Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wieners, Weapons and Weirdos

For those of you that aren't familiar with my Friday posts, I try to keep an eye out for news that is under-reported due to the over-reporting of the "big story" of the moment.    This week there have been several stories that have taken over the lion's share of the news programming,  so you might not have realized anything else that was happening in the world.  John Edward's trial is under way and it would seem that John has some explaining to do. Also, how could anyone not be aware of the ongoing investigation of the Secret Service employees caught with their pants down (in a manner of speaking) in Columbia.  I am thinking some valuable lessons have been learned from that incident.   One of those lessons being... pay your hooker if you want her not to report you to the people that employ you.

I have rounded up a few other news items, just on the outside chance you might have missed these odd,... hhhmmmm weird...let's go with stupid stories.

Dirty Dogs

No, I am not still talking about the John Edward's trial or the SS guys.  I am talking about the hot dog vendor in New Mexico that rammed his cart into a rival hot dog vendor in front of the Metro Court.

According to the report, the hot dog biz is very competitive in Albuquerque and the animosity boiled over on Monday.  Police report that Eric Kilmer ran over the legs and feet of fellow dog dealer, Vincent Montoya.  Kilmer is being charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon...the weapon being his hot dog cart.  This, by the way,  is a felony.

Maybe this isn't the exact likeness of the "deadly
weapon" but I think it shows a little
more grit than a regular hot dog cart.
 While Eric was MIA from work on Wednesday, the local news did interview an employee to try to ascertain what the cause of the skirmish was and the employee said:

"See, I respect him, dude, I respect him a lot and I don't care what anyone says, dude, that's how I feel, dude," the employee said, adding that what happened was really an accident that got blown out of proportion. "Like you know I'm a family man, dude, you know, I got a little girl and I'm trying to make my money, dude, and it's just an accident that came out of proportion, dude. That's all I'm gonna say."  (Really, dude? Can we use the word dude a couple more times for good measure?)

Other vendors said they are mortified about the attack, and worried about the impact on their businesses. "It just makes it scary for a vendor like myself," said Julieta Chavez, owner of a gourmet coffee cart called La Vida Mocha. "I'm out here by myself and I don't want something like that to happen to me as well. You don't want violence."

Kilmer's charge is a third degree felony. If he's convicted, he could be facing up to three years in prison.

Vendor violence, wiener wars...poor Julieta is at risk...put down your weapons, Albuquerque..or at least set the parking brakes.

Panda Poo Tea

You probably think I am making up this next story but....I AM NOT!!!

Reuters reported this week that this week An Yashi, a  lecturer at Sinchuan University, is collecting excrement from pandas to make the worlds most expensive tea. Yashi is using the panda feces as a fertilizer to grow an organic green tea.   (This story, leads me to think that Reuters is running out of real news.)

Wouldn't you buy some $200.00 a cup Panda Poo
tea from this guy?
 Yashi says that panda poo is rich in fiber and nutrients and has a unique aroma...yep, that is the word he used... which imparts a special something to his tea blend.

An (An's name seems funny when used in a sentence) donned a panda suit to promote his tea and he believes that it will rake in around $36,000 per pound. 

The problem with Panda Poo tea, isn't so much the fact this guy is using panda manure for growing his tea, as I suspect, we wouldn't be quite as grossed-out had he used compost (cow or horse manure).  The problem is that he estimates a cup of this elixir is going to cost over $200.  Really, that is some expensive SH**.  He does say that you will feel warm and fuzzy after drinking it, though.  Good to know you won't be pissing your money away...a wait..yes, you will.

Oh, shoot...I probably shouldn't have left the room.

I think perhaps...just maybe...that is what the instructor thought when he heard a gun shot.

A firearms safety course went awry in Bedford County, Virginia on Saturday afternoon when a participant shot himself in the hand with a .45-caliber handgun and the bullet passed through his hand and struck his wife, seated next to him, in the leg.

Everyone who is in favor of
gun safety, raise your hand.  
 Shot were Michael L. Deel and his wife Michelle.   The Deels were attending a firearms safety class being taught and hosted by Thomas Starke, according to the police report.

The sheriff's office said Starke told deputies that he had left the room, heard a shot and returned to find the Deels had been shot.

The couple was taken by ambulance to Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital with injuries that were not considered life-threatening.

Let's Make a Deal

A burglar in Bremerton, Washington broke into a home Tuesday morning around 3 AM.  After loading up some of the homeowners belongings, he inadvertently woke up the owner who grabbed a gun and yelled "Get out!, I have a gun!" to which the burglar replied "Yes, sir!"

Unfortunately, our hapless burglar dropped a bag on his way out that contained some papers identifying who he was.  So what does a burglar do????  He calls the homeowners later in the day and offered a swap.

Yes, a swap of some of the stolen stuff for the bag he dropped.  Part of the deal, however was for the homeowners not to report him to the police.

Needless to say, when he returned to the home to execute the deal, officers were there waiting and arrested him for investigation of residential burglary.

"It's very unusual,"   Sgt. Kevin Crane  of the Bremerton Police said. "I've never seen this happen before where a burglar contacts the victim trying to make a deal to exchange things he left behind for some of the items he stole from the victims."

Crane said the burglar remained polite through the ordeal, even apologizing to the homeowners as he was being arrested.

I guess it doesn't always pay to be polite.  There, also, doesn't seem to be a big payoff for being an idiot...even a gracious idiot.

So there, you have my picks for the odd news bytes of the week.  If you see any funny or odd news that might be overlooked, be sure to email me at


Thechubbychatterbox said...

I've heard of it being a dog eat dog world, but these hot dog vendors need to chill out.

Cheryl P. said...

Maybe they should sit down together and drink some Panda Poo tea that will leave them feeling all warm and fuzzy.

meleahrebeccah said...

1. Dirty dogs = Dude?!

2. Panda Poo Tea = NO THANK YOU

3. Let's Make A Deal = That's too fucking funny. AHAHahahhahahahahah

Cheryl P. said...

Agreed, dumbass dudes...

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to drink anything with the word POO in it.

Let's make a deal guy...just how much stupid can one person hold.

Nicky said...

Dude! Crazed hot dog vendors, dude. It's not hard to see how things could be blown out of proportion, dude. I mean, we are talking edible phallic-shaped objects, dude. I respect them too, dude. And poor Julieta, dude! I can only imagine her terror, seeing as everyone knows, dude, that the Gourmet Coffee cart industry is so cutthroat, dude.

A gun instructor who leaves the students alone with the loaded weapons. Gonna be hard to spin that on a resume, dude.

Oh yeah. That burglar dude is going to be very popular in jail. Dude.

Great recap, dude! :-)

Cheryl P. said...

I know, Dude, the world is just so flipping scary with violent "dog dealers" and seemingly a lack of gun handling skills. I think I need to invest the last of my retirement funds in stocking up on Panda Poo tea and maybe becoming pen pals with the polite burglar while he is in the slammer.

Jayne said...

Do you think that burglar may have been a direct descendant of the Watergate bunglers -- uh, burglars?

And panda poo tea? What a world.

L.C. Griffith said...

These were great. And the story on the Panda Poo Tea gave me a fantastic idea to raise some money. I have a teacup Chihuahua that's been impossible to potty train, so I'm thinking of maybe gathering together all her accidents and using it as fertilizer on tea plants. Teacup Chihuahua tea! I'll only charge fifty bucks a cup seeing she's not all that rare. The usefulness of this information is bottomless! That's it! I'll charge fifty bucks for a bottomless cup of tea, but they'll have to drink it in one sitting...

Once again—I love your blog!!

Cheryl P. said...

You might have figured out a mutant strand of "bungling" DNA. There is some serious genetic material that has gone bad.

What a world, friend...a crazy world for sure.

Cheryl P. said...

Genius, my friend...pure genius. Chihuahua Tea....I see real marketing potential. Just think of how many tacos the little Chihuahua was responsible for selling with that cute little face. Who wouldn't want to spend fifty bucks for some Chihuahua Chai. See if you throw in a little spice and call it Chai, it becomes so trendy too.

You're the best, Leah!!!