|Springtime in the Midwest|
There was a movie...although for the life of me I can't remember which one...that espoused the idea that Heaven was a place where the things you loved doing in life would be yours for eternity. Does anyone remember which movie that was in? Darn, that is going to nag at me trying to remember where that came from. Anyway...if Heaven would actually turn out to be spending Eternity doing all the things we love to do, then Hell must be doing the things we hate doing...forever...and ever...never ceasing...into Eternity.
Cheerful thought don't you think?
Unfortunately, I have a fairly sizable list of things I hate doing. If a person would be in the frame of mind to look at the positive, that would mean I will have a lot of variety for all Eternity..too bad it will be Hell.
Take for example, a few things on the "hate list" from just the last few days...things like preparing Income Tax filings. Hate it!! I hate driving on icy roads especially near reckless idiots that are driving like maniacs. Oh, and I hate fighting the crowds at the stores right before snow storms when seemingly everyone is concerned about starving to death before the snow melts off our driveways.
See, I wasn't kidding...about the crankiness. But the granddaddy of all my beefs this week is that I have had to deal with...NOT ONE....But TWO customer service 1-800 numbers.
Yes, I do believe that 1-800 customer service numbers could, in fact, be HELL.
Thought Number One: "We Value Your Call" is an Outright LIE
My first fray into the quagmire of having to call someone for service took the better part of two afternoons. The matter of a major electronics store finding my extended warranty on a laptop is still trying to be resolved. Oh, I have my receipt. They see where I paid for it but unfortunately, they can't find where it was ever filed into their system and will have to get back with me in approximately 10 business days. I am not optimistic.The other little niggling component to that one is that this is a computer "glitch" supposedly and they profess to be the ultimate computer store. GGGRRRRR!!!
Then as I was stewing over the warranty that has disappeared as effectively as DB Cooper, I am greeted by this on my TV screen.
That can't be good!!!!
The first major problem with cable companies these days is that other services are bundled with it, which means if one service goes out there is a super good chance you are going to lose all your services. No phone, no TV and no Internet.
Now doesn't that just suck!! Not only are you panic stricken at the thought of NO TV and NO INTERNET but the real scary part of this is you are going to be forced to call the 1-800 number. **shudder**
SOOO the adventure begins...
So I call the HELP ME PLEASE ! number only to get Mr. Robot who wants to know:
1. Did you try to reboot your system prior to calling? (yes)
2. Are you calling on the phone number associated with the account? (nope- that phone is not working)
3. What service is out, the Internet, phone or television? (All three are out and why don't they know this?)
4. Did you check on line for possible solutions? (how many ways can I tell you my Internet is out)
5. Unplug the modem for 10 seconds and replug in.
OOPS...we have to stop for a minute while the robot runs some tests....beep-beeps for several minutes before robot man is back While I suspect this is Robot's way of torturing me, I can't actually prove that.
6. Who was your favorite teacher?
7. What is your password?
8. What is your mailing address?
9. If we get disconnected can we call you on your account's phone number (OMG...Robot are you not listening to me...MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING...I am on my cell phone)
10. We are experiencing heavy call volume. The expected wait time is 35minutes. Perhaps you would like to get online and chat with one of our technicians. (yes, I would prefer to be online but that seems to be out of my reach right now)
45 minutes later.....Tech-Guy picks up the phone. (little does he know at this point his work day is about to take a serious nose-dive.)
Technical person asks me all the above questions again. Evidently he and Robot Man don't speak.
Then, he tells me that the big red X means my equipment is kaput.. dead...fried. Supposedly, a hardware malfunction.
But..no problem.. they are prepared to send me all new equipment via UPS.
WHOA!!!! Say it isn't so!!!! I have been down this road before and it wasn't a good experience. Last time they were supposed to send me just a new cable box, they inadvertently sent three. While sometimes more is better that isn't true with cable boxes. It took days to work out which one to hook up and which two were sent in error. AND the one that was hooked up didn't work.
So are you at all surprised that I was losing my mind at this point ?
At this point, I am "dramatically and emphatically"telling Tech Guy (while my head is spinning 360 degrees) "You seriously plan on sending me new equipment via UPS ???? Surely that can't be right??? Who is going to hook these things up????
Tech-Guy seems to not notice yet, the fragility of the situation at hand. He is now trying to convince me that any moron can hook up a DVR and five cable boxes into a home theater set up. According to Tech-guy ...easy-peasy-lemon-squeazy...nothing to it. And if I have any problems I can call the HELP ME PLEASE! line for assistance.
Thought Number Two: If all else fails, lose your composure to the extent that they worry that you might do bodily harm to yourself or others.
At the prospect of becoming an unpaid installer for my cable company, I now am turning into this person.
Tech-Guy, is now pulling out PLAN B...which is
"Oh, I could send out someone to install the equipment for $99.99 if you would prefer." (BTW..when you read that line be sure to read it in some indistinguishable accent of your choice)
Well, actually, I would prefer to punch you in the face but that is off the grid, I suppose. So after I threaten to take my business elsewhere (veiled lie as I already checked with the other companies and they too require me to do my own install) and remind him that I am a valued customer. (yeah, like he cares?) we leave it that someone is coming over to install new equipment for the low, low price of $99.99.
I am sure that Phone-Tech guy is calling Install-Guy on a red emergency phone to be sure to arm himself as he might be dealing with a nut case.
As it turns out, Install-Guy looks at all the "may they rest in peace" components and says he is surprised that I hadn't been upgraded to newer models and he wouldn't be charging me. One may or may not surmise that he is actually worried how fragile my mental health is from the Phone-Tech's portrayal of aforementioned conversation...but what do I care?
Now my TV looks like this:
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