Monday, June 6, 2011

The Drug Of Choice

As most of you that have read my blog for any length of time know that every morning from 6AM to 7AM, I walk with my ex-neighbor in Dallas.  We simultaneously, try to solve all the world's problems...well that and trying to breath.  Between the Kansas City humidity and the Texas heat...trying to get our 5 miles done before either of us collapses is our daily goal.  Luckily in the 13 years we have done this we have only had a few crisises.  But I digress....

Texas pal has a friend that is going through some very scary medical challenges right now.  Horrific, life changing challenges.  One of the things we were discussing was some of the experimental drugs that insurance companies won't pay for.  The problem is that some of the drugs that insurance companies keep on the list as experimental, have in fact shown  that they work in clinical trials.  So Texas pal's friend is taking a drug that costs $3000.00 a month.  Holy S***! That is a huge amount of money for a bottle of pills.

I know a number of friends and family that have had to make really hard choices to pay for medical treatments or pharmaceuticals AND no matter who you talk to or what article you read it always says the same thing.  The big ole price tag isn't for the actual cost of the drug, it is the cost of the RESEARCH.

OK...for that amount of money, this is what I think we should all expect.

We need RESEARCH to come up with a pill that will cure any known disease, prevent any known or yet-to-be-known disease AND slow down ageing AND improve everyone's sense of humor.

I don't think that is out of line at are you hearing me pharmaceutical companies????  Do I need to reiterate? 

I want to be perfectly clear...cure all disease, prevent all disease, keep us young and make us fun AND it is cheap.

You have to know that this isn't a new concept at all.  Why it is taking so long to get it on the market?  It's all about the liability issues. (oh, and those pesky profit minded insurance companies)

Back in the day when people could buy a bottle of magic elixirs that could cure EVERYTHING , there just wasn't all the worry about little annoyances of "known side effects" which of course, in today's world translates into that it  "somebody is going to get sued".

Ahh...the good ole days.  Not only could you get cured of anything

So anyway, back to my drug idea.  I want it to do those four things I mentioned and I want it to be affordable and it has to be paid for by the insurance companies. 

The real name of this drug probably is going to be something like
Sodiumonoectoadiapine, but we will market it under the name of SOME.
This really is just to make it incredibly easy to sell.  Face it, how easy is it to say "Take SOME".

The only drawback that I see other than the actual discovery of one drug that could cure all diseases,  prevent all diseases, keep us young and make us fun is the fact that the warning page would have to look something like this.  Oh, and the fact that none of the people that will buy or take this drug will ever bother to read all the warnings.   On the outside chance that you want to know what will happen when you take this drug here is the warning page:


Read the enclosed directions before taking SOME.  This medication should be taken under the supervision of your medical professional. 

  • This medicine should not be taken if you are pregnant, ever want to be pregnant, are sexually active or ever want to become sexually active.

  • Some of the possible side affects may include dizziness, sleepiness, sleeplessness,  anxiety, fever, headache, heartburn, incontinence,  vaginal dryness, anal leakage, premature balding, premature graying, or premature ejaculation.  

  •  You should refrain from sitting, standing or laying down for 12 hours after taking SOME.  In some circumstances SOME  can cause minor skin rashes, major skin lesions, or in rare cases your skin may fall off.  In some individuals this product has been associated with shortness of breath, complete stoppage of breath, chest pains, heart attacks, seizures, and your brain exploding, your kidneys overflowing, your bowels turning to concrete.

  • Male patients that have an erection that last over 72 hours, call your doctor, your wife, your mistress, and the lady next door. 

  • Female patients experiencing vomiting that isn't initiated purposefully by sticking your finger down your throat, call your health care provider at your descretion or when the appropriate amount of weight loss is met.

  •  If you are overtaken by a fit of uncontrolled swearing and you haven't recently watched NBC, ABC, CBS or FOX news call your health care professional immediately.

  • If you notice any of the aforementioned symptoms as well as your skin turning green, your eyes turning red, your urine glowing in the dark or  hair growing out of any of of nine orifices, (men subtract 4 as we aren't including notrils or ears for you), please contact the healthcare professional that told you to take SOME.

If you can't afford this medication please call us at 1-866-723-4968.  ( 1-Too Sad 4 You)

* For full disclosure bloggees, I wanted to make that "Too Bad for You" but that is a real  phone number and I didn't want anyone dogging me for putting their phone number in this...even though I am just goofing around. But then you have to wonder why an apartment house in Florida has the phone number 1- Too Bad 4 You ????) If I ever move to FL, I will not be renting an apartment at that facility.

But still, it will cure any disease, prevent any known or unknown disease, keep me younger, make me funnier, and it is cheap.  Sure I am goin' to get me SOME. How about you????
Let's hope that SOME would work better than this Miracle Elixer

The Good for the Day...that there really are some drugs that do miraculous things.

The Bad for the Day...Health issues

The Weird for the Day....Those full page warnings that are published along with drug advertisements. YIKES


oldereyes said...

To be serious for just a moment, at Pfizer, administrative costs (overhead) and advertising costs total substantially higher than research. Maybe they throw in FDA testing with administrative costs.

Premature ejaculation with an erection that lasts over seventy-two hours seems like a particularly onerous side effect. Talk about standing around with nothing to do ...

Cheryl P. said...

It is really difficult for me to be serious even for a moment. With Pfizer's Viagra sales, they should have money to burn.

The wise man wouldn't be standing around, he would be getting busy.

Mommafargo said...

Ugh. Everytime I get new asthma medication, I sometimes entertain myself with the 10 page novel enclosed about the details of the drug. Then...I think...why did I bother? I, too, wish things were cheaper. Have a little brother with some major medical things going on and money only stops him from getting the medical care he needs.

On another note...why are we concentrating so much on erections and sex drive and not cancer? LOL.

nonamedufus said...

My favourite drug ads are for anti-depressants that may cause suicidal thoughts. Um, yeah, suicide will sure cure your depression.

Cheryl P. said...

Money is an issue for just about everything required to live anymore isn't it? Yes, that little blue pill is interesting. The numbers sold and the amount of money involved is mind bogling. I agree, I would rather see a cancer cure/prevention pill flying off the shelves.

Cheryl P. said...

nonamedufus, that is exactly the irony of these huge disclaimers. I once took a pill for toe nail fungus that's side effect is damaging the user's liver. Which would I rather lose, the toe nail or my liver? Let me think???

Robinlausanne said...

In my search for the meaning of life I came across Christian Science. I've since been studying a book called Science and Health for 10 years written by an American woman in 1875 by name of Mary Baker Eddy. I haven't been to a doctor, taken medication or vitamins in that time. On Friday my wife and I and two friends (one a 69 yo with a pace maker) walked 20 kilometres of The Cinque Terre trail in 5 hours. Then we went for a swim and spent the afternoon laughing about the fun we had. We aren't fitness nuts but we love to express the qualities that Life offers. Blessings are great gifts and free to every one that seeks them thats why I want to share this gift with you Cheryl.

Cheryl P. said...

I have read some of Mary Baker Eddy's writings. I straddle the middle somewhere. I tend not to rely on medications as opposed to eating right, excercising and such as much as I am able. I have been really fortunate health wise. But if I ever have a medical condition, I will rely on medical science to help me find a treatment right for me. A lot of OD's and MD's have gone fairly holistic. I have had several friends that are Christian Scientist and their views have varied a bit. Things like cancer, bone degeneration, many diseases and such can be hereditary or random so, I hope that if and when I have issues, I have the wisdom to know what to do about it. I do think the active life you lead sure weighs into your good health.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

I thought that Sodiummonoectoidiapine sounded like the Dogs Danglies. Until I read about the side effects: You should refrain from sitting, standing or laying down for 12 hours after taking SOME.

But then I realised that I could kneel and it would work! Huzzar!

Bodaciousboomer said...

$3000 for a bottle of pills. That's heinous. I think the CEO's of the drug companies should have to fight the CEO's of the insurance companies in a steel cage death match. But then, that's just me.

Cheryl P. said...

Darn you are so smart. Kneeling...I didn't think of that. I did make sodium the main ingredient though, so it could be used as a flavoring before it turned my bowels to concrete.

Cheryl P. said...

That could really be fun to watch. I typically don't go in for violent death matches but that one might be worth the price of a ticket. How did today go with Charlie??

Jewell said...

O----M----G!!!! This had me cracking the F up! I love it! You need to JOIN the FBI. I am sure they have to be looking for acronyms for their acronyms! You would be top in the field...honest!

Cheryl P. said...

You remember I already have the background check done. Of course they still aren't so sure of me that I could write a personal check. Something tells me I might not last the first day before I shot off my mouth..or if they give me a foot.

Jewell said...

LOL - pretty sure that for them to issue you a gun, your background check would need to be significantly itchier for you. They might have to sit and have a cup of coffee with that neighbor that you need to do a post about! *wink* LOL

Cheryl P. said...

If they talk to him, I am not getting hired. He is an air traffic controller that has lost his flippin mind. He just took an early "retirement" so I might be having to put up with his crap more often.

Don E. Chute said...

I know I'm a short timer here, but jeeezus that was a freekin hoot! I'm thinkin it deserves a Stumble Upon.

Great humor has a lot of relative truth in it.
Aloha FSSF!

Cheryl P. said...

Why thank-you, Don E. I appreciate that!

Jewell said...

LOL Sadly, that seems to be a common thing with former air traffic controllers. It's got to be a horribly stressful job having that many lives in your hands on a daily basis.

However....on the upside for I smell blog fodder for you?? =) LOL

Cheryl P. said...

Oh yeah, it's coming. I think he was nuts prior to becoming a ATC. Maybe less nuts more assh***

meleahrebeccah said...

this is the best medication ever! Take SOME!!

I particularly like this side effect:

Male patients that have an erection that last over 72 hours, call your doctor, your wife, your mistress, and the lady next door.


meleahrebeccah said...

ps; I just had to tweet this one!

Cheryl P. said...

You and I have such the same sense of humor. I thought that was one of the best lines in the thing and no one even mentioned it except you. HA

Evidently you don't need to take SOME to be fun. You already are! Oh wait, maybe it could cure all those allergies. Let's hope so.

meleahrebeccah said...

TAKE SOME would be even MORE awesome if it cured my allergies!
And, I love that we have the same sense of humor!