Maybe Santa Wasn't Watching

Considering the Christmas season now starts about the time Halloween rolls around, you would think that I have had time to get ready for it, wouldn't you? This point was hit home yesterday when I was talking to a person on the treadmill next to me at the gym.  She innocently asked if I was finished getting ready for Christmas.  Then she said she was finished in October.   In the moment I sort of hated her.  

It's not that I haven't been in a flurry of activity for most of November and December but I still have a few things to accomplish.  This is the part where I could give you lame excuses about my continued absences of posting to TAOBC.   I will spare you the long version and just say that the halls have been decked and the stockings have been hung at this point.  It pretty much resembles an explosion of Christmas around here in anticipation of the big day. All but a few gifts are ready and waiting.  There will be a mad dash for gift cards for the couple of people that I just can't think of ANYTHING to get them.  NOTHING IS COMING TO MIND! For all of you that are judging me harshly, I can live with your scorn. 

Aside from my struggles with buying the "perfect" gift, there have been a couple other setbacks.  Is anyone else on the verge of a diabetic coma without the component of actually being diabetic?  I have been baking up a storm of goodies and have pretty much eaten my weight in English toffee.  This is not a good thing.  Luckily for everyone involved, family members are due to start arriving tomorrow so I will have to start sharing.

 Despite some of the problems, I have made strides this year as far as shopping goes.  I have been out and about in the shopping centers and have actually (for the most part) enjoyed it.  You might recall that in years past my inner Crabby Pants didn't find the crowds to be one of the great joys of my life.

You long time readers might remember a poem from a couple of years ago that sums up my joy of mall shopping during the holidays. (Isn't nostalgia heartwarming?)

If you are unable to read the print, you should be able to enlarge it by clicking on it.

AND another nice thing that I have noticed. Could it be that  this year more people are shopping on line?   At least in our area,  the traffic is just  "medium" crazy not "over the top" crazy. While there is certainly more traffic than usual the closest I have come to a problem is that I about killed Santa Claus.  Yes, Santa ran a four way stop in front of me yesterday.   He looked to be the real one so I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has a lot on his mind.  The fact that he is driving a little smart car made me kind of feel sorry for him.  He looked fairly jolly given the fact he looked "stuffed" into the vehicle. Still...I would hate to have to been the responsible party for running over Santa 4 days before Christmas.  I suspect that would really put me on the naughty list.

Besides...I really have to try to be nice to Santa. Leaving him in a smooshed smart car probably isn't the most expedient way to get the things I have asked for this year.  (Coordination, increased optimism and the ability to eat non-stop without ever gaining weight are a few of my requests.)   I am working very hard to be a more positive person in 2017.

Hope you all are getting close to being ready for whatever festivities you are planning for. OR were you ready in October? 

I Am Talking About Christmas

Thought Number One:  Have a Politically Correct Holiday

Happy Holidays is now the politically correct term to say, as not to offend people of other religious or non-religious beliefs.  So here is a version of a toally PC greeting.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions  of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America"  in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

Thought Number Two:  To Those That Use the Word Christmas, Celebrate Christmas, and Are Comfortable with Embracing the holiday that is Christmas.

Click to enlarge

(Note:  While I gave it my best effort to add all my regular readers names, there may, in fact, be omissions. I assure you the absence of your name doesn't mean that you aren't on the "nice list" as much as it means my memory isn't what it used to be.)











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Someone's On the Naughty List

Yes...my friends...if this was a gift, you could accuse me of re-gifting.  I have reworked a previous post so it may look a bit familiar to my regular readers.  I will be posting a nice list tomorrow, so check back to see if your name is on it.

 Some of you might remember, the modern day version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.  Pardon the more "colorful" words but in the spirit of accuracy of what one might see in this situation, here is my version of the classic.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two Turtle Doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 10 Lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 pipers piping, 10 Lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me to me 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 Lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a Partridge in a pear tree.


Cancel the drummers!

After Holiday Sales

After all the countdowns, markdowns, and breakdowns, Christmas is behind us for a year.  You would think that shopping would be the last thing anyone would want to do at this point.  WRONG!   According to the people that track this sort of statistic, they tell us that the day after Christmas nearly rivals Black Friday.  So why doesn't this day have a name in the U.S.??   Perhaps we need to think of something more original that "the day after Christmas".  


I am VERY much in favor of adding another holiday to the celebratory list as surely, there could never be too many holidays.  I am thinking the day after Christmas should be a REAL holiday. I would suggest this should be a "paid day" off,  but of course, this couldn't include anyone  employed in retail sales.  Just add this "no holiday for you" to the list of reasons your job sucks.

 I guess we could follow the lead of our friends in the UK (and others)  and call it Boxing Day.  Unfortunately, the word "boxing" seems to confuse Americans.  Historically, this was the day that people gave gifts to servants and tradesmen but has morphed into another shopping day for the masses.  We probably, need to come up with something original for Americans to convey the day's sole and true purpose....picking at the bones of the cheapest of the cheap sales merchandise. It would appear that anything will sell if it becomes cheap enough.

My regular readers might remember that I HATE SHOPPING!  There is never an instance I enjoy shopping. I force myself to go into stores as I need things and even that is after I have looked to make sure it is not available to be ordered online.  So I usually am not enticed by these types of ads.

open early to get the last "best" deal

Only 60 percent?? Surely 75% is in order after Christmas.

Where's the Snow?

Thought Number One: I am a member of   "SNOW FOR CHRISTMAS TEAM"



All of you out there that keep saying you hate the cold and would be happy never to see snow again...we can still  be  friends but secretly I will think you are slightly unhinged.  Who doesn't want a little snow in their life? Oh...that would be you, you say.  HMMMM  Let's agree to disagree.




Don't misunderstand...I don't want a blizzard or anything but it would be thrilling to wake up to a soft, white, beautiful, first snow of the season on Christmas morning.

Snow on Christmas Day.....Probably ...NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN but...still...I hope for it.

Some of you that have been reading my blog for awhile know that  I have lived in 39 different towns between my childhood and my adult life. Those have been fairly well split into places that had snow and places that NEVER had snow.  I always missed the  "hope and promise of snow" in those places where short of hell freezing over were geographically incapable of having even a sprinkling of white.  In all the years, we lived in Dallas, or Phoenix, I just never felt 100 percent Christmasy when it was 72 degrees or some un-winter like temp.

When I lived in Flagstaff, AZ or Grand Island, NE there was always a strong likelihood of seeing the lawn (or the garage) covered with snow on Christmas morning.  Remember the picture I posted of the geese in our back yard in Grand Island.  You might not of noticed but there is SNOW.

This is a sprinkling of snow by Nebraska standards.  It's a whole bunch of geese
by anyone's standards.

Some places such as the town of Kankakee, Illinois where I spent a lot of my "waiting for Santa" years, it was hit and miss as far as White Christmases go.  For whatever reason, back then, in the mid-1950's it was usually cold and snowy by December.  That doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

The following picture was taken on Court Street in Kankakee during the holiday shopping season. It appeared in Time and Life magazine in January 1951.   This was actually before I was born (but not by much) but you can see remnants of snow.  I love this picture because the street continued to look exactly like this for all the Christmases of my childhood with the exception of the cars model years.

Thought Number Two: Taking Matters Into Our Own Hands
So here I am in Kansas City.  This is one of the hit and miss states as far as snow in December goes.  I suspect the way this year is unseasonably warm this is the only way to have snow on Christmas.

click to enlarge

New Twist on an Old Joke

  Today, I am doing my two thoughts a bit differently.  I am breaking down an old standard Christmas song and infusing it with how someone might handle it today.  Be forewarned that my more modern version is that of a tech savvy girl that is at her wits end with an over zealous beau.

 So today...I have two thoughts.

Thought Number One: The original song " The 12 Days of Christmas".

Thought Number Two: How would the lyrics stand up to today's culture.

 A couple of quick notes:  For those of you that are a bit sensitive to "course" language....my apologies in advance.  I am making fun here of  how the poem could go bad in the age of texting...this is a joke after all.

Also, If you have trouble reading any of the  phones, click on them to enlarge them.



 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two Turtle Doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.