Friday, November 16, 2012

Organizing the Crazy

Perhaps, I should blame the confusion on my part as being a result of inattentiveness...or preoccupation..but it seems that there is some element of  "what the what" with this week's stories.
Crabby Pants believes that a little organiztion is required over here at TAOBC.  Call my a cynic but I doubt her organization skills will make these stories any more credible.  Let's just say, I don't want to upset Crabby Pants any more than necessary.

She is here to explain her new organizational tool for sorting out our Friday post.  The news stories are now divided into three distinct least as far as Crabby Pants is concerned.  I am not entirely convinced that these three categories will cover all the stupid and weird news we find.  Still she has labeled three file folders with little tabs.

First File:  Hell YES!

I sense a bad attitude here
Last Friday I talked about Shena Hardin, the Cleveland woman that drove on the sidewalk every morning to avoid stopping for the school bus.  She was sentenced to stand on the corner holding a sign. 

I am a bit conflicted how this story should be filed.  We (me and my crabby alter-ego, Crabby Pants) are super happy that the idiot...her words not mine.. got a ticket for her rock star move of driving on the sidewalk rather than stopping for the school bus BUT we are tempted to throw it in the "Hell No" file because she doesn't appear terribly remorseful.

Second File: Hell NO!

A Cincinnati judge must have been disappointed with the response she received when trying to work our a deal with Damaine Mitchell. Mitchell was in court Wednesday charged with trafficking marijuana.

Judge Melba Marsh stressed that she was willing to work with Mitchell by offering him a treatment program in lieu of going to jail.  She, offered that his record would be expunged as well, if he completed the program and gave up smoking pot.

Mitchell responded, "That's going to be hard for me to do, to be honest with you. I like smoking weed.  ( have to admire his honesty)  After further discussion with the judge about the requirements of his quitting, Mitchell made an unusual request...if she would allow him time to smoke one a joint before being returned to jail.

Judge Marsh, said that she had never been asked for marijuana in her court before.  She hasn't determined how she will handle his case.  Mitchell is due back in court on Monday.

Asking the judge...while she is considering your fate...for weed, might not be be a tactical maneuver. While it may not aide Mitchell as far as his sentencing goes,  it probably provided the judge with a fun story about her work day. 

Third File: What the Hell Were They Thinking

A Bangkok man was admitted to hospital after injecting his penis with unlicensed olive oil (olive oil needs a license in Thailand ???) The purpose of the injections were to enlarge his penis but as a result he had developed an infection causing his testicles to swell to the size of grapefruits.

To be fair, the article did point out that there was some that doubted the infection was caused by the injections. But olive oil penis injections have been problematic in other men. In 1995 a death was blamed on the procedure. (What? This is a trend or something?)

Notice that I didn't get carried away with pictures on this one.  Count on me to be super classy with my stories.  Seems there is a great debate on the procedure of shooting up olive oil...well at least into your penis.  Here's a thought...don't. 


Lia said...

Ahhh extra virgin olive oil... Doesn't get more virginal than being injected into a penis I say...

I love how she's wearing big sun glasses and is practically covered head to toe when wearing that sign. They should make her wear a hazard vest (in those neon orange colors) and no sun glasses!

I'm pretty sure Mitchell was NOT just on pot during his sentencing. I refuse to believe he was completely sober when he asked the judge for another joint.

I love the new organization tactic :)

And thank you again for your wonderful comment the other day!

Chubby Chatterbox said...

I have no intention of shooting olive oil up my penis---no matter how virgin it is!

meleahrebeccah said...

"BUT we are tempted to throw it in the "Hell No" file because she doesn't appear terribly remorseful."

She's standing there on her cell phone, NOT giving a fuck! What an asshole.

Um… if I was going to jail, the last thing I would do is ask the judge if I could smoke weed. And also, HELLO, rehab sounds much better than prison to me.

I am squeezing my legs tightly after reading about that olive oil penis injection. OMG. NO.

Aleta said...

To the size of grapefruits, omg, that had to hurt!!!
And asking to smoke weed, to a judge? Now... that's balls.

Cheryl P. said...

I thought the same thing about the "virgin" part of olive oil. I thought about throwing a comment about how his partner should use a vinegar douch so they could have a dressing but deciced against it.
I, think the idiot driver got off way to easy anyway and the fact that she isn't taking any of it seriously, just makes me mad. Ahhhh well...hopefully, what goes around comes around.,
You are so right....the kid was drunk or high or both...or just a total dumba**.
You are more than welcome about the's the truth.

Cheryl P. said...

I am hopeing that you would never feel so insecure that you would feel the need but I am more than confident that you seem way too smart to do such a stupid thing.

Cheryl P. said...

As always...your brain and my brain work exactly alike. EXACTLY!!!
That rude bitch just seems to be totally narcissistic. I can be pretty excepting of peoples traits but rudeness sets me on fire.
Yeh, asking the judge for a joint...what a dumbass.
I can't imagine something so aweful. Who would purposfully inject themselves with something like that?

Cheryl P. said...

What would inspire someone to inject themselves with something like olive oil? He had to have had some mental issues.
What a dumba** aking the judge for weed. It takes all kinds to mak a world.

meleahrebeccah said...

Rudeness sets me on fire too! Even more than stupid people!

Cheryl P. said...

How stupid are we talking here??? It might be a toss up.

Junebug said...

That witch was hoping for some major media attention, a sit down with the ladies of The Distorted View, a book deal and a Lifetime movie of the week staring Queen Latifah or the chick from Precious. She doesn't care if she has to kill a few kids to get it.

Who the hell injects their penis with olive oil? That is F... Up!! I have never heard of such a thing. Idiots! He needs a better hobby.

Jo-Anne said...

Yeah I saw that woman with the sign on the news and thought she looked like she was just bored standing there...............the penis guy well that makes me wonder what the hell..................was he thinking.............

meleahrebeccah said...


Cheryl P. said...

OMG, I hadn't thought of the possibiltiy of being a deadly driver turning into a career op but it seems to work. This chick is getting a whole lotta attention out of this. And she does look like Queen Latifah. I love that phrase Distorted View!
The details of the penis story (there's s phrase, I seldom type) are gross. What the F*** indeed!!!

Cheryl P. said...

I sense that woman is a bitch. One of the articles said that she thinks this whole thing is funny. This little punishment is doing nothing but getting her name into the news.
Yeh, what was he thinking? How do people come up with this stuff?

A Beer For The Shower said...

Maybe it's just because we passed that law to legalize weed here, but I laugh to think that one day, asking for a joint before you go to the slammer might not be so weird. Not any different than asking for one last beer, I suppose. And no, I'm not a smoker.

Bodaciousboomer said...

What men will do to their bits and bob in an attempt to make them larger never ceases to amaze me.

Cheryl P. said...

I suspect you are right, that someday down the road asking for one last smoke...even weed...might not be all that far fetched, but for now in a state where it's still considered illegal, probably it isn't a good idea to ask a judge during one's trial for "intent to distribute" for a joint. Let's both of us say "he's a dumbass" in unison. I have had several friends and neighbors that were judges and I find them not to have much of a sense of humor especially about breaking laws.

It did occur to me though that it would have been far worse if the guy had shot someone and asked the judge if he could hold the bailiffs gun.

Cheryl P. said...

Hi Michele, Yes, no end to things tried but then the girls have done their fair share of enhancing as well. Perhaps the guys should check into saline and/or silicone.