I Feel Your Pain

Last week I was meeting a friend for breakfast and we got into a conversation about what situations we deem as our idea of hell.  No, we weren't talking about LITERAL hell but we were talking FIGURATIVE hell.  So just to be clear...for purposes of this post, I am not thinking that our afterlife or lack thereof,  is based on my rantings over an egg white and veggie omelet at  the First Watch restaurant.

How we meandered into the HELL conversation was due to the fact that I mentioned that I had gone to the Department of Motor Vehicles earlier in the week.   My breakfast buddy didn't seem to think this was the most fun a person could have on any given day.   As "fun" goes it probably doesn't make most peoples top 10 or even 50 but for me,  it's not the worst way to spend the day.

I have become fairly proficient (if I do say so myself) maneuvering most of  the bureaucracy that plagues our everyday existence.  I have to admit that probably the 21 corporate moves has provided me with abundant learning opportunities for dealing with all the obligatory things required to "settle in" into any state, county, municipality,  or city. I have on numerous occasions walked through the maze of required paperwork required of me to sign in, sign up, pay up, register, join and  generally be accountable to all the parties that seem to need me in their databases.   This is never a short list. 

Well...it appears that maybe in this one current incident my proficiency level dipped a bit.

Remember last month...we were talking about me getting a new vehicle.  Now I know that most of us probably don't remember the un-fun components that go with buying a car because we are so intoxicated with the "new car smell" and the shiny, pre-dinged doors.  It's only after the fact when you get the papers in the mail that require you to haul ass down to the DMV to pay your various taxes, transfer your plates, and get the title work done.   These are the things that would keep 99 percent of the population from even considering buying a new car if only we remembered how brutal the paperwork part of the car buying process is.  This might be more true for those of us that live in states that pay Personal Property taxes on our vehicles. 

The fault of my being less than efficient on this particular go round of  bureaucracy though,  isn't 100 percent my fault.  Since I last had to go to the DMV it has moved from one building into 2 separate buildings.  It's kind of like those stupid department stores that have a women's store and a men's store...only this time I couldn't easily tell the difference between the two "stores"  so to speak. Without a he or she shoe store to scream out that I am in the wrong store..really who can tell?

As I figured I had a 50/50 shot...I went to the closest Dept. of Motor Vehicles and was told after waiting in line for quite awhile that I was in the wrong building and needed to drive 4 miles on down the road.  They did suggest in a very pleasant helpful tone (NOT) that I should call ahead and get a place in the queue.  As I am a model for  "follow the rules" type of human being, I called only to be told that the queue was full for the day and to call back when it was convenient.  There were no places left in line for me, it appeared.

Anyway...I was not to be deterred.  I figured I had a good book in the car that I was planning on reading during my visit to the DMV when I was still naive enough to think I would have a place in line, so I was prepared to act stupid and do a walk in.  Why not, I say to myself?  Surely not everyone in Johnson County Kansas knows that you have to call in to get your place in line.

So I just high tail it over to the 2nd DMV and walk in.  There before me is a "take a ticket" machine.  I don't know about the rest of the world but I take that as an implied promise that I will get waited on eventually.  Surely they wouldn't give me a ticket if they were never going to call the number. Am I right???

At this point it is around 10 AM and I figure that I can hang out all day if necessary.But...judging from the board I should be out of here by mid-afternoon.  Really, how long can it take to wait on 224 people before its my turn.

At that point in time, I was still feeling pretty optimistic that I was just a mere 4-ish hours from being 100 percent in compliance with all things DMV related on my new car.  In fact, I was rather pleased at how things seemed to be going.  Take that, electronic queue placer!

The thing about me and lines is that I don't mind them at all because I am the kind of person that mysteriously draws people to tell me their life stories.   I am not exaggerating this "talent" of mine in the slightest.  People love to tell me everything about their personal lives.

I no sooner sat down than a man sat next to me asking about how much longer till my number was going to be called.  Of course, upon hearing 4+ hours, he realized he had plenty of time to tell me his entire life story.  He's been married to his high school sweetheart for 26 years, got her pregnant when she was 15, married her when she turned 18, they now have 6 children and 3 grandchildren, he owns several boats, lives on acreage, owns his own construction company.....and on and on.  You get the picture.

I often think the reason that people tell me EVERYTHING isn't so much as I am a great listener (although that is totally true) it's because I am a super great commiserater. (which may or may not be a real word...but stick with the idea here)  I can empathize, console, support, "feel your pain" and short of me being able to absolve you from any wrong doing, I am here for you.

If you really need to unburden yourself from all your bad life choices and rejoice in all the things you have done right...I am your person.  Whether you choose to do this at the DMV, that's up to you but I am available there occasionally for considerable time periods.

OH and BTW...I got waited on at 4:35.  Done and done.  Some of the  time persistence is the clear  winner.

Delegate Digitally

There is an app for just about anything our human brains can think up.  Among the gazillion and one apps, there are now some available for the sole purpose of  complaining for you.  Sure why not allocate your gripes to your smartphone?

While I am a bit intrigued at the idea of an electronic way to send my assorted grievances to a company and thereby have it become my "bitch" representative, I am somewhat conflicted about why I would want to relegate my capacity to complain to someone else. I am after all, a gifted griper.   Given my gift for it, perhaps, I would find a small measure of satisfaction by communicating in print or talking to someone associated with a company that has wronged me.  Or...maybe not.  Perhaps, being on hold for the better part of the day while scratchy Muzak blares in the background might not do anything to pacify my aggravation with their company.

Turns out that if I don't want to deal with a company that has ticked me off, I can sign onto a service app, aptly called Service, so that they can complain on my behalf.

According to an article on Mashable:

"We're a neutral, third party solution," Michael Schneider, Service's founder and CEO, "We don't believe that the customer is always right. If the business acted appropriately, we'll still listen to the customer and express empathy — we're more like therapy at that point. But when the customer is right, we'll fight like hell to get them something fair."


According to Schneider, there are only two options when dealing with a customer service issue: "You can do nothing or you can waste time, spending 45 minutes on hold."
Filing a complaint with Service takes less than a minute, Schneider said, and once the app has all the information about a case, the customer can simply wait for a solution.


So not only do they become your gripe representative but they become your therapist...all for free. Sounds nearly perfect except for the word "neutral". That tends to bother me a bit.  I want them to truly feel my rage and express that to whatever company has wronged me. Again as a gifted griper, I would expect that they attach their fury on the company that wronged me with the same fury as I would. You know...like Katrina on New Orleans...that sort of aggression.  If they are going to represent me at the same level as I would,   they need to pull out the stops.  Truly, I am not hiring  them (ok so it's free but still) to be all mamby-pamby.

While I was researching these types of apps, I see that there is another side to this  genre of bitch-out service that is referred to as "Complaint Management".  I didn't realize that a singular person would have so many instances of "griping about something" that a 3rd party was necessary to manage it all.  It would seem to me if you have so many complaints that you need an organizational system to keep them straight, you might need to recognize the fact that you are probably a major PITA.

An example of such a company that not only complains for you but will offer complaint management is an app named  GripeO .  The thing that I find  interesting about GripeO is that they offer a paid service for businesses to hunt through social media sites and remove negative information such as complaints.  I might be missing something here but isn't that a conflict of interest?  If I complain about ABC Company to GripeO as an individual,  they in turn start bombing social media sites complaining about ABC on my behalf, then aren't I less than pleased if GripeO  turns around and removes it?  Who should I complain to?

I guess if Service or GripeO aren't doing your bidding you could complain to
ComplainApp.

They work pretty much like Service, I guess.  They submit your complaint to the company in question through the offending company's  social media pages and keeps at it until they get a response and, hopefully, a resolution.

All the companies that offer this service (or at least the ones I researched)
said that they keep sending multiple complaints via Twitter and Facebook until the company caves and makes some restitution.  So really it's like robo-calls at dinner time but on steroids. We are talking multiple hits.   If the companies want some peace they have to throw out a peace offering.

I, also found it interesting that there isn't a clear consensus (online, anyway) at which industry sucks the most.   I noticed on the  websites for these "complain-for-you"  companies they talk a lot about airline complaints. But..if you do a search on general customer dissatisfaction, these types of businesses seem to be the most discussed.

• Airlines 
• Cellular phone companies
• Cable Companies 
• Automobile Manufacturers
• Collection Agencies
• Retailers

Sounds like a good list of businesses that could offer you up a bad day given
the right circumstances.  While I actually haven't had any experience with collection agencies, I can't imagine they EVER make their customers happy.

But....as for the rest of those, each of those have, at some point, received a "less than cordial" communique from me.   Those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile, might remember my standoffs with my ex-cellular company/cable company during the period that the neighbor's dog chewed through their cable leaving me without phone, TV and Internet for portions of 6 weeks running.  You might, also remember various blogs containing woes of lost luggage and canceled flights.

Still, I am not sure that any of my consumer gripes rose to the level that I needed to hand it over to a professional that would drop Tweet and Facebook bombs on them. 

So, readers, is crabbing to a company about bad service so objectionable that you would want to delegate it out to a "neutral" third party company that will evaluate your complaint, determine if it is worthy and if not will offer you empathy free of charge?

OR...are you wanting, willing and waiting to get someone on the phone to give them the 411 why their company sucks? Do you love to write well thought out letters that would self-combust if your thoughts were fuel?
Does friending their FaceBook page so you can prove how unfriendly you feel about them, give you a measure of satisfaction.  


If you are super creative you can create a video as this guy did and attach it to their FB page...this got some recognition when it went viral.




If you are unable to see the video, click here  https://youtu.be/5YGc4zOqozohttps://youtu.be/5YGc4zOqozo

Heaven It's Not

Springtime in the Midwest

I am cranky!  Yes, today is definitely a day for Crabby Pants to visit here at TAOBC. I could blame it on the weather.  A foot of snow in late March didn't help improve my mood, but actually it is a combination of smaller annoyances, which I will get to shortly.

There was a movie...although for the life of me I can't remember which one...that espoused the idea that Heaven was a place where the things you loved doing  in life would be yours for eternity. Does anyone remember which movie that was in?  Darn, that is going to nag at me trying to remember where that came from.  Anyway...if Heaven would actually turn out to be spending Eternity doing all the things we love to do,  then  Hell must be doing the things we hate doing...forever...and ever...never ceasing...into Eternity.

Cheerful thought don't you think?

You Might Be Surprised

Would you be surprised if I told you that the word "unlimited" means "you have definite limits and you need to watch out closely to keep within those limits".   That's not what you thought it meant??? As it happens, until last Friday, I too, was confused.  I am clear on the new and improved definition of "unlimited".  So as a PSA, let me clear things up for you as well.

A little side note: Did I happen to mention that Witchy Cheryl is back and undergoing some type of transformation?  I have noticed that my witchy persona turns more green as I get more aggravated IE more witchy.

The reason I bring up Witchy Cheryl is that last Friday, I got a text message from my cellular service provider.  (I use the term "service" loosely, in this scenario) and it brought out the worst in my alter ego.

The text said:  You have currently used 4 times your allotment of roaming.  You need to call us IMMEDIATELY, to resolve this.  (something to the effect..1-800-URN-TRBL)

HUH???? Roaming???? Allotment?????

I have no roaming constraints (or so I thought) from the company I have been doing business with for the past 16 years. I hesitate to name them at this point, but I have mentioned them plenty of other times, so I am pretty sure  you can figure it out, if you would be so inclined. This particular company offers an "UNLIMITED ONE RATE PLAN".   On top of the "unlimited one rate plan" (which refers to cellular phone calls) I also have "unlimited media" and "unlimited texting".  All of this "no need to ever worry because it is unlimited" usage comes with a price.   $$$$$$....indeed a hefty price that we have been paying  for quite a long time. 

So...imagine my surprise that I went over my allotment of "unlimited".


This little debacle started when  I was coming out of the gym, and I noticed the offending text. Needless to say, I drove directly to the store where I bought my latest incarnation of the IPhone (hint, hint) and asked Stuart,  the guy that hubby and I bought our phones from, "Hey, how is it possible that I am 4 times over my allotment??? AND .... How much is this going to cost me???? 

Stuart looked puzzled.  Partly, I suppose because of my deepening green coloring and partly because he too thought "unlimited" meant "unlimited".  (poor delusional Stuart) So, Stuart tells me that I have a one rate plan and as far as he knows they can't charge me but he thinks to be on the safe side I had better call the 1-800 number that was contained in the text message.

Another surprising twist to this...last week when all my service  (phones, Internet, and TV) was on the fritz, I had to wait my turn for about 30 minutes each time on the dozen or so calls that it took to get the problem resolved.  Now that I am hogging media bytes, I go right to the front of the line. 

I explain to the CSR that I was under the impression that the "unlimited one rate  plan" meant I could use it unlimitedly.   That is not the case. As it happens, we haven't abused the number of phone calls or the number of text messages.  We have, however, been abusing the "connecting or trying to connect to the Internet".   Because, hubby is working in  the dead zone of Nebraska (remember last week I was talking about having "next to no" connection to service in Nebraska) he is using the tower of another company (well...to be totally accurate on that point..hubby is TRYING to use the tower of another company) So, it is hubby that is racking up media useage because his smartphone has a Facebook app that is constantly trying to update. Whether it is successful isn't the point.  It is TRYING all  the time.  So CRS person says, turn off the apps, ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK,  set the fetch setting to manual, and turn the WIFI on so that if we are brazen enough to try to use the Internet on our phones in Nebraska, we had better be in a hot spot to latch on to someone else's server.  Turning off the phone isn't the answer, in case you are wondering.  The apps work even when the phone is off.

Also, it turns out that because they can't charge us for our excessive use, they have told us that we need to make the aforementioned changes and if not...they will cancel us. 

REEEEAAAALLYYY....We have been paying them on time every month for 16 years....mega dollars a month and because hubby is working in a state that they don't have coverage, they are threatening us with suspension or cancellation.  From what I understood we have 30 days to repent and mend our ways.

The one question, I forgot to ask CRS person is "if they cancel us...is there a cancellation fee????"  I know if I cancel them it is $325.00 per phone (2 phones in our case)  but if they cancel us do we get a fee from them for $650.00. 

As for me not having their company name splashed all over this post.....I noticed when I was talking to the CRS person, they seem to know a lot about our Internet usage.  I probably don't want to tick them off any more than I already have by them seeing me bitch about their company.  (although, maybe another person reading my blog would be a good thing)

 Currently they are just mad because we have been using our smart phones (now that the apps are turned off they technically they are dumb phones) to access the Internet.  I better not give them additional reasons to text me.  But of course, in Nebraska, I probably wouldn't receive it.

It's Not Easy Turning Green

For those of you that read Monday's post about my trip to Nebraska, you are aware of my whiny-whiny rant about going 6 days without my life support (ok..maybe a tad of an exaggeration) of  Internet  access and use of my cell  phone.

Despite the fact that Nebraska is a huge dead zone for AT&T, (don't get cocky...Verizon and Sprint aren't any better)  I did manage to have a really good time and figured I would get caught up once I got home to my super-duper, blazing fast Internet  in  good ole KC.

Soooo...upon my arrival home...home sweet home...I patted my 2 cats, flipped through the mail, unpacked my suitcase and sat down at my computer.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!!!!

NO INTERNET....

NO...TV RECEPTION....

NO....LAND-LINE PHONE....



I survived the week intact but face it...at this point I am seriously empathizing with heroin addicts that need a fix.

I don't know of anyone on the planet that loves maneuvering through the robotic menus one must endure to get some help but this is especially true of any company that continually says...

If you need assistance, please go to www.wecouldcareless(dot)com. (you can assume this isn't really the web site they told me to go to)

You would expect that a company that provides Internet service might have an inkling that you can't use their product if you are calling them. Wouldn't you????

 Anyway, at this point, as I have neither Internet nor phone service, repeating this phrase in my ear the 50 times or so that it takes me to get to the person named Nomy...or Gnomey, (not sure of correct spelling as I didn't feel the need to inquire) seems just to add kindling to the bonfire burning within me.

So...Gnomey runs some "tests" that I hear as a series of bbeeeepppps at my end.  The verdict is that my modem has died an untimely death.  I would nearly feel bad for the poor moden except this particular modem is  a newer resident to our home.  Less than 6 months old.  Gnomey tells me that they will ship one out to me and I should have it by Friday or Saturday.  As this was on Wednesday, I was not having it.

NO WAY...NO HOW

The thing about Witchy Cheryl is that she has no filters, no inhibitions and no shame.  I assured Gnomey that was not going work for me to wait while her company UPSed me a new modem. Did she not understand, the no TV, no Internet and no phone part?  I am presenting it way  friendlier on this  post than how it actually sounded on the phone.

Here is a quick synopsis of how well this confab between Witchy Cheryl and big communications company has been going...


May 9th - service is dead and I call and get snotty with Gnomey.

May 10th- a tech comes by and finds a severed cable, (Hey it wasn't me! I have been out of town.)  Actually I wasn't even aware of this severed cable as tech guy didn't come to the door, which BTW is why he didn't realize that my phone was still not working. Witchy Cheryl calls back and gets Max. Max says Exterior  Tech guy was there and fixed the cable. Max is sending Interior Tech guy.

May 11th... Interior Tech Guy replaces bad modem and gateway device. Unfortunately, an hour after he leaves UPS shows up with 3 boxes of equipment.  One modem, one gateway and 2 wireless TV cable boxes. Witchy Cheryl calls and gets Customer Service Guy that she can't understand very well so not sure of his name.  Unknown guy tells WC to ship everything back except one wireless cable box that it appears is needed.   Witchy Cheryl packs up the unneeded  equipment to send back.

May 11th...Get a letter from from AT&T containing instructions how to send the correct wireless receiver back. Huh? Which is the correct one?  Witchy Cheryl calls Bob, the CSR guy, that has WC read him the GUID number off the open one and has WC unpack the "now packed" one to do the same.

May 15th ...Lose TV reception. 

May 15th ...later in the day, call back to talk to George the CSR who figures out how to resurrect my service from the dead.  George is currently my new best friend...knock on wood...until the next time.