They Have a Plan

Every week when Crabby Pants and I look over the odd news reports, we come to the conclusion that at some point all of the subjects of these stories, thought they had a brilliant plan.  But, alas, at some point things went wrong.  Here are a few of the great ideas that have the potential for disaster this week.

Dental Plan

A Canadian dentist is hoping to clone John Lennon using DNA from one of the singer's rotten teeth. Michael Zuk, who bought Lennon's molar at a 2011 auction, has begun sequencing the former Beatle's DNA – the first step in a process set out by scientists who propose to clone a woolly mammoth.

Two years ago the Red Deer based dentist paid £19,500 for a "discolored molar" that had been passed down by Lennon to his Weybridge housekeeper, Dot Jarlett. It was acquired in the mid-60s, and Jarlett's son said it had "been in the family ever since". At the time of the sale, Omega auction house claimed the tooth was "too fragile" for DNA testing.

The tooth has since  been couriered to an unnamed US lab where scientists are "considering ways to extract it's genetic code". "I am nervous and excited at the possibility that we will be able to fully sequence John Lennon's DNA," Zuk said. "With researchers working on ways to clone mammoths, the same technology certainly could make human cloning a reality."

Zuk is convinced with new advances in genetic research, he believes that Lennon's DNA can be harvested and, in time, converted from tissue cells into stem cells, and eventually into a reborn Beatle. "To say I had a small part in bringing back one of rock's greatest stars would be mind-blowing," he said. (Am I being harsh by thinking maybe Zuk's mind is already blown?)

In the meantime, Zuk is promoting his other dental endeavors: pendants and a sculpture made from Lennon's "tooth dust", a photo book of celebrity champers, the parody song Love Me Tooth, and other initiatives to promote awareness of mouth cancer.

Perhaps the dentist is biting off more than he can chew with trying to recreate John Lennon.  But if that fails, perhaps he can hope to sell the song rights of Love Me Tooth.  Sounds catchy. don't you think?

That Plan Sucked

A pair of enterprising thieves  in Salt Lake, UT, took a car wash to the cleaners: They used a powerful shop vacuum to suck quarters out of a coin-operated machine, police said Wednesday.

The duo drew the suspicion of a passing police officer and failed to make a clean getaway.
"They had a good plan. They were enterprising. If they were successful they could have returned night after night," said Sgt. Gary Young in the Salt Lake City suburb of Cottonwood Heights. "More often thieves just

use a crowbar. They get an A for effort but an F for execution." (how nice to get compliments from law enforcement!)

Todd Herburg, 53, and Scott Luker, 55, were arrested Wednesday on suspicion of burglary.
More charges are pending.

What gave the men away was a crude attempt at altering their vehicle's license plates. They used a piece of black electrical tape to change a "D'' to a "B," Young said.

They used their own shop vacuum to do the work, he said. It was powered by an inverter rigged inside their Jeep SUV to produce household current. Police haven't counted their stash of quarters yet. Young said the coin-operated machine probably held no more than $30.

The fact these geniuses got some coins sucked out is amazing but seems like an extraordinary amount of effort to go for $30.00.  


Bad Dog

An animal rights group is asking the maker of hot dogs designed to poke fun at New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner to offer a vegetarian option. ( Really??? That's their only objection?)

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to marketing executive Randall Richards of Orlando, Fla., who teamed with an Illinois company to create Carlos Danger Weiners -- designed to poke fun at Anthony Weiner's sexing scandal using his own made-up name. (The word poke is starting to feel uncomfortable.)

"Playing on the double entendre of Anthony Weiner's name to sell a product that can contribute to impotence in men is like selling an energy drink that puts you to sleep," PETA Senior Vice President of Campaigns Dan Mathews said. "Meat hot dogs cause misery to the animals they're made from, and they're bad for the humans who eat them. So Mr. Richards should start selling Carlos Danger Veggie Weiners."



I wouldn't think that anyone would want to eat wieners named after Anthony Weiner's alter ego's ...well...you know.  Can we all say....EWWWWW?

Friday Around the Water Cooler

My gosh, hasn't it been such a slow week in the lame-stream news....JUST KIDDING!!!  Just when you think it can't get any weirder out there, it does.  I do find it pretty interesting that our news programming today very much resembles the children's game Hot, Warm, Cold. 

Any tidbit of a story starts cold, then as it gets a  little more salacious, dramatic, sexual and perverted the story starts getting warmer, then as  the big "scandals are exposed" the news becomes HOT, HOT, HOT. While it is in the "hot" category, every channel will be blabbing on and on all day about that one story. Of course after a couple of weeks go by,  most stories  become cold, colder off the news grid.  For example in the not-so-distant past  there was the Hot, Warm, Cold story of  Charlie Sheen's antics.  At least for now Charlie seems to be cold, colder, freezing cold. 

Why?  Because he was quickly replaced by Hot stories such as this week's Anthony Weiner's Wienergate scandal.  Didn't you just see this story going from warm to "OH MY Freakin'.... Hot.

This story started off somewhat hard to believe (hard probably not the best word to use) but just kept getting more and more unbelievable.  Last week, Anthony is saying his Twitter account had been  hacked to this week admitting to at least six women he has been having  inappropriate  exchanges with on social network sights.  But to really boost him into the HOT topic category, we now get to see his "naked business" in all it's glory (no..not so much) on the Internet.  That certainly takes those wiener jokes up a notch. 

So the debate is on.  Should he resign?? Can he effectively do his job now that the world is discussing his private parts.  (well, technically, no longer private...no, not even close to being private)  Does it soften your stance, knowing that his wife is expecting their first baby?

Anthony has enlisted the help of Bill Clinton to support him during this stressful time.  This morning on NBC Bill Clinton was quoted saying,  he is really disappointed in Anthony's behavior.  All I can say, is if you have gone so far down  the ladder of perversion as to have even disappointed Bill Clinton, you must be one sick puppy.

Another interesting quote by Luke Russart this morning is that "aids are saying that resignation is not where Weiner's head is at".  Isn't that the best quote you have ever heard in relationship to this story."

So, my blogee readers, just hold out hope that in any moment some new HOT story will be "breaking news" and Weinergate will go cold, colder.....and disappear.


Another story that I found somewhat interesting this week....

Reece Witherspoon received an MTV Generation Award this week.  During her acceptance speech she said that she thinks that all the actresses that have appeared in sex tapes and nude photographs, should be ashamed of themselves.

"I get it girls, that it's cool to be a bad girl." But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape you were embarrassed and you hid under your bed.  And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people, hide your face!  For all the girls out there, it's totally possible to be a good girl.  I'm going to try to make it cool."


The thing I found interesting about this is I heard about it for the first time from a clip of Kathy Lee Gifford of the Today Show gushing about how wonderful she thought Reece's sentiments were and how true it is BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.   Her first guests for the day....which she introduced as two of the most fun friends she has...she repeated how fun they are....the Kardashian sisters Kourtney and Kloe.  Are we hearing this??? The Kar-trash-ian sex pot sisters are so much fun and such good friends. 


OK, the last big newsworthy story that I will share for the day is....


Elaine Davidson, of Edinburgh, Scotland married Douglas Watson yesterday.  Brazilian born Miss Davidson, 46,  holds the Guinness book of  World Records for the most piercings.  With almost 7000 piercings and tattoos, her older groom said he thought she looked astonishing. 

Really??? The groom describes her as astonishing.

I have a couple of descriptive words that come to mind.

AND I am not overly convinced he is looking at her with a lovey-dovey kind of look.

So, for all of you that are pining away at not having a lovely bride that looks like this perhaps, you are only around 6500 piercings away from getting "the look".

A song about Friday Nights

The Good for the Day...probably just a matter of time before the Weiner story goes cold.

The Bad for the Day....Bad choices

The Weird for the Day...7000 piercings

Friday Around the Water Cooler

I, probably should get my apology out of the way before I even start this

post.  You see..now that I have all of these really stellar, intelligent blog writers as my cyber friends,  who write eloquent beautiful prose about the world and the ebb and flow of life, I am writing about wieners. Yep, that's right.  My brain seemingly is on par with that of a 13 year old boy.  I don't think my brain has actually morphed into that of an adolescent  in the literal sense, you understand.  More reactively...that is to say...I find myself giggling at all the assorted stories dealing with Rep. Weiner's **giggle, giggle** wiener.  Sorry...**giggle** really, sorry.

How many opportunities does the national media get to say Weiner and Mobile in the same sentence and still not be referring to this. -------->>

 Of course in this case, the media is talking about a mobile phone not
 a MO BEEL as in Wienermobile.


This weeks big (errr..maybe not all that big) story is just the kind of fun, salacious fodder that the mainstream media outlets  live for. The story that has now become known as Weinergate is in reference to a picture of a male crotch shot being tweeted from a phone to a young Seattle woman.  Now you wouldn't think that a closeup picture of a man in his undies would be all that noteworthy but I guess if you are a Democratic Representative from New York it merits a couple of comments or maybe a few more than a couple....or perhaps hundreds.  Let's get real.  How often do you get a chance to say wiener over and over on the news? 

What makes this story even more LAUGHABLE (not with him, at him kind of way)...is how Representative Weiner is handling it. (to clarify, handling the story, not the wiener).  Instead of just saying clearly and forthright "that is not mine" or "clearly, my equipment doesn't protrude in that fashion" or "I wear tidy whities, so that can't be mine", he says crap like:

It certainly doesn't look familiar to me, but I don't want to say with certitude to you something that I don't know to be the certain truth.

Did he really just use the word CERTITUDE?  All, I can say is Weiner needs to shut up now.  Truly, just don't talk...you are making it worse. Don't believe me? How about this statement he made in an interview with Wolfe Blitzer on CNN. When asked if this photograph could be of him, he says....

 I can tell you this, that there are -- I have photographs. I don't know what photographs are out there in the world of me.

Are there so many pictures of your groin floating around out there you can't recall them all?  Here are a couple of other choice nuggets comments out of that interview.


You know, I -- I -- I fear we're going to find out that perhaps our security here was not particularly good. And maybe it's going to turn out to be a worse situation than it looks right now.

(what does that mean?  Is there going to be more?  Can it get worse than having your name associated with Weinergate and being the butt of wiener jokes? Sorry, couldn't help myself from throwing in another body part)

(when asked if he still wants to run for the mayorship of New York) Put it this way, it's the only better job than the one I have. Just imagine how many Weiner jokes will be in play, you know, when you become mayor, but you know, the thing I'm really focusing on now is this is a tough two years coming up, the presidential re-election

(why did he say "when you become mayor" instead of "I become mayor"...really the guy needs to quit talking and oh yeah, he needs to close his Twitter account)




OK..I am all petered out on that topic so let's move onto a more fun news story....

Newsweek did an article about called the "TOP TEN DYING CITIES". And the winners are....

10. Grand Rapids, Michigan
9. Flint, Michigan
8. South Bend, Indiana
7. Detroit, Michigan
6. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
5. Cleveland, Ohio
4. Rochester, New York
3. Hialeah, Florida
2. Vallejo, California
1. New Orleans, Louisiana

This is where this turns into a fun story for the week. Grand Rapids, Michigan doesn't particularly agree that their city is dying and they are doing something about it.

WAY TO GO, GRAND RAPIDS....AWESOME VIDEO....
I know this video is long but you have to see the part with the emergency vehicles and the helicopter.  How cool are the folks in Grand Rapids??  Very!

So Newsweek you might want to rethink your picks.  Looks like Grand Rapids is alive and well.


One last story that has come out of this weeks news.

A United Flight headed for Ghana had taken off from Washington DC with 144 passengers on board, had to circle for 25 minutes then re-land the plane.  Why, you ask? The reason is that two men got into a fist fight over one of them reclining their seat causing the other man to have his knees bumped.   The "cramped" guy smacked the "reclining" guy across the head.  AND A FIGHT ENSUED... The plane being too heavy to land with a full tank of fuel had to circle the airport for 25 minutes to  lessen the fuel weight before trying to bring down the plane safely.  As the crew tried to subdue the two idiots fighting, two fighter jets were dispatched out of Andrews Airforce Base to escort the passenger plane back to the runway, on the outside chance there was any link to terrorism.
WOW...such a fiasco  because two guys are jerks.

The Good for the Week....  Community spirit...I love that a city would come up with a unified effort to refute a negative article.


The Bad for the Week....Obviously, not having enough leg room is worth fighting for.


The Weird for the Week ...There is a One Eyed Pirate wanted in Colorado...yes, I said a pirate. A pirate knocked over a Walgreen's pharmacy last weekend.  Police are looking for this guy after he robbed the Colorado Springs, CO pharmacy of prescription drugs.

So be wary maties...if you see this guy...ARRGGGHH