My next letter was a little more forceful. It might even be said that I bordered on rude. I know, hard to believe of me, huh? In that letter, which I called Were You Not Listening? I merely pointed out that I didn't appreciate the snow AFTER everything had bloomed in the spring. All I can say about that letter is that paybacks are HELL. Not to be deterred, I then sent off another letter titled Now That is Just Playing Dirty which might give you an idea how MN reacted to a little constructive criticism.
Now that you are all up to speed on how Mom Nature and I are getting along, I have come to a precipice of whether I should write another letter to her. Really, how do I even begin to address her incompetent handling of Kansas this year.
Just to show how trusting and optimistic we are as a city, all of Kansas City metro...yes, nearly every homeowner in this city has reseeded their drought ravaged lawns. We are all under the assumption that fall means that it is the perfect time to renovate and rejuvenate our yards. Warm days, cool nights and more frequent rain are the ultimate grass growing conditions right? Mid to late September is "go time."
What happened???? It's THIRTY TWO DEGREES OUT THERE!!!!! THAT'S FREEZING! WHOAH, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE COOL NOT COLD!!!!
Thought Number One... Looks Like I Have to Write Another Letter
I am searching for the sweet spot between being assertive and diplomatic. My initial thought is probably I need NOT to start my letter with:
What the &%#@ is wrong with you, you crazy Bitch????
Too aggressive, perhaps.
Dearest Mother Nature,
Please send rain and temperate temperatures as soon as possible to restore the lovely lawns you inadvertently destroyed over the summer.
Is that too nice? Am I not being assertive enough?
OK, I have it!!!
Dear Mother Nature,
Are you aware that all of Kansas is trying to grow grass? Let the weather cooperate and we are more than willing to share.
Perhaps, she will read something into that and not be clear on the fact we are trying to grow a lovely mix of tall fescue with some bluegrass thrown in for good measure. Am I trying to deceive her? Sure...whatever works.
Thought Number Two: Perhaps, I should let Crabby Pants handle this.
This sounds like something that my alter ego might want to get involved with. As you might remember, Crabby Pants, gets all riled up and takes care of these types of things. Let's hope she has put her gun away.
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