Friends By the Numbers

I was driving to the store the other morning and happened to hear on morning talk radio that there is a study that now claims that the human brain can only handle FIVE "best" friends and 10 "close" friends.  HMMM...In this particular study they did an analysis to determine how a person's brain size dictates the number of friends one can have at any given time. Mind you they aren't calculating things such as time constraints, organizational abilities, or the fact we may or may not be a nasty human being.

I, of course, like to think of myself as having at least a normal size brain and being a relatively nice person about 95 percent of the time. (depending on driving conditions and customer service issues that percentage may dip or spike a bit).

WELL as I was saying about this study..... it occurs to me that before starting the task of paring my friend list down to 5,  maybe I would research it a bit further.  Wouldn't want to be accused of being a friend hoarder or misclassify my pals into the inappropriate categories

I think in today's world, even determining the difference between acquaintances and friends is a bit of a dilemma. Wouldn't you agree that it's all gotten a bit confusing as to who our friends are?  The word is so overused at this point that it has become diluted.  Does the word "friend" even imply some type of actual emotional connection? Do the people you refer to as "friends" really make the cut in terms of being part of a support system for you or you for them?

Back in the early 1990s, a British anthropologist, Robin Dunbar did a major study on the number of people that could realistically be in an individual's social sphere.   His research was predicated on the idea that the size of a primate's brain (yes...we are talking monkey's brains here) and it's later evolved human brain dictated the number of people that could effectively be in a monkey/human's social group. That "supposed" number of people that one can call friends is around 150 which would become known as the Dunbar's Number.  Well..that used to be the number but I will be getting to that in a moment.

As studies go..this study was pretty dull reading (or in my case, pretty dull skimming over it). Dunbar used a bunch of algorithms to figure out how primates formed social groups and how that led to humans doing the same.  The primates depended pretty much on social "grooming" as a way to bond with other primates and become friends. Actually, I find this rather surprising that nowhere in the study was the idea that monkey sex, was used in forming social groups.  Of course,  maybe that comes after one gets de-flead and de-ticked.

Thankfully man evolved, talking became a thing, and we started collecting confidantes. Turns out talking smack about other people is far more satisfying that picking bugs and such off of them. Actually, Dunbar wrote a whole book Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language  explaining his theory that speech evolved because early man was needing an easier way to bond with others beside using social grooming.  Makes you wonder, which came first, the social greeting like "UGH!" or some prehistoric pickup line that amounts to "you want some of this?"

BUT as I was saying...Dunbar and his cohorts had to re-visit the original study and start readjusting his results to allow for the digital impact on friendship.  Starting in 2007 they began tracking the data from 6 BILLION cellular phone calls by 35 million people to figure out the layers of "best friends" within the speculative 150 friends a person has. According to the study they tracked people that make between 10-40 non-business related  calls a day because the deemed that frequency of calls has something to do with the strength of the bond between the caller and the callee. (Far be it from me to think there are a few serial nutjobs in the group or some of those people were calling into 1-900 numbers--or is that considered a "business" call? ) 

To be fair, later in the study they did include Facebook as part of the research. In that portion it was noted that a lot of Facebook friends don't fit the criteria of being real friends. (OMG..I hope that didn't shock anyone)

Also, I can't help but be a bit disappointed that it didn't tell us in the results how many of the test participants lost their friends due to the extreme over usage of their cell phones. Forty phone calls a day seem a bit excessive but then again, maybe none of my friends think our friendship is "40 calls a day" worthy.

Matthew Brashears, assistant professor of sociology at Cornell University - See more at: http://www.livescience.com/16879-close-friends-decrease-today.html#sthash.B73otcOA.dpufAS FOR THE RESULTS...after crunching all the numbers over the last 9 years or so, it turns out that while we might have a 150 people that we "call" our friends, our human brain latches on to about 15ish people we really bond with....and 4 or 5 of those that are very close confidantes.

Me being the cynic I am, I am not sure how one would calculate the level of "closeness" assigned to an individual's friends nor take into account a extroverted person's numbers compared to an introverted person's numbers but I think it does bring up  an interesting conversation of  "who do you consider a true friend?" So you think 5 BEST friends is a reasonable number? Do you have a 150 people in your support group that you could honestly say are your friends and not just an acquaintance? AND if you are making 40 non-business related calls a day, do you have time to do anything else?

Catching Up With Friends

I was having breakfast this week with a new neighbor.  She and I are going to be great friends.

You might not think of that sentence as being a profound statement.  YET it is.

After all the moving around I have done in my life. (36 times as a kid and 21 times as an adult), I have made a lot of friends...of varying degrees.   I have, also, left a lot of friends behind.  One of my greatest weaknesses is "moving on" at the expense of losing touch with old friends.  This is one of the many things I count as "regrets".

BUT as I was saying,  my new neighbor and I click.  I like the way she thinks.  I like her personality.  I like her value system and how she looks at the world.  This had me thinking about the topic of  friendships.

Wasn't it amazingly easy when you were little to latch onto other kids in the neighborhood and become BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.   I lived in a lot of places and had a slough of  FOREVER friends.  While I certainly was poor at the FOREVER part, I still think of them all fondly and every time I hear something through the grapevine about them, my heart feels great joy for their successes and breaks for their losses.

It's amazing I ever had friends.

The thing about my childhood or teenage friends is that even though I haven't talked to most of them in decades, I still consider them friends.  The older I got the less I reached out to most of  my  childhood "friends.  Not all, mind you.    As for the friends I made as an adult, it became very apparent that many of the friends we met along the way, fell into the category of acquaintances and there wasn't enough of a connection to maintain a life long bond.  (Again, this has exceptions.  Some will remain FOREVER in my life.)

I blame my tendency to  form fewer strong friendships on several key factors.

Maybe it's JUST me, but aging didn't bring about inherent "wisdom" as the old saying suggests.  What is brings is "self-awareness".    There are things that I know apply to me.

1.  My family time is precious and I love spending time with them,  This results in me not reaching out as much as I once did.  As my family grew....husband, children, grandchildren...my circle of special people grew.  My social needs have morphed into more family interaction.

2.  My circle of friends that are outside of my family, now get more attention and time than past casual friends would have received.   There was a time that people that I casually described as a  "friend" word to  were in actuality,  relegated to "work friends",  "church friends",  "neighbor friends"  or whatever the connection was. My good friends today are more constant in my life.    For example:  my walking partner and I have now walked every weekday morning for 17 years.  Rain or shine, at 5:35 AM we walk for an hour.  Even though she lives in a different state for the last 10 of those years, we connect our Bluetooths and walk simultaneously while catching up on what is happening in the world. 

3.   Finding people that share your view of the world becomes harder as you get older, I think.  Perhaps, it is the Crabby Pants part of me is just getting less tolerant of people that I don't share some similar opinions with. There has to be a least a little common ground.   If being with a person leads to a constant sparring of different opinions, it doesn't make for a positive, worthwhile use of the   time spent with them.  (Just so there is no misunderstanding, I don't expect people to share every opinion with me, but there has to be SOME common thoughts.)

4. Digital friends....Now this subject is a slippery slope.   I love seeing my previous FOREVER friends from my youth on social media.  I suck at using social media sites but still...I love seeing their participation and seeing what they are up to.  I have to believe that as sites like Facebook became more popular, it has encroached on people actually socializing with people face-to-face.   I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing.  Old friendships are renewed and people reconnect.  Sounds good enough, right?

 Well.....I, also, don't think it's necessarily a great thing either. I can tell you that even in my limited pool of  FOREVER friends, there seems to be a lot of angst over "who said what" and how they (the reader)  interpreted something.  I think there is a greater  likelihood for misunderstandings when something is printed versus spoken face-to-face.  Plus, the very high probability of saying too much or comments being visible to people that aren't the intended target.

While I am on the subject, though.  I do feel that as far as digital friends go...people can connect in a type of true friendship via the Internet.  I would say that I have connected with people that I am 100 percent sure that if we lived near each other,  we would be FOREVER friends.  In reality we have never met in person but have formed a bond.  YAY bloggers!!!  I treasure your friendship. 

It might be a good thing that I fail at being a Facebook friend.

Friends or Frenemies

Over the last week or so, I have heard or read about a number of  skirmishes  that happened on Facebook.  It just seemed that this was the week for "social unrest" on social media.

Now before, I start telling you about those stories, perhaps I need to clarify my LOVE/HATE relationship with Facebook.  I, like the rest of the world,  acknowledge that it is rather nice to connect with old friends and reestablish friendships, pseudo- friendships, or at the very least, "acknowledge that you are alive."  (although to be fair, there are plenty of Facebook pages that are active despite the fact that the Facebooker is dead....just for the fun of it, I think we should all make a point to FRIEND them.)

With that in mind,  I want to reiterate to all you avid FB users,  I am not a Facebook hater.  No, I am more of an interested FB voyeur....stalker, if you will.   I like to just look through the "window" of Facebook without anyone noticing me.  As far as I know there are no laws concerning being a Facebook Peeping Tom.

In the past we have discussed here at TAOBC, the people that use social media to post their rude or vile comments while hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. BUT what about the ones that are within the circle of
"friends".  Of course, in this context, the word "friend" could mean anything from "someone that knows someone you know" to "who the hell is this person?"

What about when a person, that is part of your group, posts something embarrassing, hateful or just out of the realm of you being comfortable with, onto their Facebook page. Perhaps you would prefer that your dirty laundry isn't  being put out there on the electronic clothesline that is the Internet.

Since Facebook's inception, I have had plenty of friends and relatives that were upset after reading something on Facebook that angered them, hurt their feelings, or embarrassed them.   So how does one handle having a group member posting something that they would rather keep private? In a few cases, relating to the people I know personally, they closed their FB accounts only to reopen them because they couldn't stand the thought of not knowing what was being said. Often this was an ongoing activity... opening and closing the account numerous times.

Perhaps a new option should be added to the site:

*Note..while the word "frenemy or (sometimes spelled frienemy) wasn't added to the Oxford Dictionary until 2008 thanks to it's use on the HBO series, Sex and the City.... it has been around since 1953 when Walter Winchell said "Howz about calling Russians our Frienemies?"  Haven't we come a long, long way???)

Thought Number One:  It's Not Nice to be a Bully

Last week there was a picture taken in the UK of a young mother, Emily Slough, while she sat on a stoop breastfeeding her daughter, Matilda.   The photographer  posted it to Facebook along with a vile comment that included calling her a tramp.  A friend of Emily alerted her to the fact she saw the picture on her Facebook account.   (I am not exactly clear, why the photographer wouldn't be easily identified by tracing it back through FB...it had to be a friend of a friend to make it's way back to her.)

In this case, Emily probably was more angry at the slur than she was the picture but it goes to the fact, that her privacy and image were used in a way she didn't authorize or appreciate.   Ultimately,  in this case it started a huge support group of the rights of nursing mothers.  

For those of you that aren't regular readers, I walk every morning here in Kansas City with a friend in Dallas, TX via cellular phone and Bluetooth and we talk for an hour or so about all manner of stuff. Last week one of the topics was the Emily Slough story. Often one story morphs into another.

As I mentioned,  WP (walking partner)  lives in the Dallas, Texas area which is currently experiencing a rash of everyone using the phrase "I don't have time for this."  (I guess they should be thankful that "Whuss up? has run it's course.)

She said that the phrase is just popping up in nearly every conversation and with that people are posting "sightings" of others using it onto their Facebook accounts.  (Isn't it ironic that while using the phrase "I don't have time for this." they are making time to post people saying "they don't have time for this.")

Anyway..there is an Indian doctor at the hospital where she works  that has a very pronounced accent. He unfortunately was filmed using the much overworked phrase and it was posted to a fellow employee's  FB account.  Supposedly, people found the clip hysterical and passed it along until nearly everyone in the hospital system is mimicking and laughing at the doctor's expense.  The doctor is not finding it all that funny. Dare I say, he doesn't have time for this.

Thought Number Two:  Stirring It Up

Another story came to mind, although in this case it started innocently enough but segued  into a mommy brawl. 

To get you up to speed about how this story came to my attention.

Here in Kansas City we have a number of bloggers that write articles for the local paper as freelancers. I guess that there is so little actual  news here that area bloggers fill in the gaps on slow news days over at the Kansas City Star.   One such writer, Sherry Kuehl, wrote an article about a Facebook battle she was part of.   Actually, in this case it was Sherry that threw out a first verbal grenade that caused a storming of troops...errr..moms, actually.

Sherry was following a group conversation among "friends" on her Facebook page.  In full disclosure, she does admit that some of these "friends" she befriended because it seemed rude not to, so we can assume not all these women are BFFs.  The conversation was started by a mom that posted a status update "that she ached - painfully ached - for the days when her children were babies" which was followed by a large number of ooey-gooey status updates about the joys of babies.   (**Note, these women must of forgotten about the sleepless nights and dirty diapers**)  The status updated kept coming about baby smiles and smells and such wonderfully nostalgic mommy thoughts when Sherry took it upon herself to remind the group that she personally didn't desire to go back to the land of exhaustion and sore nipples.

Sherry made the bold move of posting just two words...two tiny four letter words that landed her in the cross-hairs of   some vehement mommy bashing.
     
She posted "Ache Free"

The mom that had started the conversation came back  with a comment that included the words "baby hater" and said she  went on to say she felt sorry for Sherry's children. (Oh, yeah...she went there!)

As anyone that knows anything about mothers... the minute you bring someone's kids into the conversation it is equal to a shot having been fired and Sherry shot back with things like "Maybe I'm not aching because I am proud of my children and parenting skills and don't feel the need to go back in time to correct any mistakes." (innuendo and and veiled accusations are a nasty weapons in a mommy war.)

Which brings me to the point..how much can or should  a "friend" say or post on a social media site before it takes a definitive "unfriendly" turn.  AND if someone has posted a tidbit about you that finds it's way through the spider-like web of friends of friends of friends..into infinity, how do you handle it?

Now for a little endorsement for some very funny bloggers that have a book out..AND it's on sale for just 99 cents for this week only.   Bryan and Brandon over at A Beer for the Shower have their ebook on sale ...so be sure to get a copy of it.

I realize the cute little graphic implies that you can click on it but as I am not able to link it properly...be sure to click HERE



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I Am Talking About Christmas

Thought Number One:  Have a Politically Correct Holiday

Happy Holidays is now the politically correct term to say, as not to offend people of other religious or non-religious beliefs.  So here is a version of a toally PC greeting.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions  of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America"  in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

Thought Number Two:  To Those That Use the Word Christmas, Celebrate Christmas, and Are Comfortable with Embracing the holiday that is Christmas.

Click to enlarge

(Note:  While I gave it my best effort to add all my regular readers names, there may, in fact, be omissions. I assure you the absence of your name doesn't mean that you aren't on the "nice list" as much as it means my memory isn't what it used to be.)











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Just In Case...You Will Want Me as Your Friend

Thought Number One


Hardly a day goes by without someone talking about the upcoming (speculative) Zombie Apocalypse.  Really???  Didn't we have enough to worry about, like global warming, unemployment, the housing crisis, just general injustice and day-to-day mayhem? Now we have to worry about the undead coming after us to eat our body parts and most specifically our brains.  Just when you think that crazy has bottomed out, you realize that there "is no bottom".


Now that the word "zombie" is the 3rd most searched word on Google, there is a wealth (???)  of information out there.  It would seem that there are a lot of differing points of view on the possibility of our future "undeadedness". (Who would of ever thought, I would be using that particular word in a post.)



The rash of violent crimes during the months of May and June,  that involved eating body parts seems to be fueling the "believers". (I started to refresh your memory by posting the details of a few incidents, but by the time I got to the second one, I was loosing my desire to "catch you up to speed" at the same rate of speed that I was loosing my lunch. So just Google it and help the word "zombie" get the Number 2 spot. Go Zombie!) 

Just as all good stories that are fueled by the media along with it's BFF, the Internet, all sorts of theories have emerged.  One theory being there are airborne viruses released into the atmosphere by NATO that are causing people to become aggressive to the point of attacking other people. (Do I need to add the eating them as well...or is that implied?) There are the theorist that believe that  the Toxoplasma gondii parasite is responsible.  (Sure..let's blame it on the sweet little kitties of the world.)

 Then Bangor, Maine had the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drill.  I would like to think that Bangor was looking for a creative way to have a fun theme party but,,, "Hey, you....Bangor... yes, I am talking to you...You aren't helping to keep the lids on crackpots."

I am not exactly sure what one is to learn from this. Do you want

to be standing in a crowd if your body parts are on

someones menu?

It would appear that zombies take no responsibility for
personal hygiene.

Well, you can all rest easy as the Center for Disease Control, better known as the CDC has issued a statement.  

CDC spokesman David Daigle said the agency “does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)”.

The CDC is denying the upcoming apocalypse,  but if you are wanting some free posters go to their website and download away.

For those of you that want to check out the Zombie Preparedness info and get your free stuff off of  the CDC's website, just click here.  http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm  I just love government agencies with a sense of humor...they are joking right???




Thought Number Two

Have I ever mentioned, how great I am in emergencies.

It's true.  Little things like, when you (well..not YOU specifically..you in general) cut me off in traffic will have me losing my  f&#*@*!  mind.  There is seriously going to be some four letter words flying and if words could hurt, you are in serious trouble.

But if you slam you're hand in a door and loose a finger, I am the girl you want standing next to you.
I have already proved myself on this one and I can tell you that, I am good.  Whatever body part you lose, I promise I will retrieve it and get you to the ER lickety split.  I have references.

AND as far as the zombie apocalypse goes, I not only will stay calm and retrieve any of your body parts that are dislodged...I am pretty confident in saying that no one wants my brain.  No ONE. I will be "good to go" in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

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Need a Kidney, Take Mine

Thursday, we met with friends at a local Cajun "kitchen" restaurant. These 2 people (married couple) have been in our lives for nearly as long as hubby and I have been married. Even after, 40ish years, we have the absolute best time together.  

 These are the kind of friends that really are just a smidgen removed from being my  family.  The only thing that differentiates this category of friends from  being  related to me...well other than DNA, is:



A.  I might not be a perfect match if either of them needed a kidney. Still, if they needed one,  I would go get tested. I would not give them both kidneys even though I would want to.

B.  They don't have all the collective baggage resulting from the in-family fights and who-said -what-to-whom, so they can hold a long term grudge.

C. They laugh at my jokes. (safe to say my family thinks I am more weird than funny)

D. They are open to the fact that I walk "kind-of-sort-of"  in the middle as far as politics go. (which is to say socially liberal, fiscally conservative) (Note: if any of my "faithful-to-their-party" relatives are reading this...relax, take a deep breath)

E. These friends don't have to attend family events but they would be welcome.

F. They are supportive of my habit of using 4 letter words.

The reason, I am even talking about FRIENDS this morning is that I am a tad concerned that the  word "friend" is being made more and more insignificant as it is routinely applied to everyone you come into contact with.  It is diminished by it's over use.

Let's start with Facebook.  Oh no...don't you jump to the conclusion that I am a hater.  I AM NOT!!!! I think Facebook has it's place.  I do.  Reconnecting with old friends and following the "out of area" people that are in your life...great. Trying to re-establish a connection with the friends that you should have done a better job staying connected to....PERFECT.  I am all for it.  But...and you knew there would be a BUT in here....

Facebook's use, in a lot of cases, is  less about connecting with true friends and is more about
networking, advertising, posting personal preferences on what you think every one else should believe, and all manner of "less than friendly" purposes.

Still, for those of you that use it to support and console others, put funny clever little things on status updates (that would be of interest to anyone other than yourself), send out holiday and birthday wishes and the like...rah, rah for you. No harm in any of that.  The harm is when you put all your energy into thinking every person that you ask to be your friend is in the same group that would give you the aforementioned kidney.

I have heard from a number of people concerning all the angst they feel because someone de-friended them or didn't comment on one of their status updates. Are you KIDDING ME???? You are getting depressed and angry because someone didn't respond with a LOL or LMAO or some other frivolous endorsement of compliance.  If you are taking social networking  so seriously that you are fretting about "updates" or "tweets" from  people that are less connected to you than a spouse, partner or child, you need to stop. Really,  Stop, Step back and Walk away.  However, if you are depending on Facebook as your sole communication with your immediate family and they fail to respond to your status update..indeed there is a problem. (Husband, I am at the desk next to you, I assume if you need me you will talk, not tweet or poke. Am I wrong?)

Which leads me to another matter of great importance.  As I do like to see what clever little jokes, posters, anecdotes are posted on Facebook AND I find those clever one-liner Tweets on Twitter a absolute hoot...perhaps I have been  negligent by not responding often enough. Are there people out there that are losing sleep over un-acknowledged comments on my wall.  I wouldn't want to force someone into seeking a psychiatrist because I am not being a good friend or follower.

Same goes for my blog friends...when I get busy and get behind reading blogs, does that mean I get assigned  to the "BAD FRIEND" crowd?  I hope not.  If I don't agree with every thing you post, do you mentally unfriend me?  Again, I hope not.

This isn't exactly
what I look like
in person.

One of the things about the world we live in today is there are a number of friends (see there is that word again) that we meet on-line.  We wouldn't know them if we bumped into them on the street but still there is a connection.  I can tell you after 200+ blog posts and reading thousand of  other writer's blog posts, there are a number of people that I feel a real fondness..yes, fondness for.  I would hope that if we met in real life we would be friends...friends in the real sense.  The kind of friend that I would give that kidney to.  It is, unfortunately, possible that a real life meeting would torpedo the fondness, blow the imagined connection to smithereens.


So here it is my friends....

For my Facebook friends...I like you.


For my blogging friends, I may or may not always agree with you but love reading your point of view just the same.  I would like to think we would remain friends if we met in person.

To my face-to-face friends, do you need my kidney?


Just a little poem about the little nuances of being a friend:

It's just the little homey things,

The unobtrusive, friendly things,

The won't-you-let-me-help-you things

That make our pathway light,

It's just the jolly, joking things,

"The-never-mind-the-trouble things,

The laugh-with-me, it's funny" things,

That make the world seem bright.

For all the countless famous things,

The wondrous, record-breaking things,

Those "never-can-be-equalled" things

That all the papers cite,

Aren't like the little human things,

The everyday-encounter things,

The "just-because-I-like-you" things,

That make us happy quite.

So here's to all the simple things,

The dear "all-in-a-day's-work" things,

The "smile-and-face-your-troubles" things,

Trust God to put them right!

The "done-and-then-forgotten" things,

The "can't-you-see-I-love-you" things,

The hearty "I-am-with-you" things,

That make life worth the fight.

                                                        Anonymous

Crisis IS OVER

As, I might have mentioned in past posts, I don't consider myself to be a Mommy Blogger.  Most of my mommy material is very outdated, as my babies are now old enough to be having babies BUT from time to time, I find a little gem of material gratis my grown children.  Such is the case in a recent Facebook entry and the ensuing comments by family and friends.

Just in case I am sounding like a Mommy Blog, I will post my Mommy Blog seal just to show that I am indeed allowed to sound like a Mother. 

IT ALL STARTED LIKE THIS....


A few weeks ago I noticed on Facebook, a very cute little avatar looking vaguely familiar.


Next to the cute little avatar it said:

Dear Baby Stork,

That was a very good trick you played 7 months ago. Delivering our baby R...but keeping the "sleep through the night" instructions. Well played, Mr. Stork...well played. Jokes over now...please email instructions asap.

Signed, Grumpy and Sleepy

 

Disclaimer: Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, the uninformed (that I am hijacking their cleverness) the sleep deprived and the plagerism police that probably are getting ready to come after me as we speak.

Just for clarification purposes, so you know the cast of characters

My daughter, Kiddo #1 is Grumpy
My very clever son-in-law is Sleepy
The other grandma is known as Nana, (super funny and sweet person, we got lucky as far as blended families go)
The funny friends, I am leaving anonomys as I am sure they didn't think I would be out here posting their comments for the world to see.

Here are some of the many comments that came in:

All and all, I thought it was all pretty funny especially in light of the fact that I am over here sleeping fairly well. (fun being Grandma)  I did offer up Hubby to go over to their house for the 4AM as he is known around here as the "Baby Whisperer".  We haven't quite figured out his trick yet, but seemingly any baby he picks up is instantly soothed and goes right to sleep.

My daughter and son-in-law, however, felt like with some persistance and patience that little Baby R. would indeed start sleeping through the night. 

AND, YES, my blogee friends, he has now been sleeping regularly all night. EVERY NIGHT.

He does look well rested, don't you think.
Do you think, he will hate that we made him wear this hat
when he is old enough to blame us for things.

The Good for the Day....babies that sleep through the night

The Bad for the Day.....The sleep deprived parents that are up during the night trying to calm their sweet babies.

The Weird for the Day...I hear you out their saying bad things about the Monkey Hat.

Oh My, I Might Be Walking into Trouble

For those of you that didn't start reading my blog in the beginning, let me

catch you up to speed on a few things.  Here's a bit of my history that will play into the subject of today's post.

In 1998, hubby and I took our 19th corporate move.  We moved from Grand Island, NE to Dallas, TX during what was to be the hottest, driest summer on record.  Now, you might imagine that moving from a place that has a median high temperature of 87 degrees and an average low temperature of 12 degrees (I don't think that is really accurate, I think they are trying not to scare you) to a state that has an average high temperature of  something near the temperature on the sun but an average low of "Damn, that is nice."





12 degrees above zero in January!  Who are they trying to kid?

VERSUS





53 degrees in January..that's more like it.

Let's get back to how this relates to my story....I had taken it upon myself to protect myself from freezing to death in Nebraska by packing on a few (I am being conservative in my description) layers of fat. My tact was to emulate  a bear readying itself for hibernation.  While hubby assures me it wasn't that much, I have since sent recommendations to the US government to appoint him to a post as a US Diplomat.  By the time I hit Dallas, (literally hit, kerplop) Dallas, I had some serious poundage to address.  So, I enlist a neighbor to start a walking campaign with me.  In earlier posts you might remember her as Texas Pal.  Texas Pal and I start slowly but after a few months we are clicking off 4.8 miles every (EVERY) morning in a little under an hour.  We both were back to our fighting weight in no time.  (who wouldn't  lose some LBs walking in 100+ degree weather?)

During those 6 years most of the homes along our walking route got familiar with us cruising by at 6 AM and people could set their watches by us.  It was rather fun on rainy days all the people that would come out and offer us umbrellas and such.  We had a reputation as the nuts that always walked.

Then in 2005, hubby and I decided to move to Kansas to be near family.  (In case you are wondering, it wasn't that we were missing the cold snowy winters).  Texas Pal and I came up with the ingenious idea of cell phone walking.  I bought a second cell phone and put it on a Family Plan and shipped it to her.  We both purchased Bluetooth headsets and at 6 AM, Texas Pal gives me a call and off we go.

Now this is the part that gets interesting.   I have been walking this same route in Kansas for 6 years now and people are still confused by me.  I think, they think that I am a crazy woman talking to myself.  No one is all nicy-nice like the Texas folk. Kansas is more  the eyeing-me-suspiciously folk.  In fairness to Kansans, I  don't think this is because they aren't friendly. I  think that is because they don't understand who I am talking to.  ALTHOUGH, I have been hit twice by cars.  (not enough to kill me) and chased by more than once by dogs while the owners looked on.   I am pretty sure they feel the need to discourage me from walking by their place on the outside chance I am schizophrenic.

WELL, TODAY I MADE A BAD SITUATION WORSE

I have been passing this tree...ex-tree for a couple of months now.  At first I thought the owners were just cutting it down but as the weeks have gone on, I am thinking they are making some type of artistic statement.  Not sure really but the fact it hasn't changed for a number of weeks, it has my curiosity up.  I decided to take a picture on my way by BUT just when I went to click my Iphone, a guy walks out the front door in his underwear. (presumably to collect the KC Star) 

As, I was somewhat at a loss for words, I told Texas Pal to hang on while I try to explain myself.  No explanation really was coming to mind.  Do I say, "hey Mister, this is one ugly tree thing you have going on here."  OR do I say "What the heck buddy?  Can't you pull on some pants before coming out here?  OR  "Mister, I am NOT a stalker!  I was taking a picture of your ugly tree not your ugly body."

 

What I did was quickly put my phone back into my pocket and hightail it down the street.   I told Texas Pal not to be surprised if a police car wasn't on it's way.  Luckily I got home before I got a peeping Tomess charge levied against me. 

So it goes...If you ever come to Olathe, KS and you see a woman talking to herself at 6AM, rain or shine, stop and say hi.  Please don't hit me with your car or give me the "crazy lady talking to herself" stare.

I am not walking in Memphis but if I would be there at some point, I will be talking on the cell phone with Texas Pal.

The Good for the Day....Good friends that get up early every morning for 12+ years

The Bad for the Day....  Suspicious minds


The Weird for the Day.... I have developed a little pal on my walk.  I haven't gotten a good picture of him because by the time I pull my Iphone

Adult Version of Hide and Seek.....

Before, I start with my nonsense for the day, I just want to say how much I appreciate those readers that are following me regularly.  Your readership is greatly appreciated.  I am probably going to post new material a little slower, so as new readers join us they will have a chance to get caught up a bit.  Always feel free to email me with comments  (artofconflicted@aol.com) or add them under the post.  I love hearing from you. This form of communication is the new substitute for us all to meeting for coffee every day.  Well, minus the meeting part and the coffee part but I would like you to have your turn to talk too.  .....Cheryl

As some of you know, my actual profession is a real estate agent.  I am somewhat hesitant to refer to myself as a real estate agent at this point, as I have been referring much of my business to other agents.  I am taking a bit of a break to pursue some other interests.  Besides the market is a mess right now and that makes me my mood nuckin' fugly. (I make up new words all the time, get used to it)

I won't bore you with all the details as it would take an entire book to explain how complicated it is to get something negotiated, appraised, a lender to underwrite a mortgage, and get both the buyers and sellers to the table without anybody sustaining bodily harm.  I could be a negotiator for the FBI and need less skill.  Maybe I should send in my resume.  At this point, I went back and got yet another certification to help me step through the mine field that is real estate.  My piece of paper with the big CREN (certified real estate negotiator) symbol on it would be more impressive to today's buyers and sellers if it had a big HGTV logo on it.  


 So during my "slow down" I decided to joins some type of fun and interesting "group" and sign up for some volunteerism.

I suppose that at some point I will have to make a decision as to what I need to do for a job, but for today I am needing a break.  One of the things I learned with those 21 moves is that looking for a new job is the modern version of being tarred and feathered.  You will survive it but it isn't pleasant.

I have been looking around Olathe, KS  for clubs or group to which I might want to affiliate with.

Here are some of my  choices:

The Greater Kansas City Skeptics Club  or
Midwest Skeptics Club  or
KC Women's Skeptics Club.......
I suppose if I would decide to go to one of these, I would pick the Women's Skeptic Club. It sounds smaller and cozier but ...I don't know...I'm skeptical

The Pagan Temple for Families and Solitaires or
Opal Moon Coven (Wicca group) 
I doubt that these groups are quite my style but if I would ever run into Christine O'Donnell and she would say "I am not a witch, I am just like you"  THEN I could say "Guess, what? YOU'RE A WITCH!!!

Oh and the other good thing about the Pagan Temple is they encourage Druids to join in. (who knew that there were Druids in KC???) See how educational my blog is.  You learned something new didn't you??
Perhaps, I need to find out the qualifications of becoming a Druid.


KC Big Losers
There are a lot of weight lose related clubs but I don't qualify now.  They should of reached out to me when I lived in Nebraska. (see post Fat Bigot) There is a certain appeal though, for me to be able to tell everyone I'm a Big Loser. I would even do the thumb/finger thing in front of my forehead. 

Kansas City Drum Tribe- 
again, I don't qualify but I love the fact that they are a tribe. That appeals to me.  In my next Christmas letter I could say: This is the year Cheryl joined a tribe.  Sounds catchy, don't you think???

KC Freethinkers
I read the write up for this one and was greatly disappointed.  They aren't really freethinkers so much. You have to be agnostic or atheist to get in this group.  From my point of view they are being a little narrow minded. If they were REALLY freethinkers, everyone would be welcome.

Drinking Liberally Club
The Army of the Beerlords
I think the fact that I suffer from Alcohol Intolerance  (see post They Got It From Me) might get in the way of these clubs.  There is the fact that I am always ready to be the designated driver. Maybe they could make me their mascot. There would be the added bonus that if I joined the Beerlords group, I could send emails to everyone I know saying "I joined the army!!

KC Tough Mudder
This one sounds like fun. The intro says: This is not your average lame-ass mud run.. it's Ironman meets Burning Man.  Does this mean after we are done running in the mud we get to start a big fire?

Provocateurs and Peacemakers
This one sound interesting.  In this group the agnostics, atheists, Christians, and secular humanists debate and discuss their ideologies.  I wonder which of those categories are the provocateurs and which are the peacemakers.  I am relatively sure that there would be some new things for me to be conflicted about.
Better not take the chance.

Kansas City Extreme Sports
This one doesn' give much information.  I am curious what the extreme sports might be though.
Trying to cross Interstate 35 at rush hour????  Getting through Nebraska Furniture Mart in under a half hour??? Trying to get an accurate count of the self-serve yogurt stores that have opened in the last year????
(for you that don't live in KC, you might not appreciate how daunting of a task that would be....big numbers involved)


Knotty Knitters, Happy Hookers and Salacious Spinsters ..
I am sure you think I made this up.  I didn't...really...google it.
This group might be fun just so I could tell hubby I joined a club that has happy hookers in it.

The BFF Women's Club- 
This one sounds harmless enough but as usual I have a story that relates to BFFs.  I am very cautious these days.  (maybe I should reconsider one of those groups for skeptics)

Five years ago upon moving here,  I joined a "newcomers" type of group so I could meet some other women that were new to the area.  I jumped in with both feet. The group needed a website so I volunteered to create  one and maintain it.  That seemed like a good way to get involved and learn something new at the same time.

A few months after I had the site up and running, I was contacted by another web administrator  that maintains  a similar site  for a different  club.  She suggested we meet for coffee.  OK, seemed like a good idea.  Perhaps we would have something in common. 

The first time I met ...let's call her Julie...all seemed pleasant.  She seemed "normal" enough. We had a nice conversation and went our separate ways.  WELL...a couple of days later I see she has joined the group that I maintain the website for.  Perhaps she just thought it sounded like a nice group.  Not long after that, she shows up at another group I was involved in.  This is where I noticed WEIRD coming into play.

The second group that Julie showed up for was a morning meeting for  "positive minded" professional women that meet for upbeat conversation and coffee on Tuesday mornings at 7:00 AM. (For those of you out there wondering how they possibly let me in their group,  my response to you is,  I come across very cheerful while analyze all that is right and wrong in the world.) 

At some point, I figured out I had picked up a stalker.  It never occurred to me that stalkers came in the "just wanting to be a best friend" form.  According to Julie, she  thought we would make the best of friends.
Now you are thinking, what is wrong with me that I am not open to a new friend.  Here is the deal!!

Julie is a Freakin' NUT.  I am not dramatizing this for effect. I am not using poetic license. Really, she is a nut.

I am going to narrow it down to one example and even on that one I have to clean it up for the sake of maintaining a post that won't get tagged "for mature audiences only". 

Julie tells me that her 16 year old son is sexy.  Inherently there is something creepy when a mom is describing how sexy her kid is.  According to her he is  really attractive to the ladies.  To substantiate how much charisma this kid supposedly has she tell me he is having an affair with a co-worker at his part time place of employment. He works at a big box home improvement store and the co-worker is older than he is. Again, according to her, her kid is just so appealing and so mature for his age it would only make sense. To her this is an affirmation that her child is special.  The uncondensed version of the  story she told would make your hair curl and your stomach hurl.

I come back with something to the intended effect of "You do realise that you are demented  and have you considered what if he gets her pregnant?"  Julie is offended that I am throwing negatives at the whole romantic notion she has swimming in the vacant cavity that is her skull.  She comes back with a "He's too smart for that?"  I could be jumping to conclusions here but the fact that Julie is this kid's mother,  might lead me to the assumption that he isn't all that smart. No matter if we are talking genetics or environment, this kid is screwed. (figuratively and literally) Just for the record, she told a host of other little anecdotes that were equally disturbing. This was the most extreme case of TMI that I have ever dealt with.  Did I mention she is a nut?

I was hopeful that after our drastically different points of view on proper decorum for 16 year olds, that Julie and I would be circulating in different circles.  Seemingly, she wants us to just agree to disagree on some subjects and continues to show up at activities that I participate in. Additionally, she feels the need to tell everyone she speaks with that she and I are BFFs. 

I continue to go to my groups and try to play nice as I can from a distance.  Again, I find myself conflicted.  If and when I join another group in the future I am hopeful to find a group that Julie isn't part of and hope against all hope that she doesn't track me down and join.

So, I will quit blogging today and ponder the big mysteries of where I belong. 



Talk to you later.


The Good for the Day.... Finding good friends that share your values

The Bad for the Day....Stalkers

The Weird for the day....Strange moms with strange values  If you are wanting to interact with Julie,  she sells used bras on the KC Craigslist.  (I am serious!) She says her 13 year old daughter has a great rack (her words) and goes through a lot of under garments.  ??? NUTS ???



Here is a song about a different Julie.  Sounds like this one is a good one.