Sunday, July 3, 2016

But It Was a Bargain

I was recently watching the Today Show when they their "financial expert" Jean Chatzky told the viewers "If you wouldn't buy something at full price, you shouldn't buy it just because it's on sale." What???? Has this woman lost her mind???

While I have to say...even before she started talking that particular bit of nonsense, I didn't have a great deal of confidence in her ability to secure my financial future in any meaningful way.  Actually, I remain confused as to what her "money" philosophy is exactly. In one breath she is telling millennials to charge more on their credit cards because they need to establish credit but than she turns around to tell them to get their student loans paid off. Is it just me or do those two things seem to be working against each other?  Purposefully adding to your credit card debt while trying to pay off  your student loan bills seem to be counter productive if one wants to do things like eat and live in an actual building as opposed setting up housekeeping under an overpass.  

Anyway...back to the "not buying things solely on the fact it is on sale." While I think I understand what she is trying to convey, I don't think she necessarily is stating it correctly.  If she is meaning that you shouldn't buy something you neither need nor want just because it's an unbelievable bargain, I guess that makes a certain amount of  sense. If we all just bought tons of crap we didn't need, want or intend to use...we just become hoarders.  However,  if there are things you want but would never ever spend the amount of money required to obtain them because they just are too much to substantiate the cost AND then by some miracle,  someone puts it at a price you can actually afford...the right answer is...shove your way to the front of the line, walk over whoever you have to walk over to get it.  OK, maybe that is an over reach.

Maybe I wouldn't  actually trample anyone for an unbelievable bargain but I probably would purchase something that I didn't necessary need if the price was tempting enough.  For example if there was a deal on a pair of 2 carat diamond earrings between 4 AM and 5 AM (such as retailers tend to do on such festive days as Black Friday) for $5.00 but only 5 total  pairs are available. Even given the fact, I am not particularly a jewelry kind of girl,  I would probably haul my tired butt out of bed super early and hope for the best. (again..not actually walking over the backs of people unless they make some nasty crack about my pink baby doll pjs that I will be wearing due to the fact time was of the essence.)  My point being, I don't need diamond earrings, not currently looking to buy diamond earrings but if someone is selling $1500 earrings for $5.00, I am on it.  SO, as to Jean's misbegotten point, I would in fact,  never ever pay full price for those earrings that I don't need but  I am  most definitely going to buy them if the price is right.  NEED be damned because WANT reigns supreme in this example.

All of my regular readers know that I am not overly fond of shopping in general.  I consider shopping a chore. There are rare instances that I get in the "mood" to shop but those instances are exceedingly  infrequent. The one thing that might counter my negative shopping attitude is getting a super-duper bargain. I have occasionally  scored some real "wins" on assorted things that I didn't think I needed prior to the realization that is was a screaming deal.

Most recently, I was in our local "big box" warehouse club shopping for boring things like lettuce and bananas when I was approached by a young man that had the most flawless porcelain skin, I have ever seen. I am not exaggerating here.  His skin all but glowed.

Now typically, any of these pesky types that work in mall kiosks or big box
stores that ascend on me like  vultures on fresh road kill, I try to shoo off with a "I don't have time today...sorry!" but this guy had my attention due to his aforementioned flawless skin.

Right out of the shoot, he asked me to share with him my current skin care regime. OH-OH, is this a trick question?  Is he assuming I don't have a skin care regime?  Do I look like a person that might need a skin care regime?   BUT in fact, I do have a regime so I tell him my current line of miracle-working-wonder products that clearly aren't working all that well if he picked me out of the crowd.

Who can argue with "the more you spend the more you save?
(NOTE: I have a history of looking for the the fabled "fountain of youth".  I have bins and buckets of elixirs that have promised me that my skin would cease to age. I have found some "nice" products but clearly none of these products have duped people into thinking I am in my 30s or even 40s.  When I find that product, I am prepared to bath in it.)

Upon hearing my current product line, he deemed them to be just OK. I did notice his "OK" was said in the same tone as a person saying OK when finding out the doctor is advising aspirin instead of oxycodone...let's just say with less verve than one would hope for.  According to him my products aren't nearly as GREAT as what he is selling.  This if followed by him taking my hand and slathering it with some kind of goo. While the goo is supposedly working miracles on my hand, he is explaining that his products are  far superior because they have the  benefit of being made with water that has had it's atoms crushed into micro-atoms.  According to man-child, that allows it to be absorbed into my aging hide more effectively.  He, then,  tissues off the goo and we are supposedly marveling at the beautiful skin now appearing on my hand.  Sadly, I don't see any difference but it smells nice enough. I am hopeful at this point that my inability to see the miraculous transformation that he is seeing isn't due to my ageing eyesight. Although, I hadn't noticed any loss of vision prior to my hand transformation. 

The man-child now tells me that the 4 piece bag containing an assortment of these crushed-water "miracle" products were on sale for that day ONLY....  at MORE THAN  95 percent off.  That is a big 9 and a big 5 off, folks.  AND WAIT FOR IT...if I buy it today I would get a leather case with 4 lip glosses.

It didn't really work out for Hannibal Lecter, did it?
Again...I am suspicious so I tell him I am going to think about it while I go get my lettuce.  Of course, you know and I know that I am going to Google the hell out of micro-water miracle anti-aging potion because I want to see the real price and read some reviews.  Turns out this is some expensive sh** with some seriously awesome reviews.

Circling back to Jean Chatzky warning me to not buy anything just because of the price.  Jean can bite me, because I am about to get a bag of crushed water for $50.00 whereas the same great smelling goo sells on the Internet for $650.00. That's not even the best part.  In the reviews the word "amazing" is used in the same frequency as Ben Affleck uses the word f*** when talking about Tom Brady's "Deflate-gate" struggles. 

I know that some of you out there are tsking me again and saying something to the effect "There is a sucker born every minute."  Maybe so... but this sucker is saving MORE than 95 percent and getting some lip gloss in the deal.

To be fair, I am not always so gullible or easily swayed to buy things. I understand the concept of marketing.  Sales people are in the business of enticing  other people to buy what they are selling.   Salesmen selling SPAM make it sound like prime rib instead of the nasty hunk of pork parts shoved into a can.  Pet rocks and Chia Pets didn't sell themselves.  Smooth talking marketers do what they do.  They market things. I get that.  I have been in so many sales jobs it would take another blog post to list them.  My current gig being a Realtor has often put me in the first row to watch bad decisions being made.

(NOTE:  When a family of four tells me they are in the market for a "tiny" house and want no more than 300 square foot, that is not me marketing to them...that is them being stupid. When I agree with them that the little box on a trailer is cute and charming that is me being pleasant and agreeable...but unfortunately that is still them being stupid.)

The salesperson, porcelain skinned man-child, probably made an effort to stop all the women over the age of 50 that he could hunt down in the confines of the big box store and pepper them with assurances that his skin looks like it does because of the product he is hawking. Who are we to doubt that crushed water doesn't have the power to stop time from marching over our face?

So for now, I am having some fun imagining how much younger I appear today over  yesterday thanks to these miracle products.  I am going to enjoy it while I can because there is no way I would ever pay full price for smashed water.

Wow, even my youthful curls are back.


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