Failure is a Bitter Pill

After reading some of the odd news articles this week, it occurs to me that perhaps, some of these poor slobs that found themselves being apprehended must look back with regret.  Sure, it stinks getting caught in the commission of a crime, I suspect. (I don't have first hand knowledge but I am assuming that is the case.) But wouldn't it even be worse  if everyone that read the account of the crime,  thought "What a dumbass!"

So in our effort to help "criminal-want-to-be's" not to appear quite as stupid,  Crabby Pants is offering some remedial criminality classes. Here at TAOBC we are all about promoting the idea  "do things to the best of your ability."  Seriously...if you are going to do something, do it at least well enough that you don't cause people to spurt coffee out of their nose because they are laughing at you.  

 So....Just to clarify....  This class isn't about teaching people to break the laws...this is a class to teach people that are already criminals from further embarrassing themselves with the extremely stupid decisions that lead to having their mug shot appear in the likes of  The Smoking Gun or The Huffington Post.

Let's work together to insure that you are the laughing stock of your cell block. 

So to all you lowly law-breakers out there that  are up for a little self-improvement......Welcome to Remedial Criminality

 Jumping the Gun

After Jimmy Dewayne Whipple of Port Charlotte, Florida called deputies to report a stolen firearm on Tuesday, deputies learned he was a convicted felon and thus prohibited from possessing guns, the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office reported.
 
Arriving deputies also noticed some illegal stuff at Whipple's home, such as a smoking pipe,  a grinder, a container, and four small smoked ‘joints’ on a coffee table.  The grinder's contents tested positive for cannabis. according to the report.

Deputies also reportedly found a pill bottle that contained a drug for which Whipple did not have a prescription.

Whipple was charged with possession of firearms by a convicted felon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and possession of drugs without a prescription. 


Basic rule of thumb..... Don't invite cops over to your home if you have  illegal drugs sitting about. Your home may be your castle but it's not supposed to be your pharmacy. 

 Dis-tracked  Driver

A Louisiana man  got distracted while driving because he was shooting up heroin at the same time rammed into the back of a police car on Monday. Ronald Caplina was driving about 40 mph when he crashed into the lieutenant’s police vehicle.

The Slidell police officer sustained minor injuries from the accident which happened at about 4 PM, according to WAFB. The officer was monitoring traffic and was parked on the shoulder when he noticed a  car veer off the road and head straight toward his car.

The impact pushed the police officer's vehicle several feet, causing minor injuries to both the officer and Caplina, who was not wearing his seat belt.

Slidell Police tried asking Caplina why he was distracted, but he could not give them a clear answer.

Police discovered a fresh syringe, along with suspected heroin, inside the vehicle and Caplina had fresh  track marks on his arm.

Police believe Caplina was distracted because he was injecting heroin at the time of the crash.


While it's never a good idea to hit a cop car, it makes it significantly worse, if you are shooting up heroine.  

With Friends Like This....

After 25 beers — maybe more, police say — a Springfield, Missouri  man fired a handgun from a vehicle, trying to hit a snake slithering across the street.

Two shots hit the car’s roof, one struck a passenger’s head and a fourth shot actually made it across the street, court documents say. While , Erin Moad, the passenger, was not seriously injured, according to the documents, he had to of been disappointed that the story focused more on the snake than the fact some drunk shot him in the head.

Tyler C. Parker was charged Tuesday with second-degree assault as well as one count of “unlawful use of a loaded firearm by an intoxicated person.”

Deputies were alerted to the July 20 shooting when hospital staff reported a suspicious gunshot wound.  According to court documents, Parker admitted to shooting across the farm road at a snake while sitting on the door of the vehicle. He allegedly said he had drank 25 beers or more.

If convicted, he could face as much as 11 years in prison.

I did find it interesting there are a lot of articles about this and nearly all of them focus on the fact the guy was shooting a snake while hanging out the car's window.  The fact, he shot his friend in the head seems to be a sub-plot.  

Let's Talk About Words That Start With C

Today let's talk about some C words. I am sure you all are thinking C is for Cookie but today we are talking about some other C words.   Typically, on Friday each week, we talk about the news stories that are found under the heading of weird or odd.  But you and I know that each week this brings forth some crazy. Once in awhile, I see some cute, some creative, some classy or classless,  but for the most part articles classified as "weird news" contains some "crazy".  This week is no different.

Let's start with the Word...CAR.

Well....to be more specific, we are talking about a crazy man carrying a gun in a car.

 Most of us have seen an erratic driver but have you ever pulled up along side of one, only to see a gun pointed at you.

David Kolloar was driving on Interstate 75 in  Madison County, Kentucky  on Monday and noticed a car driving in and out of the emergency lane. The car at one point  was appearing  to swerve into another car on it's left.   David pulled out his phone and started taping the situation.  He thought that he would have documentation available so he could call the police.

What he didn't expect was as he moved forward the erratic driver got next to him and lowered the window.
David hit his brakes to miss getting shot at. When he safely got off the road he called the authorities.

He said he wasn't trying to be a vigilante but he was worried about the safety of himself and others on the road.  His actions did lead the police to track down the gun toting driver.  Investigators found Dr. Perrin Dobyns in Indiana where he was arrested. 

Police credit Kollar for the quick arrest because of the video and his awareness to get the man's license plate. The rest, they said, fell into place after they were able to confirm the man's identity and vehicle with Indiana State Police.

 "We're not sure where he was coming from, and he had about another hour-and-a-half to two hour drive back home. So, there's no telling what actually could've happened after he left Madison County," said Trooper Robert Purdy of the Kentucky State Highway Patrol.

 Police tell us that Dobyns works at the Branchville Correctional Facility, in Branchville, Indiana. WKYT contacted a local Sheriff's office who told us that Dobyns is actually the prison's doctor.

(Update: On Tuesday the doctor was returned to Kentucky and charged. He was to appear in court on Wednesday.)

How ironic is that...the gun toting doctor worked for a prison.  BUT according to the reports, they fired him. Clearly going from being a prison doctor to being a prisoner, isn't the ideal career path.


Cleaning Up the Evidence

An Oklahoma man was arrested on burglary charges after police matched his DNA to used toilet paper found at the scene of the crime, police said.

Charles Marqull Williams was charged Wednesday with burglary in Oklahoma County District Court for

allegedly stealing from an area home, The (Oklahoma City) Oklahoman reported.

Police said the suspect broke into the home, took several items, and used the bathroom before taking off.

Unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on the floor were found at the scene. (on the floor, really??...Oink, Oink)

Police matched DNA found in the messy bathroom to Williams


How embarrassing for Charles, to have to admit "not flushing" got him thrown in the can.  TSK TSK...but aren't we curious if when the cops told him how they found him did he say "OH CRAP!.

And Last but Not the Least (crazy that is) is the Word Cheating


A married man reported that he had been robbed during a sexual encounter with a prostitute.  She, allegedly, picked his pocket of $9000.00 during a sexual act.  Evidently his attention was diverted at the time.

According to the Brisbane Court documentation, Navnish Bansai was approached while he was eating

supper at an Indian restaurant by a woman who asked him "if he was up for some fun".

They chatted a bit, negotiated a price and then proceeded to get into Boansai's car and drove to New Farm Park.

According to the victim, he claims that while the hooker was providing him with a service, she stole the 9K from his jacket pocket. She then got out of the car and ran across the soccer fields.

Bansai, who represented himself in court said the reason he had so much cash is that he had taken the money out of his wife's checking account to buy himself a new car.  The prosecuting attorney in the case said it was a "doozie" of a story.

The woman was located and Bansai got most of his money back but then.... he was arrested and charged with public solicitation of a prostitute.

Isn't there an old saying that a person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client?  What a great example.  What a fool!! I wonder if he will represent himself in the divorce hearing as well?  (that's just a guess on my part.)

Tripping

Catching a Few ZZZZs on the Flight

Nothing better than catching up on some sleep on a long flight,huh?  Isn't that what most travelers hope for?   BUT...maybe you aren't hoping for the pilot to be the one taking the snooze.

A captain and his co-pilot on the packed 325-seat Airbus A330 had decided to take turns in having 20-minute naps during the journey on August 13.

But less than two hours after take-off, both were reportedly asleep, leaving the plane cruising on autopilot with no-one to take control in the event of an emergency.

A recent poll showed that 9 out of 10 people preferred
pilots that aren't exhausted. 

They admitted what had happened to the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), blaming longer shifts over the peak holiday season, which left them unable to get more than five hours’ sleep in the preceding 36.

The watchdog has declined to name the airline concerned for fear of deterring other pilots from reporting problems.

It confirmed the carrier was UK-based but would not say where the plane had departed from or where it was heading.

Last month a survey of more than 2,000 adults commissioned by the association suggested that nine out of 10  people would be worried about being in an aircraft flown by a pilot who has been awake for 22 hours.

The airline's name has since been released but I decided not to throw the plane under the bus. British pilots are allowed to sleep in the cockpit under certain conditions so neither the pilot or the co-pilot are being disciplined.    I find this pretty amazing, British pilots not only can fly planes but they can do it in their sleep.

Duck Discrimination

A duck used by insurance company Aflac was let loose inside a subway station in Manhattan, angering PETA and the MTA. (seems the TA TAs are aren't happy.) Aflac employees followed the little guy/duck around taking pictures and tweeting to a Twitter account for the sake of some publicity.

The website Gothamist reported that commuters on an undisclosed N and R train subway posted images of
 the duck, but it found out that it was Aflac’s doing.

“Ducks don’t belong on the subway, especially waddling through stations, and especially not when they’re used as part of a publicity stunt that makes it harder for our customers to get around,”  spokesman for the MTA, Adam Lisberg,  said in a recent statement,

He added: “We did not know about this stunt, we did not approve it, and we’ve made clear to Aflac that it was improper. New Yorkers know that animals are only allowed in the subway when they’re enclosed in containers that will prevent them from annoying any other passengers.”

The duck is calling fowl on the blatant discrimination on NYC subways. BTW...Here at TAOBC we aren't promoting ducks taking public transportation.  It is true that it might not be the safest option for them.   Note to Ducks: Next time ask Aflac to call a limo service for you. 

Bike Love

A 55-year-old nurse in England named Eileen Remedios was visiting a patient's house recently. And when she went to leave, she couldn't because someone had stolen her bike while she was inside

Eileen obviously wasn't happy about it, but she kept her sense of humor and taped a note to the lamppost she'd leaned the bike against. The note said, "Please return my bike. It is old but loved, and will be frightened without its owner."

Now, obviously Eileen never REALLY expected to see the bike again. But when she returned to the patient's home the next day, the bike was chained to the same lamppost.

And the keys to the lock were under the doormat, taped to a note that said, quote, "A great big fat SORRY from the reformed bike thief." Then at the bottom, the person assured her that they hadn't mistreated the bike in any way.

Eileen ended up writing ANOTHER note thanking them, and letting them know the bike was "happy" to be home. No word yet on whether or not they've responded again.


Am I being harsh in thinking if you are going to be a thief...even a considerate thief...you should know the "i before e except after c rule".  If you can't spell it don't be it. 

And the Award Goes To

I have been very busy this week...well...busy might be a tad of an over statement. I have been otherwise occupied with the pursuit of being a lazy bum.  While that might not seem plausible that a person could fill up  entire days whiling away time, I have proven it is possible.

Our  little band of travelers have been hanging out in the Ozarks again.  If you haven't been to Big Cedar Lodge near Branson, Missouri,.... it is truly a beautiful resort.)

BUT...For today...It's time for a few of the odd stories that appeared in the media this week. 

I will be giving awards out again this week as some people just deserve to be recognized.

Third Place Award .....Worst Driving Test Fail

A video of a South Korean woman failing her driving test has become an on-line hit. In a mere SEVEN seconds, a woman manages to overturn her car while the examiner is screaming in Korean at her. (I have to think that there are some four letter equivalents in there but can't say for sure.)

According to the You Tube users that speak Korean, supposedly the driver is asking, "What do I do? What do I do?" The driving instructor  (allegedly) says "Goddamn it! I said press the brakes. What are you doing not even knowing which pedal you are pressing? I am going to go crazy. Get out of this car!".



 Can anyone out there speak Korean and tell us what is being said?   That is surely worth more than just one bad word.

Second Place Award for the Worst (or maybe co-worst or maybe tri-worst) Candidate in New York City Political Race

Just when you thought the race for public offices in NYC couldn't get any more tainted, ...it did.
In the latest twist to the scandal ridden campaign season in New York, Kristen Davis has tossed her hat into the ring.  (that would  be the ring as in a 'three-ring circus'.)

Kristen, who is running for the office of comptroller against the former NY governor, Eliot Spitzer.

Surely, there are a couple of reasons
people might vote for this
comptroller.

Talk about irony...Spitzer resigned as governor amidst a scandal involving prostitutes and Kristen Davis used to be a Manhattan madam. (as in managing aforementioned prostitutes).  Obviously, they have a few things in common.

It's not the fact,  that Kristen is an ex-madam that is the presenting a problem.  Her current woes are she has been indicted with four counts  of distributing and possessing with intent to distribute a controlled substance. She currently has been released on $100,000 bond.  She has said she plans to plead not guilty.

Gauging the quality of the candidates, this may or may not hurt her chances to get elected.



First Place Award....The most idiotic mistake made by a builder

This mistake has taken an OOPSIE to a staggering new level.  That level would be about 47 floors off the ground.

The Intempo skyscraper in Denidorm, Spain, was built to be a striking symbol of hope and prosperity.  It was a testament to Denidorm showing the world that  the city was  coming out of financial crisis.

biggest piece of exercise equipment ever

The problems with Intempo started early on during the construction phase.  Initially it was funded by  a bank called Caixa Galicia but after the project started the funding was changed to Sareb. Sareb has the distinction of being  called Spain's "bad bank."  The amount of the mortgage was taken down.

Also, there was the problem that the original plan was for the building to be 20 floors high but the developers decided to raise it to 47 stories so they could place 269 units in. More floors, more units equals more profit...right??? Not so fast.

As it happened,  the design was never reworked to include an elevator past the 20th floor.

Yeah...no elevator.  Nor did they allow any room large enough to house the mechanicals that would be needed to install an elevator of the type that could run up and down 47 floors of a building. 

I'm not sure how Caixa Galicia got the reputation for being the "bad bank" but I bet the missing elevator gets the Intempo's builder the "bad builder" nod.  Nothing as inviting as a 47 floor walk-up.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Maybe I should beg for your forgiveness on the front side of this post.  You know how I usually avoid politics like the plague.... but who can resist what is becoming the longest running dirty joke in the history of politics.  Therefore, I am breaking my own rule and talking a bit about the bizarre news conference this week.  You now the one I mean.  The one where Anthony Weiner  AKA Carlos Danger,  tells the world he has done some bad things.

Ladies, on the chance you don't recognize him with his clothes on, let me introduce
you to Anthony Weiner.

It's Back!

Yes, Anthony is back in the news as he has been sending explicit texts of his privates to another woman for the last 6-9 months or so using the alias Carlos Danger.Since his resignation from Congress, he has continued "chatting" with women on the Internet.  He says at least three since his resignation.  In an effort to explain his recent actions, he and his wife Huma had a press conference on Tuesday.  

A.  He reminds us that he warned everyone that  more pictures would be surfacing.  (can't say he didn't give us a heads up)

B.  His  assures us that his wife is is supporting his mayoral run and will be sticking with him.  (Like glue I would guess.)  According to Anthony, Huma has forgiven him. 

The forgiveness is clearly  written all over her face. 

C.   He apologized to those that have received and are receiving texts from him.  (receiving??? Doesn't that imply there are still more of these to be discovered?)





 I realize that the video of the news conference is long so I will give you a couple of the highlights on the outside chance you don't want to sit through it.  But you might want to reconsider......it's worth a peek as you may never again see a finer example of  what a wife looks like that wants to take some man parts and slice and dice them into ttttiiiinnnyyy little pieces.

During his very insincere apology (at least it seemed insincere to me) there was Cubicle Guy peering over the wall.  At one point he waived.

Nothing creepy about this, huh??

OK, maybe Crabby Pants and Puppet Guy weren't there but whose going to notice
while Cubicle Guy is lurking.

 If it wasn't already so bizarre to have a serial sexter with the name  Weiner  but one who continues to give the writers over at SNL new material on a regular basis.


Speaking of no self-control...

Chris Sevier, a 36-year-old man from Tennessee, got so addicted to porn videos that his wife took his children and left him. Now he has sued Apple, saying the Cupertino, Calif.-based company failed to install any filter in its devices to prevent his affliction.

MacBook Pimp Pro Mugshot

In a 50-page complaint, Sevier calls Apple a “silent poisoner” responsible for the proliferation of “arousal addiction, sex trafficking, prostitution and countless numbers of destroyed lives.”

Sevier is seeking damages from Apple but said he will drop the lawsuit if Apple agrees to sell devices with a “safe mode.”

Sevier argued, adding that until he got the MacBook, he had never seen porn of any kind or been to a strip club or sex shop.

Is there a way to install a filter on Chris. The safe mode for this guy is the off button.

The Wizz Kid

Some residents of a Swedish town said they are not amused by a 26-foot-tall sculpture of a male figure urinating into a river.

The "Bad Bad Boy" sculpture, by Finnish artist Tommi Toija, was installed as part of the Orebro Open Art exhibition on the bank of the River Svartan, The Local.se reported Thursday.

A 34-year-old resident who gave her name as Anna said she "really hates" the sculpture and finds its nudity and urination "provocative." (I guess Swedes don't have the propensity to jump right to four letter words when describing things they hate.)

However, another resident, Ebba, 62, said she was slightly amused by the work. "I think it's interesting," she said. "But I am happy it is not here forever." 

Toijas said there is no correct way to interpret his sculpture.

"For me, it's just a guy peeing in the river, no more, no less. Some might see it as a funny thing, others might be provoked," he said.

When you gotta go, ya gotta go.

It Could Be Funny

I know that humor can be VERY subjective.  What I find funny, you may not and vice versa.  Although, it should be noted that I can usually find humor in about anything.  Unfortunately, this trait has not always proven to be a good thing. Laughing at inappropriate times isn't always  (OK...let's say... IS RARELY) appreciated.

I think funny glasses are humorous
on some people.

I sometimes feel that I am "swimming against the stream" as far as humor goes.  This was recently reinforced when I went to a lecture on the subject of humor.  The speaker refers to herself as a Dr. of  Humor.  Self- proclaimed doctor, I am sure. Frankly, I just didn't "get" her humor at all. A lot of the audience seemed to be entertained by her anecdotes of what  she found funny at her mother's funeral.  I wasn't moved to emit even so much as a chuckle.  During the portion of her program where she hauled audience members to the stage and forced them to wear funny glasses,  I was sneaking peeks at my watch. It had to be apparent that I wasn't rolling in the aisle with uncontrolled laughter, thereby giving me a 100% chance of never being invited up to the stage.

Why am I explaining my somewhat "off kilter" sense of humor?  Well...this week, while I was trolling around for news some of this week's odd news stories, several reports  that caught my eye, weren't necessary funny in their subject matter as much as the tie-in of certain words or unlikely outcomes. 

Let's start with an April Fools prank...those tend to be tricky.  What may be funny in theory may not be so funny in execution.   I have to wonder how many times the perpetrator said "Watch this! This is going to be hysterical." only to be followed up with someone else saying "Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?"

When Pigs Fly

Crabby Pants and Reporter Cheryl P. on the hunt for odd news

In a Pig's Eye 

Yesterday I woke up to hear a strange report on  the local Kansas City news. A gas station attendant found  an insulated  medical cooler containing two eyeballs that had been  left on top of a trash can at a Conoco gas station. Yes, you read that correctly...eyeballs.  Two eyeballs packed in ice in a cooler just sitting there.  Needless to say, this caused a bit of a panic.  Who leaves their eyeballs at the gas station?

It turns out that two men in a blue Toyota with Nebraska plates left them there, according to the security cameras.   Still, the investigators were concerned that perhaps these were supposed to be at an eye bank and that there might be some urgency involved in figuring out where they belonged. However, police called all the area hospitals and transplant centers and none were expecting deliveries of eyes. 

News Around Town

I have a lot of pictures today!!


It's the combination of snow and ice that makes things more difficult.

 

picture is courtesy of KansasCity.com
When the city advisories said "STAY OFF THE ROADS", I don't think they meant driving off of them.

This week, here at TAOBC, I am aiming for a few  heart warming stories resulting from events around Kansas City. Anything that has the word "warm" connected to it, got moved to the front of the line.  So for today, I am just talking about some nice things that have happened in my city this past week.  Hopefully, there are nice things happening where you live as well.

 Last week, I wrote about the first wave of the snowstorm that blew through here on Thursday. With that storm most of the KC got between 10-16 inches of snow.  Comparatively speaking that amount  of snow isn't all that bad.  I guess, you might disagree if you live in Phoenix or Orlando. Here in Kansas City that amount isn't unheard of but is a bit unusual.  The upside to the snow...is that it is a  lot of fun for the kids (the word "kid" here isn't defined by age)  that came out in droves to play.  I was going to post a picture of all the people on one of the local sledding hills. but after arriving, I couldn't find a parking spot. The hill was covered with all manner of people with sleds, toboggans, even sheets of plastic to slide around on this wintery slide. SPOILER ALERT!!! Just so you get to see some sledding pictures, I have added some to the bottom of the post.

ANYWHO...  as I was saying.........That was last Thursday......and the snow wasn't done with us.  After a couple of days of milder weather, round two came through.  Tuesday of this week a second snow storm  moved into the area clogging up the already snow packed roads.  That brings me to a story that is a story about people being generous and kind.  Really?? LOOK AT ME WRITING A FRIDAY NEWS STORY THAT IS ABOUT NICE PEOPLE. 

Miracle of 74th Street

Emergency crews were called to a south side Kansas City neighborhood on Tuesday where  a resident had collapsed  of an apparent heart attack while trying to shovel out the snow from his drive.  Unfortunately, when the ambulance tried to enter the unplowed street, it became stuck.

And The Award Goes To

For those of you that aren't regular readers, here at The Art of Being Conflicted, our two reporters look for the "odd or weird" little news stories that you might of missed due to the over-reporting of the BIG stories. Every Friday, Reporter Cheryl P. and Crabby Pants try to find a little something unusual in the news.

Upon occasion, we give out awards here at TAOBC for the more inventive creative stories that make our Friday post.

The Westminster Dog Show, also, gave out an award this week to a little cutie named Banana Joe.

Drinking, Yes...Thinking, No

According to police, April Cassidy Velez drove to the Hamden Police Department last Saturday to bail out her husband.  Her husband, Edwin, had been arrested earlier in the day for Driving Under the Influence.

Unfortunately, for April she showed up at the station intoxicated.  Upon further checking, the police found that she had parked her pickup in a snow drift in the parking lot that was marked "for police vehicles only". The truck had a number of empty beer cans in it, as well as a full six pack.

She was arrested. for driving while intoxicated.  Both her and her husband will be back in court later this month.

The husband and wife that drink together get to go to the clink together.