Monday, May 14, 2012

The Internet and Insanity

Did anyone happen miss me last week???? .... No??? Really??? You didn't notice my prolonged absences???  Pardon me while I cry for a minute...

OK...I have composed myself, so let me tell you about why you may not have had as many (or any) comments from me over the last 7 days. 

I went on a road trip.  That, in itself isn't all that unusual.  My husband's job requires him to travel a lot and I often go to visit wherever he may be.  What was a little unusual about this trip was that my IPhone was unable to get any type of signal most of the time.  No cellular network or media connection available.

Now at the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, for those of you that are at this moment remembering my post about wanting to simplify titled The Simple Life....I can explain myself.

First of all...for those of you that don't remember the post verbatim and  let me assume for a minute that you all know all  of my posts by heart...I said I wanted a cabin in the woods. Yes, a cabin, away from the hustle and bustle of a city but to be clear,  I wanted it with a cute functional kitchen, a rock fireplace and I may or may not of failed to mention ...and for the sake of being totally accurate ...I want blazing-fast high speed Internet.  I am nothing if not self-aware.  After 5 days of not having easy access to the Internet, I can not over-emphasize that this is a must-have.

I can equate the total deprivation of access to the Internet with the following analogy:

Let's say you are a prostitute. (Men don't think this analogy doesn't apply to men..yes there are men sluts too) Then let's pretend, that you have been hooking up a lot...a whole lot...for the last ten years.

Then, let's say that you wake up one morning and you are a nun.(again men...if you are feeling left can be a monk)

A nun with a chastity belt.(oh, really guys, just pretend your thing isn't all.)

OK, you are now wearing a chastity belt with a lock and there is no key available.

This is how I felt without Internet.  I have been banking, bill paying communicating, reading, writing, getting my news etc. and then all of a sudden....NOTHING.

Now, I know you must be thinking I went to some 3rd world country if I was not even able to use an IPhone.  NO, I drove to Nebraska.  Do I need to point out where Nebraska is?  I am not trying to be indelicate here in terms of your IQ, but when I lived in Nebraska, people (mostly people that don't live in Nebraska) would ask me where exactly where  is Nebraska located?

So to just clear up the "where is Nebraska" is located north of Kansas. 

In my effort to give you an effective visual, here is a map that covers
Kansas and Nebraska AND shows AT&T coverage.

Do you see those diagonal lines???  According to the map legend those diagonal lines mean:

The areas shown as an orange stripped pattern represent the coverage of unaffiliated carriers and should have sufficient signal strength for on-street or in-the-open coverage, but may not have it for in-vehicle coverage or in-building coverage. Excessive use of Partner coverage may subject your service to early termination, in accordance with your service terms. Data services may not be available.

(NOTE* I copied this, word for word, from AT&T coverage disclosure.)

There are several things I can tell you concerning this map

A.  AT&T doesn't know how to spell striped.

B. When they mean "in the open" they mean standing on a rooftop...on a clear day...dressed in an aluminum body suit...with a satellite dish attached to your noggin.

C. The line about "excessive" use of Partner coverage makes no sense.  My contract is with AT&T.  If I am in Cellular One territory and they give me the honor of using one of their towers, they can't terminate my service for excessive use.  Additionally, since they choose not to let me use their towers, thereby not letting me have a workable cell phone or is moot.  I can't OVER-use what I can't use.

D. The line about "data services may not be available" should read "there is absolutely not a chance in HELL that your data services will work. NO WAY...NEVER...EVER.

E.  Those blank areas on the map are dead zones. Nebraska (for the most part) is a dead zone for AT&T, Verizon and Sprint. 

So for those of you that noticed my absence, I am alive and well.  I will tell you a couple of things I saw on my trip in another post. For now, I will  try to get caught up with my reading and commenting on the Internet.



meleahrebeccah said...

Oh snap! I would have DIED with no internet for that much time. Welcome home and welcome back!

Thechubbychatterbox said...

So you think you can convince me that a place called Nebraska is part of the United States? What kind of a fool do you take me for? Don't answer!

Jayne said...

Hmmm... No means of communication. Must be a lot of Republicans there.

I feel your pain (even if I did laugh at it). ;)

Cheryl P. said...

I know!!! It was way worse than waking up as a nun. Later in the week I will do another post to tell you what happened next. It didn't get better as the week progressed.

Cheryl P. said...

You're funny! I don't take you for a fool but there are some out there. When I moved to TX, I had a major retailer not take my check because the cashier insisted that Nebraska was a foreign country and that their store can't except checks outside of the US.

Cheryl P. said...

That was the only good part of being completely cut off from the Internet. I didn't have to listen to any politicians, as I think both sides have a lot of a-holes right now.

00dozo said...

Geez. I wish I had that excuse. Heh, heh.

But, really, I can empathize with the withdrawal and frustration symptoms - we have high-speed internet 24/7. The only problem is that we don't always have power 27/7 and, of course, the power usually goes out in the middle of me posting a comment or something like that.

Yeah, so next time you hear neither hide nor hair from me, I'll be in Nebraska. ;-)

meleahrebeccah said...

Okay! xoxox

Cheryl P. said...

That would suck. The only thing worse than no Internet is no power. If you use Nebraska for your excuse, I will have to ask you where it is just for the fun of it.