The Eyes of March

Yesterday the remaining traces of last week's snow storm vanished with the aid of some bright sunshine and  very spring-like temperatures.  What a difference 7 days can make in suburbia. Along with the 72 degree temp,   doors began to open and people came out of their homes.  Yes, after a long winter (I am assuming it is nearly over at this point..just call me an optimist) people are starting to reappear in the neighborhood.

The coming of spring is a mixed bag in suburbia.  Sure it's nice to see our old friend the sun but with it comes a few Battles of Suburbia.  Just in all other types of battles, there are going to be winners and there are going to be losers.

I have spent most of my adult life living in suburbia.  Now I know some of you more urban oriented dwellers are TSK TSKing and saying words like "cookie cutter", "sprawl" and "I'd rather die" and/or  you country dwellers are saying phrases like "living on top of each other" and " no elbow room" and "I'd rather die".  Sure...I see your point.  We have lived in urban areas,  rural areas, big cities and small towns  but about the time our Kiddo #1 came into the world we decided that suburbia fit our family's needs.

Soooo...After having spent the last 40 plus years living within spitting distance from  my neighbors lot line, I have discovered a lot of truths about living in "planned communities".  As time and space won't allow for me to list all the ins-and-outs of suburbia living in a single post,   I will share a couple of  nuggets today and perhaps address a few more down the road. 

Thought Number One: Neighboring in the Midwest

Neighboring can be a challenge...or at least it can be for those that might be somewhat apathetic about being part of a neighborhood clique  (AKA me).  Despite the obvious "wordiness" on my part that you read in my blogs, I don't tend to visit over the fence much.  My husband is much more the liaison of our household to make small talk.  I, on the other hand, am the person that actually knows the neighbors by name.  (Husband,  the guy across the street, his name is Jeff)  BUT, in my defense, I am not unfriendly either.  I just keep interaction to a minimum.  Those of you that have been reading my blog for awhile might remember some of my "bad" neighbor stories.   I figure by keeping a modest amount of detachment, will save me from being asked to do all their mending. (yes, neighbor in Iowa sent her kid over weekly with things needing mended.)

One of the components of dealing with neighbors in this part of the country, is that people hibernate in the winter months. Sure, you see them once in awhile, while they shovel snow but then they are just grouchy and cold.  Not overly friendly ...with a few notable exceptions of a couple of houses to the right of mine.

The grouchier neighbors do upon occasion perk up when my husband comes outside pushing his snow blower. It appears that snow blowers foster camaraderie.  Yes,  and if there is ever a time to be nice to the neighbor,  it's when there is 10 inches of snow and the guy next door seems to enjoy pushing snow off walks and drives with a shiny red machine.  (He loves to mow the lawn as well. Yes, he is an interesting person...and when I say "interesting" I mean odd.)

Midwest hibernation is coming to an end...with any luck.

Anyway...as I was saying, people here stay confined to their houses from about late November to sometime mid-March when little by little they come out into the yard.  They may not look exactly like you remembered them in the fall.  The lack of sunshine and  binging on "comfort food" has left them a little pasty and with a few extra  el-bees that weren't' evident 4 months ago.

The fact, they have a serious case of  "cabin fever" makes everyone a little more crazy than they would be in August. (to clarify, I am saying slightly crazier.  It is a given that they have some level of crazy year round.)

 EXAMPLE:  Last week we had 6 inches of snow.  This winter we had 39 inches of snow.  Up until yesterday, the remnants of that snow remained.  I am not kidding you...yesterday as the day reached up into the 70's,  I saw two neighbors out watering their lawns.  (Our irrigation systems are still winterized here, so I am talking about watering lawns with a hose and sprinkler.) I am not exactly sure if they truly believe that water is needed or if they are just needing an excuse to see the pasty, pudgy neighbors that have ventured out into the sun.

Which is bringing me up to my next thought, really.  People in subdivisions by their very nature are competitive and territorial.   These two things go hand and hand.

Thought Number Two:  Keeping Up With the Jones' While Simultaneously Keeping Them Off Your Lawn

Little Crabby Pants..Ruler of Her Sandbox

I would be disingenuous if I didn't confess that I am totally guilty of being territorial . Remember when you were a kid and forced to share with the other little kids.  I did but I expected them to treat my things very carefully.

I haven't progressed much.  I am fussy about our little patch of suburbia. There are a lot of examples of this but let's start with this.  We are "yard people".  Invariably, our lawn will look something akin to fake turf because we work hard to make it pretty. We don't keep our lawn lush because we are trying to prove something. We keep it lush because it looks nicer that way. Although having a nice  lawn isn't without some consequences.  In most cases, half the neighbors will admire it and half the neighbors will  want to murder you in your sleep.   With this in mind, I keep my doors locked at night.

For my part, I am willing to accept those that pray for fungus to attack my grass, but while praying for pestilence, I want them to keep their dog from using my yard as a toilet. Oh, and the multiple kitties that use my flower gardens as their litter box...I am not a big fan of that either.  (I am a big fan of dogs and cats...just want them to use the bathroom facilities somewhere other than my little slice of  suburbia.)

Suburban Moats...next big trend

AND if there is one thing that solidifies my need to protect my territory,  it's when someone blocks the end of my driveway or jumps the curb in front of my house with car tires. (whereby sprinkler heads die a quick and ugly death.) Yes, I recognize I am being petty.  I wouldn't be the first person to feel this way if you think about it.

Last summer, we had a very vivid example of a neighbor wanting us to respect the sovereignty of their yard.   One of our trees had been hanging over the fence.  I don't believe the tree was TRYING to be invasive or disrespectful of the airspace hovering over the fence but the "tree trimmer" that was hired to correct the problem, did so with gusto.

While this is a representation of the actual tree...It is very accurate.

It didn't go unnoticed.  The aforementioned liaison small-talker went out to have a chat with the tree trimmer guy. The talk didn't go as well as one might hope. Tree trimmer guy told hubby that if he was a GOOD neighbor he wouldn't of let the tree branches grow over to the other side of the fence.  This didn't make a favorable impression on Hubby.  The conversation deteriorated from there.

Robert Frost really knew a thing or two about neighborhoods.

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On The Edge

This isn't the post that I planned on launching today, but in light of the devastating result of  the tornado in
Oklahoma, I veered away from some of what I was going to say.

 No words can convey the sadness that our family feels for the victims of such a tragic event.

 For the the last three days, Kansas City has been under tornado watches, tornado warnings, and severe thunderstorm warnings.  This usually, doesn't have me too overly concerned.  I have, after all, lived most of my life in or near Tornado Alley. As with most Midwesterners and Southerners that reside in this swathe known as Tornado Alley, we have all had some close up and personal interaction with really bad storms.  Usually, they sound far worse on the news than they are in reality. However, there are those occasional  storms that do live up to their warnings.   A number of years ago, for example, I got a phone call from my brother to say that a neighbor had called him to say they found our father standing on the concrete steps leading to his house in shock.  The house was gone...just my dad and the steps remained.

So this past week, we had been watching the maps of the impending storms that were going to cover Oklahoma and Kansas.  Saturday afternoon, the sky darkened and all regular programming was interspersed
with weather reports. Weather is always, a big portion of our news programming here but on days when there is a threat of something....heat, drought, wind, rain, snow...or any combination of those, the programming turns to non-stop weather.    During the Spring here it is not uncommon to have  the background noise of our weather radios.  Many of us now have Weather Shield apps on our phones to alert us to updates on impending weather reports.

Which brings me to the original thought I had for a post today.

Thought Number One:  If I had my own weather station, what would the programming look like for Kansas City over the last 6 months.


Last year we were in the EXTREME drought.

Then...after Spring was supposed to have arrived

THEN...it started raining....and raining...and raining

And then the last three days of "promises" of hail and tornadoes.

Thought Number Two: I Am Worried for the Bird

Back to Saturday night...we had turned on the weather radio to listen for updates  as it appeared on Doppler that the eye of the storm would hit Kansas City and we were concerned about having to put on yet another roof...or worse.

AND we were worried about the bird...


Outside of my office window on the upper floor of our house, there is a bird, ....a bird on nest.....and in that nest there are two little eggs.... waiting to be hatched.  That poor bird didn't make the greatest choice to place her nest but there she is in all kinds of horrible windy, rainy weather.  She is tenacious though.  Even as the storm rolled through and took part of her nest down into the gutter, she remained.

(Note: the pictures are a big grainy as the only way to zoom in on mommy bird is to "shoot" through the screen.)

Our family is sending thoughts and prayers to any of the victims of  the recent storms.  We hold you and your family in our hearts. 






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Are You Judging Me?

Did you know that no one has ever come up with a perfect bracket for the NCAA Men's basketball tournament....or if they did they kept it a secret.  No...we would of heard about it.

As it turns out, according to Jeff Bergen, a mathematical professor at DePaul University the chances of picking a perfect bracket is 9.2 quintillion.  That's 18 zeros.

Of course, to win an office pool, you only have to do better than the next guy.  That is what Crabby Pants is opting for.

News Around Town

I have a lot of pictures today!!


It's the combination of snow and ice that makes things more difficult.

 

picture is courtesy of KansasCity.com
When the city advisories said "STAY OFF THE ROADS", I don't think they meant driving off of them.

This week, here at TAOBC, I am aiming for a few  heart warming stories resulting from events around Kansas City. Anything that has the word "warm" connected to it, got moved to the front of the line.  So for today, I am just talking about some nice things that have happened in my city this past week.  Hopefully, there are nice things happening where you live as well.

 Last week, I wrote about the first wave of the snowstorm that blew through here on Thursday. With that storm most of the KC got between 10-16 inches of snow.  Comparatively speaking that amount  of snow isn't all that bad.  I guess, you might disagree if you live in Phoenix or Orlando. Here in Kansas City that amount isn't unheard of but is a bit unusual.  The upside to the snow...is that it is a  lot of fun for the kids (the word "kid" here isn't defined by age)  that came out in droves to play.  I was going to post a picture of all the people on one of the local sledding hills. but after arriving, I couldn't find a parking spot. The hill was covered with all manner of people with sleds, toboggans, even sheets of plastic to slide around on this wintery slide. SPOILER ALERT!!! Just so you get to see some sledding pictures, I have added some to the bottom of the post.

ANYWHO...  as I was saying.........That was last Thursday......and the snow wasn't done with us.  After a couple of days of milder weather, round two came through.  Tuesday of this week a second snow storm  moved into the area clogging up the already snow packed roads.  That brings me to a story that is a story about people being generous and kind.  Really?? LOOK AT ME WRITING A FRIDAY NEWS STORY THAT IS ABOUT NICE PEOPLE. 

Miracle of 74th Street

Emergency crews were called to a south side Kansas City neighborhood on Tuesday where  a resident had collapsed  of an apparent heart attack while trying to shovel out the snow from his drive.  Unfortunately, when the ambulance tried to enter the unplowed street, it became stuck.

What You Might Have Missed

Here it is another Friday and I am so worried that you might have missed all the bizarre, inconsequential, stupid, main-stream news this week because of the Network News Loop. Here is my theory,  the networks pretape the stories that they believe to be the most interesting, put them on a computer that just keeps looping them over and over and over....

 Pre-recorded news for the week of April 17-24

I know these three stories are of great importance especially the upcoming nuptials but to be fair to some of the other events that are happening, I thought I might bring you up to speed.

Just to keep you IN THE KNOW here are a few things you might have missed.

1. Homeland Security has done away with the multi-level, multi-colored warning system.  In the case of emergency, you might actually want a working knowledge of this one.  Well...really...I can't give you a working knowledge of this as I am not sure how it is going to work BUT this is what I know.

The old system is no more.   The old one that you see on the right,  is history.   Just forget you ever saw it.  I realize that this old one might have had a certain amount of confusion surrounding it, as the government changed the levels 16 times in the ten+ years since it's inception.  However, it was kind of pretty as systems go; as least as far as systems that are designed  to stamp our city or town with an expiration date.

But, alas, progress.  We now have a new system.  ARE YOU READY?

                                   IMMINENT
                            ELEVATED

There you have it.  The complete new system to let us know our level of
immediate danger.  I am so relieved that this sure-fire system was designed  (probably took thousands of hours of planning) just so we could all sleep peacefully  at night.

I do have just a couple of itty-bitty little questions though.

Now according to the plan when we get one of these alerts they are supposed to let us know exactly what the danger is.  The press release tells us that it will be area specific and they will use Facebook and Twitter in the execution of getting the warnings out to us.  So here are a few of my questions.

A.  Do I need to become a follower on my Twitter account to Homeland Security? AND because I am me, will I stay focused enough to read Homeland Security's tweet before I read Sarah Silverman's or Funny One Liners?
B.  Can they stick to the 140 characters or less on any emergency that impacts my living longer than my current age? (which remains a mystery) Also, note that I have run a couple of tests on my Twitter account to the right, to make sure my Emergency Tweet Broadcast System is working effectively.
C. Do I need to press the "Confirm as a Friend" button on my Facebook page to make Homeland Security my friend?
D.  If I am in elevated danger does that mean I stand a fighting chance of protecting myself versus what the word imminent implies,  MY ASS IS TOAST?
E.  If the old system got changed 16 times what is the realistic change count for this one?
F.  What if the people "from no place in particular" don't know what the words elevated or imminent mean? Are they automatically doomed? Maybe you could put in parentheses behind elevated  (things aren't looking good) and behind imminent (oh, sh**, hope you have all your affairs in order!).

I am hopeful that Homeland Security will get back to me on this quickly but I have my doubts.  The first release of the new system was on January  27th but the public was notified last night. (April 20) Of course, this could be that I didn't notice a tweet.

2.  Another news release for this week....The Dept. of Transportation is enacting new rules for the airlines to help protect consumer rights.

Here are a few of the key points. 

All fees that are associated with the price of your ticket have to be prominently disclosed.  So, all taxes and government fees will show up on the price of your ticket.  No guessing about the extra costs.  This is nice.
The only down side I see, is that now that ticket that used to show as $250.00 then later became $295.00 when you actually paid for it, starts out as $295.00.  No more surprises.  You get the kick to your private parts over with quickly so you can move on with the rest of your day.

Also, airlines have to prominently display all the add-on costs that are not directly associated with mandated taxes and fees.  Those little incidentals like baggage fees, meals, a place to put your legs, a blanket, a pillow, earphones for those that choose not to try to lip read the movie, (providing you are on a flight that has a movie..really you are expecting a lot  for your $1122.00 round trip fare, aren't you?)

Now here is one you might like.  If they lose your luggage, you get the fee that you paid to bring a suitcase with you, returned.  (Really, what were you thinking that made you want to check a bag  in the first place?   With that kind of backward thinking, I am not sure you deserve a refund.)

Also,  if you get involuntarily bumped from your flight you will be recouping $650 -$1330 depending on how long you are delayed.  I did notice that the article I was reading to acquire all this  information said that in the past you could  get $400-$800 for being bumped. What?  Who did?  I have gotten bumped  before and never got a dime.  I think there must be a system that I am not aware of. I suppose I needed to check out their web site at www.ifyournotageekyoudontdeserveourrespect(dot)com.

For a more thorough understanding of all the new bonuses you get to pay for when you fly, here is a nice little article that talks about the fun financials of flying. New Rules for Flyers

Couple little quickies that are flying under the radar as far as news goes.

3. Rod Blagojevich's trial started Wednesday.  For any of you that watched Rod on Celebrity Apprentice, you already know the real entertainment value associated with this trial.  It has nothing to to with Illinois politics, which is notoriously good for some laughs but more the fact that as reality stars go, that Rod is totally fun to watch. (Just think of Moe in the Three Stooges)
4. The Phallological Museum in Husavik, Iceland got it's first human penis for display.  The "Penis" museum is excited at it's latest acquisition. They received the donated pickled penis (say that 3 times really fast) after waiting for 15 years for a donor to actually deliver on his promise. The museum curator Sigurdur Hjartarson, said this rounds out the extensive collection of phalluses from numerous other mammals including whales, seals and bears (oh my)

So blogees, there is a little news to tide you over till the news loop changes. Have a Happy Easter for those that celebrate the holiday. 


No tie in on the video today.  Just for fun.




The Good for the day....Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hopping down the Bunny Trail, Hippity, Hoppity, Easter's on its way....



The Bad for the Day...The penis that was donated (albeit pickled) was that of a 95 year old man. I am thinking that is bad.  Probably not in the best shape of it's life.



The Weird for the Day.....A passenger on a bus in Argentina was arrested after authorities were tipped off to the fact that he was smuggling 444 snakes, 186 turtles, 40 lizards and one armadillo in assorted pieces of luggage.  Creepy...snakes on a bus.  Sound like a movie sequel to Snakes on a Plane. But why just one armadillo?

Now That Is Just Playing Dirty

April 4, 2011

Mother Nature:

GAME ON, Mother!

Couldn't take a little criticism pertaining to your "less than appropriate" dump of snow on my budded and flowered flora, huh? 

Seemingly, you and I are just not meant to be friendly this year.  My first note to you was friendly enough, I thought. I simply asked you to encourage Spring to be a little SPRING-like.

I will admit that my second letter was a tad firmer but I was hopeful that the pitiful picture of my deflowered Magnolia would elicit a little kindness from you.  But NO you chose retaliation, instead.  Really were the dropping temperatures (90 degrees  down to 43.... really??) gusting wind of 50 MPH, and the real nastiness on your part: the hail, necessary?   Did you really feel the need to bring Kansas City to it's knees? If that was your intent, WELL PLAYED, Mother.







OK, where do we go from here?  Now that you have done further damage to my plants and trees, are there any other mean spirited things up your sleeves?  What do you want from me?  I am totally prepared to grovel, if that would  make you happy.  At this point I am keeping a close eye on the sky. 

As you are aware you have already put me through a couple of tornadoes and yet I continue to try to make friends with you.  What do you want from me????

I am trying my best to be conciliatory and appease you but I am at a loss what exactly do you want?

Still trying to be pals,

Cheryl P.

PS The roof damage is on you!!!

The Good for the Day......No broken windows

The Bad for the Day....I want to get the garden started (sing to Pink's song)

The Weird for the Day....The Kansas City Chamber of Commerce says that one of the most asked questions they get from people that are not familiar with Kansas is, " How much like the movie the Wizard of OZ is Kansas?  The Chamber people aren't joking.  As I have said in the past and will say again, Idiocy is a growth industry.  (I see a lot of people getting rich in that line of work)