Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Crystal Balls are Obsolete

Not that I have ever gone to a psychic, but I think they could really make their job easier by asking the client to fork over their smart phone.  Everything that anyone would want to know, surely is available on someone's phone.  Name, address, relatives, interests, ....yeh, it's all there...just have to have it interpreted.  I suppose the real psychics don't need this little short cut but if you are a "genuine" fake here is a way to get the goods on your client to   make your "little show" work.

A large part of the "reading" is going to be the psychic's ability to figure out the apps.

A tech savvy sooth sayer who got a look at  a person's phone might be able to piece together a fairly accurate profile of a person's interests, hobbies, or even their sick sense of humor.

Here is how I see it.  Apple, alone offers more than 350,000 apps now. Additionally there are tens of thousands of other apps from other companies.  So....let's just say there are hundreds of thousands of applications available for the IPhone, Android, Evo, IPad, and whatever other techy gadget that you might be haulin' around. 

OK...what might be on your phone?? 

If you are a shopper there will be possibly store apps. Thousands of stores, thousands of products. 

If you have specific interests you will have apps for those...let's say wine, golf, shoes, travel and on and on into infinity.

If you are directionally challenged maybe you have a GPS.

Like music?  Tons of apps are related to music.

Have small children that you want to lure into quiet time, there are apps for that.  Puzzles, games, Baby Piano, to name a few.  You can even have your phone read a story to the kid for $1.99.

Now here are a few and you can tell me what you think these apps would say about a person?  Don't be shy.  Send your answers in on the comments or email.  I am not fussy. 

Note: These are real apps that are available today. So if you think you need these, start downloading them to your smart phones while they are still available.

1.  ibeer  - this is a virtual beer that you can pretend drink on your phone.  Trying to give up beer, never fear you can download imilk. 

2. ipee urinal  - this is a virtual urinal to get rid of the virtual beer.  Without going into to much description you have to hold your "equipment"  to start and let go to stop.  If you flush and it doesn't work then there is a virtual plunger available.

3.  Confession: The Roman Catholic app or I Confess app. The first one is an app to help you keep track of all your indiscretions and the second one is just for  "shooting off your mouth about  all your dirty little secrets. "  So if you grossly misbehaved after you got virtually drunk on your virtual beer and did something BAD. You can virtually confess it.

4.  And if you are virtually drunk after drinking your virtual beer why don't you just download these apps. Really, if you are drunk you are going to find these  apps HYSTERICAL

A.  That's What She Said  -when you press the button, it prefaces everything you say with "that's what she said".

B.  Talking Tom -  this is a funny cat that repeats everything you say in a funny voice and makes funny faces. While that doesn't sound all that fun now, wait till your virtually drunk.

C. Fatbooth    -  It will take any body's picture and you can morph it into a fat person.  The person that is getting virtually fat won't find it nearly as funny as you do.

D. Doggie Talk - When you hold your phone in front of a dog it will translate his bark into human talk. They claim it is patented technology.  Woof, woof, I believe. Also, available in Kitty Talk, meow, meow.

E. And last and most assuredly the least. There are dozens of apps that can make noises.  If you are virtually drunk, you will want, ifart, fart for free, fart cushion or fart piano.  Lot's of choices.

There you have just a sampling of how to make your smart phone an extension of your true self. far as a psychic goes there is an app for that too.

Just download Psychic Aura onto your phone.

The Good for the Day....someone got paid to think up some of these apps.

The Bad for the Day....  someone got paid to think up some of these apps. 

The Weird for the Day.... clever advertising by the Hot Wheels people.  Fun in a weird "get your attention" kind of way


Jayne said...

Haha! I think this means that I don't get drunk enough. I also don't have any apps. None! Sounds like I need to catch up with the rest of the world, eh?
Love the video! :)

Cperz said...

I think this makes you more sane than a lot of us. I don't have the ibeer etc. but I do keep puzzles and games for "shushing" grandkids. Crazy world of technology. Maybe I should put ibeer on my phone. I don't drink the real stuff so maybe I could be a virtual drinker and at some future date be in virtual rehab.

cardiogirl said...

Man, I can't afford a phone that supports apps. But I'd pay $1.99 for an app that would read stories to my kids. That would be cool.

Cperz said...

Hi cardiogirl, I don't think you are missing much but just wait....
just like all other techy crud, the price will drop like a rock as soon as the next new "thing" hits the market. I bet your kids love when you read them a story...way better than an Iphone would.