Friday, August 23, 2013

They Have a Plan

Every week when Crabby Pants and I look over the odd news reports, we come to the conclusion that at some point all of the subjects of these stories, thought they had a brilliant plan.  But, alas, at some point things went wrong.  Here are a few of the great ideas that have the potential for disaster this week.

Dental Plan

A Canadian dentist is hoping to clone John Lennon using DNA from one of the singer's rotten teeth. Michael Zuk, who bought Lennon's molar at a 2011 auction, has begun sequencing the former Beatle's DNA – the first step in a process set out by scientists who propose to clone a woolly mammoth.

Two years ago the Red Deer based dentist paid £19,500 for a "discolored molar" that had been passed down by Lennon to his Weybridge housekeeper, Dot Jarlett. It was acquired in the mid-60s, and Jarlett's son said it had "been in the family ever since". At the time of the sale, Omega auction house claimed the tooth was "too fragile" for DNA testing.

The tooth has since  been couriered to an unnamed US lab where scientists are "considering ways to extract it's genetic code". "I am nervous and excited at the possibility that we will be able to fully sequence John Lennon's DNA," Zuk said. "With researchers working on ways to clone mammoths, the same technology certainly could make human cloning a reality."

Zuk is convinced with new advances in genetic research, he believes that Lennon's DNA can be harvested and, in time, converted from tissue cells into stem cells, and eventually into a reborn Beatle. "To say I had a small part in bringing back one of rock's greatest stars would be mind-blowing," he said. (Am I being harsh by thinking maybe Zuk's mind is already blown?)

In the meantime, Zuk is promoting his other dental endeavors: pendants and a sculpture made from Lennon's "tooth dust", a photo book of celebrity champers, the parody song Love Me Tooth, and other initiatives to promote awareness of mouth cancer.

Perhaps the dentist is biting off more than he can chew with trying to recreate John Lennon.  But if that fails, perhaps he can hope to sell the song rights of Love Me Tooth.  Sounds catchy. don't you think?

That Plan Sucked

A pair of enterprising thieves  in Salt Lake, UT, took a car wash to the cleaners: They used a powerful shop vacuum to suck quarters out of a coin-operated machine, police said Wednesday.

The duo drew the suspicion of a passing police officer and failed to make a clean getaway.
"They had a good plan. They were enterprising. If they were successful they could have returned night after night," said Sgt. Gary Young in the Salt Lake City suburb of Cottonwood Heights. "More often thieves just
use a crowbar. They get an A for effort but an F for execution." (how nice to get compliments from law enforcement!)

Todd Herburg, 53, and Scott Luker, 55, were arrested Wednesday on suspicion of burglary.
More charges are pending.

What gave the men away was a crude attempt at altering their vehicle's license plates. They used a piece of black electrical tape to change a "D'' to a "B," Young said.

They used their own shop vacuum to do the work, he said. It was powered by an inverter rigged inside their Jeep SUV to produce household current. Police haven't counted their stash of quarters yet. Young said the coin-operated machine probably held no more than $30.

The fact these geniuses got some coins sucked out is amazing but seems like an extraordinary amount of effort to go for $30.00.  

Bad Dog

An animal rights group is asking the maker of hot dogs designed to poke fun at New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner to offer a vegetarian option. ( Really??? That's their only objection?)

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to marketing executive Randall Richards of Orlando, Fla., who teamed with an Illinois company to create Carlos Danger Weiners -- designed to poke fun at Anthony Weiner's sexing scandal using his own made-up name. (The word poke is starting to feel uncomfortable.)

"Playing on the double entendre of Anthony Weiner's name to sell a product that can contribute to impotence in men is like selling an energy drink that puts you to sleep," PETA Senior Vice President of Campaigns Dan Mathews said. "Meat hot dogs cause misery to the animals they're made from, and they're bad for the humans who eat them. So Mr. Richards should start selling Carlos Danger Veggie Weiners."

I wouldn't think that anyone would want to eat wieners named after Anthony Weiner's alter ego's know.  Can we all say....EWWWWW?


Robyn Engel said...

Since when did PETA get a sense of humor? This last one is hysterical!

Have a nice Friday and weekend, Cheryl.


Cheryl P. said...

The whole idea that someone wants to market wieners using the name Carlos Danger is laughable in a bizarre kind of way. I won't be buying them. Ick

You, too, have a nice weekend!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The Mad Dentist has to use a US lab because cloning is illegal under Canadian law. We think of everything, eh? If he does succeed, Yoko Ono and Apple Records will sue his ass for copyright infringement anyway, LOL!

babs (beetle) said...

I can't believe that anyone would go to all that trouble to steal so little.
I've heard of people wanting keepsakes of a person, but a rotten old tooth?

Chubby Chatterbox said...

Hey, I thought John Lennon was an interesting person and a gifted musician, but do we really want lots of cloned John Lennon's running around? Now a woolly mammoth I'd pay to see.

Dexter Klemperer said...

I vote for the woolly mammoth as well; that story is disturbing on so many levels. Someone kept a tooth as a family heirloom, then someone 19,000 for it, then they are going to spend a lot of money to clone what will probably that housekeeper's kid!
That seems very unfair that hot dogs cause impotence supposedly. Seems like soggy, wilted vegetables should cause it.

Cheryl P. said...

I hadn't thought about John's family going after the dentist but, of course, you are right. I was too busy envisioning a giant tooth with little John Lennon glasses on.

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, such an elaborate plan for such a little dab of quarters. Changing the license plate and figuring out the power source from their car. You would think they planned on knocking off an armoured tank or something.

The tooth thing creeps me out. The picture of the tooth is a nasty rotten looking thing. I wouldn't of paid 2 cents for it, let along thousands of dollars.

Cheryl P. said...

Wouldn't everyone want to see a wooly mammoth. How would anyone know if a cloned John Lennon was a clone? There are tons of people that look alike. I don't see the point.

Cheryl P. said...

Very disturbing. In nearly all the articles it had a picture of a nasty rotten tooth. If I had a tooth that awful, I would have it pulled and put it on Craigs list for a lot less than 19,000 pounds. It may or may not have belonged to someone famous. OK definitely didn't belong to someone famous but is anyone certain that this tooth is really John Lennon's.?

I found it laughable that they are concerned about the safety of the weiner because of the meat content but didn't mention the problem that it is among the crassest, most asinine marketing ploys that any company ever thought up. Really, even if it was a huge vitamin stick, who would want to have something identified with Weiner's wiener?

Just Keepin' It Real Folks said...

How about the folks at I'm Funny not knowing the proper use of "your" and "you're" in the first pic? Now that's funny!!!!

lisleman said...

Cheryl is this Lennon tooth your creation? If so great job. I recall John wearing a big hat once (or was it George?) so I thought you might crown the tooth with that stylish hat.

Cheryl P. said...

I've always wondered who writes the captions. Are they morons, are they bad spellers or are they just using bad grammar and words like "dis" for the fun of it? You're right though. (or should I go for the cheap joke and say "your right")

lisleman said...

(some free proof reading - I think the John Lennon part has a format problem with sentences showing up in the wrong place)
The dentist will look even dumber if that tooth turns out not to be from John Lennon. I know his son Julian is not a clone but he sure look a lot like his Dad.

Cheryl P. said...

Thanks for pointing that out, Lisleman. It looks like when I inserted the picture I split up the format in some weird way.

I thought the same exact thing. What if he really could get this tooth's DNA (and I am pretty sure he can't) and the clone turned out to be that of the housekeeper? Seems like a lot of wasted money and time. Far fetched to say the least.

Definitely...Julian favors John a lot. There are some traits in Sean as well but to a lesser degree.

Cheryl P. said...

I will have to do some Googling to see if I can find the hat. I did try to super impose John's hair on the tooth and it looked like it belonged in a horror movie. If I had your ability to make videos I would of made a little horror flick out of it.

Agent 54 said...

ewwwwww! That is so creepy. I like the kitty helmet. I think my virtual helmet is coming today. Can't wait!

There is no right, there is no wrong, there is no good, there is no bad, there is only
Funny and Not Funny. Anthony Weiner is Funny.

Cheryl P. said...

Little Carmen is a sport about letting me put virtual hats/headgear/helmets on her. In real life she wouldn't put up with it.

The price for being put in a virtual helmet is that the cowboy hat has to come off ...oh and you have to let me shoot you from a cannon.

As for Weiner...he is one big joke for sure. A creepy, dirty joke but still a joke.

Wendy said...

Oh, I just love this tooth Cheryl! Yes, I agree, add the hat, but how?

Wendy said...

Perhaps it might be best, even though the double entendres are so tempting (see, even that word -entree here- can be one), to stop giving this guy Weiner his half hour of fame (seriously, we have gone last past his required 15 minutes).
Of course they can clone John Lennon- haven't you seen Jurassic Park? Sheesh ;). Actually, we know very well that human ability is both nature AND nurture, so the whole DNA thing is a scheme ( ooh, was that a surprise? ) . Yep, I agree with you, Zuk's mind is already blown, blown-up with grandeur ideas for MONEY making schemes .
I have a 'great idea' for those robbers. NOW those guys know how to think out of the box. Send them to prison but put them into the 'gifted prisoners' program ( isn't there one, just like in schools) and see if they can create more Great ideas, ones that are usable. Of course, since they are in a prison, all their great ideas, aka intellectual property rights ,would belong to the prison itself, just like in your typical work place. But, they could still become famous, well, more famous!
Love the beginning picture although I might quibble, truly great ideas only have bad consequences while still in their testing stages....

Cheryl P. said...

I Googled John Lennon's hats and the man was a hat fanatic. He wore dozens and dozens of different hats. I didn't remember that. I was probably busy looking at Paul McCartney. is what his toothy clone would look like wearing a hat.

Cheryl P. said...

I did add a hat but the tooth still can't sing I Want to Hold Your Hand. Probably just as well, as he has no hands.

lisleman said...

wow that's a great hat for a tooth. Thanks for taking my input. For what possible reason who knows, but you could start a series of celebrity teeth.

Cheryl P. said...

Haha...are we quibbling? I don't know, Wendy? What some people think are truly great ideas, I tend to think of as disasters. There is such a fine line between genius and garbage depending on your view point. Don't you imagine the proficient photographer, Mr. Weiner, thinks that sexting is a great technology?

Yes, you are right that Weiner should be past his 15 minutes of fame but the coincidence of having body part slang as a last name and a propensity to expose oneself just comes up (sorry...even in that phrase there could be a double entendre) once in a lifetime. But I never give up hope that another intern will show up in a compromising position with the name Ima Hooker.

As for cloning, John Lennon. You are absolutely right. Absurd! Oh sure it's possible to clone (I did see Jurassic Park) and I think even Dolly the cloned sheep would agree with me on this ...well if she wasn't dead ....Even identical twins growing up in the same environment don't necessarily turn out the same. Zuk is trying a multi-level approach to getting some attention and make some cash.

I think that is a great idea to have a Talented and Gifted program at prisons. I suspect a lot of of felons think they are genius and would want to be housed there though. They could organize "think tanks" and really emphasize the tank part.

Cheryl P. said...

Wouldn't you think that there is a need (maybe overstating that a bit) for a coffee table book of celebrity teeth with hats?

Jo-Anne said...

Some people are really hard up for money if they have to suck it out of a machine really all that sweat and me there was swearing involved for only 30 bucks............not that dentist wonder what would happen if he succeeds and then finds out it is Lennon's tooth but Hitler's instead wouldn't he be in shit street............

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, that is true desperation to go to that much work with such a poor payback. Maybe they were stupid enough to think those vacuums hold more money than they do. At a quarter a use, it only stands to reason there wouldn't be a lot of money in there.

I thought about the possibility that it might not really be John Lennon's tooth as well. It would serve him right to find out that it is some non-celebrity that no one ever heard of.

Katherine Murray said...

The John Lennon Harry Potter Cat picture cracked me up!!! I think especially because it is SO TRUE! And maybe before John Lennon, the movie Escape from Alcatraz.

Keeping John Lennon's tooth... DNA.... a new Beatle... EWWWWWW!!!!!

abeerfortheshower said...

I love these deranged lab nerds that think just because you make an identical genetic copy of someone that you're "bringing them back to life." No, you just made the world's greatest John Lennon impersonator. That will never be John Lennon, only a facsimile. Hell, I want to see them go through all of this trouble to create this clone, only for him to grow up with absolutely no interest in music, dreaming only of being an accountant with a wife and four kids.

Cheryl P. said...

I thought that was pretty clever as well...although they didn't cover all the generations. I suppose the generation from the 1930s or 1940s might see Groucho Marx and the cartoon enthusiasts would see Peter McFarland.

I agree EWWWWW...I wouldn't want to be messing around with trying to clone a new person off of an old rotten tooth,

Cheryl P. said...

I agree that it all seems ridiculous. Even with exact DNA, the person is born and raised with an entirely different environment and life experiences. They might not even favor physically depending on life style. Maybe the cloned John would live on a diet of only bacon and beer (oops don't mean to tread on your territory) and weigh 500 lbs. The new John's claim to fame might be winning all the food eating contests at state fairs.

AletaObrien said...

Ewwwwwww, disgusting .. anything named after Anthony Weiner...

Ok, Kudos for creativity to the coin thieves, but yeah, all that effort for coins when thieves can check the handle of doors on cars and still coins that way (which happened to a friend not long ago... it had to be a child thief though... because the thief took quarters, nickels and pennies... left the dimes.. I guess the kid thought the dimes were the smallest and therefore the less in value).


Cheryl P. said...

At least if it was kids, one could think they just don't know better. Funny that they didn't want the dimes. My little grandsons still think pennies are better than dimes as well.

And this tooth was a disgusting rotten tooth. I can't believe someone saved it, sold it or bought it.

meleahrebeccah said...

"Perhaps the dentist is biting off more than he can chew with trying to recreate John Lennon. But if that fails, perhaps he can hope to sell the song rights of Love Me Tooth. Sounds catchy. don't you think?"

That made me laugh out loud, literally.

"What gave the men away was a crude attempt at altering their vehicle's license plates. They used a piece of black electrical tape to change a "D'' to a "B,"

Okay - that is HILARIOUS to me.

"Playing on the double entendre of Anthony Weiner's name to sell a product that can contribute to impotence in men is like selling an energy drink that puts you to sleep."

Indeed. And EWWWWWW

Cheryl P. said...

I would of thought being a dentist would be enough of a money maker without resorting to cloning dead band members but then what do I know? I obviously have missed some opportunities to get rich.

Aren't the two vacuum crooks just about the biggest idiots you've ever heard about? They did everything wrong and in broad daylight.

Weiner equals all that is EWWWWW and IIIICCCCKKKK!

meleahrebeccah said...

"Aren't the two vacuum crooks just about the biggest idiots you've ever heard about?"