Resolve Dissolved

Another year has come and the realization of how inattentive I have become to my blog has smacked me upside the head.   ***sigh***

Six months ago I vaguely remember making an effort to revive my much neglected blog, but clearly it was a false start.  Given the fact that the rest of the world is making promises to themselves in the form New Year's Resolutions, has me thinking about some of the things that I hope to accomplish in 2016. 

I typically don't make New Year's resolutions per se.  I tend to make a multitude of promises to myself on a monthly, daily, hourly basis. It's not so much that I can't stick with a particular resolution as much as I continually alter the direction of where I want to go. Life's journey is a very crooked path for me.

 In theory, it makes perfect sense to me that people want to start a fresh new year with an idea of what they would like to accomplish.  For me personally, however,my goals are more like a moving target.  They would have to be reevaluated and changed from time to time.  

Crabby Pants and her trusty steed are taking aim at this year's goals.

BUT...back to the subject at hand.   Resurrecting the blog and committing to doing a better job staying in touch with all of you.   Did I mention how much I have missed you all.   I truly have missed interacting with my blog followers and  fellow bloggers.  Still...when I have sat down to write, my words seem inconsequential and uninteresting.  I don't imagine this post will break that trend but I will muddle on.

What have I been doing with my time??  Nothing of great importance to the masses but my life in all its mundane routine is a very nice life. Even as my writing has been in the dumper, my time seems to be consistently filled.  Not necessarily with matters of great importance mind you...but filled,  none the less. Initially, my intent was to take a short break from blogging in an effort to resurrect my reading of BOOKS. (yes, real hard-bound books...you do remember those, right???), meet and interact with real human beings, and spend more time on activities that were being routinely ignored.  It seems the time that I had previously spent on the computer was quickly replaced with other activities.  Finding balance in my life continues to plague me.

One of the more notable activities that has taken up residence in my time allotment is that I started teaching computer classes at a local retirement community.  This has been a real eye-opener. Even though,  I am now considered a "senior" (not sure that I am a huge fan of that distinction) it has been a very positive experience interacting with people that have 20 or 30 years on me. 

When I was approached to do these classes, I was told that the residents needed basic information on using computers, smart phones and tablets.  Sounded easy enough.  Turns out that most of this group is extraordinarily savvy when it comes to all things tech. Those that weren't "connected" have caught on quickly as they WANT to learn new things.   I have to tell you that whatever meager amount of information that I have taught them has come back 10 fold, in the things that I have learned about the grace in aging. 

As most of my regular readers know, I remain conflicted on just about every issue.  Most subjects have a  "good news", "bad news" component.  If that isn't confusing enough, there is often a mushy middle-of -the-road component as well. 

This is certainly the case in aging. 

I look forward  to catching up with all of you in 2016.  Let's collectively hope that our lives are filled with health, happiness and humor  this year..... ESPECIALLY HUMOR.


 

You Call it Multitasking, I Call It Lack of Focus

A few days ago, an acquaintance of mine told me that the March issue of Oprah supposedly has an article to give us "a no fail" plan to cure us from being chronically distracted.  HHMMM...let's assume for the sake of argument, that she was just making small talk and wasn't making subtle accusations.   Unfortunately, she couldn't just give me the 411 on the miracle cure, as she never finished the article.   She became distracted before getting it read. 

Why do I need a cure for being perpetually "unfocused," you might ask?  Well.....as it happened, over the the last decade (give or take a decade or two) my ability to stay on task from  "starting something" until I reach  "finished something."  seems to be more and more difficult.  In most instances there has to actually be a deadline involved or I tend to wander off course.  It actually boils down to "the things that have to be done, GET DONE. The things that are optional, may or may not get done in a timely manner.  Those tasks probably require multiple breaks.

It would appear that I am not the only one on the planet that has lost the ability to stay focused.  Even before
I tracked down the article that the acquaintance mentioned,  I happened upon a different article in the Kansas City Star written by a free-lance columnist on this very subject. 

The columnist, Denise Snodell, said she has noticed  her attention span getting noticeably shorter now that one child is away at college and the other is preparing to leave for school.  According to her article, the calendar on her fridge that once was jam packed with household hieroglyphics, now more closely resembles a snow field in Nebraska. Her point being that she felt akin to Sandra Bullock in the movie Gravity. She is so untethered now that she isn't participating in  constant activities and obligations with her kids, she doesn't know what to do with her extra time.

While often I have heard people blame this lack of focus on  the aging process...perhaps it has less to do with our  chronological years and has more to do with our unstructured time. Yes, by all means let's blame something other than age.

Thought Number One:  Technology Has Changed How We Use Our Time and How We View Our Time

Anything over 5 minutes is just too long.

Assuming that Sandra is right that the meandering of our brains is due to a preponderance of unstructured time, it occurs to me that our perception of time is at play as well.

Let's start with speed.  No... not the movie Speed  (that was a waste of time)...or the drug "speed"  (that would  alter our perception of time) ...oops sorry...lost focus.....I am talking about the ACTUAL rate of movement.

When I was a mother of younger children, it was B.C.  Seriously, do I need to explain that means BEFORE COMPUTERS!  Nearly anything you can think of that required action, took longer than it does today.  No smart phones, no Internet, and no DVRs. I seems shocking now but we actually had to get up and move if we needed to interact with someone or something.

For me, the first thing that comes to mind that had a huge impact on shifting time, was the microwave oven.  Up until about 1976 or so, I cooked our food in a regular oven.  Let's say for example, the time committment it would of taken in the mid-1970s to bake a potato. It would have taken an hour for that potato to be done which also allowed me to prepare other things like an entree and dessert. (ah the good ole days, huh hubby?)  BUT THEN ...along came my shiny new  Amana Radarange.  WOW..baked potatoes in 12 minutes...how could they possibly be done already?

That change in speed, changed my perspective on how long I needed to allow to prepare a meal.  In theory, instead of needing an hour to make dinner, I didn't need to start preparing anything until 15 minutes before meal time.  As you might imagine, the  quality of the rest of the meal might of suffered a tad with the new speedy meal prep but hey, progress is progress.

Same goes for that early dial-up Internet connection. In the early 1990's we bought our second computer, a Apple IIe.  I thought it was magical. So what if it took awhile to connect?  The sheer joy that went with that sound of connecting to the Internet was music to one's ears. 

 

From the awesome beeps and whirrs of signing on you could go to

this in less than 20 minutes.

downloads took a time commitment

Comparatively speaking, today if our computers don't come on in the blink of an eye and downloads don't appear in a micro-second we are losing our minds.

A minute is still a minute, an hour is still an hour but why is our perception of time so skewed?

Our perception of time might have to do with our enjoyment of what we are doing.

Could it be that as our technology sped up, our PERCEPTION of  time also changed?

Thought Number Two: The Price of Preoccupation


 As our technology freed up some of our time, it also provided a huge opportunity to take all that free time back.

 If you are anything like me, you now find yourself saying...fairly often..phrases like

"Where was I?"
"What did I come in here for?"
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"I feel like I am forgetting something."

Or As I was saying... let's go back to the O magazine article. [link]  I looked it up online to see what the 5 "no-fail" ways to keep me focused.  

It turns out that it is a rather lengthy article so you do have to focus to get through it.  The author, Martha Beck, refers to all of us distracted multitaskers as flaky and has 5 suggestions on how to make us less flaky.

Time (ironic, heh?) and space keeps me from giving you her whole thought process but the 5 points of  the O Magazines  "no fail" plan to resolve our lack of focus:

1. Acknowledge flakiness. Like addiction or illness, flakiness can be managed only when we admit it's there. Once you accept that a flake is flaky, you can roll up your sleeves and deal with the situation.

2. Allow wiggle room for flakiness. Everyone is flaky sometimes, so pick your battles. Direct strong focus toward your most important tasks and allow for a little flakiness in other areas. (Is it the end of the world if the dishes don't get done until tomorrow? Was this morning the only chance I had to get my car serviced between now and the end of time? In both cases, probably not.) When you or someone else flakes, take a cleansing breath and move on. Anger will waste your energy and make the condition worse.

3. Set up redundant systems to cope with flake-outs. At least my two alarm clocks got me out of bed today. If my appointment had been more pressing, I would have asked friends, family, and my virtual assistant to call and keep me on track. These multiple reminders are the only way I ever accomplish tasks I don't inherently enjoy. Set some up during a focused moment. You'll be awfully glad you did when the flakies set in.

4. Make use of short bursts of attention. You can't force focus for extended periods, so don't even try. If you've got an unpleasant, time-consuming task to tackle, take very small steps toward completing it interspersed with "flake breaks" that involve playing games, laughing, or moving around. This is what everyone's already doing, by the way. We might as well make it official.

5. Choose fun whenever possible. Spend time figuring out what feels fun to you and then do it. Help your boss, employees, spouse, children, dog, and tropical fish have fun, too. Consciously add fun to your daily activities—dance while you clean the house, listen to a comedy routine while you commute. The more fun you have, the more likely you are to figure out how, in today's wild new economy, you can make money doing what you love. Remember, fun is the new work.

Sheesh...Now I am still  distracted and I am offended at being called a flake. It appears that I have failed at the "no fail" plan.  I guess I will just have to take my short attention span and play on the computer for awhile.

Sometimes our technology works against "saving" time. 

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Weighing In On Old

Another day, another study, ... Yep, just within the last couple of days the Journal of Eating Disorders released a study that says that women of ALL ages complain more about being old than being fat.  When
people are disparaging themselves about age, this is being referred to "old talk."  The Journal of Eating Disorder is concerned that the same type of negative body image issues i.e. anxiety, depression, eating disorders, can now be attributed to women to feeling old.


Turns out that even women as young as 18 are now talking  about  feeling old or complaining about the effects of aging.  Although, it might not surprise you that those teenie-boppers are amateurs in the department of "old talk"  compared to the groups that have a little more age on them.

Carolyn Becker of Trinity University in San Antonio, TX led the study which surveyed over 900 women from America, Britain, and Australia.  Their ages ranged from 18 to 87.  The questions they were given dealt with  "fat talk", "old talk" and overall body dissatisfaction. Sixty-six percent of the women say they engage in "old talk" some of the time.   As you might expect the women over 46 talk the most about being old.   (I don't really think they needed a study to figure that out.)

NOTE:  According to one of the articles pertaining to this study, it stated that men were not  included as their initial research showed men were more comfortable with aging.  There seems to be a prevalent attitude that aging in men makes them more distinguished. Proving once again, that life is not fair.

Thought Number One:  Fat

You might remember the post a couple of weeks ago,  Native American Summer, where I was talking about Rush Limbaugh justifying his remarks when he called Oprah fat. His theory being if you are part of a group that shares a common denominator, you get to talk about the denominator.   Since he is fat, he says he wasn't disparaging her.  He was merely pointing out the fact she is...well...fat.

But we all know it's not nice to call someone fat.  The politically correct thing to do is acknowledge that people come in all shapes and sizes.  Uh-huh...that's how it is supposed to be.

click to enlarge or go to Twitter 
#Iamnotadisease

 The problem arises that, while obesity might be off the table from the sense, we should not judge people, be biased or prejudicial regarding overweight people, the AMA slapped a huge stigma on obesity by calling it a disease.

As you might imagine, that didn't go over in a big (no pun intended) way for people like Marilyn Wann who has spent years advocating for "fat acceptance".  Marilyn who wrote a book Fat!So? along with

Marilyn Wann

other fat advocates have voiced their disapproval of linking "being fat" with having a disease.  On the Twittter thread #Iamnotadisease, there is an ongoing debate whether obesity should be stigmatized by being called a disease. Of course, there are also, those in favor of the change as it provides funds for research and now insurance will have to pay for some of the costs associated with health problems resulting from obesity.  


Thought Number Two: Old and Ageism

According to the study, half the women in the 18-29 age group "occasionally" refer to themselves as old.  By that standard, I am old.  (Sure according to them I would be ancient, but then a 18 year old calling herself old is coo-coo from my vantage point.)

Lucy was using an analogy  with an  old
vehicle being an old body.

We live in a culture that is obsessed with youth, so it makes sense that gray hair and wrinkles are met with a certain amount of disdain.  Fixing the "flaws" of aging is big business in America.  Just last week the American Society of Plastic Surgeons released data that 14.6 million procedures were done last year related to fixing signs of aging.  That is up 5 percent from the previous year. 

While there are the self-proclaimed fat advocates that are upset with being disparaged due to body size, I venture to guess that people are less vocal about how aging is viewed. I might even go far as to say...and I know some people out there aren't going to be happy with my next statement but here goes....obesity is within a lot of people's control while aging is not within the control of any living person.

As for the issue of  "old" being the new bias, more so than fat, .... I was listening to an interview with the Editor-In-Chief of Self Magazine, Lucy Danzinger that was saying that "the opposite of old isn't young...it's healthy and energetic."  She went on to say, "It's like having a car.  You can't necessarily get a new vehicle, but you can take really good care of the one you have."

I don't dispute that we all need to stay healthy and fit but why is aging considered a flaw?  How did we get to a place where having a plasticized taut skin or expressionless Botoxed faces, better than having some natural signs of aging?

From where I sit, I think aging is unavoidable.  I can continue to workout  as vigilantly as I do.  I can stay thin and fit, hopefully but I can't halt all the natural body changes that go with getting older.In theory, I can prolong their onset.

Being fit isn't quite the same thing as being young...but it's still a good thing to be. 

  Hey everyone...meet Gina!!!  Gina has been my trainer for about 5 years now.  She can't reverse my aging but she can keep everything else in check.  Maybe aging will be considered a disease some day and I can have my insurance company pay Gina. 






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Age and Optimism

click on image to enlarge

I happened to be reading another online poll and, as usual, find the results implausible. Many of you that have read my blog for awhile, know I can be  skeptical....especially concerning polls or studies.  For the most part, I tend to believe that most are just a hit-and-miss in terms of accuracy because there is no absolutes when you are dealing with a random group of test subjects.  Anyway...as I was saying there is an online poll done by the Harris Research people that says:  Age 50 is the perfect age.  (click here to read about the poll)

Not to be a naysayer (or a total bitch...call it what you will)  I am not sure that I believe that FIFTY could possibly be the perfect age.  For that matter...could any age be considered perfect???

Thought Number One:  Flawed Poll

First of all nothing about the numbers add up for me.  According to the article younger people chose younger ages, while the older respondents chose ages somewhat younger than their current chronological age. 

The Y Generation (Echo Boomers), ages 18 to 36, thought the perfect age was 38. Gen Xers, ages 37 to 48, wanted to stay put at 49. Baby boomers, ages 49 to 67, thought 55 was pretty awesome. While mature adults, ages 68 and older, were happy to hold steady at 67.

Additionally, on average men wanted to be younger than woman.  Men chose the age 47 as their ideal over the 53 that females chose.  People that had children at home seemed to think 45 was the magic number.

SO EXACTLY WHERE DOES THIS PERFECT AGE OF 50 COME INTO PLAY????

According to the article, Barbara Becker Holstein, a psychologist supported the research and concedes that age 50 is the "sweet spot" as far as aging goes.  She is quoted as saying:

“You have almost every opportunity. You’re young enough to be famous or start an organic farm and still have the muscle tone to work eight hours a day. You’re old enough to have wisdom but young enough that your parents are still alive so you have a generational experience. If you’re tired, you can ask the young man on the bus to get out of his seat for you. Or you can date the young man. The more I think about it, the more appealing it is.”

“I really think 50 is the new 30 to 35,” she says. “For a woman, you can stay stylish and fit and maybe get your hair dyed or just do a little [cosmetic] tune-up and feel, ‘Wow, this is great.’ In terms of childbearing, you can basically say forget it or if you want a baby at 50 or 53, you can get your hormones juiced up and go for it.”



Does anyone out there, other than me think that Barbara must be younger than 50 and she is possibly crazy.


OK...maybe that was harsh on my part.  While clearly, I have never, actually asked a younger person to vacate their seat on public transportation, I don't think the fact I am a Baby Boomer would save me from getting a really dirty look and some serious eye rolling.  AND I don't think I am overstating it that MOST women don't feel that they "would go for it" in considering having a new baby in their 50's.

Let me, also state...There is NO WAY IN HELL that 50 is the new 30-35. I have been 50 and it was  not all that long ago....yes,  I remember it vividly.  I might add that,  I still have fairly accurate recall...and I am telling you that 50 isn't at ALL like 30 or 35.


Thought Number Two:  Optimism versus Reality

Now that I have spewed all my negativity concerning how that study is flawed, I probably should clarify a few things.  I don't think any age can be tied to good or bad.  Perhaps a 100 year old in good health, living a nice life is happier than a 40 year old that is struggling with physical or mental issues.

I have had a real wake-up call this week.

Last Saturday, my friend, Christi,  who has had some health issues needed to get out of the house.  (This friend has been struggling with some health issues for the last year or so and a few months ago, was placed on the donor list as she need her lungs replaced)   Anyway, Saturday, I went over and loaded her car with her oxygen tank as she can no longer step high enough to get into my SUV.  We had a nice Saturday afternoon driving around town just doing nothing.  Driving and talking. Talking about how nice it would be when she got the call that there were lungs for her.  It really is just a matter of time we commiserated more than a few times...as we have been doing for the last 3 months. 

 At about 3:00 PM, I took her home, made her some iced tea and talked about getting together early next week. 

Sunday morning, my phone rang.  The caller ID tells me it's my friend calling.   I immediately think, "Christi got her call that there are some donor lungs available." ...Yes, she is going to go get her lungs...I am sure of it.

But it isn't Christi's voice over the phone.  It's her husband.  Her husband tells me "She's gone".

I am confused.  Why is my friend not telling me that she is on her way to the hospital?.... I question him. "You mean Christi is on her way to get her transplant.  She's left for the hospital???? Why aren't you with her?"

"No, Cheryl...she's gone"  I am numb It is a huge mistake. Clearly someone has made a mistake.

 I know it should of occurred to me but it never did. Not once.  Fifty-nine is too young and we had plans to meet early in the week.



SOOOO...Here is what I think the perfect age is....

It's when you still can spend quality time with your friends and family.

It's when you can make amends for the things that need to be amended.

It's when you still can feel gratitude for the life you've been given. 

It's when you can still find joy in your life and the lives of those you care about.

It's when you can make plans to see your friends tomorrow and be around to make the date.

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Old, Older, Oldish

Last Wednesday, Hubby and I were taking our 2 grandsons to the park and having a serious discussion on
the state of the world...OK..the state of the world from the vantage point of a 5 year old.  Anyway...Grandson #1 was discussing the fact that he has two homes.  His "everyday home" is where he lives with his mommy, daddy and little brother, AND his spare home...which is Grandma and Grandpa's house.  "Of course" we say, "Our house is your house!"


 This is where the conversation took a decidedly bad turn.  Hubby asked G-Boy #1, if when Grandma and Grandpa get old, can we live at his  house.

G-Boy #1 didn't miss a beat, before he said.  " I will have a house someday, but you will be dead already."

Which brings me to our subject today..

Time Has a Way Of Throwing It All In Your Face

 Thought Number One:  TIME is on my mind


It's that time a year again. Daylight Savings Time.  Only this time of year we lose an hour...yes...what feels like "it's 6 AM, right???"  is now "Oh, hell,. can it be 7:00 AM already??". It could be said that  DST and I have a love hate relationship and this time of year it's the hate part. While I bask in the change when I get to set my clock back an hour in Fall and have that hour all over again...to sleep as it's 2:00 AM, after all.  I curse the missing out on it.  I did a post way back when about   George Vernon Hudson  and the history of DST. (feel free to click on those links for more information)

This year was particularly bad as I have a virus that I can't seem to kick.  Having spent the last several days in bed, watching endless TV,, I couldn't  escape all the references to time...more specifically the passage of time.  After seeing all the assorted programs that are making me feel old, it appears that I can't afford to lose hours.Seriously, I want my HOUR back.

Aging is an Extreme Sport

Two Thoughts for Tuesday


In November, while on my little hiatus from blogging, I decided to take some road trips.  When I am not inspired to whine to all my bloggee friends, I try to channel my energy into other things.   So, I took myself to Arkansas to visit my 100 year old grandmother.   I don't do this nearly often enough and she reminds me on a regular basis that she isn't getting any younger. 

The real "bite in the butt" about visiting my grandma is I have a freakish resemblance to her.  The story goes that my mother, upon the event of my birth, started crying.  Uncontrollable, inconsolable, crying...when asked why, she said to my dad "She looks just like your mother".  She didn't mean it as a compliment but I suspect my mother wasn't my grandma's biggest fan.

Alas, in November when I walked into the living room to visit Grandma,  at least 3 family members just felt compelled to say, "Gosh, you two look alike."   Thanks a heap, family!!! Are you saying that I look like I am approaching my 101st birthday.  (Although, to be fair, my grandma doesn't look a day over 85)

Trying to look at the more positive aspects of having a grandma that will celebrate 101 is that I could honestly  claim that  I was middle aged when I had my 50th birthday.  I will also, concede that it  is gratifying to hope that I will be as funny and articulate at 100 as my Grandma is.  I would like to think that  I will still be living at home and making funny jokes and following them up with a really cute laugh as she does.    Time will tell.  What is not particularly fun is seeing what another 41 years looks like on my face.  I suspect that her face indeed will be my face in that time of my life. 

Thought #1

Why is it that as people go over the 50 mark,  there is an enormous bias (let's be honest...bigotry) dealing with aging? The only upside to this is that usually when people get into their 90's and 100's everyone thinks they are adorable. (and they are,  nine times out of ten)

Aging in America is difficult. We live in culture where youth is more than admired..... it is required.  Getting older is very much frowned upon in today's America.  (Be ever so mindful of the frown lines that would ensue by all those frowns)


 No more are the days of all the glorious quotes that equate longevity with wisdom and grace. 



The years teach much which the days never knew. 
 ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. 
 ~Doug Larson


Age  is the acceptance of a term of years. But maturity is the glory of years.
-- Martha Graham


Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt



Thought #2

Not long ago I went to a luncheon where  a couple of the Hallmark Card creators were  in attendance.  One of the glories of Kansas City, is in fact, it is the home of Hallmark.  A lot of creative types work and live here for that company.  Anyway, John Wagner was there.  He was on the program to do a little presentation about his cartoon "Maxine".  



Maxine is loosely based on his mother and aunt, I think he said.  Or maybe he told me it was based on his grandmother and mother.   I was so busy being amused that I no longer remember exactly what he said. He is a totally entertaining guy.  Go buy some of his Shoebox cards.



So my second thought is....Please don't let me be so negative (albeit funny) that people make comic strips out of my bitchy old self.   OR if they do, they need to fork over the profits to help pay for my long term care when I am committed.

  

If one were to do a cartoon about me, this might fit.

Speaking of aging... a little joke....


After being married 25 years, a man looked at his wife one day and said, "You know, 25 years ago we lived in a cheap apartment, drove a cheap car, had only a sofa bed and watched a 14" black and white television. BUT, every night I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde."

"Now," he continued, "We have a nice house, a new car, a big flat-screen TV, but I have to sleep with a 50 year old woman. It doesn't seem fair."

His wife was a reasonable woman. She replied, "Well, why don't you go out and get yourself a hot 25 year old blonde? Then I'll make sure you will once again live in a cheap apartment, drive a cheap car, have only a sofa bed and watch a 14" black and white television."

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