Tuesday, May 1, 2012

"What If" Wanda

Were you one of the kids that grownups would whisper about  saying things like "that [fill in the blank],....certainly has an active imagination." If so, was it that you were showing early signs of being a pathological liar or was it that you surrounded yourself with imaginary friends? 

When I was a kid I had an (one only)  imaginary friend named Mary.  As I look back on it, I am pretty sure I didn't really think Mary was a real person but she certainly came in handy when I needed to change the focus of a conversation. 


Parent: " Cheryl did you pick up your room like I asked you to?"

Me: "No, but Mary was bothering me."

Parent to other Parent:  There is something seriously wrong with Cheryl.  Perhaps we need to take her to a doctor.

Seems that the messy room has taken a backseat to their "bigger" problem. See how imaginary friends can work to switch focus. Let's just look at it as  a coversational traffic cop.

Things have changed over the years and Mary has been out of my life for a very long time.  Although, lately I have been thinking of the advantages of having a new imaginary friend come for a visit.  Not to blame for the "things left undone".  Let's face it, no one.... real or imaginary, could handle that amount of blame.

Thought Number One....Bad Drivers Make Me Crazy

You might remember, the incident from an earlier post I did called  Do You Not See A Problem Here  that I wrote several months ago.  The thing that had me going ballistic  on that particular day was getting back to my car on a parking lot and finding I couldn't get in,  thanks to an idiot parker.

Since then,  I have had several other occasions to see the other unfortunate people that were unlucky enough to have "bad parker person" next to them. 

There was one over at the Super Target that was just so impressive (as bad parkers go), I JUST HAD to take a front and back shot.  It must take a special driver to get that close and not hit the neighboring car. One must wonder as well, how could they not feel any remorse for the fact the driver is not going to get into his vehicle anytime soon.

Usually, when I have the pleasure of seeing one of these crazies,  the offender is nowhere in sight.  However, last week that was not  case.   I was working on getting my younger grandchild strapped
into his car seat on the rear passenger side of my SUV when I notice
a much larger SUV hovering...lurking...irritating me as they hovered. It would seem that they were insistent in their desire to park next to me.

 Why would this irritate me?  Here's the deal.  There were HARDLY ANY OTHER  cars in the entire lot...yet "big SUV" needs to be right next to me.  So I hurried, got little guy strapped in and "this wicked person
parks 12 inches more or less from the passenger side of my car.

  As I sit in my car fummmmiiiinnnng, this wicked, wicked, woman (who I might add looked eerily similar to Mrs Wiggins on the old Carol Burnette Show) squeezed and contorted her ample body to get out of her Yukon.

Are you wondering why I just didn't back out and let her exit her vehicle with the ease and grace of a normal person.  Because, I could sit there and make her suffer, that's why. 

This is the part that makes me nuts....WHY DIDN'T I GET OUT OF THE CAR AND SCREAM  AT HER.  After the fact, I thought of all kinds of things to say to her. 

I should have taken pictures and told her I was going to distribute posters all over town warning people of her outrageous parking skills. Instead, I sat there making her fight for her exit.  She could have parked nearly anywhere in the lot and not have had me pummeling her with bad thoughts.

It takes a special person to park on top of you in a lot
that is WIDE OPEN.

Thought Number Two... I Am Crazy and I Now Have Another Imaginary Friend

 So what does this have to do with imaginary friends, your asking??? I have now resurrected an  imaginary friend for the sole purpose of dealing with irritating people around me. Meet "Take-It-Back" Wanda.  Wanda is my new Fairy Godmother of sorts.  However, she insists that I refer to her as my Fairy "Sista" as she is too young to be called someone's mother,  especially someone that is oldish, like me.  So Wanda is going to cruise around with me and when someone pisses me off with their total lack of driving skill she will hop out and either make them "undo" their wicked behavior (hence the whole "take-it-back" part or she will zap them with her fairy bat and give them some bad joo joo.  Nothing like a little bad karma to set the world right.

This isn't a picture of the actual cars involved as I have already admitted how I screwed up
and failed to get it on camera.  Still...this pic will give you the general

Oh, I guess, I should mention that Wanda isn't a typical fairy with a WAND.  She started out like that years ago, in fact, that is where her name Wanda came from...but it just wasn't making an impression on the people she was scolding, so she traded it in for a pretty pink bat with her name on it.

The only problems, I have with Wanda thus far is her incessant need for Redbull and her wanting to sign her name as WTF as a shorter version of Wanda, the Take-It-Back Fairy.

Come Join Top Sites Tuesday and be #1 on BlogDumps!

The purpose of this Meme is to encourage
Networking between bloggers and to have fun while doing it!
Make sure to visit all the other participants and leave comments


Thechubbychatterbox said...

I was so unpopular as a kid that my imaginary friend wouldn't play with me. Gee, this sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield joke. I wonder if it is.

Cheryl P. said...

Rodney Dangerfield certainly had the knack of turning self-deprecation into a lucrative career. I am not buying that you were unpopular as a kid so I am thinking you either have an active imagination or are a pathological liar.

Aleta said...

OMG, That's insane! I have an SUV, but to be honest, I'm afraid of tight spots. So, I'm more likely the person you see parking way out in timbucktwo or East Egypt. Now way would I park that close to someone else. My husband can't stand it when people do that too - how can the other person get in their vehicle - that's just plain RUDE!!!!

Cheryl P. said...

I, too, drive an SUV and try not to push myself into tight spaces. My current SUV is midsized compared to my last one that was a full size, so I have been in the position of parking a larger vehicle. I don't get why people take the chance of getting their auto banged up when the extra few spaces away is hardly adding any inconvenience.

This chick was brazen in her pushiness. I wish I would of had the clarity to snap a picture of her.

Wolfbernz said...

Hi Cheryl,

Wanda is an awesome idea! She fills the void... no reason to be super nice anymore, just blame it all on Wanda!


Trina said...

OMG I would so freak out on a lady that parked that close to me.. dirt looks, maybe a snide remark... But I think you did it best making her squeeze out.

I never had an imaginary friend, but I could see how one would be really helpful sometimes... that or claiming that you might be a little multi-personalitied... LOL

Great post!
Clicks for you!

Grandpa said...

I had a jerk park that close to me at a Home Depot last year.. Then the dirtbag comes out and does not understand why I am pissed. In fact I yelled at him and told him off. I felt better, but the wife was not pleased with my outburst ....hmmmmmm maybe Darwin (my imaginary guy) could have told him to kiss off.

Cheryl P. said...

Wolf, I love how you think. I am finding that being the "nice guy" sometimes backfires in the form of stress. I was fuming all the way home that I didn't get out of my car and ask her why she felt the need to park so close when the rest of the lot was wide open. I am a coward by nature and really hate confrontation though.

Cheryl P. said...

I think there are times that it would be great fun to have multiple personalities. I would have pulled the mean bitchy one out and had a little TALK with psuedo Mrs. Wiggins. The meanest I could get with my one personality is to make her wiggle her dumb self out of her SUV.

Cheryl P. said...

I think I am more for Wanda taking her imaginary bat to someone that actually calling them out on their stupidity. I think it depends on who the bad parker is. Sometimes there is just no talking to be done.
As the saying goes...Are you so dumb that if I smarted off to you, you wouldn't be able to understand me?

oldereyes said...

Well, I guess turnabout is fair. I've been mentally writing a post on bad drivers and another on "Things I wish I'd said." My gripe is when I'm parked at the park, writing or reading in my car and someone parks in the spot right next to me ... and believe me, there are only a dozen cars in the whole park in the morning. Fun post.

Cheryl P. said...

So much for "wanting and enjoying solitude" as the lurker is right out your window. I have been known to move my car to a new space just to regain my aloneness. Sort of like when someone sits right next to you at a movie, even though there are plenty of seats. Sheesh...what is wrong with people?

Nicky said...

I think everyone needs an imaginary friend like Wanda! I hate bad parkers too, even when they're not crazy-glued to my car. When Hummers were all the rage, it used to make me insane to see them take up 3 parking spots. Actually, just seeing those monsters at all would enrage me - seriously, unless you're driving up a freakin' mountain or you're in a war, you do NOT need to own a Hummer!! Arrrgh!

Okay, I think I've gotten totally off topic. Sorry.

Btw, I love the pics of "Wanda" :-)

Cheryl P. said...

You and I are linked on some new-agey, cosmic level. I HATE Hummers.
What is that even about??? There is a guy about a block from my house that bought an actual tank from the army surplus. Why??? Who the hell knows but I bet he paid a 10th...maybe less...of what a Hummer costs and it pretty much is the same ugly piece of crud.
Really any HUMONGOUS vehicle needs not to park in a space meant for a regular sized car.

Thanks...I am trying to do a little more cartoonish drawings to add a little diversity to my site. Ehhh..not sure if it is working but it's kind of fun to draw and color. I am regressing back to being a 10 year old.

L.C. Griffith said...

LOL! Can I borrow WTF? LOL!! Last week I ran into two psycho drivers. Both of them were screaming at me for NOTHING! One was a lady in front of me at a light. I was far enough behind her and I certainly didn't speed up behind her, yet she began cursing and flailing her arms at me so much that the developmentally disabled client I had in the car with me asked me to lock the car doors! Really!
The other one was a freak who thought I was trying to cut in front of her at a McDonald's drive-thru, when all I was doing was waiting for her to pull up. People these days have short fuses. I figure I need WTF around with her pink bat to protect me from them. Whew! That felt good. Thanks for letting me purge Cheryl!

Cheryl P. said...

WTF is on her way to Florida. There are some seriously crazy people around you. I haven't seen much road rage here but in Texas I had a couple of instances just as you described. One guy ran me off the road like I was slowing him down but I was already speeding to try to get away from him. Maybe the hot summers down there are frying peoples brains. I want you to start wearing a hat all the time, my friend. No sense taking chances. Also, keep a safe distance from all the whackadoodles that are near you in a car.

Bodaciousboomer said...

People that are that inconsiderate make me just crazy. Once when I was in a really bad mood I actually left the inconsiderate shit a nice, long note- written on their car with a Sharpie.

I have a friend who still uses a handicapped hang card when she parks her card even though her mom has been dead two years and she herself has no disability. It makes me really uncomfortable when I'm with her and she does that.

Cheryl P. said...

You are a feisty one, ha ha...I am rather proud of you though. Hopefully the guy thought twice before parking on top of someone else's car.

I have a relative that truly needs and uses one but she loans it out to others upon occasion. I try to keep my mouth shut as I know she thinks she is being helpful.

Annmarie Pipa said...

oh my gosh! I just tell myself they are stupid, the poor driver..and then with my superior attitude I don't get mad.

meleahrebeccah said...

My son had an imaginary friend and I thought it was perfectly normal as he was an only child.

And HOLY HELL! Who parks like that? What an asshole.

Hey, your Sista Wanda reminds me of "Towanda" from the movie, Fried Green Tomatoes!!

Susan, Super Earthling said...

I love WTF! I need one too!
and honestly, who on earth thinks it's okay to park like that??

Cheryl P. said...

I don't consider that "you feeling all superior" as much as you being nicer than most. I want to punch them in the face and tell them to wake up and pay attention. I have certain expectations of behavior even for the tragically stupid.

Cheryl P. said...

I think it is fairly normal. I think it was just a fun thing to do for me. My mom used to set a place at the table for Mary and pretend with me. (I was 6 that year) I lost her the following year and it gave me a good memory.

I hadn't thought of that movie in years. Really cute movie. Fannie Flagg was really a good story teller. Her book was better than the movie. Years ago when I was relatively young.... after reading the book, hubby and I threw a Green Fried Tomatoes dinner party. We had our friends come over for a supper that had all the food that was talked about in the movie (except for the guy that died and was barbequed)

Cheryl P. said...

You wouldn't need WTF because you are a Super Earthling and have total control of things. But as you have multiple identities, I guess you would conjure up one more to cover the duties of bat toter and Redbull drinker.

meleahrebeccah said...

"except for the guy that died and was barbequed" - Well I'd HOPE NOT!

Cheryl P. said...

For sure not...I hardly eat meat of any kind so that would really gross me out.