Please excuse the title of today's post. I know it isn't clever and up to the "stellar level" of titledom. I just couldn't come up with something so I resorted to a well worn mother's phrase. It seems to be the "when all else fails" phrase....
Today I am a MOMMY BLOG. Not one of the organized groups of mommy bloggers, mind you. Just a mom that is writing a post about being a mother. Because, I have an official Mommy Blog logo, I therefore am somewhat official.
Mother's Day is soon upon us and I must admit the first part of this post is going to appear to be a "whiny whiny" story to most of you. Well, those of you that think of Mother's Day as all sugary and sweet, anyway. But hang in there this particular post will get "sweeter" toward the middle ....maybe more toward the end.
I have several holiday's in any calendar year that I would pretty much like to just sleep through. Better yet, maybe find a country that would be a fun vacation destination and go there to weather the holiday storm.
Well, to explain myself. When I was a little girl, I was part of a household where there was no mother. One father, one brother and me. This causes a few complications in one's life. Not major, insurmountable complications but more like pain in my butt, complications.
One of the early onset complications was that every year about a week prior to Mother's Day, in the lower grades of any school USA, the kids start preparing some type of arts and crafts project for their mother. Possible crafts could include pink construction paper and flowers made out of tissue paper or sometimes plaster with hand prints cutely imprinted into it. I will tell you when you are 7, 8, 9 whatever, being one of the kids that know that you will endure the process of doing this total waste of creative talent only to toss the card, plaster thing or whatever version of cute mother's day tribute into the trashcan at your first possible opportunity is somewhat disheartening. The pinnacle "pain in the buttness" of this project is always when the teacher whispers into your ear, that maybe you could give your project to a special neighbor or special aunt. I didn't have access to a special aunt but even nice neighbors don't take on the neighborhood girls that are minus a mom. They have their own children who are making their day a special one.
Now that you have gotten an inkling of my lack of enthusiasm for a holiday that can set a whole portion of the population in the metaphoric dumpster, I will tell you a POSITIVE that one can attribute to growing up without a mother.
I became a connoisseur of mothers.(fine moms and not-so-fine moms) Because I was never in the position to compare my mother against mothers of friends and acquaintances, I kept a close eye on how mothers "in the wild" mothered. I could quickly size up the what I would pick if I got to choose one. Turns out there are good, great, bad, bitchy, witchy, heavenly, wonderful and just about any other kind of mom just out there roaming around with her kids.
As a professional voyeur of all mothers, I can tell you that some of the mothers of my friends were, indeed, heavenly. As you might imagine, these women were kind, cheerful, patient, giving, etc. but what sets the best mothers apart from other mothers is an underlying connectedness with their child that you just really can't put into words. This attachment is something akin to an invisible umbilical cord that tethers mom and child. What I came to figure out is that some mothers have that type of bond and some don't. I don't think that the non-attached moms are necessarily bad moms but the heavenly, wonderful moms definitely had it.
So here I am 50 years (more or less) later, with grown children of my own. I think not having a in-house role model did cause me to learn my mothering style on a trial and error basis, but my children seem to have grown up to be really great people in spite of all my mistakes and floundering. What I can say is that I always knew I wanted to be a mother, enjoyed being a mother and can't imagine my life if I didn't have the two children that I got the privilege of being the mother of.
I have gone through a lot of Mother's Days since those early "Please, just let this day be over" moments. I have received some of those cute hand prints in plaster and tissue flowers of my very own. Today I am not so much dreading this holiday but there remains the hint of sadness, also. Perhaps the very last traces of that sadness, will be crushed under the viewing of how wonderful my daughter is as a mother.
If there is something to celebrate here, it is the fact that my grown daughter is one of the most heavenly mothers of her two little boys that I have ever spied upon. (remember I am a connoisseur of mothers, therefore I know these things)
So, I am getting ready to leave for little 3 year old grandson's soccer game and watch a really heavenly mother root for her little soccer player all the while attached with some invisible bond that shows clearly the love and pride she feels for him. (Simultaneously she will be holding her 9 month old on her hip.)
|Grandma at the soccer field|
I do hope that everyone has a special day tomorrow and that the mothers out there enjoy their day. Here is a little video that celebrates "being in the mother-hood".
This is really clever!!!
The Good for the Day....There are so many wonderful moms out there "in the wild".
The Bad for the Day....That we all can't appreciate the gloriousness of every moment we have our children living with us. Even the bad days when everyone is cranky and tired are to be treasured. They all go by so fast.
The Weird for the Day....The bizarre mothers that we keep reading about in the news that don't take care of there precious little ones.