Conversation, May You Rest In Peace

There seems to be an abundance of talking, texting, and tweeting going on as of late but I can't help but notice how little conversation there is.  Frankly, I find it troubling.

As a little girl I spent a lot of time with my paternal grandparents who resided in the South. It was an era when the men would gather at the "filling" station to sit on the bench, drink their Yoohoos and Dr. Peppers and visit...at length.  Their conversations were usually pleasant with a lot of head nodding but even when they disagreed, it all seemed friendly enough.  Their chats consisted of stories of the past as well as all the current local news. These men stayed friends for life. Maybe all that sharing bonded them in some way. Those that were still living shuffled their way into his funeral.

The act of getting together to visit wasn't solely a male activity back then.  This was true for the women as well.  Women in that area met for "quilting bees" which was done around a big wooden frame while women hand stitched quilt blocks onto fabric but as they worked they were catching up on all the local stories.  I learned a lot about life listening to the chatter.

 For example: At one point when I was eavesdropping the conversation was about a lady named Sally that lived down the road. Sally had started a little side business "visiting" with men during the day when her husband was working out in the fields. From the tone of the conversation, I gathered that the women weren't enthusiastically supporting Sally's entrepreneurial exploits.  I later asked my grandma why men would want to visit with Miss Sally as she was really scary looking and was minus a lot of her teeth.  My grandma assured me that the men weren't paying to look at her face. 

Anyway....I come from a long line of people that enjoy just sitting around talking. That would be  the long-winded, storytelling, killing time, kind of talking.  I am saddened that it is disappearing. 

Every now and then I see glimpses of this style of conversation but it's becoming rarer.  Usually, I find that conversation, even when spoken out loud as opposed to communicating via devices, it tends to be more likened to a volleying of quips.  Not so much expounding on facts or ideas as much as pitching short thoughts at someone while they try to punt their ideas back at you, often while you are still talking.

If you ever have watched the television program,  The View, you know what I mean.  OR if you watched any of the current political debates, you can see what I am talking about.  Basically, it's an auditory assault more than a two way conversation.

Last week was a busy week for me as I had to spend some extra time preparing for the computer class I teach to "senior" seniors.  We are currently working on how to use our smartphones and tablets.  Part of the struggle of teaching 80 and 90 year olds about this type of technology is trying to explain "why" at their age any of this technology is even worth the effort to learn.

The reason they want to learn it is to stay connected to their families.  One gentleman in the class was saying about the time he had developed a great way to communicate with his grandson through emails, his grandson had moved onto texting.  The boy now has stated he would prefer chat via text messaging.  So  Chuck (name changed as he may not want me talking about him) bought an iPhone and now  is eager to learn the ins and outs of texting.

My heart breaks. I suggested he trade in his grandson but he seems very attached to the one he has and is willing to become a proficient texter.  I asked him the age of this particular grandson and he replied the child is now 18.  I hope against hope that this child will grow into a man and sit down with his grandfather to talk.  I, of course want for them to have  REAL lengthy conversations that grandson can reflect on when he is in his 80s.  Is that too much to ask?

Frankly, I am tired of the art of talking being reduced to status updates.   I am prepared to blame both Facebook and Twitter for  their part in turning the tide on the old relaxed give-and-take style of talking to this "one sided" launching of words into the territory of someone else's "one side" launching of words.  One could always hope that at some point the ideas land together in some meaningful  way to form a conversation.

BUT...technology conspires against those of us that long for lengthy, wordy, descriptive talk fests. Just as Chuck's grandson many people have embraced a text only lifestyle that is reduced to shorthand, abbreviated words or even worse.... communicating with emojis.  Take for example: Recently a car company conducted a customer satisfaction survey but asked the participants to answer only in emojis. They have a commercial that shows  a portion of this survey as well.   Visualize me having a sad face.

If I wasn't already a bit peeved at the current lack of expansive and civil conversation, yesterday I received an email from Twitter. It asked me if I know how to Tweet.  I could think that their comment sounded a bit accusatory but they aren't entirely wrong.  While I am surprised that they have missed  seeing my tweets among their millions of users, they seem to have grasped part of the problem with me and Twitter.  I just don't "get" it.

I must not be alone in this, though, because I was just reading an article that said 60 percent of people that signed up for Twitter  never used it past trying a tweet or two.  I initially thought I would be great at Twitter as I am somewhat a twit but it didn't take me long to realize that I am not great a keeping within the bounds of 140 characters.  Nor am I particularly great at coming up with hilarious one liners at a moment's notice.  I am failing at Twitter.  I may never actually accomplish a Twoosh  (a perfect 140 character Tweet but remain secure in my belief  that it doesn't make me less of a person.)
I am willing to confess that I am challenged to say what I want to say when given a mandated character count.

A Twoosh is a Tweet that is exactly 140 characters long.

But that brings me back to my class of seniors that want to board the Facebook and Twitter train thinking that it's taking them someplace fun and relevant.   In my heart of hearts, I think that they have far more to teach the techies than the techies have to teach them.

I hold out hope that lengthy conversations where people share thoughts without getting indignant, offended or feel the need to over-talk each other makes a comeback.   Imagine my happy face. 

And the Oscar Goes To

As most of my more astute readers might have noticed, lately I have reduced my posts to one day a week.  This is  a half-assed effort on my part to try to find some balance between doing productive things versus  doing non-productive things.  ( non-productive things AKA watching TV and surfing the Internet)

The battle rages on.

Yesterday thanks to the abysmally low temperatures and the sleet/snow mix that found it's way to hold me hostage, I spent the day doing looking at various screens.   Really, the only way I could of accomplished LESS over the weekend would be to have been in a coma.   BUT...given the fact, hubby is working in San Antonio these days, I am trying my best not to need medical attention.  I am fairly sure an ambulance would look and my ice covered driveway and say "if someones going to die, better her than us trying to drive up there to save her."


My one reprieve for the weekend was watching the Oscars. 

Yes, despite the part of me that is conflicted between the shallow narcissistic side of Hollywood and the creative, artistic side of making good films, I invariably tune into the Academy Award show every year. 
This year I started early in the day watching the pre-red carpet preparations.  You just have to know when a person is desperate enough to watch people preparing a carpet for other people to walk on...that is a sign of complete disconnect. 

Still...I figured I would as in years past... I would digitally impose myself and Crabby Pants into the festivities.
Digitally traveling is just so much easier than actual travel.

So without delay...here are this years Oscar pictures.

 

Did you watch the Oscars this year?  Did you have favorite movies that won or didn't win? 

I will be back with my regular post tomorrow...unless I go into the aforementioned coma.

Oh, For the Love of Tweets

Daft Punk Took Best record and best album..which is really a miracle given the
fact, they repeat the same couple of lines over and over and over.

Thought Number One: Twitter: What is it Good For? 

 Historically, I haven't spent a great deal of time on Twitter.  To tell you the truth, I don't quite understand the purpose of sending out little wisps of thoughts to what may be, in my case,  the smallest group of followers in Twitterdom. (that would be @veryconflicted for those of you that like small intimate gatherings) There is also the fact, that it is very difficult to limit myself to 140 characters.  (You don't seem shocked by that.)  Up until recently I would of said the sole purpose of  Twitter was that it provided a barometer for celebrities to check the status of their popularity while at the same time rudely pointing a finger at those that are less popular.   I am assuming you don't hinge your self- worth to the number of followers you have on Twitter.

Katy Perry is the most popular according to Twitter

As a rule I don't typically  participate a great deal on any of the  social networking sites
unless, of course, you consider blogs as a type of social networking. 

It isn't that I don't see merit in some of the sites that actually have resulted in people connecting or reconnecting. I love to see what my school friends and relatives are up to.  Unfortunately, I tend to find other parts of it trivial and avoid marketing components of it.  I can't believe that I am the only one that is finding that I dis-LIKE being told by every business under the sun that I need to go to their web site and LIKE them.  I currently am not LIKE-ing the word LIKE.

As for today...I am talking about my foray onto Twitter.

It occurred to me a week ago Sunday,  that there weren't many programs available to watch on TV thanks to  the 4+ hours taken up by the Grammy Awards.  As I like music and was too lazy to search  ON DEMAND for a movie, I figured I would power through "live" TV. 

For those that weren't watching, during the opening number, Beyonce does a dance routine with a chair.  Does the idea of someone doing a dance in a chair getting wet sound at all familiar? Well for me it had a certain deja vu quality about it. It reminded me of Jennifer Beals in the "Maniac" sequence of Flashdance.

 

Also, I  began to wonder if anyone else beside me, wasn't loving this opening act.  (I am sure heads are exploding at the thought I didn't find this opening act  "the bomb".)

In an effort to find out the answer to these questions, I did what anyone that was within reach of an iPad or Smartphone would do.  I signed onto Twitter to see what the masses were saying.  Turns out that I am the only one in the universe that wasn't losing their mind over how wonderful this was and no one was mentioning "Maniac." I am, also, the only one on the planet that wasn't gushing and spewing nonsense about how Beyonce and Jay Z are the most romantic couple EVER.  (For those of you that missed this...by this point in  time...Beyonce and Jay Z were both on stage doing some serious rub-a-dubbing against each other and the cameras  are zeroing in on booties and crotches) Yeah,  the whole routine was totally the essence of romance. (do I need to point out the sarcasm here?)

Which brings me to my point....Alternate reasons to use Twitter other than stalking and/or measuring the popularity of a celebrity.

A. Finding affirmation and endorsement of your opinions related to "whatever" is happening.

B. Getting confirmation on how odd/wrong/unique you are or affirm  that you are "normal". 

C. Getting the opportunity to spew random opinions into the universe so others can A. or B.

Thought Number Two:  The Great Divide

I will say that because I have spent so little time on Twitter, it was somewhat of a learning experience.
The speed of  "tweets flashing before one's eyes" doesn't allow for participating in any meaningful way.  I had signed on to the thread  #Grammys so over the course of the 4+ hours of programming, there were 15.2 MILLION tweets.  Needless to say, every time I looked down at my phone there were 100s of new tweets.  

If Gaga tries to bite me, I will push her off of her shoes.  That's bound to do some damage.

I, also figured out rather quickly that some of the Twitter comments were nearly as entertaining as some portions of the program itself. The comments consisted in equal amounts of praise, mockery and comedic one-liners. There seemed to be some areas of general consensus as well as some of the acts brought a wave of opposing tweets.

Because this year's Grammy Awards performers were fairly divided between older groups and younger groups, there seemed to be some age divisiveness involved as well.

 Age disparities? Yes, how else can you account for this?

While  Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang a duet ..one of the tweets that came up asked:   
Where are the other two Beatles?  Pretty rude of them not to show up.

And there were hundreds that went along those lines....

Really??  These people have no idea who the Beatles were?

Of course, there were a lot that were just one-liners...and I do mean A LOT.

Again..for those that missed the program...Queen Latifah married 33 couples on air. I am not sure you would of put that together with this being an awards show...but yes, Queen Latifah was made a Commissioner by the State of California so she could legally marry all the couples.

Commissioner Latifah marrying 33 couples along side the wedding singer.

which led to more tweets....

Soooo...while I don't think I will become a habitual "tweeter"...it was a fun experiment to see how people interact online during a program.

Do you Tweet?  If so...what do you enjoy about it?  If not...what are your thoughts?

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Weighing In On Old

Another day, another study, ... Yep, just within the last couple of days the Journal of Eating Disorders released a study that says that women of ALL ages complain more about being old than being fat.  When
people are disparaging themselves about age, this is being referred to "old talk."  The Journal of Eating Disorder is concerned that the same type of negative body image issues i.e. anxiety, depression, eating disorders, can now be attributed to women to feeling old.


Turns out that even women as young as 18 are now talking  about  feeling old or complaining about the effects of aging.  Although, it might not surprise you that those teenie-boppers are amateurs in the department of "old talk"  compared to the groups that have a little more age on them.

Carolyn Becker of Trinity University in San Antonio, TX led the study which surveyed over 900 women from America, Britain, and Australia.  Their ages ranged from 18 to 87.  The questions they were given dealt with  "fat talk", "old talk" and overall body dissatisfaction. Sixty-six percent of the women say they engage in "old talk" some of the time.   As you might expect the women over 46 talk the most about being old.   (I don't really think they needed a study to figure that out.)

NOTE:  According to one of the articles pertaining to this study, it stated that men were not  included as their initial research showed men were more comfortable with aging.  There seems to be a prevalent attitude that aging in men makes them more distinguished. Proving once again, that life is not fair.

Thought Number One:  Fat

You might remember the post a couple of weeks ago,  Native American Summer, where I was talking about Rush Limbaugh justifying his remarks when he called Oprah fat. His theory being if you are part of a group that shares a common denominator, you get to talk about the denominator.   Since he is fat, he says he wasn't disparaging her.  He was merely pointing out the fact she is...well...fat.

But we all know it's not nice to call someone fat.  The politically correct thing to do is acknowledge that people come in all shapes and sizes.  Uh-huh...that's how it is supposed to be.

click to enlarge or go to Twitter 
#Iamnotadisease

 The problem arises that, while obesity might be off the table from the sense, we should not judge people, be biased or prejudicial regarding overweight people, the AMA slapped a huge stigma on obesity by calling it a disease.

As you might imagine, that didn't go over in a big (no pun intended) way for people like Marilyn Wann who has spent years advocating for "fat acceptance".  Marilyn who wrote a book Fat!So? along with

Marilyn Wann

other fat advocates have voiced their disapproval of linking "being fat" with having a disease.  On the Twittter thread #Iamnotadisease, there is an ongoing debate whether obesity should be stigmatized by being called a disease. Of course, there are also, those in favor of the change as it provides funds for research and now insurance will have to pay for some of the costs associated with health problems resulting from obesity.  


Thought Number Two: Old and Ageism

According to the study, half the women in the 18-29 age group "occasionally" refer to themselves as old.  By that standard, I am old.  (Sure according to them I would be ancient, but then a 18 year old calling herself old is coo-coo from my vantage point.)

Lucy was using an analogy  with an  old
vehicle being an old body.

We live in a culture that is obsessed with youth, so it makes sense that gray hair and wrinkles are met with a certain amount of disdain.  Fixing the "flaws" of aging is big business in America.  Just last week the American Society of Plastic Surgeons released data that 14.6 million procedures were done last year related to fixing signs of aging.  That is up 5 percent from the previous year. 

While there are the self-proclaimed fat advocates that are upset with being disparaged due to body size, I venture to guess that people are less vocal about how aging is viewed. I might even go far as to say...and I know some people out there aren't going to be happy with my next statement but here goes....obesity is within a lot of people's control while aging is not within the control of any living person.

As for the issue of  "old" being the new bias, more so than fat, .... I was listening to an interview with the Editor-In-Chief of Self Magazine, Lucy Danzinger that was saying that "the opposite of old isn't young...it's healthy and energetic."  She went on to say, "It's like having a car.  You can't necessarily get a new vehicle, but you can take really good care of the one you have."

I don't dispute that we all need to stay healthy and fit but why is aging considered a flaw?  How did we get to a place where having a plasticized taut skin or expressionless Botoxed faces, better than having some natural signs of aging?

From where I sit, I think aging is unavoidable.  I can continue to workout  as vigilantly as I do.  I can stay thin and fit, hopefully but I can't halt all the natural body changes that go with getting older.In theory, I can prolong their onset.

Being fit isn't quite the same thing as being young...but it's still a good thing to be. 

  Hey everyone...meet Gina!!!  Gina has been my trainer for about 5 years now.  She can't reverse my aging but she can keep everything else in check.  Maybe aging will be considered a disease some day and I can have my insurance company pay Gina. 






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Sum of All Wisdom

Quotes...those little ideas written out in the form of a sentence of two that convey a bit of philosophy or wisdom.  Has anyone other than me noticed the PROLIFERATION of quotes. Who knew that great wisdom was so readily available?


Thought Number One:  Words of Wisdom

I was reading an article in the New York Times recently that the Quotes Catagory that was started in July on Pinterest has now garnered more than 10 per cent of Pinterest's total traffic. In the article, it went on to say that all these little inspirational items that we are picking up on the big three: Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, are the modern day equivalent to philosophizing. It actually has a name: Pop Philosophy.

Cherylocrates stands among the great philosophers

So for today, Cheryocrates is going to send some profound philosophy your way.

Off to a good start, aren't I?    Are you awed and amazed at how profound I can be.



Turns out that Facebook and Cherylocrates make a great team.  Are you feeling  awash with wisdom?

 

Oh, so children's rhyming can be philosophical, huh?

Oopsie...seems some inspiration comes with four letter words. Which brings us to the next great tidbit of
"brain food" to feast upon.

I see that maybe Cherylocrates is spiraling down the drain in the quality of great philosophical thoughts.

Oh, wait, first I have you swearing and now I have you in jail.  This isn't going as well as I thought it would.


Thought Number Two: A Word to the Wise: Don't Quote Me On That

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Are We Making Progess?

Lindsay Lohan does it while she is in jewelry stores. Newt Gingrich does it.  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore do it a lot.  Chris Lee and Anthony Weiner did it and caused a ruckus. 

I have done it but frankly, I just don't get the point of it. I am, of course, talking about the  ugly little half-sister to Facebook, TWITTER.

Would someone, please explain the enjoyment of Twitter to me?   Why do people want to put the limitation on their communication at 140 characters?  Who even came up with that number?

Did the developer say something to the effect " Gosh, I think anything over 140 letters and spaces  is just tooo much information.  Shut up already! Really, man, if you can't say what needs to be said in about 20 words, just keep your mouth shut."

Periodically, I go over to my Twitter account  (@veryconflicted) to see what funny one liners have come my way.  I follow 7 people.  Most of those 7 are famous comedians.  Now that in it self, pretty much would limit me from wanting to tweet anything.  Who am I to go up against the professionals?

As for just being one of the lemmings that hang out over at Twitter,  looking around, I have noticed things that do make me smile...occasionally make me laugh. 

Sometimes there are tweets that touch on current events. In this category there are tweets, which I might add is not for the faint of heart and  are not particularly funny.

(**For disclosure:  This is a fictitious Twitter feed as I didn't want to dirty up my site with the likes of you-know-who and are sick-of-hearing-his-name.)

One of my biggest objections, behind the whole 140 character restriction, is the "subtle" but very real rejection...exclusion  being perpetrated  by the "big time" Twitter accounts holders.  The poor rejected followers don't even realize that they are summarily being kicked to the curb.

Think of it this way....Some accounts have millions of followers  but they only follow a very few of their followers.  (This might be confusing so here are some examples)  Conan O'Brien has 3,259, 555 followers, he on the other hand follows...one person.  Well now, over 3 million people are interested in what quick little short bits of inspired thoughts he is thinking and he is interested in what one person might have on his/her mind. (who would that be??? His wife? Jay Leno?? hmmm)

Even Lady Gaga, who currently holds the top spot with 10,875,986 followers, is currently following 143,157 of her closest pals. Still, for you nearly 11 million friends that are hanging out to see her tweets, most of you aren't really part of her inner circle.  You do get that, right??? If this was a Dodge Ball game, she is not picking you to be on her team!!!!


After numerous stories of the stupid things people do on the Internet that get them into serious trouble, I was thinking "What would  things  have looked like if all of this Tweeting and Facebook friending had started in the middle of the 19th Century.  What if, people like Poe, Wadsworth or Frost were limited to 140 characters when they had a thought?  Would they want to share these little epiphanies with their pals?  Would they ever have finished one of their poems, if they had to write them in 140 character increments? Would there be crotch shots, or maybe ankle shots of the hussies?  Would there be shocking statements dealing with bloomers or petticoats? 


Is this what Twitter would have look like in the mid 1800's for a few creative friends, just thinking some interesting thoughts and tweeting them to their friends....

So, I welcome your comments to explain, why you use Twitter and why you enjoy it.  Why isn't this the same thing as emails and texting that wouldn't limit you to 140 characters.  Feel free to tweet me at @veryconflicted as it may be the one and only time anyone actually tweets to that account.  Or just comment or email me...whatever is your thing.

The Good for the Day...Social media can be fun and seemingly a lot of people understand it better than I do.

The Bad....Overuse, using rudely, sending offensive crap that can get you in trouble, morons that don't use it correctly,  and the list goes on and on and on.

The Weird of the Day...The ladies over at the View were talking about the tweeted pictures of Anthony Weiner and Barbara Walters said and "the pictures of the Congressman were very flattering...you're saying ...uh uh ...no she dihn't...yes she did.  You can watch this on Youtube or ABC. It is the Hot Topics section of the program aired on June 7th.   Flattering??? Really Barbara?? You are losing it!!!



Oh, Yeah, It's Friday

It's Friday!!!! Woo Hoo.....It's our "meet at the water cooler" day.  It's BREAK TIME.  (unscheduled and coincidentally, unlimited)


So....let's get the idle chit chat started.
Our mission on Friday is to waste as much time as we can.


The week started off with a Egyptian Cobra "going missing" at the Bronx Zoo. It's been fun following the efforts of his capture but unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view, the snake has been found.
The  snake (who seemingly doesn't have a name as they keep calling him "the snake") had started a Twitter account.  I will say this is one clever snake judging from his tweets.  The last time I checked he had about nearly a 143,000 followers  (of which I am one).  Who doesn't want to communicate with a Cobra, after all.

Here are a few of his most recent tweets.

BronxZoosCobra
Getting on the ferry to Ellis Island. Let's hope this goes better than that time on the plane. #snakeonthetown

BronxZoosCobra
Checking Google maps. RT @sesamestreet The @bronxzooscobra is visiting places around NYC. Can anyone tell it how to get to Sesame Street?

BronxZoosCobra

Getting my morning coffee at the Mudtruck. Don't even talk to me until I've had my morning coffee. Seriously, don't. I'm venomous.

BronxZoosCobra

City may not sleep, but I'm ready to. Ooh a chimney! I bet you bragged to your friends about having a working fireplace in NYC. Hi roomie.

BronxZoosCobra

Leaving Wall Street. These guys make my skin crawl. #snakeonthetown

Gosh, I hope he keeps up his Twitter account now that he is back in his home.  He sounds totally fun.

Another big story of the week. 

A mom, Kerry  (and I use the word "mom" loosely)  is injecting her 8 year old with Botox regularly because she thinks this is a pre-emptive measure in making her kid beautiful.  AND if that wasn't bad enough she is subjecting her child to virgin hair waxing (never heard of it before now) to keep daughter from ever having body hair. (well, that is according to this freako mom).

This is the kind of stuff that the most talented writer of fiction couldn't make up.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/3485305/I-give-my-girl-8-Botox-for-pageant.html

According to the article, Kerry gave Brittany (the 8 year old) Botox as one of her birthday presents on her last birthday.  I am sure that is what every little girl wants for their  8th birthday. Brittany is already saying that she wants new boobs and a nose job soon.  How soon?? She is 8.  She doesn't have an old set of boobs yet.

There is just so much wrong with this story that I wouldn't be able to get it in one post.  But let me try to point out a few points. These points, point to CRAZY.

1.  The mom thinks this will help her kid become a super star or a model.  Does she think that Botox can substitute teaching your child about hard work, developing your talent, and  oh, what about being happy with your body.

2.  The article says she is a single mother as her 83 year old husband died 4 years ago.  Which means there isn't another parent available to weigh in on this nonsense. (Wow, that was a May-December kind of thing.)

3.  Mom says she is a highly trained beautician that is qualified to inject Botox. They live in San Francisco. Why isn't San Francisco getting involved? Surely there are some type of rules that apply to injecting poisons into small children.

4. Kerry, also, tells us in the article that this is a very common practice.  That any child on the pageant circuit is getting Botox so they look their best. (how bad can a grade schooler look?) Supposedly, little girls are having injections in their lips to have that pouty look that is so very attractive.  (Funny, when my daughter was little, that pouty look wasn't one of my faves.  I wanted smiles!!)

OK ....one last story to waste away our Friday with. The snowboarder that landed upside down in a tree well. 

James Drummond, an experienced snowboarder was boarding down Mt. Shasta in California when he hit a tree well.  He landed upside down under 6 feet of snow.  After  20 minutes of wrangling his hands around to his cell phone he called his wife to tell her of his situation.  All of this was recorded on a helmet camera.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/227926/nbc-today-show-buried-snowboarder-thought-he-‘was-going-to-die’

The Good for the Day....snowboarder guy got through to his wife that he was SERIOUS

The Bad for the Day....that nutty mom....seriously bad way to instill "no feeling of self worth in a child".

The Weird....a no name Cobra that can think of far more clever tweets than I can.

Happy Homecoming, Bronx Zoo Cobra

Friends Talking to Friends

  With all the moving we have done, I have made a number of friends in a lot of different places.  It isn't really so different than starting a new school. (which, coincidentally, I know something about as I moved 13 times prior to getting married PM plus the 21 moves after marriage AM).  Finding the people that you "click" with is difficult.   When you are new to a school or community  it is hard to know how to meet people that share your same values, sense of humor, same interests etc.  In fact, perhaps having expectations that you are going to meet someone that thinks or lives like you might be counter productive to finding people that would make perfect friends to you.  Perhaps we should not be looking for people with identical personality traits or interests to our own.   Maybe we should look for people that we find "interesting enough to give it a chance" and that we might have "a thing or two"  in common with.  (setting the bar low for me tends to pay off a lot of the time)


When we moved to Texas, I met a few people in the neighborhood that I clicked with but the most interesting group  I came across, was a group of women that I met at the gym.  I joined the gym at Texas Womens' University.  As gyms go it is a fairly small facility who's main purpose is to be used by students and faculty.  They do, however, accept outside members for a fee.  Normally, I go to just the nearest "chain" gym but I liked the smaller environment.

What I discovered is that if I went to the gym on the same days each week at approximately the same time, the same faces were  there. That is true of all gyms but at the TWU gym, for whatever reason, we started talking to each other.  Turns out that talking is very counter-productive to actually getting a workout in.
Too late though, we had discovered a second interest.  We all liked to read and had begun comparing who was reading what.  The book club was formed. 

 The group consisted of :

A woman that creates a syndicated comic strip
An art professor
A flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
A sculptor
Me (I had my  corporate training company at that time)
A retired grade school teacher
A rancher (not married to a rancher, she is the rancher)

Side Bar:

Our little group kind of reminded me of the John Hughes movie  "The Breakfast Club".  The teens come together with no common denominator other than the fact they are all in detention.  There is a brain, a princess, an athlete, a criminal, and a basket case. 

Our book club had components of all of those with the exception of  the criminal.  In place of that category, let's substitute someone who really marched to their own drummer.  Let's call her our group's non-conformist.


Back to the story:


But here we were, women with all kinds of different personalities, different background, different everything coming together to become friends.  Not over night but little by little discovering a camaraderie.  I am certain the reason we got past the fact we were all so very different and enjoyed each others company is that we were all latent STORYTELLERS.

Perhaps my love of just sitting with people that I are comfortable with and talking  comes from my early childhood. When I was a little girl, I lived with my grandparents for a few years in Arkansas.  At this time in the early 1960's,  this little town would have been considered very "backwoods".  The old men, including my grandpa,  met at the gas station to sit on benches and drink Yoo Hoo and Dr. Pepper and tell stories.  Stories about their childhoods, stories about the local farms, the town gossip, their families and whatever the talk of the day melded into. They too, had their version of the book club without having to read a book.


Whether our book club was a modern version of  The Breakfast Club or of  "old men sitting on a bench"  it started meeting weekly on Tuesdays at one of our homes. Once a week we would meet for a pot luck supper  (had to be healthy) and discussed whatever we had read during the week.  We decided early on it couldn't work like other book clubs where everyone reads the same book.  We all hated each others taste in all things. Clothes, books, home decor, you name it, no common ground in our taste of "things".  As we got to know each other we did focus on our common interests, though.  We all were health nuts, liked  to exercise, like to read a lot, most of us liked to garden, and all were interested in hearing stories about the other people's adventures.  These women had great life stories.  REALLY interesting life experiences.

When you think about it, doesn't EVERYONE have some great stories.  I think, there is so little opportunity to share those stories, though.  Even given the opportunity to share them, a lot of people don't want to listen to someone else's stories. To have a dialog there needs to be storytellers and story listeners.

Is there a need or want in our culture in the 21st century for people to sit together and talk to each other at length?  Not just  small talk but real narratives, about where they come from and how they got to where they are now.  Can friends really get to know each other any more? I envy the people that stayed in one community and still have their childhood friends as their adult friends. Surely, that is a group of friends that know each other.

While I have been one of the last people in America to get on  the Facebook and Twitter train, recently I decided if I want to find out what my family is up to I'd better start participating.  I will say it is fun.  No question about it. As I am still trying to figure out all the ins and outs of social networking, I do recognize I am communicating with some people that I haven't heard from or seen in a lot of years.    Very much a nostalgia shot in the arm. I love seeing their posts and getting to know a little about where they ended up. A big thumbs up and likes for Facebook. 

In a crazy way though, it makes my miss my old friends MORE.  I want to get in my car and go see them in person,  sit down, have tea/coffee and visit.  So many questions that can't be answered in the little tidbits of Facebook or the 140 letters or less of Twitter. 


While this phenomenon of  social network is taking off like a rocket, I like the idea that a person would have a real friend(s) to talk to at length when they feel like talking,  or friends that would just sit with them quietly when they are mourning, grieving, crying or when they are so happy they have their go-to person to share the excitement with. Let's hope the growth of communicating via cyberspace doesn't diminish the act of communicating in person.

 I love meeting up with my current friends for lunch or coffee and just chatting. I miss TALKING to my old  (hate that word old but .... what to use ....not sure ) friends that I have let time and distance separate us.

For the friends that I have left behind, I hate that I have missed out or am missing out on the stories of  your lives.   While I continue to enjoy being with people and hearing about their "stuff", I also recognize this is becoming an obsolete way of having a friend.     To my friends, I will take what I can  get via Twitter, Facebook, email or text. If you want to send something by snail mail, carrier pigeon, or smoke signals, be assured that I will be thrilled to hear from you.

All the same, I sincerely  hope  that some of you have great and interesting stories  and have people to  tell them  to. For the people in my life, I want to be the listener of your stories.









The Good for the day....Reconnecting with friends that you haven't spoken with for a very long time and feeling the same connection that made you friends, way back when....

The Bad for the day....Recognizing that some people you just won't click with. They won't like you and/or you won't like them. Life is short. Move on to a new crowd.

The Weird....
My hairdresser was telling me the most interesting story about a client of his that has multiple personalities.  I am sure we all have seen movies dealing with this phenomenon but, I guess I never thought of it as a "real" disorder.  Depending on where you look for information, though, it seems there is a lot of controversy among mental health care workers as to how to correctly diagnose it.

 He was saying that the woman and her alter ego are having a difference of opinion about smoking cigarettes and the alter (as the alter ego personality is called) keeps driving off in the car and parking it somewhere. When the main personality gets up to go to work, her car is missing.  Now how frustrating that would be? There wouldn't be much you could do about it either.  Can't very well have the alter arrested or you can't punch her lights out.  Wouldn't it be better if these two personalities could be friends?

Because, I am completely conflicted today on which video reflects the subject matter, I am putting in not one BUT TWO