Too Much of a Bad Thing

Perhaps, they should of made posters.

 A man in southern Germany has been reunited with his car two years after forgetting where he parked, Bavarian police said on Thursday.

After a night of drinking in December 2010 and an unsuccessful search the next day, the vehicle's owner reported his car as missing to the Munich police.

Authorities discovered it by chance last month after a traffic warden noticed that its inspection stickers had expired - 4 km from the spot where the now 33-year-old craftsman originally thought he had parked.

"The weird thing is that it turned up so far away, although the owner was pretty sure of where he had left it," said police spokesman Alexander Lorenz.

In the trunk were 40,000 euros ($51,600) worth of tools including power drills and electric screwdrivers, Lorenz said.


Fifty-one thousand dollars worth of tools in the trunk and he couldn't located it for over two years??? Seriously, this person should never drink another drop. 


He said, she said and then the Judge Said

 A German court has ordered a dominatrix to pay 200 euros ($260) to a local charity as a penance after a client accused her of hurting and robbing him.

Cologne district court spokesman Dirk Esser said the plaintiff had accused the woman he hired for sex last month of holding a kitchen knife to his throat before demanding his debit card and PIN number.The plaintiff told the court,  "I just wanted some erotic role-play, not to be dominated," the man said. (does the plaintiff not get the correlation between dominatrix and domination?)

The dominatrix countered with "My clients pay me to hurt them."  She did tell the court, however, that she wasn't overly rough with the man.

The plaintiff, a 49 year old undertaker, also said the woman had detained him against his will for five hours.

The court decided that it was impossible to know for sure what really happened because both parties had consumed too much cocaine during their encounter. The judge dropped the charges but ordered the prostitute to pay the "penance money" to a charity that supports crime victims.

The 35 year old mother of four has been in pre-trial custody for the past five weeks, but declined to be compensated for time spent in jail, Esser said. (does dominatrixing pay well?)

 

Speaking of Innocent and Naive

 What could be more innocent than a nice elderly couple purchasing a replacement shrub for their garden, nurture it into a lovely specimen and get a visit from the local police.

What's up with the cop visit?  It turns out that the elderly Bedfordshire couple had unwittingly bought a cannabis plant at a boot sale.(for all of you American readers, a  car boot sale is a small version of a tag or garage sale. The items are sold out of a car trunk.)

A police spokeswoman told CNN: "The plant was mistakenly bought by the elderly couple. We will not be pressing any charges. Cannabis is classified as a Class B drug in Britain under the Misuse of Drugs Act. The maximum penalty for supplying or producing cannabis is 14 years imprisonment and/or unlimited fine.

Officers had been called to the house by an observant neighbor spotting it over the back garden fence.

These people really have a green thumb. It is quite a pretty shrub, don't you think?

The True Test of a Successful Bachelor Party is the Amount of the Lawsuits That Are Filed.

Unless, it needs to go to the hospital.

 A Pennsylvania man is suing a strip club after a rough pole dance ruptured his bladder during his bachelor party. 

A lawsuit filed last week says that in late November 2010 Patrick Gallagher, a resident of Lansdale, Pa., had been invited to lie on the stage at the Penthouse Club in Port Richmond, Pa., as part of its “Bachelor’s Package.” (when one is invited to lay down at the bottom of a stripper pole, one should decline.)

That’s when one dancer shimmied up the pole, and “from a great height, she launched herself down onto his abdomen” with such force that she ruptured his bladder, Gallagher’s attorney Neil Murray told the Philadelphia Daily News. 

The suit said the move resulted in severe pain for Gallagher that did not subside by the next morning. He went to the emergency room, and doctors discovered he had internal bleeding and a ruptured bladder that required surgery to correct. Murray said that Gallagher also suffered nerve damage in his back and hip, the Daily News reported.

The lawsuit accuses the club of negligence and seeks at least $50,000 for medical costs, pain, humiliation and mental anguish. Gallagher’s lawsuit is one of several filed in recent years against the club, according to court records. The other lawsuits allege a beating by bouncers, a slip-and-fall injury, over-serving of alcohol and the unauthorized use of a woman’s photographs in club advertisements.

Could we assume that there might of been some "over serving of alcohol" in this case as well?

Running Hot and Cold

Some of you may know of my ongoing letter campaign with Mother Nature.  So far, she has failed to take me seriously.  Frankly,  in the very beginning of my communications with MN, I was more than  kind... if I do say so myself.   As I recall, I was the very definition of polite. (although, the letter was so long ago, I don't quite remember the contents...still, I am sure I was nothing but nice.)

My next letter was a little more forceful. It might even be said that I bordered on rude.  I know, hard to believe of me, huh? In that letter, which I called Were You Not Listening? I merely pointed out that I didn't appreciate the snow AFTER everything had bloomed in the spring. All I can say about that letter is that paybacks are HELL. Not to be deterred, I then sent off another letter titled  Now That is Just Playing Dirty which might give you an idea how MN reacted to a little constructive criticism.

Now that you are all up to speed on how Mom Nature and I are getting along, I have come to a precipice of whether I should write another letter to her.  Really, how do I even begin to address her incompetent handling of Kansas this year.

Just to show how trusting and optimistic we are as a city, all of Kansas City metro...yes, nearly every homeowner in this city has reseeded their drought ravaged lawns. We are all under the assumption that fall means that it is the perfect time to renovate and rejuvenate our yards.  Warm days, cool nights and more frequent rain are the ultimate grass growing conditions right?  Mid to late September is "go time."

What happened????  It's THIRTY TWO DEGREES OUT THERE!!!!! THAT'S FREEZING!  WHOAH, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.  IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE COOL NOT COLD!!!!

 Thought Number One... Looks Like I Have to Write Another Letter




I am searching for the sweet spot between being assertive and diplomatic.  My initial thought is probably I need NOT to start my letter with:


Hey Mother!
What the  &%#@  is wrong with you, you crazy Bitch????

Too aggressive, perhaps.

How about,

Dearest Mother Nature,
Please send rain and temperate temperatures as soon as possible to restore the lovely lawns you inadvertently destroyed over the summer.

Is that too nice? Am I not being assertive enough?

OK, I have it!!! 

Dear Mother Nature,
Are you aware that all of Kansas is trying to grow grass?  Let the weather cooperate and we are more than willing to share.

 Perhaps, she will read something into that and not be clear on the fact we are trying to grow a lovely mix of tall fescue with some bluegrass thrown in for good measure.  Am I trying to deceive her? Sure...whatever works.


Thought Number Two:   Perhaps, I should let Crabby Pants handle this.


This sounds like something that my alter ego might want to get involved with.  As you might remember, Crabby Pants, gets all riled up and takes care of these types of things.  Let's hope she has put her gun away.

 

 

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Friday News Roundup

Such an odd mix of  weird news articles this week. My trusty sidekick and I have looked  under every rock and behind every closed door and found some stories that we thought were pretty interesting.

Let's start with some bungled crime for the week.  It wasn't a great caper on the part of the bandits but it sure makes for some great headlines. 


Sofa King stupid crooks forget to close getaway van

A pair of  "less than brilliant" thieves make a strategic error in planning their get away after loading a couple nice leather sofas into their panel van.  The duo of thieves must of needed some seating for their hideout and decided to help themselves to a couple of sofas from the Sofa King Store. 

Their crime spree was cut short as a store employee ran out to rescue the stolen furniture and in their  haste to leave the crime scene, they made the job much easier.

CCTV footage shows the men speeding off empty-handed as the store manager stands with the two sofas he's just rescued. 




What are the odds that the store would be the Sofa King Store?  That is Sofa King funny! 



Not Doing Much for Job Security

There is the great debate whether strange things are more likely to happen under a full moon.  For the 4 years I was a 911 dispatcher (when I was young and fearless) I can tell you that on the nights that had a full moon, the calls were WAY more interesting.

In my experience it was usually the criminals that came out in force on the night of a full moon not a cop calling in with a stupid problem.

Still this past week, a policeman in Worcestershire, England put his fellow policemen on alert after seeing a strange light shining over the area of Clent Hills. He contacted a sergeant that he was going to launch an investigation. Unfortunately, 20 minutes later he had to call back to the station and admit he didn't need backup.  He located the source of the light.


Oopsie...what the officer was seeing was the light from the full moon. To add to his embarrassment, the gaffe was detailed in the latest edition of a Police magazine.

There is always a good side to everything.  Now the other officers have someone to make fun of. 

 Are You Are Trying To Lose Your Job?

  

 A New Orleans man resigned this week after allegedly dropping a joint at work.

Jason Cantrell, a city prosecutor, dropped a joint out of his pocket...in a courtroom...while he was talking to two police officers...one of those officers was a detective.According to sources talking  to the Times Picayune, the scene became comical as the two police officers looked at the joint, then at each other and proceeded to make what may be the easiest arrest that has ever taken place in the history of police work.

Mr. Cantrall was released after he was cited under a city policy for low-level marijuana cases. This was a first offense.  His wife is currently running for New Orleans City Council. 

 That is one REALLY...YES...REALLY bad day at work.

It Didn't  Go Kaboom

Nearly everyday in America, a suspicious item is found in a public building. The building is evacuated and usually it turns out to be harmless. 

It happened Wednesday in Akron, Ohio when the City Hall was evacuated after someone found what looked like a pipe bomb.

The Summit County Bomb Squad, Akron police, Akron fire crews and even the University of Akron's K-9 unit all responded and determined it wasn't a bomb. Police gave the all clear at 10 a.m. ET.

So why are we telling you about it? 

Fox station WJW-TV of Cleveland reported that the item was a 4-foot-long aluminum stick with duct tape at both ends and the word "Kaboom" written across it.

It turns out "Kaboom" is a person, not a threat. According to WAKR radio of Akron:
"It was a homemade cane owned by James 'Natural' Kaboom — that's his legal name, of North Hill. He'd forgotten it at a meeting."

Ohio state records show that Kaboom's full legal name is actually Natural Hunka Kaboom. The Akron Beacon Journal describes him as "a regular attendee at City Council meetings."

Wouldn't it be fun to have the last name KABOOM? I would be careful what I write it on, though.