But It Was a Bargain

I was recently watching the Today Show when they their "financial expert" Jean Chatzky told the viewers "If you wouldn't buy something at full price, you shouldn't buy it just because it's on sale." What???? Has this woman lost her mind???

While I have to say...even before she started talking that particular bit of nonsense, I didn't have a great deal of confidence in her ability to secure my financial future in any meaningful way.  Actually, I remain confused as to what her "money" philosophy is exactly. In one breath she is telling millennials to charge more on their credit cards because they need to establish credit but than she turns around to tell them to get their student loans paid off. Is it just me or do those two things seem to be working against each other?  Purposefully adding to your credit card debt while trying to pay off  your student loan bills seem to be counter productive if one wants to do things like eat and live in an actual building as opposed setting up housekeeping under an overpass.  

Anyway...back to the "not buying things solely on the fact it is on sale." While I think I understand what she is trying to convey, I don't think she necessarily is stating it correctly.  If she is meaning that you shouldn't buy something you neither need nor want just because it's an unbelievable bargain, I guess that makes a certain amount of  sense. If we all just bought tons of crap we didn't need, want or intend to use...we just become hoarders.  However,  if there are things you want but would never ever spend the amount of money required to obtain them because they just are too much to substantiate the cost AND then by some miracle,  someone puts it at a price you can actually afford...the right answer is...shove your way to the front of the line, walk over whoever you have to walk over to get it.  OK, maybe that is an over reach.

Maybe I wouldn't  actually trample anyone for an unbelievable bargain but I probably would purchase something that I didn't necessary need if the price was tempting enough.  For example if there was a deal on a pair of 2 carat diamond earrings between 4 AM and 5 AM (such as retailers tend to do on such festive days as Black Friday) for $5.00 but only 5 total  pairs are available. Even given the fact, I am not particularly a jewelry kind of girl,  I would probably haul my tired butt out of bed super early and hope for the best. (again..not actually walking over the backs of people unless they make some nasty crack about my pink baby doll pjs that I will be wearing due to the fact time was of the essence.)  My point being, I don't need diamond earrings, not currently looking to buy diamond earrings but if someone is selling $1500 earrings for $5.00, I am on it.  SO, as to Jean's misbegotten point, I would in fact,  never ever pay full price for those earrings that I don't need but  I am  most definitely going to buy them if the price is right.  NEED be damned because WANT reigns supreme in this example.

All of my regular readers know that I am not overly fond of shopping in general.  I consider shopping a chore. There are rare instances that I get in the "mood" to shop but those instances are exceedingly  infrequent. The one thing that might counter my negative shopping attitude is getting a super-duper bargain. I have occasionally  scored some real "wins" on assorted things that I didn't think I needed prior to the realization that is was a screaming deal.

Most recently, I was in our local "big box" warehouse club shopping for boring things like lettuce and bananas when I was approached by a young man that had the most flawless porcelain skin, I have ever seen. I am not exaggerating here.  His skin all but glowed.

Now typically, any of these pesky types that work in mall kiosks or big box
stores that ascend on me like  vultures on fresh road kill, I try to shoo off with a "I don't have time today...sorry!" but this guy had my attention due to his aforementioned flawless skin.

Right out of the shoot, he asked me to share with him my current skin care regime. OH-OH, is this a trick question?  Is he assuming I don't have a skin care regime?  Do I look like a person that might need a skin care regime?   BUT in fact, I do have a regime so I tell him my current line of miracle-working-wonder products that clearly aren't working all that well if he picked me out of the crowd.

Who can argue with "the more you spend the more you save?

(NOTE: I have a history of looking for the the fabled "fountain of youth".  I have bins and buckets of elixirs that have promised me that my skin would cease to age. I have found some "nice" products but clearly none of these products have duped people into thinking I am in my 30s or even 40s.  When I find that product, I am prepared to bath in it.)

Upon hearing my current product line, he deemed them to be just OK. I did notice his "OK" was said in the same tone as a person saying OK when finding out the doctor is advising aspirin instead of oxycodone...let's just say with less verve than one would hope for.  According to him my products aren't nearly as GREAT as what he is selling.  This if followed by him taking my hand and slathering it with some kind of goo. While the goo is supposedly working miracles on my hand, he is explaining that his products are  far superior because they have the  benefit of being made with water that has had it's atoms crushed into micro-atoms.  According to man-child, that allows it to be absorbed into my aging hide more effectively.  He, then,  tissues off the goo and we are supposedly marveling at the beautiful skin now appearing on my hand.  Sadly, I don't see any difference but it smells nice enough. I am hopeful at this point that my inability to see the miraculous transformation that he is seeing isn't due to my ageing eyesight. Although, I hadn't noticed any loss of vision prior to my hand transformation. 

The man-child now tells me that the 4 piece bag containing an assortment of these crushed-water "miracle" products were on sale for that day ONLY....  at MORE THAN  95 percent off.  That is a big 9 and a big 5 off, folks.  AND WAIT FOR IT...if I buy it today I would get a leather case with 4 lip glosses.

It didn't really work out for Hannibal Lecter, did it?

Again...I am suspicious so I tell him I am going to think about it while I go get my lettuce.  Of course, you know and I know that I am going to Google the hell out of micro-water miracle anti-aging potion because I want to see the real price and read some reviews.  Turns out this is some expensive sh** with some seriously awesome reviews.

Circling back to Jean Chatzky warning me to not buy anything just because of the price.  Jean can bite me, because I am about to get a bag of crushed water for $50.00 whereas the same great smelling goo sells on the Internet for $650.00. That's not even the best part.  In the reviews the word "amazing" is used in the same frequency as Ben Affleck uses the word f*** when talking about Tom Brady's "Deflate-gate" struggles. 

I know that some of you out there are tsking me again and saying something to the effect "There is a sucker born every minute."  Maybe so... but this sucker is saving MORE than 95 percent and getting some lip gloss in the deal.

To be fair, I am not always so gullible or easily swayed to buy things. I understand the concept of marketing.  Sales people are in the business of enticing  other people to buy what they are selling.   Salesmen selling SPAM make it sound like prime rib instead of the nasty hunk of pork parts shoved into a can.  Pet rocks and Chia Pets didn't sell themselves.  Smooth talking marketers do what they do.  They market things. I get that.  I have been in so many sales jobs it would take another blog post to list them.  My current gig being a Realtor has often put me in the first row to watch bad decisions being made.

(NOTE:  When a family of four tells me they are in the market for a "tiny" house and want no more than 300 square foot, that is not me marketing to them...that is them being stupid. When I agree with them that the little box on a trailer is cute and charming that is me being pleasant and agreeable...but unfortunately that is still them being stupid.)

The salesperson, porcelain skinned man-child, probably made an effort to stop all the women over the age of 50 that he could hunt down in the confines of the big box store and pepper them with assurances that his skin looks like it does because of the product he is hawking. Who are we to doubt that crushed water doesn't have the power to stop time from marching over our face?

So for now, I am having some fun imagining how much younger I appear today over  yesterday thanks to these miracle products.  I am going to enjoy it while I can because there is no way I would ever pay full price for smashed water.

   

Wow, even my youthful curls are back.

 

I Have a Few Questions

I am a question asker or maybe I am more of a question thinker. On any given day, I think of  a few... more than a few...OK a  lot of questions, to which I would love to know the answers.  Mind you I don't always ask them aloud  or pose these questions to other people but still I question a  LOT of things. 

This has not always been the case.  There were times that I should have asked questions and didn't.  I got off to a rather shaky start  regarding  WHEN and WHEN NOT to acquire further information before moving forward.

When I started first grade, I was a nervous and timid.  These  traits would stay with me  for quite awhile  but the worst day was the FIRST day. (our school district didn't have kindergarten back then, so this was the first time I had been in a school)

After we all got seated  at our desks, Mrs. Wolfe passed out some paper and told us to get out our crayons.  I noticed the girl next to me started drawing a picture on her paper.  That seemed like a good idea at the time. So I start a little picture of my own.  When Mrs. Wolfe noticed "girl next to me" was drawing she had her come up to the front of the classroom scolded her and gave her a swat with a paddle.  (this was pretty standard fare in the late 1950's)

I had never been so frightened in my life (well...up to that point, I have topped that level of  being scared many times over since then).  I am expecting to be spanked in front of the class on the very first day of first grade. Of course, I had to get caught first.  I was shy but not necessarily stupid, so I had already flipped my paper over and now was waiting for further instructions.  By lunch time I was a mess.  As I sat crying in the cafeteria and proceeded to throw up my lunch. Someone from the school sent for my mother to retrieve me.

 I did, by the way avoid getting paddled for several reasons. (1) The other girl was repeating the 1st grade and had a history of being "a problem" so she had that going against her. I am not saying that was right, I am stating that it was a rare day when she wasn't in trouble over something or another.  (2)  Being really small for my age, I  looked like a baby  and seemingly acted like one too.  I was sent home at lunch time every day  for the first couple of weeks but hardly ever did I leave prior to crying and throwing up. (3) Mrs. Wolfe truly was a wonderful teacher and was patient with me.  I could read and write really well at that point and my missing some afternoons didn't seem to shake her up much.  Maybe she knew that I would be the subject of conversation for years to come and had pity on me.  My vomiting stories still are a  hot topic in the "remember when" category when I see my old classmates.  It must have left a lasting  impression as that was 51 years ago. 

Back to the premise...I should have asked the question...what next?  What are we doing here with this paper? 

 Over the years I have developed the tendency to be cautious  and make sure I have all the information I need before preceding.  This comes with some dos and don'ts, however.  There is definitely a protocol to asking the appropriate questions and the number of allotted questions before the people around you start begging for your head on a platter. This protocol is commonly referred to as O' QUAP. (official question asking protocol.)  I respect and adhere to O'QUAP as much as humanly possible.


For example:  Continuing education classes.   There is always that person that turns a 3 hour class into a 4 hour class because of their incessant questions.  Not only do they ask "not-stop" questions but they are STUPID, DUMB ASS questions.  Whoever said there are no stupid questions is NUTS.  Of course, there are stupid questions and there are stupid question askers.  These, by the way, are referred to in "question asking circles"  as SO QUAPPY (Stupid Obtuse Question-Asking People Perpetually Yammering)

As a Realtor, we take a lot of classes about ethics.  I suspect as Realtors we need a lot of classes on ethics as it seems a lot of the group still doesn't understand the concept.  In these classes we go over and over the fact if a real estate agent knows of a material defect with a property or something that can adversely affect the value of a property we need to disclose that to a potential buyer.  What each state considers "material defects" differs greatly but frankly if you want to CYA you really should be disclosing what you know.

 Invariably the instructor will be talking  ad nauseam about disclosing defects when someone will ask 

 Annoying Person "Do we need to disclose if the basement has flooded?"

Instructor "If you know this to be a fact, yes you do."

AP..."Do we need to disclose a leaking roof."

Instructor  "Yes"

AP "How about a murder?"

Instructor  "That's not really a material defect but yes if you know it, disclose it."

AP... " How about termites,....how about wood rot....how about mold....how about ghosts...how about the sinking foundation...how about recalled siding...how about the Walmart slated to be built next door...how about the pedophile that lives next door...how about the lead paint, how about crack in the basement floor, how about the previous owners meth lab, how about train track behind the fence..... on and on and on

I might mentioned that nine times out of ten, the person that keeps asking these questions has been a real estate agent for 15, 20, 25 years or some such thing.  The brand new agents think they have all the answers.

So...while I do ask questions, I try to NOT ask so many questions that it annoys the people around me.  Therefore, my plan is now to ask my blog readers to sporadically answer some of my questions.   On some days instead of the Good, the Bad and the Weird, I am going to throw out some of the things that puzzle me. 

Such as....here are a few questions on my mind today...

Why do the guys that spend the money to buy Corvettes drive 30 miles an hour in a 45 mile speed limit zone when they are in a residential area?  This isn't just once in a while.   This is chronic.   They have spent big money to buy a bright yellow car that is capable of going 60 miles an hour in 3.4 seconds but drive substantially under the speed limit in town.  WHY?

Conversely, why do the drivers of these powerful performance cars drive 85+ miles an hour in a 65 mile an hour zone on the Interstate?  Isn't he just asking for a ticket?  I mean he is in a canary yellow car? OR bright red OR metallic blue..whatever... aren't they "rolling the dice"  with both their insurance rates and the State Cop that is waiting  to nab them? Why do they still have a valid driver's license?

Why do all the schools have those signs that say this is a drug free zone?  If they are referring to illegal drugs, all the streets are drug free zones. If they are talking over the counter drugs and you have taken your Zantac or Sudafed, do you need to take a different route?

Why do people buy some piece of trash disguised as marketing genius off of an infomercial and then act shocked that it is a piece of crap?  THEN they throw out the "the man said it would do this and this without you having to ever do that and that".   Really, when you are buying something that is supposed to be miraculous for the low price of "not one but ...wait...two for $19.95", why are people surprised that it is garbage.

NOTE:  As a salesperson, let me point out something while we are here anyway....salespeople are trying to SELL you something.  It is their job to slant things creatively to get you to BUY what they are selling.  This is true of any product, service or political agenda. 

Why do people at funerals go on and on about how wonderful and/or beautiful  the deceased looks?  I have been to a lot of funerals and I will even admit that some morticians do  remarkable work.  Still the deceased is not looking their very best.  Never have I thought the guest of honor looked the best they have ever looked.

My friends, have you any answers to these questions?  I have plenty more to ask and I don't want to impose BUT I would welcome your insight to these little mysteries.

I would also, welcome your questions?  What troubles you? 

This video isn't really about questions but it was one of the things I listened to on my afternoons at home.  It was a big hit in 1958.