Wednesday, March 2, 2011

First Annual CODIP Awards

As promised on yesterday's post, I will be picking through the very best of the quotes that Charlie Sheen has been favoring us all with for the  last three days.

This nonsense of his has taken on a life of its own.  This morning Donald Trump is on Popeater with a video saying that he warned Brooke Mueller's mother not to let Brook marry Charlie. He goes on to say that a person can be a jerk as long as they maintain great ratings.  I posted a link for you to see this clip.  I don't know how long it will be available, however. 

I am sure a lot of you are getting tired of this whole thing, but I will say that some of the quotes that are coming into play, will become part of our pop culture.  No matter what happens as far as Two and a Half Men goes, you can bet people will start saying they cured things "with their mind".

One of the positive sides to all the media coverage for Charlie, is that it is keeping some of the other bad celebrities under less scrutiny.  Christina Aguilera's DUI and Lindsay Lohan's court appearance on her felony theft charge are flying somewhat under the radar today.  YOO HOO

So let our show begin....

Music intro playing.... curtain rising....

The first annual CODIP Awards

 (as you probably remember the acronym is for "Coming Off Drugs Isn't Pretty")

The Grandiose Ego Award goes to.......

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total  bitchin rock star from Mars."
 (commentary:) this one got extra points for the fact he added "from Mars".)

The Totally Delusional Award goes to.....
I'm on a drug.  It's called Charlie Sheen.  It's not available because if you try it you will die.  Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.  (commentary: WOW, is he trippin' or what?)

The Nugget of Truth Award....goes to
People can't figure me out, they can't process me, I don't expect them to.  You can't process me with the normal brain.  ( commentary: I suspect he might be right on this one.  We would have to all get high to relate to his logic)

But wait!!! There is an honorable mention in this category!!!
"Blame the Studio for giving me this much dough when they knew who they were giving it to.  This is on them.  (might have a bit of a point--jab--jab)

I Can't Believe You Even Said That Award ....goes to
 “I have the 10,000 year aged brain as well as the boogers of the seven-year old.” (Commentary: WTF does that mean????)

 The Obvious Truth Award  ...goes to...
 "I'm still alive, which is pretty cool," (Commentary:  Well, he did get this one right)

Something to Be Proud of Award....goes to
“The last time I took drugs I probably took more that anyone could survive. I was banging seven gram rocks because that’s how I roll, I have one speed, go. I have a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart. I got tiger blood man.”  (Commentary:  Not everyone can say that, but not everyone would want to)

The What's Not To Love Award...goes to....
 “What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.” (Commentary, I think
that two out of those four might take offense.  Sinatra and Flynn might not care at this point.)

Most Stupid quote by the Goddesses ....goes to...
'We run errands, we eat, we play with the kids, we watch movies, I watch a lot of Two and a Half Men', she adds. There is nothing broken here' (Commentary:  Maybe not broken, but SERIOUSLY TWISTED!!)

The Most Offensive to Regular People  goes to

"They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show." (Commentary:  While I am trying to figure out if I am the ugly wife or the ugly child, I will just say that I am having trouble processing it.)

The Most Outrageous Quote Award  .....Again we have a tie....the awards go to.....
1.“… I’m sorry man I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips most of the time and this includes naps. I’m an F-18 and I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

 2. Right. Well, you borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, ‘Dude, can’t handle it. Unplug this bastard.   Because it fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm. When you have tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude.

(Commentary:  There is no possible explanation for either of those statements, but let's assume that I for one don't want to borrow his brain.)

Well, that the end of our show!!!! As I am sure we all have seen enough of Mr. Sheen, I am having our entertainment portion of the program be something other that Charlie.  While I was thinking of an appropriate band to sign off our awards show, I was a little stumped.  I couldn't find a song called, "Guy coming down off crack and has a "I'm special so let's not pretend" complex.  OK let's go with he is an ALL STAR in his own mind, anyway.

The Good for the Day...At some point this too shall pass.

The bad for the day....There will be some other celebrity waiting in line to behave badly.


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