Aging is an Extreme Sport

Two Thoughts for Tuesday


In November, while on my little hiatus from blogging, I decided to take some road trips.  When I am not inspired to whine to all my bloggee friends, I try to channel my energy into other things.   So, I took myself to Arkansas to visit my 100 year old grandmother.   I don't do this nearly often enough and she reminds me on a regular basis that she isn't getting any younger. 

The real "bite in the butt" about visiting my grandma is I have a freakish resemblance to her.  The story goes that my mother, upon the event of my birth, started crying.  Uncontrollable, inconsolable, crying...when asked why, she said to my dad "She looks just like your mother".  She didn't mean it as a compliment but I suspect my mother wasn't my grandma's biggest fan.

Alas, in November when I walked into the living room to visit Grandma,  at least 3 family members just felt compelled to say, "Gosh, you two look alike."   Thanks a heap, family!!! Are you saying that I look like I am approaching my 101st birthday.  (Although, to be fair, my grandma doesn't look a day over 85)

Trying to look at the more positive aspects of having a grandma that will celebrate 101 is that I could honestly  claim that  I was middle aged when I had my 50th birthday.  I will also, concede that it  is gratifying to hope that I will be as funny and articulate at 100 as my Grandma is.  I would like to think that  I will still be living at home and making funny jokes and following them up with a really cute laugh as she does.    Time will tell.  What is not particularly fun is seeing what another 41 years looks like on my face.  I suspect that her face indeed will be my face in that time of my life. 

Thought #1

Why is it that as people go over the 50 mark,  there is an enormous bias (let's be honest...bigotry) dealing with aging? The only upside to this is that usually when people get into their 90's and 100's everyone thinks they are adorable. (and they are,  nine times out of ten)

Aging in America is difficult. We live in culture where youth is more than admired..... it is required.  Getting older is very much frowned upon in today's America.  (Be ever so mindful of the frown lines that would ensue by all those frowns)


 No more are the days of all the glorious quotes that equate longevity with wisdom and grace. 



The years teach much which the days never knew. 
 ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. 
 ~Doug Larson


Age  is the acceptance of a term of years. But maturity is the glory of years.
-- Martha Graham


Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt



Thought #2

Not long ago I went to a luncheon where  a couple of the Hallmark Card creators were  in attendance.  One of the glories of Kansas City, is in fact, it is the home of Hallmark.  A lot of creative types work and live here for that company.  Anyway, John Wagner was there.  He was on the program to do a little presentation about his cartoon "Maxine".  



Maxine is loosely based on his mother and aunt, I think he said.  Or maybe he told me it was based on his grandmother and mother.   I was so busy being amused that I no longer remember exactly what he said. He is a totally entertaining guy.  Go buy some of his Shoebox cards.



So my second thought is....Please don't let me be so negative (albeit funny) that people make comic strips out of my bitchy old self.   OR if they do, they need to fork over the profits to help pay for my long term care when I am committed.

  

If one were to do a cartoon about me, this might fit.

Speaking of aging... a little joke....


After being married 25 years, a man looked at his wife one day and said, "You know, 25 years ago we lived in a cheap apartment, drove a cheap car, had only a sofa bed and watched a 14" black and white television. BUT, every night I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde."

"Now," he continued, "We have a nice house, a new car, a big flat-screen TV, but I have to sleep with a 50 year old woman. It doesn't seem fair."

His wife was a reasonable woman. She replied, "Well, why don't you go out and get yourself a hot 25 year old blonde? Then I'll make sure you will once again live in a cheap apartment, drive a cheap car, have only a sofa bed and watch a 14" black and white television."

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Rude, Ruder and Rudest

Two Thoughts for Tuesday

Last week the list of the rudest cities in America was a hot topic on all the morning news programs.  Just in case you missed it (if you weren't paying attention or you live under a rock...or perhaps you just don't give a crap...oh is that rude???) here is how it stacked up.

The Rudest Cities in America:

No. 1: New York City
No. 2: Miami
No. 3: Washington, D.C.

No. 4: Los Angeles

No. 5: Boston
No. 6: Dallas/Fort Worth
No. 7: Atlanta
No. 8: Phoenix/Scottsdale
No. 9: Baltimore
No. 10: Orlando

Actually, when they had the teaser at the intro of the program saying "What are the rudest cities in America?" my mind filled with possibilities.  For my regular bloggees, you know I have lived in  39 cities with 20 or so of those since being married.  I might have to dismiss my picks based on my level of objectivity for the cities that I lived in as a kid because I was too busy being a kid and probably wouldn't of noticed rude people. BUT as an adult, I clearly notice pushy, obnoxious, aggressive behavior when it is smacking me in the face. 

I must say, that this list had a few surprised for me.  The poll was taken by Travel + Leisure and I have my doubts that this is the "absolute, without a doubt, 100 percent accurate" calculation of the cities that contain the bulk of America's  a-holes.  I am in fact "shocked" to see Dallas and Atlanta on there.  Their inhabitants just seem so darn friendly to me.

According to Travel and Leisure's  methodology for gleaning these rudest cities, they comprised a list of 35 cities to evaluate.  Poll participants could go onto the Travel + Leisure website and evaluate all manner of things on a scale from 1-5.  This, in-it-self begs me to ask the question "What if you are the rudest SOB on the planet and you live in St. Louis or Des Moines"? Well, you just get a pass from being recognized and rewarded for being rude.  No high fives for you.


Just in case you are wondering what Travel + Leisure methodology was...and I am sure you were on the edge of your seat in query, here it is.

Methodology

An online survey, developed by the editors of Travel + Leisure, appeared on travelandleisure.com from May 16, 2011, to August 15, 2011. Respondents were asked to rate their choice of 35 cities (Anchorage; Atlanta; Austin; Baltimore; Boston; Charleston; Chicago; Dallas/Fort Worth; Denver; Honolulu; Houston; Kansas City; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; Miami; Memphis; Minneapolis/St. Paul; Nashville; New Orleans; New York; Orlando; Philadelphia; Phoenix/Scottsdale; Portland. Maine; Portland, Oregon; Providence; Salt Lake City; San Antonio; San Diego; San Francisco; San Juan; Santa Fe; Savannah; Seattle; and Washington, D.C.) in a selection of subject categories (People, Type of Trip, Nightlife, Culture, Shopping, Food/Drink/Restaurants, Quality of Life/Visitor Experience, and Best Times to Visit). All subject categories and all cities were available for rating at all times. The subject categories were served in random order to respondents. Respondents were asked to identify whether they live in or had visited the cities they rated. The survey results appearing in the print magazine are from respondents who identified themselves as non-residents. Rankings are based on averages of responses from visitors concerning applicable characteristics. Respondents were asked to rate a city for each applicable characteristic, using a scale from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest score. Responses were collected and tabulated by travelandleisure.com. Final scores were rounded to the nearest hundredth. When two or more cities have the same score but different ranks, their rankings were ordered by their unrounded score.


Thought #1


As I have been in all these cities, I am not entirely comfortable saying all New Yorkers are ruder than the people I encountered at the Walmart in Kansas City yesterday. The fact that NYC has so many people to pick from makes it easier to find jerks when and if you are looking for them.  Clearly with that many bodies bustling through the relatively small geographical area that is NYC,  there is going to be some general pissiness, some major finger flipping and some extremely rude behavior.  (New York City metro covers 6720 square miles and has 18.9 million people and Montana (the whole state of Montana) has 974,989 people and they cover 147,042 square miles) You will note that not one Montana city was named on the list. 

Still as I am convinced that ALL American cities, have some rude people within their midst...oh come on now...you know they do...I think you would be hard pressed to actually know where the obnoxious little clusters of jerks are hanging out.  I do think that "territorial issues" have a hand in the level of rudeness.

People turn into butt heads when their space is invaded.  Whether it is a neighbor infringing on your yard, a jerk cutting you off in traffic, or the chick on a cell phone blocking the baking supplies isle at the Safeway, we are all subject to INCONSIDERATE  people. 

Thought #2

Some people have no excuse for being the bitch or douche canoe that they are.  They are just nasty.  The guy that slams a door in the face of the old lady behind him or the person that cuts to the front of the line because their time is WAYYY more important than the rest of the shmucks that are willing to wait their turn, these people are just RUDE.  The creep that cuts someone off in traffic causing or nearly causing an accident and doesn't give a apologetic wave is PAST RUDE. The cell phone user that is oblivious to everything and everyone around them and cuts you off in traffic, they are WAY PAST RUDE and just need to go to hell...oops, am I being rude, again?

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Two Thoughts for Tuesday

After my extended absence, I am back with a thought or two on Tuesday. 

Prior to my 2 month break from blogging, I had mentioned that I needed to replace my old 3G Iphone with a newer model.  The fact was that it was sooooooooooooo slooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww  was making me nuts.  (for those of you that rolled their eyes while reading the word "making", I am chossing to ignore you) I know there are a number of phones that are available and I didn't have to have the brand Apple IPhone but as I am used to that particular phone and it works so well with my IPad, I went to talk to the Apple Geniuses to find out the pros and cons of upgrading to the 4S.  The minute the genius told me that it was fast, fast, fast....I said sold, sold, sold.

Just to be clear, I have NOTHING against the other phones.  I am not a hater of your Droids, Evos, Galaxys or any other phone.  SOOO for you that last time referred to me as a I-hole.  Save your breath. (I am still preferring to think that you meant that in the nicest possible way).  I will have my phone and you can have yours.  

The real genius of Apples marketing plan is they released a lot of new features on the new model and made the older 3G phones incapable of downloading future  updates.  So if we wanted the 200+ new features, a much faster running phone and a personal virtual assistant I was inspired  to run out and get the new phone. Of course, I also realize that in about a minute from now they will release the IPhone 5 and all of the 4S buyers are going to be kicking themselves. 



Thought #1

The new IPhone has a feature that includes a voice activated  virtual "assistant" called Siri.  Siri lets you talk to her and she will schedule appointments, make calls, tell you where your are and how to get to where you want to be,  and any number of "must know now" inquiries.   Well that is what she is supposed to do.  This of course leads to everyone asking all manner of questions to see what she might say.  Leave it to the masses to find another way to fritter away time.  Here is an example of some question asking.  Keep in mind that the girl asking the questions has such an annoying giggle, you will want to punch her but the video shows some of the questions being asked of Siri. I am sure you will all be in favor of Siri telling this chick to shut up. Siri must have a certain amount of self restraint. (yes, I understand that at least on some level these answers are "Easter eggs in the software...so don't email me)  Still some of these are pretty funny.






Thought #2


Never let anything go without some controversy. (I mean other than the usual...my phone is better than your phone type of stuff.)

Charlie Le Quesne, a 12 year old boy that was looking at phones on display at a store,  asked an Iphone 4S "How many people are there in the world was shocked to hear the reply "Shut the F*** Up You Ugly T***.  The boys mother was quoted as saying perhaps Siri was tired of stupid questions.  The store manager, however surmised that someone tricked the phone into thinking that the owners name was "Shut the F*** Up... and Siri often answers questions incorporating the owners name.( You can read more about that story in a Huffington Post Tech  article.)

  For the most part Siri keeps things pretty clean.  When asked to talk dirty, she responded with the answer "Humus,Compost. Pumice. Silt. Gravel".  See she does have a sense of humor.

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