Thursday, March 22, 2012

Driven to Distraction

This week the "back-page and lesser reported" news items seem to have a transportion theme going on.   Rocks falling onto cars, drunks crashing cars into rehab centers and drug dealers turning SUVs into huge "come and get me" signs. Also, this week the trial is winding down for John Goodman, the founder of Polo Club Palm  Beach.  As you might remember, John is accused of driving drunk and hitting a car in which Scott Wilson was killed.  The thing that made this story unique was that John legally adopted his girlfriend so he could protect more of his money from possible  lawsuit settlements. I wrote about this strange  "daddy's girlfriend/daddy's daughter/ stepmommy/ step-sister" story in Around the Water Cooler, Feb. 2nd.

Discretion is Not in My Vocabulary

Homeland Security agents received a tip in mid December about the likelihood of a cocaine deal going on in Bellingham, Washington.  After setting up surveillance, the authorities watched as a GMC Yukon pulled into the Pizza Hut parking lot with a driver and passenger inside the vehicle.

So far, you might not think anything is amiss.  BUT wait for it...the plate on the SUV looked something like this: (OK this isn't the real plate...but it is what the real plate had on it)

You would think a drug runner would know better than to get into a car with a personalized license plate with the letters S-M-U-G-L-E-R.

If that wasn't already "a red flag" the agents followed the alleged drug dealers vehicle to the Smuggler's Inn where they proceeded to pull it over.  They found nine bricks of cocaine weighing just under 24 pounds.

One of the SUV's passenger's, Jasmin Klair, told authorities that the drugs were hers and she agreed to cooperate with their investigation.  She explained she had been given directions to book a bottom-floor room facing the Canadian border at the Smuggler's Inn.  She was to use the aliases Al Capone and DB Cooper.

Another fortuitous turn was that while Klair was being interviewed by the agents, she received a text message from two men that were the master-minds (and I use that term loosely) of the plan.  The authorities had Klair text back to meet her at the Smuggler's Inn.  Both were arrested upon their arrival.

One of the two men, Marminder Kaler, allegedly told agents that he would have received $2,000 for his part in the drug deal.  He said he really needed the money to help pay off a $325,000 debt he has due to the fact he lost 115 pounds of marijuana on a deal that he was involved with a year and a half ago.

Our hapless druggies, just made this one too easy.  Short of putting a  sign on the back window that said, "Junky on Board",  could they have done anything more to get caught?

Riding High in Aspen

Aspen resident, Jay Maytin, is happy to have his bike back after having had it stolen and MIA for one day last week. He doesn't care who took it and has no animosity toward the thief.  He was quoted as saying "I would never press charges.  All I wanted was my bike back."

Maytin got his bike returned after he noticed an article in the Aspen Times that reported that a bicycle had been left at the courthouse along with a note that said:

Sorry. I stole this bike. I rode it home. Please give it back.   - Drunk

 At first Maytin didn't make the connection.  It was only after the article described the bike in not-so-flattering terms and referred to a couple of stickers on the bike.  One of the stickers was from the Widespread Panic lyrics "Feels good to watch a big man dance".  Had to be his.


I Would Follow You Anywhere

At least three Japanese tourist would follow their GPS anywhere and proved it when they drove into a bay.  On March 15th, Yusu Noda, Tomonari Saiki and Keita Osada were vacationing in Australia when they decided to take a day trip to North Stadbroke Island. The three followed their GPS devices instructions to drive "directly" to the island across Moreton Bay foregoing the use of a road.

The three men maintained that it appeared that the bay looked passable (really???? passable???)
and defended their decision. Noda went on to say "the GPS said we could drive there." (well...OK...if the GPS said you can.)

The men, all students, had rented a Hyundai for the trip and were force to leave the car in the bay after not being able to turn the car back to shore.

Tomonari Saeki said (joking, I hope) that the car failed making it to the island because it was made in Korea. "Maybe if it was Japanese," he told the Brisbane Times, "it would have been OK."

"Just floating along in my automobile"  I see huge marketing opportunities for the newly created  Hyundai boat division.

What is Better than a Field Sobriety Test?
How do you know you have had too much to drink?  One of the sure-fire signs is when you lose control of your car on the premises of  a rehab facility.

Allegedly, Eugene, Oregon resident, Damien Bittar did just that 90 minutes after turning 21 years old.

The mishap happened at about 1:30 a.m. and luckily limited property damage to the substance abuse center Serenity Lane.  Eugene police say Bittar tried to ran away before they arrested him, KPIC reported.

Bittar was lodged at the Lane County Jail on charges of driving under the influence of intoxicants, reckless driving and second-degree criminal mischief and his 1997 Chevy Malibu was impounded.

Providing he can remember the events of the might just be the most memorable birthday Damien will ever have. 

Die Hard Bikers

A German man says people are dying for a ride in the sidecar of one of his Harleys – literally.
Joerg Grossmann said Friday that his prototype hearse for die-hard bikers who want to ride until the very end – a special sidecar fitted to his motorcycle – made its first funeral run last month.

The original's a Kawasaki but the 48-year-old from near Frankfurt says 10 of his patented Harley hearses, each costing about $78,000, are currently being assembled and will be ready later this year.
He's counting on 1,000 bookings per year in Germany alone at $1600.00, and already has a contract in Switzerland and is in talks elsewhere.

He says people are really excited about the Harley hearse: "It's something special."

How excited are we talking?  Do you want to ride badly enough to die?  Something special for sure...only the dead get to ride in it.  I think I'll pass. 

The Sky is Falling

This week in Ohio, a 25 ton boulder came loose and landed on two cars and part of a house.  Not a good start to the day.


Thechubbychatterbox said...

I like the one about Damien's twenty-first birthday. I live in Oregon and didn't see this on the news.

Cheryl P. said...

I am not surprised that it wasn't on the mainstream news. The damage to the property was limited to this drunken goof ball wiping out a lot of the lawn and some shrubs. They estimate the damage around $1000.00. Not much in the grand scheme of things. The real value of the story is in the fact that the guy had only been 21 for 90 minutes before getting his first DUI. He might want to check with the Guinness people and see if that breaks the previous record holder.

Super Earthling said...

Oh, Cheryl, these are simply hilarious! The idiot's license plate, the Harley hearse...they're all so funny it's too hard to choose a favorite. I'm also an Oregonian and hadn't heard about the 21st b-day incident (probably because I'm in Portland, not Eugene). Too funny!

Many thanks for stopping by and for your terrific comment. I'm glad I'm not the only other white dinner plate walking around. LOL

Cheryl P. said...

I am so glad you stopped by so I could discover your blog. With the gazillion of them out there it's hard to find those that share similar humor or interests. I think your site is so fun. I suspect that there are a whole lot of us that resemble white dinner plates. Of course with summer aproaching I will go right from white to a deep red (ouch) in the first 5 minutes I am in the sun.

Jayne said...

Cheryl, you've got some hysterical ones here. The bike laid me out, but then the car driven into the river... Oh, geez. I laughed at them all. Thanks, my friend. Now I'll just go change my Depends. ;)

Cheryl P. said...

Isn't it a good thing that there are so many goofs in the world to keep us enertained. I am working on developing a new fashionable
Depends kind of product for those of us that want to look cute while peeing down our leg. You are a good friend, Jayne to laugh at my inane rantings.

Nicky said...

The story of the bike kills me! Mike once had a bike that was in such bad shape he left it out in the street with the hope it would be stolen. It was. Then it was returned! Nobody even wanted that thing for free!

Cheryl P. said...

Evidently, this guy's bike was in sad shape as well. He was quoted in the article as saying " I knew it had to be a drunk if he stole my bike." Got a love it that he didn't seem at all upset about the missing bike or have any hard feelings for the guy that took it.