed with Crabby Pants Poopy-Head remark, just let it bounce back upon the person who clearly has issues. I love the mom Sherry's response. She didn't say to those moms, you are silly to feel this ache, she simply conveyed how it was for her. Good for her! After that, I 'd have ignored any other comments. Sometimes that IS the issue, that people can't seem to simply walk away. Don't we walk away in person? then why not on-line. Yes, this social media is complicating to life, as is maintaining privacy, on a multitude of levels. One CAN delete items from one's own FB, and one can deny access to anyone on one's own FB account. What people say outside of that, it would be best to ignore it. Honestly, this type of behaviour use to be called GOSSIP. Just today it travels faster. With all the wonderful things to do and be in life, 'I just don't have time for this '. LOVE this post Cheryl, with so much creativity and thought into the drawings. To me, they express so much better the key points . It's time to take down Crabby Pants pulled up dress picture now, and that is the point, things/comments/pictures can be removed. People need to do it. And As Lisleman says, I DO always have time for your posts!

Wendy said...

'I friend dead people. Could be a tagline for a movie or something'--now that is too funny... great line.

Jo-Anne said...

Yeah I think most of us have at least one frenemy although right as I write this I cannot think of who my frenemy is.................lol

Facebook what to say about FB well it is great, it is full of small minded babies who get sick pleasure out of making life hard for others..............

lisleman said...

thanks for the mention Wendy.
I have deleted things from FB. I don't like to go on it everyday. A few times a week is more than enough for me. However, I understand that the smartphone users can be on there almost constantly and I imagine some expect a reply/like/comment from their "friends". I think on-line behavior is bit like in-traffic behavior.

lisleman said...

thanks - It's fun when readers read the comment section.

Chubby Chatterbox said...

I have a Facebook page that I seldom update but I'm not shy about admitting that I dislike Facebook. I think social media is turning us into zombies and destroying our language. I don;t need to know that a kid I didn't socialize with in high school is now praying for me daily.

Wolfbernz said...

Hi Cheryl,
It's a small world and FB makes it even smaller sometimes. You get to see everything you want and more that you don't want.
Great Thoughts!

Lady Jewels Diva said...

Unfortunately this is the way of the world now. Half the world bangs on about how we should all be ourselves and when the other half tries to be themselves we're shit all over by the hypocrites.

I've been thinking a lot about this, particularly while writing my book, Why Positivity Can Be A Bad Thing, and it comes down to a lot of things. You are free to write what you want on your own social media. But the moment you take your shit to someone else's be prepared to be shit over in return. It also does not matter what you say SOMEONE will find a reason to hate it, you and everything else about you.

You have a right to express your feelings on your own pages, but some people feel the need to shit all over you anyway. These are hypocrites. They will claim they can say what they want when they want and then try and stop you or shit over you for saying so.

As for Facebook, again, you are free to post what you want on your own, but the moment you post on another, or a group or page, you have to be prepared for someone to lay forth their garbage because they cannot even comprehend that everyone else has the right to disagree and say what they want on a subject.

I have had people disagree with my comments on FB pages instead of simply expressing their own in the comment section of the post. Why bother? I don't care if you disagree with me, you don't have to, but have the balls to express your own thoughts without dragging me into it.

There are tonnes of mixed messages going around which are part of the problem and that has become the biggest section of my book. In fact, I could write so much more it would be far longer than 40 pages but I don't want to do that to people, lol.

As for posting pics of other people on your page and then slandering them, that itself is illegal, but I'm not sure about the picture as it is done out in public. And the doctor, it's not funny when someone takes the piss out of you so why do it to others?

That's what the world needs to understand and I'm coming to the conclusion that the world has gone bonkers. So many are trying to find their way through life and yet so many are shitting over them for it and trying to control what people say and do and I'm over being controlled. Between politically correct bullshit to Gen Ys thinking their own shit don't stink, when in actual fact they are immature, insecure and desperately needy, I'm over people younger than myself and need to converse with those older than me just to feel sane and mature.

Cheryl P. said...

I agree with Wendy...that is too funny. My picture of Crabby Pants parading the Sixth Sense scene could work with that. Sorry for your loss of a cousin but I, too think that FB probably isn't part of the afterlife experience. I have a good friend that passed away last year and her FB page is also still being posted to.
Yes, I would think that hating people is a BAD thing and using the word hate in association with babies is just absurd. Plus, I think it is a huge leap to assume because someone doesn't want babies again that there is any hate involved at all. I love babies but I wouldn't want to go back and do that again.
Thank you for finding time for my blog, Lisleman. I really appreciate you and your always interesting and entertaining comments.

Cheryl P. said...

Reading the comment section of blogs is half the fun.

Cheryl P. said...

I love the word "lurker". That is so me on a lot of social media sites. I don't tend to comment on anything except blogs. Even then, I steer away from anything religious or political. Not that I disagree with anyone else's point of view, it just seems that those type of comments slide into a heated debate.
Me too!! Totally ache free.

Cheryl P. said...

I missed the whole MySpace experience. I was so slow at participating that it was out of favor by the time I got around to it.
I agree, if people aren't up for some discussion and debate they really need not participate in any type of forum....especially on a public site. I don't understand how people don't understand that when they put something on Facebook, it could not only go to their friends but their friend's friends and their friend's friends. Nothing private about that. Of course, people could send private messages but again, I don't think everyone understand the spider- web quality that goes with social media on the Internet.
I think people want validation in the "genius"..or what they perceive as genius..then when people disagree with them they are angry.
You have a great week as well. Thanks for your kind words.

Cheryl P. said...

I love how you pick up on my subtle jabs of humor. Yes, totally ironic to use the phrase "don't have time for this" when debating things like Facebook status updates. I know what you mean about how seemingly "busy" everyone is. I guess they are busy because staying glued to our technology fills in any time gaps that we might of once considered "down" time.
I am so infrequent on FB, that I don't blame people for not engaging with me on that site. I love hearing about and seeing pictures of old aquaintenaces but often when they post it is a simple statement about where they are or what they bought. Not something that requires a comment. I understand that is what the LIKE button is for but then again, doesn't that just reduce us down to hitting the LIKE button to acknowledge we checked our FB page?
The first two stories made me sad. The insensitivity of the photographer using the word "tramp" and the co-workers essentially making fun of the Dr.'s Indian accent most assuredly are cases of bullying. As adults we should know better than to behave like that.
I found Sherry's article rather interesting from several angles. Why would moms be so irrate about another mother not aching for babies in the house? I loved every age my kids were and I wouldn't of wanted to have them return to previous ages so I could relive their childhood.
What I fault Sherry on a bit, is she kept the fight going. Sherry put several mean spirited jabs about somethings the other mothers had done when their kids were smaller. Of course, this wasn't confined to just FB, but she talked about it in the newspaper article as well.
You are so right about social media adding a new complication to life. It can be a viral form of gossip and some of that gossip is of a nature that should be limited to "a need to know" basis.
I am sure you remember me telling you my friend that died last year was estranged from her daughter. AND everytime she saw something on FB that showed her daughter participating in family functions, she got her feelings hurt....more that that really..it crushed her to see pics of her daughter at family events that she wasn't even aware of. Her family often chose one or the other to invite, knowing that they no longer communicated.
Thank you so much for being such a good blogging friend and leaving such thoughtful comments.
BTW...I am sure that Crabby Pants will adjust her little dress before the next post.

Cheryl P. said...

I am sure that I have frenemies in life but I don't use Facebook enough for them to leave snarky comments about me. I run hot and cold on if I would be bothered by it. I guess it depends who the person is that posts it and what they said.
As we have said in the past, there is going to be a group of people that just are seeking attention and you just have to ignore those.

Cheryl P. said...

I rarely post anything on Facebook other than wishing someone happy birthday or well wishes. I figure our blogs fill a gap for anyone that is wondering about us and/or what we are up to.
I have been somewhat remiss in "friending" people on FB anyway. Not that I don't think they are nice but, honestly, I just don't participate enough for it to matter.
What? Someone is praying for you daily? HAHA..someone should be praying for me but I can't confirm that anyone actually is.

Cheryl P. said...

No, I also, have no problem with Facebook stalking. I am not overly comfortable leaving updates but it's interesting to see an occassional picture of some of my family members and hear about what they are up to. A lot of my family is WAY into Facebook. It's especially nice to keep tabs on my brother and his family.
I notice on my deceased friend's page that people are still posting those same types of sentiments. I guess if it helps them grieve, so be it but it is a bit strange. Perhaps, FB should start a seperate section for the deceased. Anyone up for Facebook Mausoleum?
OHHHH bite your tongue Trina.
I plan on going to heaven and would prefer not to look around and see everyone's nose stuck to a computer screen or a smart phone. That would be hell.

Cheryl P. said...

That is a good point, Wolf. All of this technology is making the world feel much smaller. Not only because of FB but things like Skype and Instant messaging. We can talk to anyone in the world at a moments notice. Now if we could have people be courteous when doing so.
Thanks, have a great week. Hope you and Trina are feeling better since your accident.

Cheryl P. said...

I think you make a valid point that "whatever idea or opinion you express" some one will for sure disagree. I think the problem arises when people are rude in the manner they disagree. Shouldn't any subject be open for civil discussion. If I post a comment on FB concerning my religion (and I would NOT do this but just for the sake of discussion) I wouldn't have a problem with someone saying they totally don't believe what I believe and they could tell me what their faith is. BUT I wouldn't appreciate someone telling me that my faith is bullshit and that I have it wrong.
Another point you make that I agree with..it's a huge difference between expressing an opinion as opposed to attacking an someone else's opinion.
A, too would say our world has gotten a bit bonkers but I haven't noticed from my group of acquaintances the age disparity. Some of my younger friends are so astute and smart while some of the people older than me have gotten so suspicious and cynica. Of course, there are others that are opposite of that. Young and naive and older and wiser.
Hope things are going well for you. Again, I am behind in reading blogs so I have to get over to yours to catch up.

oldereyes said...

Honestly, I find myself on Facebook less and less. I'm very selective about who I friend and have a pretty quick trigger for dumping (uh, unfriending) people I wish I hadn't friended. And I only Like most posts, only commenting on those of people I trust. It's my experience that people who don't comment a lot (or stalkers, aka lurkers) don't either. I have gotten in trouble a few time when I logged onto a sports or news site accidentally using Facebook, and my comment on an article (which tend to be snarkier) ended up on Facebook.

I'm a pretty open person. My real friends know a lot about me and I think between friends and family (with a therapist thrown in), someone knows every single thing about me. AA people like to say "You're only as sick as your secrets." But that kind of openness has a time and place. On Bud's Blog if someone starts in on me I can just dump their comments. People who are Facebook friends only aren't really friends. You can't post anything you're sensitive about or that you don't want the whole world to know. I'm even selective about which of my Older Eyes post go to my FB page.

Cheryl P. said...

Bud, if I visited my FB page any less, the most descriptive word would then be the word "never".

I haven't ever "defriended" any one but then I haven't "friended" all that many either. My husband is very involved in FB so I can keep up with our mutual friends and family vicariously without me actually participating. If Facebook gave out grades I would be failing.

As for being an "open" person. I am very open with a very small group but not usually on the Internet. I have shared some information with the people I have met in conjunction with my blog but even then I haven't spilled my guts with all the nitty-gritty details.

I find it interesting what people are willing to share on FB. On several occasions we have been shocked by pictures that were in the category of TMI. I think your comment that Facebook Friends are necessarily your Real Life friends.... is an important distinction. It seems not everyone understands that things you would tell a close friend over coffee might not need to be written down and sent out to a group of people that fit more into the category of acquaintances.

I have never heard the phrase "you're only sick as your secrets" I would guess some there are some really healthy Facebookers. Everything is put out there in the open for all to read.

lisleman said...

Hey if you got the time I got the post.
I just dug up a post on obits and FB dead users. The comment section is still open.

Cheryl P. said...

That is a really interesting post..funny as well. It would be over my dead body that I would pay $1000.00 for an obituary. Of course, with the current cost of a funeral no one would be surprised that the cost of the obit is exorbitant. (yes, obituary is such a long word)

As for FB...I guess it is going to become the case that people will have to put that in their wills all the web-sites to close down with assorted passwords...well if someone would even care if any of that remains open.

lisleman said...

I don't care if my web accounts stay open as long as my heirs (maybe my errors too) know about them and are given control of them.

Riot Kitty said...

This is one of the reasons I'm not on there (that and the fact that I value privacy.) I remember a few years ago a friend and his family and friends got into a huge spat because some people friended his ex-wife on Facebook. Finally his dad came in and said sides had to be taken. Kid you not.

There should at least be a button for "WTF?" I mean I have a rubber stamp. Why not a button?

Cheryl P. said...

The privacy aspect is a huge issue that I am surprised that more people are concerned about. I hate that now just about every consumer web site wants us to sign in using our FB acct. If I really want to buy a three pack of undies why do I need to sign in with a site that shows who I am married to, who my children are and specifically where I live.

I am not surprised at all about the spat resulting from ex's being on FB. Our family has one of those issues going on as well. My relative is in a constant state of agitation from reading something his ex posted. He closed his account only to reopen it saying he missed communicating with other people....but of course the minute his ex has a status update he is again upset.

The reason there isn't a WTF button is that is would crash the Facebook servers with a gazillion people all pushing it simultaneously....at least that is my guess.

abeerfortheshower said...

Is it wrong that I'd pay to see a good mommy brawl?

This is why I'm more of a Facebook lurker, or stalker, like you. It's sometimes hard to convey things over text, and people will snap and get nasty over the dumbest things, often when the other person isn't even trying to be mean and is just making a joke (like Sherry).

I love to make jokes. I love to reply to people's comments with jokes. But I also hate pointless arguments. This is why I keep my funny thoughts either to myself or post them on the blog. I'm 100% certain they'd just be lost on the likes of Facebook.

Oh, and thanks for putting up the link to our sale! We appreciate it a ton. But since you couldn't link the picture, I'm gonna head off to Facebook now and badmouth you... ;)

Cheryl P. said...

I agree that people have a tendency to not always interpret things in the same way we meant it. That's true on our blogs as well. Especially when we are trying to be funny or clever. I once got into trouble saying that something was moronic. A got a beat down from someone accusing me of being anti-Mormon. (I am considering making Crabby Pants my spokesperson for this type of situation...what do you think?)

I love making jokes but the downside of that is that there will always be someone that doesn't "get" that it is a joke. Wasn't it you that said we are nearly forced to put emoticons on anything that is supposed to be funny?

You're welcome for the link...as far as badmouthing me, Go for it...you wouldn't be the first. ;)

Jayne said...

Wow. That photographer was sure a sleazeball. I haven't run into any problems like this, although I'm sure some have unfriended me due to freely-expressed political views. I think Crabby Pants needs her own FB page. :)

Lady Jewels Diva said...

People should be adult and mature about disagreeing, unfortunately they don't get that calling you a bitch or bully or telling you to pull your head out because they don't like what you wrote is actually making them exactly what they're calling you.

I'm attacked a lot for WHAT I say instead of them discussing the subject. I wrote a comment on a tv show FB wall once about the topic they were discussing and someone attacked me for it, I told them that the show wasn't interested in their opinion of me and if they couldn't give their opinion on the subject to "eff off" and mind their own business because I wasn't interested. I got no further comments from them so maybe that worked. I also find sometimes if someone attacks to attack back straight away with a smart comment and it will stop some people because they weren't expecting you to bite back.

Another time I was attacked by several people, two were older, and the best thing I could do was make a joke out of it, so I posted in regards to their comments. One older woman shut up after a few comments and left, the other older woman went on to criticise my grammar, the way I wrote, that I must be young and accused me of getting off topic. When I politely put her in her place I got a half arsed apology from her and she left. Basically, she was making a dick of herself with her comments.

The third woman was possibly my age or younger and she hated me so much for what I said that she went and checked out both of my FB pages, my Twitter, my blog, pretty much all of my social media, she shit over the amount of followers I had, shitted over what I wrote on my blog, accused me of all and every and so I joked about her being my stalker and how I was getting stalker love. That made her even more angry and it was ridiculous. And then some guy came along with one comment thanked her for outing the troll (me) and he was glad she had done it. I then replied to him with laughter and truth saying I had been under the same name for 5 years and used it across all of my social media and stood by my opinion so I was no troll. Got nothing else out of him either. I went and tracked it down, you can read it here - http://www.jewelsdiva.com.au/2013/02/this-week-i-got-called-bigot-for-daring.html

I find that there are idiots in all age groups and all generations, it's just a matter of having a comeback when they attack. Some will be put in their place and others will continue the attack. It's a matter of whether you want to keep it going or leave it alone.

ravenjanedoh said...

OMG; Facebook - UGH! It's the portal of evil allowing the high school years to live on when we all believed them to be behind us - safely dead and gone. The petty fights that have turned into micro rages at stupid stuff, like "baby haters" .. who are nothing more than honest mothers who are thankful they no longer have dirty diapers and sore boobs... because come on - NOBODY adored that, and if they did, they were mental, and should be medicated. -- and watch, just my saying THAT will start a whole new argument and online backlash for mocking (or not embracing) those who need to be medicated. As far as I'm concerned, Facebook isn't any better than crack; it's wack! ;)

Cheryl P. said...

I totally agree about the photographer being a sleazeball. What would possess a person to be that hateful?

I guess if someone unfriends you because of your political beliefs it pretty much says that person isn't able to able to accept other peoples point of view...so it is just as well they aren't actively on your page anyway.

One of the many problems with FB is that if I set up a page for Crabby Pants it auto links to my personal page. Same with my blog page. It traces back to my personal page. So if I really wanted to talk smack about someone in my family there would be no hiding. (Not that I would ever talk smack about a family member **cough, cough**

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, there is absolutely a similarity to high school clicks, if you think about it. You are forming groups of people that overlap into other groups and asking them if they LIKE you. Kind of like passing a note saying "do you like me? ___ yes ____no.

Is there anything a person can say that isn't up for debate in this current culture? It seems that there are such big leaps from what a person says and what someone says they said. As was the case of the moms. If someone says they don't want to go back to the time of having babies, that is a far cry from being a baby hater.

There is a drama momma in every group.

Cheryl P. said...

Wow...I mean really WOW, that is some really nasty commentary. I swear if someone called me a troll or told me to mind my own business on MY blog...I would really be hurt. (I am thin-skinned) Not only would I have to delete the comments but I would be in tears. Truly.

On the subject of obesity...there is hardly any subject that causes people to lose their minds like the subject of being overweight. It ranks as high as politics in getting people stirred up.

Lady Jewels Diva said...

I know and that's what I really don't get. That these people truly believe they have every right to tell you what to do on your own blog and social media pages. I've even had girls, I'd say Gen Ys, email me to tell what I should and shouldn't be saying and how I should be saying it on my blog. It's absolute garbage. Unfortunately, when you're on a public page, like for a tv show or magazine, it's a free for all.

abeerfortheshower said...

Having Crabby Pants as a spokesperson would definitely help. I think we can get away with more because we have our silly little cartoon avatars speaking for us and people know they're very exaggerated versions of ourselves. I don't know what it is about representing yourself with a cartoon that makes people less likely to jump down your throat, but it works. The amount of hate mail and rude comments we've gotten over 4 years of blogging is surprisingly little. Like single digits.

Maybe it IS the equivalent of saying everything with an emoticon...

I'm anti-Mormon and proud of it (not really), just based on those that come to my door at 8 in the morning thinking the guy with a cowlick in his underwear has any interest in hearing about Joseph Smith and his shenanigans. Plus they say having beer is a sin. PASS.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” - Ben Franklin

Oh, and I take that back... a duel with unloaded guns would probably be a lot more entertaining than a mommy brawl.

Think the last few moments from this great animated short.


Robyn Engel said...

Hi, Cheryl. I've missed your blog. It's good to be back.

I'm amused that "frenemey" is an official word. I think it'd rather use "eneend" - or something like that, to emphasis the enemy aspect of the relationship. I have several folks in my life that applies to.

Facebook is one of my addictions - for better and for worse. I've been hurt by others' posts on it and have unfriended some frenemies or hidden their posts. The ridiculous thing too, is that we use "like" to save time. You find people liking horrible things that happen to their so-called friends. "My dog died. I missed him terribly" will get lots of likes. How warped is that?!

Keep a smile and be well.

Cheryl P. said...

I am sure you are right that cartoons soften the message (although most of my messages are pretty "meh") and keep the haters at bay. I haven't gotten any really hateful messages. More just being called out for my opinion or what someone perceived my opinion to be.

You would be proud of me for my return message to the woman that called me a Mormon hater. She started her email saying that she was a Mormon...and yet I did NOT say..what's up with the fact you can't read the difference between moron and Mormon. I told her to sit down, chill out, drink a glass of wine and grab a cigarette. (°_/°)

That video is really funny. Maybe we should all go back to having duels when we have disagreements. Of course, it would have to be paint balls or nerf balls or something. While the NRA might want the real thing, I doubt that we need two mommies on the playground breaking out the Glocks. Although, clearly that would make for some great blogging material.

Cheryl P. said...

I am glad you're back all safe and sound.

Yes, just about any trendy word any more makes it's way into the Oxford Dictionary. Words like twerking probably don't need to be in there but then the Oxford people didn't feel the need to check in with me.

You certainly aren't alone as far as Facebook goes. I think I am in the minority. My husband is addicted as well and occasionally, I will check to see what he's posting for fear I am making my way into an anecdote. I do find it interesting, as you say, when someone posts some horrible life event and everyone is hitting the LIKE. Just got divorced...LIKE Just had major surgery and have a grim prognosis...LIKE.

I do think that FB needs to offer some other buttons to hit. Like is rather limiting.

Have a great weekend!!

Katherine Murray said...

I LOVED this post... one of your best so far and such a great topic. Do you know I recently had a friend invite from my big boss? REALLY!?!? How bizarre!!! I rarely see or talk to him. Yes, we are friendly, but why would he want to be a friend on facebook? I ignored it... fingers in ears going la la la laaaaa.

I hate it when people type things that are open ended to get attention. "I am so angry at someone right now for something horrible they did to me!" Of course then everyone comments..."OH NO! What happened! Are you OK? Who was it!" It is just an obvious way to get one person mad and others curious.

But I love seeing pictures of babies, dogs and funny things people saw during the day. I think facebook is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't see every day. However, facebook drama? I don't have time for this ha ha!

Cheryl P. said...

Thanks, Katherine! How funny...before I saw your comment I was over on your blog reading about the poor Knight that was locked out. Now that is the fun kind of thing that makes Facebook entertaining but there is so much of it that seems like it's aimed at stirring up arguments or controversy...or as you point out DRAMA.

I think it is wise to ignore the "friend request" from the boss. Even if bosses are friends...they don't need an open door to our private life. About the time some relative brings up some family drama or brings up some past "remember when" that you had hoped everyone had forgotten about...then it gets embarrassing.

Recently a couple of our relatives have put pictures on FB that we aren't exactly excited to see and wouldn't be thrilled for employers to view. You can't pick your family but it turns out you can pick your friends.

babs (beetle) said...

Over the many years I've used Facebook, I have had many friends that I don't know at all. I used to play a game that required many friends. I think I got close to 2000 friends - all strangers. I didn't get involved in many of their comments and never their disputes. Once I made the decision to stop playing the game I unfriended almost all of them. I kept those that I got friendly with and they are still my friends. If I see any negative posts on any of their walls, I simply unfriend them. Life is too short for negativity and nastiness.

Cheryl said...

Over the winter, I've been doing a shit-ton of thinking about the role all of social media, including blogging, plays in my life. As an introvert, it's an easy way to stay connected and still stay out of the fray. Unfortunately, social media allows me to drop into my introversion to the point of isolation. I don't interact anywhere near as much as I used to on FB, and when I do, I tend to comment less and use the like button more. The less well I know someone, the easier it is for my written comment to be misconstrued. I may be the person who previously made the comment that emoticons are almost a necessity on social media sites and I'm done playing that game. I've also grown tired of trying to decipher autocorrect and improper use of ordinary grammar.

I learned the Golden Rule as a little kid and also remember hearing and then adhering to the rule that there are subjects we don't discuss in polite company: politics, religion, money, and sex. I'm not comfortable talking about any of those things in a mixed group of people in my home and I'm certainly not going to discuss them on Facebook, which is definitely NOT polite company.

Cheryl said...

Oh, I completely forgot to say this about what you posted. The two scenarios you posted about aren't unfamiliar to me.

I saw the picture of the woman breastfeeding her child pass through my news feed and I just smiled, nodded, and kept going. I didn't realize this was used without her permission and that's wrong. The picture itself probably caused a huge ruckus on FB and folks probably lobbied to have it taken down because it's 'pornographic.' I've seen that kind of thing more often than I can stand.

In the other case, Sherry could have just walked away from that thread. What was the point in adding her 2 negative cents to a thread where moms were waxing poetic about missing the baby years? I've seen so many threads where a group of friends are having a good old time reminiscing about something that I experienced differently and it costs me nothing to move on and everything to jump in and stir up a controversy. It's just not worth it and it's so unimportant.

Cheryl P. said...

My husband also was into playing some FB game and acquired a lot of "friends" and he also just keeps the ones that he got to "know" albeit thru the Internet. I think that you have a very healthy perspective about using FB. Keep the contacts that add to your group and ditch the rest.
The problem arises, in part, if someone in your group is friends with someone who is a problem. For example, my follows his sons as a friend. (of course) but his ex-wife follows them as well...so my brother sees comments she makes.
There is some nice benefits to social media but it can be a real stresser as well.

Cheryl P. said...

I find it interesting how much you and I share in our perspective of things. I, too have been giving a lot of thought over the winter about the part social media plays in my life especially in the realm of blogging. I agree with you that spending a lot of time on the Internet can, in fact, be isolating.
While I have never been an avid user of FB, that has always been my approach to it...very few comments and frequent use of the LIKE button. I think there is a huge capacity for people not to understand or at least in part miscontrue the tenor of a message, if they don't know the writer on a personal level.
I find that I am often uncomfortable when the subject switches to religion, politics, money or sex as well. If the topic is general as in a philosophical discussion of spirituality, for example I am OK, I am not fine when it gets specific and candid...no I am not up for that. There is clearly a large group that has no apprehension concerning TMI. I rarely leave a comment on any blog or FB post that deals with any of those subjects. ESPECIALLY POLITICS...talk about a volatile subject.

Cheryl P. said...

Several times any given year there seems to be a viral story concerning a mom that is defending herself against some moron making a nasty comment about public breast feeding. This particular story is a new twist because the nasty comment was on FB. Again the problem arises that someone felt the need to be vile. The act of adding the word "tramp" in connection to a young mother feeding her baby is quite different than the discussion in general of breastfeeding. Although, I am still not clear how the comment would be truly anonymous on FB. Everyone has a profile.
As for Sherry, your right, of course, if she didn't like the discussion...ignore it and move on. If there was an actual debate built into the discussion and others were weighing in on the pros and cons of missing having babies in the house, then everyone needs to discuss it like adult women. The second the word "baby-hater" came into play it was time to leave the discussion. There's no way that you can discuss something rationally with someone that resorts to name calling.
I am constantly amazed how people have lost the art of discussion. It is no longer interesting and entertaining but more often, devisive and argumentative.

babs (beetle) said...

I agree. I don't have that problem as I haven't been able to locate any of my past friends and I only have family that get along with each other :)

babs (beetle) said...

I have to be honest. There is a couple of siblings that have cut themselves off from the rest of us, one way or another but, although sad, two out of seven isn't too bad.

Electric Addict said...

Ya I've never liked Facebook. I have one to talk to family mostly. Sometimes friends. I just think Facebook is the most unethical company. Selling your information and having all sorts of privacy implications. They even record anything you type and erase. I wouldn't be surprised if Mark Zuckerberg actually said "They trust me — dumb f**ks" like it was reported a few years back.

Cheryl P. said...

I love your comment. I am totally on board with that thought that Zuckerberg is laughing at us not with us as he stacks his $100 bills in neat little piles. FB was created for marketing our information but like bees swarm to the hive...all the people jump on board as if it was intended to unify the masses. I think it has the capacity to keep us connected but that is not FB's purpose. That is just a benefit if we use it accordingly.
I hate...can't stress this enough...HATE any website that requires me to long in with my Facebook account. Where I buy consumer goods shouldn't need to know every little thing about me.