Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Running Hot and Cold

Some of you may know of my ongoing letter campaign with Mother Nature.  So far, she has failed to take me seriously.  Frankly,  in the very beginning of my communications with MN, I was more than  kind... if I do say so myself.   As I recall, I was the very definition of polite. (although, the letter was so long ago, I don't quite remember the contents...still, I am sure I was nothing but nice.)

My next letter was a little more forceful. It might even be said that I bordered on rude.  I know, hard to believe of me, huh? In that letter, which I called Were You Not Listening? I merely pointed out that I didn't appreciate the snow AFTER everything had bloomed in the spring. All I can say about that letter is that paybacks are HELL. Not to be deterred, I then sent off another letter titled  Now That is Just Playing Dirty which might give you an idea how MN reacted to a little constructive criticism.

Now that you are all up to speed on how Mom Nature and I are getting along, I have come to a precipice of whether I should write another letter to her.  Really, how do I even begin to address her incompetent handling of Kansas this year.

Just to show how trusting and optimistic we are as a city, all of Kansas City metro...yes, nearly every homeowner in this city has reseeded their drought ravaged lawns. We are all under the assumption that fall means that it is the perfect time to renovate and rejuvenate our yards.  Warm days, cool nights and more frequent rain are the ultimate grass growing conditions right?  Mid to late September is "go time."


 Thought Number One... Looks Like I Have to Write Another Letter

I am searching for the sweet spot between being assertive and diplomatic.  My initial thought is probably I need NOT to start my letter with:

Hey Mother!
What the  &%#@  is wrong with you, you crazy Bitch????

Too aggressive, perhaps.

How about,

Dearest Mother Nature,
Please send rain and temperate temperatures as soon as possible to restore the lovely lawns you inadvertently destroyed over the summer.

Is that too nice? Am I not being assertive enough?

OK, I have it!!! 

Dear Mother Nature,
Are you aware that all of Kansas is trying to grow grass?  Let the weather cooperate and we are more than willing to share.

 Perhaps, she will read something into that and not be clear on the fact we are trying to grow a lovely mix of tall fescue with some bluegrass thrown in for good measure.  Am I trying to deceive her? Sure...whatever works.

Thought Number Two:   Perhaps, I should let Crabby Pants handle this.

This sounds like something that my alter ego might want to get involved with.  As you might remember, Crabby Pants, gets all riled up and takes care of these types of things.  Let's hope she has put her gun away.



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Liggybee said...

I feel your pain! I worry about whether I should start taking some of my potted plants inside now, too - and it's only early October!!!

I dunno what else we can do when Mother Nature does her thing (sigh!). I just hope you guys can keep warm out there...

BTW, I really love those illustrations!!! :) Here's a click for your very entertaining post!

Cheryl P. said...

We are suppose to get a bit of a warm up and the small possibility of rain..gasp, could it actually rain???? You are so right though, we have to accept whatever Mother Nature dishes out.

Thanks for the comment about my cartoons. I am not much of an artist but I have been trying to perfect my little characters.

L.C. Griffith said...

I'm harboring a grudge with MN myself. It's been freezing out since I landed in MA except for two warm days. My blood is like water from living in Florida so long and I'm freezing. She simply doesn't listen. I think you need to peel Crabby Pants away from the fireplace and send her to do your bidding. The last time I bitched at MN I lost my house in a hurricane. I'm just sayin'....

meleahrebeccah said...

You seriously make me laugh!! These letters are priceless.

But, um... as someone who has been sweating to death since May, and suffering from intense humidity of ungodly proportions, I cannot WAIT for it to be 32 degrees, complete with an epic ice/snow storm!!

Cheryl P. said...

You have every right to be totally pissed at MN. I agree our blood got all thin from sweltering through unholy heat and now we can't acclimate.

Yes, Crabby Pants is warming her backside because she is going to be taking on a few other issues in the near future. Her little hiney is quite warm at this point.

Leah, you have had far harsher dealings with MN. I get a drought but losing your home that's sad. Really, I hate that you had to endure that.

Cheryl P. said...

Ya know, I thought that would be the case with me as well. But now that I have been sweating my ass off for 4 months my body can't get used to the cold. I am freezing at 65 degrees. Who knew that the drought and heat would readjust my tolerance level?

Isn't it due to get cooler in New Jersey about now???

Nicky said...

Cheryl, you kill me! I LOVE the Pooh-bear hat and the Tigger hat but most especially, the Eeyore hat!!

Now, as for your letter to MN, I would NOT recommend trying to mislead her with the lure of GRASS. For one thing, I'm pretty sure she could definitely grow her own (if anybody could) and second, based on the recent weather, I'm guessing she's already 'sampled'!

Cheryl P. said...

The Eeyore hat looks esp. cute because it's on Carmen's little noggin. If that cat could talk she would be screaming obscenities at me. In real life there is no way she would let me put a hat on her. There would be blood and it would be mine.

You make valid points about the grass situation. MN might indeed be under the influence of something which would explain the odd weather everywhere. HMMM, seems that I need to rethink how I am going to grovel for some grass growing (turf grass that is) weather.

Trina said...

I feel your pain. I thought that now that Fall has arrived we'd get a break from the extreme heat and FINALLY get some enjoyable weather. MN obviously is into torture this year. Last week I was sweating, this week I've lit the wood stove to stay warm. It's crazy.

I would love to be able to sit by a campfire and enjoy these supposed to be cool nights of Fall before winter arrives... better yet, maybe she could hold off the ice until we sail out of the Chesapeake Bay...


Wolfbernz said...

Hi Cheryl,

Trying to entice Mother Nature with Grass seems similar to trying to sell a snowcone to an Eskimo. It might work, but chances are not so good. I sure wish she'd make up her mind and bring back "Normal" weather for a bit. I'm still trying to recover from the heat, this weather freezes to the bone!

Clicks for you!

Demetrio said...

I love the fall and the change of seasons. Winter can wait.

Cheryl P. said...

Crazy is right. There just doesn't seem to be any middle ground. Perhaps, this cold is just a cold snap and we will still see some Autumn. I hope so. The sitting around the camp fire on a cool night sounds wonderful. Ice and snow needs to hold off at least until sometime in December.

You and Wolf need to have smooth sailing at you leave for your trip...with any luck at all the weather will cooperate.

Cheryl P. said...

It will be interesting to see what winter brings this year. Every season just seems to be totally out of whack on what is normal. In fact, I don't think there is a normal any more.

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, I totally agree. I think Fall is so beautiful and it needs to stick around long enough for all of us to get a chance to enjoy it. I am good with one nice (meaning not a blizzard but just a pretty snow that blankets everything in white) snow and then I am over it.

Thanks Demetrio for stopping by. It's so nice of you to come by.

momto8blog said...

reminds me of that old margarine commercial, 'It's not nice to fool with mother nature!" remember that?!

Cheryl P. said...

Haha, Sadly, I not only remember it but it seems just like yesterday. Aren't older people supposed to start losing their memory?

meleahrebeccah said...

It's like in the 50's. Still NOT cold enough for me!