Oh, Baby!

 Last week I was reading some essays written by a woman that had her first child in 2002 when she was 46 years old.  I, on the other hand had my first child in 1973 when I was 21 years old.  AND...it seems a whole lot of things have changed.  Doing the math, that mom is 5 whole years younger than me and for that, I might be a tad envious.   She probably was thinking how much better she was prepared by waiting longer to have her child. No doubt she was.  However, I see advantages to having children younger even if technology and the medical community didn't offer me all the advantages that are available today.

Just for starters, back then I got top billing.  At no point did husbands in the early 1970s say, "WE are pregnant!"  No, back in the old days, the person who had possession of the occupied uterus was the pregnant one and the other person was included as a secondary participant. OK, we might of said, "WE are expecting" as both of us were anticipating the arrival of a baby but we didn't say that we were both pregnant. 

Hormonal emotional outbursts are still available.

Now for all of you dads out there that think I am being exclusionary, I am merely pointing out the word usage here. I am not underestimating your contribution to the end result: the baby. Yeah, you did your part but I am still thinking that the women do the heavy lifting part of this scenario.

Now I know some of your have acted appropriately empathetic while we vomited every morning, saw our body balloon into an odd configuration that eclipsed our feet, and required us to pee every 10 minutes but I do draw the line when men equate passing a kidney stone as probably the same type of pain as childbirth.  Let me just say that unless that kidney stone was 8 and a half pounds you are full of s***. 

As I was saying...Even leading up to the baby's arrival, things have changed.  It used to be that the mommy-to-be had a couple of baby showers given by her friends and/or family.  Typically, these consisted of all girls chatting over white sheet cake about baby names, nursery decor and how sore their nipples were.  Lots of giggling over guessing if the baby would be a boy or a girl. (NOTE: Yes, back then we didn't get 3D pictures of our babies so we could see them sucking their thumbs and seeing their cute little faces.)

The debate rages on.

Fast forward to today...Couples baby showers evidently are a thing.   I actually haven't attended a coed baby shower so I am not sure how successful these are but I think I like the idea of the men having to play those stupid games.  Why should women-kind be the only one subjected to this type of punishment?

If it's any consolation,  it is my understanding that adult beverages do get served at couples baby showers.  Of course this would have to be the case.   I can't imagine that grown up couples that have put aside an evening out for a celebration would be on board to not  have access to a drink or two... or ten?
Of course, the pregnant couple is abstaining from drinking.  Don't even think about it dad...if you are saying "WE are pregnant" then WE are both on the wagon, aren't we?  But be aware.... You will be really be wanting some booze when the subject turns to "mucus plugs".  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Another noticeable difference between then and now is the delivery room.  Well, hell what am I saying?  Today there aren't delivery rooms.... there are birthing suites.

I know this is going to sound like the maternity equivalent of me saying I walked 10 miles uphill in the snow to school...but back in the 70's,  women in labor were placed in a curtained area similar to how most of today's outpatient surgery centers are set up. Labor was done in partitioned off areas and at the appropriate time we were wheeled to the delivery room.   (NOTE: If you have had a colonoscopy anytime lately you might be familiar with a curtain between you and the next person getting "prepped".  While it's all very clinical and impersonal, the job gets done.)

I don't remember if there was a TV in the corner but I was being thoroughly  entertained by the lady on the other side of the curtain that was morphing between comments about how she was dying and how her husband would never get the opportunity to get near her again.  As I recall, his comments and "toneage" implied that he was OK with that.

Fast forward to today. So compared to the old method of a separate labor area, then onto the delivery room, and then finally a hospital room, today there is a "birthing suite" that is a one stop shop.  When my daughter had her babies, I got to visit her suite.  Turns out that having babies can be a very spa like experience...well except for the labor pains part of it, I suppose.  Moms have a room with a big flat screen TV, a recliner, Jacuzzi tub and a fold out sofa for the co-participants that want to sleep over.   While the decor still is pretty "hospital chic" in style it is private and mommy and daddy can have the whole dang family involved if they choose to. I think everyone except the family dog is welcome and I wouldn't guarantee that Fido wouldn't be allowed under certain situations.

I personally was fine at not having a private suite  but upon the occasion of my first baby hospital stay, I was disappointed that once I departed the delivery room, the private maternity rooms were all occupied.  Yes, thoroughly bummed out as we had great insurance that was more than happy to accommodate me with a private room only to find out that August is a super busy month and that I would have a room mate.  My room mate, however, provided me with tons of entertainment.  She regularly called the "possible"  3 "daddies" and went on and on about how much the baby looked like each of them.  Two of the daddies came visiting and to her immeasurable relief (I am guessing)...not at the same time. I might add that I sensed that at least those two dads weren't as happy as one might expect about being a new daddy.

One more notable difference is the level of "full disclosure" on the part of moms today.  I have talked to a fair amount of women that allowed photography during the birth of their children.  I imagine all of that "memorabilia" made it's way to someones clever little scrapbook.  I am rather curious who gets the pleasure of seeing the pictures.  Is this something that comes out at Thanksgiving dinner? 

Back in the day, I considered myself  a "giver" to let the doctor and my husband be in the room.  Had I thought my husband was capable of delivering our daughter, I wouldn't have allowed the doctor as much access as he had to my lady parts.  As for photos...no way in hell.  I am fairly safe in saying that from a photographic perspective, that definitely isn't my best angle.

Sooo...as for the lady that waited for her career and life to settle nicely into place for her and her hubby before having a baby at 46 and me being young and fairly naive at 21...I am thinking that I like my choice better.  Sure that woman that wrote the article is 5 years younger than me but she has a 14 year old to deal with.  I get to send my grandchildren back to their house at the end of the day.

Would That Be Considered Age Appropriate?

Beware ageism, sexism, cynicism, skepticism...I will find you where ever you are...Some of you
I will embrace, some of you I won't

I am realizing as I age, I have become very aware of various "isms".  A hyper-awareness, really.  My powers for sensing any of the "isms" borders on "Superpowers".  This is especially true in regards to ageism, skepticism, cynicism, and sexism. 


Thought Number One:  What Were They Thinking?

So imagine my shock and dismay when I heard that Itunes  pulled the app "Plastic Surgery & Plastic Doctor & Plastic Hospital" game off of their site.   I wasn't shocked by it going away as much as I was shocked to discover it had existed and I had missed it.

It turns out that that this app was geared for girls NINE years old and older to "fix" the unattractive girl and make her more Barbie like. According to the games intro, it says "This unfortunate girl has so much extra weight that no diet can help her.  Will you operate, Doctor?"  Then the player  gets to inject her with anesthetic, make incisions with a scalpel, and suck the excess fat from her body with what appears to be a bicycle pump.

Already, I see a problem.

Lipo and a face lift...that is going to hurt

Really?  They use a bicycle pump?  Who knew???

Who would of thought this was fun or appropriate for young girls to judge the girl as unattractive and then "need" to fix her?  Evidently the creator, who is listed as  Corina Rodriquez , thought this was a great premise for a game. The people at EverydaySexism weren't laughing and started a Twitter campaign to protest. Evidently, the public's disapproval resulted in the game being dropped. 

I, absolutely agree with the EverydaySexism people,  that there is a component of sexism involved with the game but there are a lot of other  "nesses" and "isms"  involved as well. I would say one of the biggest issues is the  age inappropriateness with a dab of ageism. To me, it appears that there are a couple of  issues with regards to age.  The age of the "unfortunate" fat girl is targeted to a younger woman...the implication that women are not able to be anything other than young and beautiful.  

Thought Number Two: Speaking of  Age Inappropriateness

As all my readers know, I tend to be conflicted on most issues and aging and body image is currently resting smack-dab on the top of the heap of things that bother me.

That is the complete list. Let me know if I left any out.

In one breath, we are hearing more and more "experts" tell us we need to love our bodies and except ourselves for who we are.  BUT, how is that possible when we are constantly bombarded by programming and marketing that reinforces that only young, perfect bodies are beautiful.  I feel  a pinch of hypocrisy every time a commercial comes on that talks about anti-aging products while the model who is smearing the miracle product on her face is still in her 30s. 

I am all "in" on working diligently to ward off  the effects of aging.  Eating right...check!  Exercise...check!  But, let's be realistic.  There isn't anyone that is going to look 30 when they are 70 or 80 even if they spend 100s of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. Last week when Oprah turned 60, there were several interviews that claimed 60 is the new 40.  One interviewer compared Oprah to a 30 year old.  (can we say "suckup?)  NUH-UH...60 is still 60.  Some people carry it off better than others for sure....but a 60 year old has still been around for sixty long years.
 

Just this morning, I had a run-in with feeling my age....well actually I was feeling like a 7 year old in a time warp.   I had to have a wisdom tooth pulled this morning.  (I would say if there are numerous errors in this post, I might suggest that pain drugs are causing that....that's the excuse for today anyway.)
 
I haven't lost a tooth since I was a kid.  In fact, it was so long ago, I don't really remember the last tooth that was pulled. Of course, on those teeth it was more the "wiggle, wiggle" bite into something and it's out...kind of deal.   This time it was more complicated with an oral surgeon involved.  Why my wisdom tooth decided to come in at this late date and start crowding the other teeth that had already staked their claim on my limited amount of gum real estate, I have no idea.  That tooth, doesn't understand that coming in at this late date is not age appropriate.  Guess we showed him. 

Do I get a lollipop after this is over?  No ...not even a free toothbrush???

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The Drug Of Choice

As most of you that have read my blog for any length of time know that every morning from 6AM to 7AM, I walk with my ex-neighbor in Dallas.  We simultaneously, try to solve all the world's problems...well that and trying to breath.  Between the Kansas City humidity and the Texas heat...trying to get our 5 miles done before either of us collapses is our daily goal.  Luckily in the 13 years we have done this we have only had a few crisises.  But I digress....

Texas pal has a friend that is going through some very scary medical challenges right now.  Horrific, life changing challenges.  One of the things we were discussing was some of the experimental drugs that insurance companies won't pay for.  The problem is that some of the drugs that insurance companies keep on the list as experimental, have in fact shown  that they work in clinical trials.  So Texas pal's friend is taking a drug that costs $3000.00 a month.  Holy S***! That is a huge amount of money for a bottle of pills.

I know a number of friends and family that have had to make really hard choices to pay for medical treatments or pharmaceuticals AND no matter who you talk to or what article you read it always says the same thing.  The big ole price tag isn't for the actual cost of the drug, it is the cost of the RESEARCH.

OK...for that amount of money, this is what I think we should all expect.

We need RESEARCH to come up with a pill that will cure any known disease, prevent any known or yet-to-be-known disease AND slow down ageing AND improve everyone's sense of humor.

I don't think that is out of line at all...so are you hearing me pharmaceutical companies????  Do I need to reiterate? 

I want to be perfectly clear...cure all disease, prevent all disease, keep us young and make us fun AND it is cheap.

You have to know that this isn't a new concept at all.  Why it is taking so long to get it on the market?  It's all about the liability issues. (oh, and those pesky profit minded insurance companies)

Back in the day when people could buy a bottle of magic elixirs that could cure EVERYTHING , there just wasn't all the worry about little annoyances of "known side effects" which of course, in today's world translates into that it  "somebody is going to get sued".

Ahh...the good ole days.  Not only could you get cured of anything



So anyway, back to my drug idea.  I want it to do those four things I mentioned and I want it to be affordable and it has to be paid for by the insurance companies. 


The real name of this drug probably is going to be something like
Sodiumonoectoadiapine, but we will market it under the name of SOME.
This really is just to make it incredibly easy to sell.  Face it, how easy is it to say "Take SOME".


The only drawback that I see other than the actual discovery of one drug that could cure all diseases,  prevent all diseases, keep us young and make us fun is the fact that the warning page would have to look something like this.  Oh, and the fact that none of the people that will buy or take this drug will ever bother to read all the warnings.   On the outside chance that you want to know what will happen when you take this drug here is the warning page:

Sodiummonoectoidiapine

Read the enclosed directions before taking SOME.  This medication should be taken under the supervision of your medical professional. 

• This medicine should not be taken if you are pregnant, ever want to be pregnant, are sexually active or ever want to become sexually active.

• Some of the possible side affects may include dizziness, sleepiness, sleeplessness,  anxiety, fever, headache, heartburn, incontinence,  vaginal dryness, anal leakage, premature balding, premature graying, or premature ejaculation.  

•  You should refrain from sitting, standing or laying down for 12 hours after taking SOME.  In some circumstances SOME  can cause minor skin rashes, major skin lesions, or in rare cases your skin may fall off.  In some individuals this product has been associated with shortness of breath, complete stoppage of breath, chest pains, heart attacks, seizures, and your brain exploding, your kidneys overflowing, your bowels turning to concrete.

• Male patients that have an erection that last over 72 hours, call your doctor, your wife, your mistress, and the lady next door. 

• Female patients experiencing vomiting that isn't initiated purposefully by sticking your finger down your throat, call your health care provider at your descretion or when the appropriate amount of weight loss is met.

•  If you are overtaken by a fit of uncontrolled swearing and you haven't recently watched NBC, ABC, CBS or FOX news call your health care professional immediately.

• If you notice any of the aforementioned symptoms as well as your skin turning green, your eyes turning red, your urine glowing in the dark or  hair growing out of any of of nine orifices, (men subtract 4 as we aren't including notrils or ears for you), please contact the healthcare professional that told you to take SOME.

If you can't afford this medication please call us at 1-866-723-4968.  ( 1-Too Sad 4 You)

* For full disclosure bloggees, I wanted to make that "Too Bad for You" but that is a real  phone number and I didn't want anyone dogging me for putting their phone number in this...even though I am just goofing around. But then you have to wonder why an apartment house in Florida has the phone number 1- Too Bad 4 You ????) If I ever move to FL, I will not be renting an apartment at that facility.

_______________________________________

But still, it will cure any disease, prevent any known or unknown disease, keep me younger, make me funnier, and it is cheap.  Sure I am goin' to get me SOME. How about you????

Let's hope that SOME would work better than this Miracle Elixer




The Good for the Day...that there really are some drugs that do miraculous things.

The Bad for the Day...Health issues

The Weird for the Day....Those full page warnings that are published along with drug advertisements. YIKES