Thursday, February 24, 2011

What is to Become of Them?

Yesterday, was a big day in Kansas City, MO.  The Funk (which is Mark Funkhouser, the current mayor) got booted out of the next general election for the mayorship of this fine city.  Actually his story is just so interesting that I couldn't help but think of all the fun political "losers" in recent years. 

Before, I catch everyone up to speed on the ever entertaining aspects of KC's version of a car full of clowns, let's take a quick trip down memory lane with some of the other DIPS. (Displaced Idiots Political Scandals).

Where oh where can Rod Blagojevich be, oh where oh where can he be??  I haven't seen any thing of him lately.  Now, mind you, it's not that I am missing him per se. You must admit, he was quite the darling of the media right after he quit being govenor  of Illinois and started being a one man freak show.  Too much fun watching him on the Celebrity Apprentice.  The part where he is going up and down the street introducing himself was one thing, but when a fan (gushingly) asked for his autograph only to figure out that Blago wasn't Donny Osmond, that was priceless.  It's one thing to think, that he thought someone was actually a fan of his  and  another that there is  such an uber idiot that can't tell the difference between Blagojevich and Osmond.

 The other fun cool thing about watching Blagojevich is that it is very much like watching a Muppet.  Really he looks more like a Muppet than some of Jim Henson's original Muppets did.

While I am on the subject of trying to find displaced politicians there seems to be a logical path to take. There is the first step of checking the trifecta of shows that they most likely will show up on, which are of course Dancing With The Stars, Celebrity Apprentice and Celebrity Rehab. Since Blagojevich has already come and gone on Celebrity Apprentice, I am keeping a watchful eye out for the other 2.

When I googled "where is Blago now"  there are some interesting answers.  One site said " he is pretending that he is still governor of Illinois, but Illinois is pretending he never was."

Not giving up that easy, I went to articles about scandals and corruption in state governments, hoping to pick up a clue to his where abouts.  No one seems to know.  The last anyone heard of him ( well, as least as posting articles where I could track him down) is right after the trial when he said he was "totally vindicated". According to him the prosecution just couldn't prove their case.  I guess he is conveniently forgetting that he was found guilty on ONE count and that he is going to be retried on 23 counts.  (starting around April according to the Chicago Tribune, so I guess I can find him then)

There is an interesting article or two  (or 100) about who gets the prize for being the state with the most corruption.  Lot of debate there.  I think I will do a blog in the next few days with the winners.  (It might not be who you suspect.)  I will post a poll today so you can begin guessing on which states might have the most scandals.

As to the where abouts of just a few of the other DIPS...

Jim McGreevy, the "love" governor is in training to become an Episcopal priest.
Gary Condit is running two Baskin Robbins.
Gary Hart became an author of  pulp novels under the pen name of John Blackthorn.

AND the most exciting one of the bunch....drum roll, please   Tom Delay from Texas started a blog.  HOT DAMN.  Aren't I an over achiever?? I am doing the same thing as a DIP. (in this case let is stand for Displaced Insipid Politician)

OK, my little blogees, I am going to tell you a fun story today.  A love story, really.  A true love story!!!
( I couldn't make this S***  up, if I tried)

In 2007 Mark Funkhouser was elected to be the mayor of Kansas City, MO. (remember blogees that half of Kansas City is in Kansas though, Kansas City, KS is a suburb of KS, MO and has its own mayor.)

Back to the love story.  Funk or The Funk as he is known here, seemed like a good idea on paper. According to his bio  "With a PhD in Public Administration and Sociology, an MSW, and an MBA, Mark has taught graduate-level courses in business administration, public administration and public affairs programs continuously over the past 17 years" he surely couldn't do any harm.

Think again!!!! Turns out that he can't go anywhere with out his wife.  I, really mean it.  He can't GO ANYWHERE without his wife, Gloria Squitiro. He claims she is his right hand.  When he set up his office at City Hall, he positioned a desk outside his office door and made her his volunteer personal assistant.  Well, it turns out his mate, that he so loves, is according to Gloria's own description of herself " a feisty, tiny, little Italian broad".   (those are her words, not mine as I wouldn't have been describing her as tiny.) The people that worked in the mayors office had their own descriptions of her. The words they used came closer to vulgar and  potty mouthed. According to The Funk, her earthiness, is just part of her charm.

Well it didn't take long for the  unelected, uninvited co-mayor to start pissing people off.  She starting giving out nick names to some of the paid staff. The proverbial crap hit the fan when she called one African American staffer Bernie Mac and another (Ruth Bates) she started calling Mammy.  Gloria said in the lawsuit that followed that those were meant as terms of endearment. Ruth wasn't feeling the love. Another staffer sued for sexual harassment.  Gloria claims she was just having fun and that she was the only fun one around there.

Here, I was going to insert a link for one of the press releases but it is so raunchy that I was fearful of you out there that would be shocked or offended.  Feel free to google   ---Gloria's Greatest Hits!!! The Best Quotes from Kansas City's racist and Raunchy Co Mayor---I actually, wasn't so offended by the bad words but the racists part is pretty inflammatory.  She clearly needs a filter on her mouth. AGAIN:  This clip has a rating of R -must be over 17, meant for mature audiences.

On with the sweet love story....

The city wasn't feeling affection or finding the fun after the lawsuit hit and the city council passed an ordinance about full time volunteers not being allowed at city hall.  BAD MOVE...The Funk started a law suit against the city. According to him it was an unfair ordinance that was impeding his job.  It turns out he needs his wife to help him run the city.  She is INVALUABLE.

Oh the fun of it all.  Now the city council doesn't want Gloria back in the building so Funk moved city hall to their kitchen in their home. 

In the mean time Gloria continues to endear herself to KC by releasing a Christmas news letter that vividly describes her husbands prostate exam.  (seems The Funk can't go to the doctor alone) Her description describes The Funks response as the doctor's sausage like fingers did their job.  (remember her colorful repartee is so very charming to Funk).

She also, releases part of a diary she is keeping, that has a lot of choice goodies.  In the diary she calls Ruth Bates a Bitch and told her to go F*** herself.  Not the best choice of words before a trial on the whole Mammy calling incident.

I would guess maybe Ruth Bates is not caring overly much about being called a bitch as she got a half million dollar settlement from the city.  Additionally she got  a settlement with Gloria's insurance company.  I am not clear if that is in addition or part of.  I was too busy reading all the trash talk that Gloria was spewing. 

Needless, to say, the whole town was SHOCKED  (yeh, right!!!)  yesterday when the Kansas City Star headline was

Is anyone really surprised  by The Funks defeat?.... OR.... maybe they are just upset because now who is going to give us such fun salacious reading material in the morning paper.

The Good part of this story is now that The Funk is not going to be mayor he and Gloria can spend more time together.  Oh wait, that isn't possible.

The good for the day....The Funkhouser's life without the media glare is in the near future

The Bad for the day....That some politicians have not got the common sense that god gave them.

The Weird for the day....I totally think that Mark Funkhouser would also, make a great MUPPET.

Oh, one more thing.  Because seemingly, The Funk and his darling wife have their lawyers on speed dial.  Just want to remind you that while it is my opinion that these two are a barrel of laughs, all of this is strictly for your entertainment and not meant as a documentary of  THE FUNK.



meleahrebeccah said...

Okay, I cannot even pay attention to ANYTHING in this post, because Mark Funkhouser TOTALLY makes me think of MARTY Funkhouser - from the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Cheryl P. said...

I need to start watching more TV. I hope Marty Funkhouser isn't as goofy as Mark Funkhouser. Since Mark Funkhouser got ousted as mayor here, he got a job in Washington DC as a political consultant. There is no justice.

meleahrebeccah said...

Marty Funkhouser = HILARIOUS.