Friday, June 7, 2013

What Lesson Did You Learn?

I call foul!!! These government scandals  are  hogging the news programs.  All week there has been a drought of funny "can you believe they did that?" kind of news.  Seriously,  didn't we all  know that despite their campaign telling us they were the new and friendlier IRS that they aren't really all that friendly. AND as far as the government monitoring all the Verizon phone already knew that our privacy isn't private.  

Crabby Pants was trying to create a scandal...well perhaps more that she wanted to participate in a scandal but she fell short.

News in baseball this week...20 players suspected of using performance enhancement drugs.

 He Seemed to Be Honest

A Cincinnati mayoral candidate promised to hand out free marijuana plants to promote his platform of legalizing cannabis, but handed out tomato plants instead.

Jim Berns, a Libertarian, said his stunt at a busy intersection Wednesday was meant to draw attention to his efforts to "re-legalize" marijuana,"  Politics Extra Blog reported Thursday.

"I wanted to bring attention to the fact that marijuana should be re-legalized in Ohio and in Cincinnati. You can see by the turnout that people want that," Berns said. "I'm just disappointed I didn't bring more plants."

Berns was joined by about 30 sign-waving supporters, many of whom took home tomato plants.

Berns announced his plan to hand out "free marijuana plants" in a news release prior to the event

Lesson Learned: Politicians LIE!  OK...maybe not every single one but a guy saying he's giving out free weed is most assuredly lying.  If he can't carry through with a promise before the election...what is one to think of his carry-through after the election.  

 Time Waits for No Man

A woman has been charged with prostitution in Connecticut after calling police to complain about how she was being treated by a pimp. She reported that he was being verbally abusive to her.  (really? he was talking smack to his hooker?  I would expect better behavior from a pimp.)
Police say they did not find the pimp when they arrived at a Super 8 Motel in West
Haven on Sunday, but they did find 35-year-old Jennifer Lowery with a man they describe as a customer.

Police charged Lowery with prostitution and 60-year-old Richard Burford of New Haven with patronizing a prostitute.
Police say Lowery told them she thought it would take police longer to show up, so she decided to conduct some business while waiting.

Lesson Learned:  Check out the average response time for your police department if you are in doubt about "is there time for one more customer?"    Or Maybe....don't be a hooker.

An employee at the Hypoluxo business whipped out her iPhone, called 911 and started filming as a man began performing a sexual act on the business' door on Monday.

It began when a employee, who was not identified in the report told police she saw Anthony Bruce Berry of Lake Worth, walk to the back of the business on the 7200 block of South Federal Highway around 2 PM, according to Lantana Police Department arrest report.

Not long after, Berry came back to the front door, reaching for the handle only to find it locked.  But as the employee later told the police, Berry proceeded to perform a sexual act on the door. (Seems that Berry really loved the door.)

Of course, the employee stood there filming the door porn.

This isn't the first time Berry has had trouble with the law.  At least 32 previous arrests were found dating back to 1979, including two previous indecent exposure charges, according to the Florida department of Law Enforcement records.  It is unclear if any previous charges of door rape exist. 

Lesson Learned...Banging a door is rude and sometimes illegal.  

Art Critics
An Arizona artist said county officials have ordered him to cover up or remove a metal statue of a gargoyle he created that features male genitalia.

David Smith said he spent years creating the 9-foot-tall metal statue that his displays in his Paulden, AZ yard. He disagrees with the Yavapai County Development Services Director, Steve Mauk's statements saying his artwork is not compatible with the neighborhood, KTVK-TV reported Thursday.

"What in this neighborhood fits in anywhere? You look around and everybody's individual and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting artwork." Smith said.

He went on to say that the gargoyle's genitals are a necessary part of its creation.

"I built it a certain way and I like it like that," Smith said. "Everything has a sex so why would I do it any other way? I don't
like Ken dolls or GI Joes. I think they are kind of silly."

Lesson Learned: Anatomically correct gargoyles are frowned upon and swinging dead cats to find art is rude. 


Just Keepin' It Real Folks said...

WOW, Mr. Berry sure knows how to slam a door hey? And gotta give that prostitute credit for using her time wisely. Time is money ya know!

Cheryl P. said...

I wonder if Berry told his love interest that she (it's a she, right?) is A-Door-able. Come to think of that I think I will add that somewhere in my post.

As for the hooker...yes time is money but that money now has to go for bail. That sucks for her.

lisleman said...

Lying and buying votes with tomato plants. I say, bring those tomatoes back when ripe and throw them at the sun-dried politician.
Hooker timing - it's tough.
Berry doesn't accept a closed door policy. Doors are not cleanest things. Do you think he wore protection? At least he didn't stuck in a jam.
The last two stories together has me thinking of the "swinging dick" expression. sorry.

lisleman said...

the comment section was closed on the older twitter post. BTW do you really not know where the 140 char limit comes from? The texting standard called SMS (like S&M for word loving people) was developed long before twitter and was the texting standard when twitter started. The SMS standard has set the message limit to 140 8-bit characters. Twitter was designed for phone usage.

Cheryl P. said...

I am sure those that were really wanting marijuana felt like throwing tomatoes at this guy. Surely a few of them mentioned the bait and switch when they came to pick up their weed.

Hahaha closed door policy...stuck in a jam. Good ones, Lisleman.

Cheryl P. said...

I close my comment threads at about 30 days to keep the spam off of them. No, I wasn't aware of that until you just told me. I thought it was just some random number someone picked. Still Twitter doesn't work for me. It seems it's just about clever one-liners and I am not a natural comedian.

Chubby Chatterbox said...

I think the gargoyle sculpture is funny, with or without genitalia!

Kathe W. said...

hilarious post- people are so silly.....except for politicians- they aren't entertaining at all...from the top down they are liars and cheaters. Why do they get where they are?
Well...people are silly...and don't pay attention to important stuff.
Have a great weekend!

Wendy said...

OHHH. I just love it when you make graphs. After reading these 'news' items I really am thankful you never convey what transpires on end block 'too gross to report'.

Lonely Berry needs to get a handle on his 'woody' fixation.

Cheryl P. said...

I thought it was pretty funny as well. I guess at least one local authority doesn't share this point of view.

Cheryl P. said...

Oh yeah! I agree about politicians not being entertaining. I think that many politicians get where they are because they are slick salesmen. I have to think there are some honest ones but lately they seem to be in hiding.

You have a great weekend as well!

Cheryl P. said...

Glad you like graphs...I do too! It surprises me how many weird stories I have to dismiss because they are just too disturbing. AND you know they must be REALLY bad if they were worse than a guy that is screwing a door.

Funny line, Wendy..." get a handle on his 'woody' fixation." Hope he doesn't have a interest in humping iron bars.

Cheryl P. said...

I felt bad about posting Berry's picture but my door would remain closed...with locks and chains...and maybe a canon on the other side for good measure.

Riot Kitty said...

They're probably just jealous of the size of the gargoyle parts. You know, size matters, and men are easily intimidated. Privacy isn't private - I'll have to use that in a sentence! But seriously, the phone records thing just makes me sick. It tempts me to come up with some rather sick things to say - like I have sex with doors, for instance - in case someone is snooping.

Cheryl P. said...

Probably someone is reading these comments right now and taking notes, RK. They made a note of the likelihood of your future non-consensual relationship to a door. (or maybe your door is into it)

I was less concerned about the phone numbers being collected as I don't have a very interesting phone call list but yesterday when they said they were monitoring computers through AOL, Yahoo and such I got a little nervous....I Google crap all the time for this blog. Just this post alone, I have door sex, free weed, performance enhancement drugs, gargoyle genitalia, AND the very worse thing...I said politicians LIE. (for any government agency reading this...I am sure you are totally honest *wink wink*)

As for the gargoyles private parts...very unimpressive. For a 9 foot tall guy, I would of expected better.

Robyn Engel said...

I can't imagine genitilia would make that gargoyle any less attractive. Then again, Steve Mauk may have a point.


Cheryl P. said...

Good point, Robyn. Gargoyle-man isn't exactly attractive is he? I guess, I would be curious about the neighborhood and all that art that you could swing dead cats at and hit, looks like. It could be like the old Sesame Street game, Which one of these things doesn't belong. Maybe none of the other art has genitalia.

Jo-Anne said...

Ok sex with a door.............that is a new one for me...............the gargoyle well what can I say except really does anyone know the size of their genitillia not me that's for

Cheryl P. said...

Yes, door sex isn't all that common I suspect. As for size, maybe David Smith is setting the bar that other gargoyles will try to meet or exceed.

meleahrebeccah said...

Um ---

"but a guy saying he's giving out free weed is most assuredly lying. If he can't carry through with a promise before the election...what is one to think of his carry-through after the election. "

EXACTLY! You took the words right out of my mouth!


I am totally cracking up over the hooker who called the cops to complain about her pimp and proceeded to conduct business while waiting for them. That's hilarious.


Sex with a door? Good lord!


"Lesson Learned: Anatomically correct gargoyles are frowned upon and swinging dead cats to find art is rude. "

You crack me the hell up, Cheryl!

abeerfortheshower said...

How fitting that news story about the prostitute was with our post today. Next time my wife verbally abuses me, I'm calling the police.

Also, maybe local men are just jealous that the gargoyle's junk is bigger than theirs?

Linda R. said...

Seems like the government didn't squeeze out all the weirdos. It seems there is always someone doing something to someone else. Free marijuana would definitely be an attention getter around here. Imagine people's surprise at finding juicy red orbs growing on their pot plants? I guess they can't tell the difference.

Cheryl P. said...

The first sure sign that the politician is a liar, liar, pants on fire, is that the cops were nowhere in sight. If he was really giving out free weed in Cincinnati the cops would be all over the place.

Guess, the hooker figures time is money. Wonder if she told her john that it would have to be a quickie.

Sex with a door...cray cray

Thank you my friend!!! I always appreciate that you GET my humor. It's an acquired taste, I think.

meleahrebeccah said...


Cheryl P. said...

Don't call the cops!!! You might be taking them away from saving someone's ears from dogs barking and we all know that cops are needed for important things like that.

OR maybe the ladies in the neighborhood couldn't concentrate on their work, with a 9 ft man with a his business standing proud and center.

Cheryl P. said...

That would be a difficult tasks, I think....weeding out weirdos. Esp. since some of those weirdos work in the government.

Yes, handing out weed would be a big no no here. In fact, the mere promise of handing our weed would probably get someone hauled in.

I thought the same thing, Linda. What kind of idiot makes the trip down their to get their free pot but doesn't know the difference between marijuana and tomato plants?

Cat Lacemaker said...

Swinging a dead cat is also disgusting... But anyway. A guy having his way with a door. Yeeeeeah... I think he needs some real help... Yikes...


Cheryl P. said...

Wonder where that phrase "swinging a dead cat" came from. Creepy enough you wouldn't of thought it would of become a cliche.

Yes, Mr. Door Banger, seems to have a history of doing weird things. Several of the reports of his arrest, quote him as saying to the police that he considers himself "nuts". I don't think that point escaped them.